Lonely Loneliness

It is out look that counts…

Question:

Sorry….forget I wrote this….I’m just pissed that I had yet another fruitless weekend (except for the four-alarm fire at the wedding reception I went to…) Mike – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mike Taylor wrote in message <3568fab…@news.one.net>… >I’m sorry but I’m quite perturbed by all the people who feel like I’m doing >this by choice.  That I HAVE a choice.  The fact is, I DON’T.  There is no >simplistic answer that’s going to cure me and I suddenly become a party hound. >It just doesn’t happen that way. >I’m done. >Mike

Response:

Greetings to all of you, Some of you whine, some of you support, some of you lurk, and others like me just pass through.  I am writing to lend (I hope) a message of survival and general uplift to those out there that are feeling lonely. I will tell  you a story of how one can change if one puts their mind to it. I learned to hold myself outside of the standard emotional interactions of others as a child.  Never getting too close.  Call it a gift or a curse, but it can be a wonderful survival tool as well.  When I was 15 I saw my girl friend hit by a car and killed, and a month later we moved 3000+ miles with the military.  Always the new kid on the block, the chameleon.  Always blending in, and never really noticed. Entered college like most I knew, and was still a little too scrawny and geeky to get dates.  Was every gals "friend", that cursed word of the nice guy.  But, be a friend!!! it is better than being a cad.  By being friends with gals, I learned to listen and talk to them and not just use them.  Eventually this skill and way of being paid off.  I became popular, though still detached emotionally, and never giving my heart over to anyone.  I had no idea I was needy and lonely although with people all the time. Near the end of college I started to date a Lady who worked with law enforcement.  To make a long story shorter, I thought I was in love with her.  She died in the line of duty half a year before we planned to be married.  This was a VERY lonely period of my life.  I felt sorry for myself and dove into my work and ground on with life.  My best friend of six years became my constant social companion and shoulder to lean on. Three years later we married against her very traditional families wishes.  I had learned to lean on her, and think I that I loved her. She was a high fashion model and beautiful beyond words, but that does not make love of the heart, just lust.  The marriage failed due to rules that changed and the fact that I should have opened my heart.  In the end, she quite literally "screwed" up (my best male friend (I thought)), and the marriage was over.  I was devastated, and not feeling too good either … very lonely again. After a year of being a social hermit, I started to reevaluate my life. I realized, that one must be a happy island before you invite someone into your life.  I decided to be happy alone, and if anyone else happened by, I might <??> consider her.  Do NOT look for relationships. I started to play 9-ball again, and socialize with people to have games.  I learned to enjoy movies and dinner without having someone else there.  One gets use to the looks from the "help".  One must learn to be comfortable alone, before being comfortable with another. I accidentally met this lady back in January that is going through a bloody X’ing from a cheating jerk who never planned to be true to her. We fell head over heels in love.  This time with my whole heart and mind.  Now to twist the ending of the story.   The Divorce is not done yet, so we called a stop to the dating.  She needs to get use to being on her own and be happy alone before I could be guaranteed a decent chance to have a healthy relationship with her. HELL yes I am lonely.  She is many thousands of miles away helping a friend deal with two dying parents.  But, I’d rather know I found my soul mate, and that we are doing what is needed to improve our chances of having a relationship that lasts until OLD AGE passes, then screw it up by rushing things. Now for advise.  Stay away from the TV .. it does numb the mind.  Read more books, magazines and journals.  Learn what is needed to advance in your job in night classes with others.  Research what the news media tells you, don’t just go along with being spoon fed life.  Go grab life and start doing with it what you love.  Hike, climb, sky dive, walk, read, play billiards, go to movies, socialize OUTSIDE of bars, go to parks.  Do SOMETHING, but don’t sit there and think that loneliness goes away on its own.  It is not easy, but it is not impossible either. Avoid alcohol, drugs and things to numb the mind and body.  GO work out. I am happier now then I ever have been in my life.  If for some strange reason I never get to be with my soul mate, I will not sit in the corner and be lonely.  Lonely is a destructive way to think.  It is a habit.  I miss my lovely lady, and I get lonely.  But I do not sit around and mope. Remember that when you are lonely.  It is a habit and a way of thinking.  One can just decide to change things.  It may not be easy, and one may take 3 steps forward and fall back 4 and fight back 3.  But keep fighting to change.  If you need people to be around, go help others.  Give of yourself to heal yourself.  Life goes on, and it does get better, with effort. I apologize if I rambled or was not clear enough.  I am NOT rewriting this.  <grin> Good luck to all of you. DBD. …

Response:

Filed under: Fight Loneliness

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