Lonely Loneliness

Rodeo and Baseball tickets

Question:

Hello, I am new to this group so a little background…I am 37 years old, never married, not currently dating. Recently I received tickets to rodeo and concert in Pasadena, Texas and to Astros baseball games through my job. Only problem is I cannot seem to find anybody to go with me. My best friend has recently began dating again and she always has a date to these with her boyfriend who also works with us but cannot stand me. I had rodeo tickets for last night and planned to go with a blind date which stood me up. I paged my friend and she was already at the rodeo and she said come on anyway so I did. Once I arrived, she said she was leaving early and left about 5 minutes after I arrived…her boyfriend pulled her away whenever we were talking and I stayed maybe 5 or 10 minutes after that & went home. I have tickets for tonight but have not found anyone who wants to go. I could not find anyone to go with me to the Astro-Cubs and gave those away. I went to Astros-Cardinals. My best friend was there with her boyfriend, David, and they sat 3 rows in front of me and saw me at the game and did not speak…spoke to everyone around me. I had to bum a ride to that game because my car was in the shop. My friend knew this but never offered to give me a ride…told me to find a date to take me a threw out a couple of suggestions of a couple of guys we know…one could not go and the other is sort of a jerk who expected sex after the game. I have tickets to the rodeo tonight and still looking because I do not wish to go alone. I eat alone, sleep alone and pretty much do everything alone. My best friends boyfriend refuses to double and does not want her to have anything to do with me. The phone calls and invites have dwindled to nothing and the only time she calls me if they are having a fight and she is depressed over that relationship…if things are going good then I will not hear from her unless I page her and she may return my page several hours later. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. Kelly ……………………………………………………………….. In Memory of Winthrop 1988 – May 14, 1998  ^..^ …………………………………………………………………

Response:

Kelly, KCtex7 wrote: > Hello, I am new to this group so a little background…I am 37 years old, never > married, not currently dating. Recently I received tickets to rodeo and concert > in Pasadena, Texas and to Astros baseball games through my job. Only problem is > I cannot seem to find anybody to go with me.

Yup–I’ve been there to and still am there, in fact.  There’s always great movies out, but I have no one to see them with.  Until about a week ago, when a friend of mine and I started getting together.  We saw "There’s Something About Mary" and may go to see "Casablanca" soon. > My best friend has recently began > dating again and she always has a date to these with her boyfriend who also > works with us but cannot stand me.

Why can’t he stand you? > I had rodeo tickets for last night and > planned to go with a blind date which stood me up. I paged my friend and she > was already at the rodeo and she said come on anyway so I did. Once I arrived, > she said she was leaving early and left about 5 minutes after I arrived…her > boyfriend pulled her away whenever we were talking and I stayed maybe 5 or 10 > minutes after that & went home.

Sounds kind of like her boyfriend is running her life for her.  It also wasn’t very polite of her to invite you and immediately leave.  It seems as if she still likes you a lot, but her boyfriend is telling her to avoid you, perhaps. > I have tickets for tonight but have not found > anyone who wants to go. I could not find anyone to go with me to the Astro-Cubs > and gave those away. I went to Astros-Cardinals. My best friend was there with > her boyfriend, David, and they sat 3 rows in front of me and saw me at the game > and did not speak…spoke to everyone around me.

That must’ve hurt pretty badly. > I had to bum a ride to that > game because my car was in the shop. My friend knew this but never offered to > give me a ride…told me to find a date to take me a threw out a couple of > suggestions of a couple of guys we know…one could not go and the other is > sort of a jerk who expected sex after the game.

Do you think she was actually avoiding you, or did she really think she was trying to help? > I have tickets to the rodeo > tonight and still looking because I do not wish to go alone.

You’ve mentioned this best friend, but no one else really.  Do you have anyone else (either MOTOS or MOTSS) that you could go with? > I eat alone, sleep > alone and pretty much do everything alone.

LOL … same here. > My best friends boyfriend refuses to > double and does not want her to have anything to do with me. The phone calls > and invites have dwindled to nothing and the only time she calls me if they are > having a fight and she is depressed over that relationship…if things are > going good then I will not hear from her unless I page her and she may return > my page several hours later.

Yup–my friend that I mentioned above is like that.  You’re kinda the one who’s always there to listen and offer advice when things are going badly, but at all other times, you don’t exist.  It sounds as if she’s placing her boyfriend over you (and I’ve been in a similar situation with friends doing that before). So, is there any way that you could reduce your reliance upon her, since she’s obviously not being much of a friend to you?  Is there anyone else that you can go to these events with? > Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest.

Welcome to ASL!  It’s always interesting to hear from people who have been in similar situations to me.  I hope you’ll stay awhile and post some more about it. > Kelly

Brad

Response:

I seem to have lost Kelly’s original post so I’ll just tag along here…hope you don’t mind Brad. Hi Kelly, Welcome to ASL.  Going places alone is a common fear for many of us.  I don’t do it often.  I don’t like feeling like I’m the only one who couldn’t find someone to go with, but I’d bet that there are a lot of other people at the rodeo, at the baseball game, at the movies, etc. who are alone.  There are times when I had no choice but to do something alone. Some of those turned out well and others I felt like I was a loser for being by myself.   I think that the key is attitude.  If you think you are going to have an awful time then you probably will.  On the other hand if it is something you really want to do why shouldn’t you go and have a great time even if you can’t get anyone else to go with you.  For instance in a couple of weeks the movie Without Limits is going to be released.  None of my friends want to see it, but I am really interested so if I can’t convince someone else to go see a movie about a dead track legend then I’ll go by myself.  Why?  Because I want to see the movie.  I don’t think that I should miss seeing it just because I can’t find anyone else to go with me.  I’ll still enjoy the movie.  Perhaps more so because I won’t have anyone interupting me during it.  Anyone in MD want to go see a movie about a dead track legend?   Well I started to tell a long story here about me going out to eat alone and how I ended up having a great time, but this is already long enough I think, maybe I’ll tell it some other time… I’ll just get to the point now if that’s ok…  :) the point is that it is possible to go out by yourself and have a good time.  There is no reason why you should deprive yourself of having fun just because you can’t find a date, or all your friends are losers, or whatever the reason.  Go out and have fun.  You never know what may happen.  Since you are somewhere that you are interested in there will be others there that have similar interests to you.  Maybe some of them will also be alone, or maybe they will admire your courage for coming alone and want to get to know you better.   [Brad, I think I'm getting an idea for another homework assignment ] Now about your best friend…This happens…in fact it’s happening with me right now.  One of my best friends doesn’t hang out with the guys anymore because of the new girlfriend.  It upset me alot at the begining, but I know that if I really desperately needed something he would be there for me, he proved that when my ex left me.  So I let him have fun with her and try to keep our other friends from being to harsh on him for it.  I know that I didn’t hang out with them as much as I do now when I had a relationship going on…but I was still there for them and he’s still there for us, he just has some other things going on now.   Now that doesn’t make it right that she won’t talk to you just because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.  I’ve been through this before too. That is an issue that maybe you and her boyfriend can work out sometime.  Do you know why he doesn’t like you?  if not, ask him.  Maybe there was just some misunderstanding and you two can work it out without having to get your best friend to take sides.  If you don’t resolve it it’s possible that one of the relationships will end.  In my case it worked out well and my friend broke up with the girl(I guess a few not so nice words would also fit here) in question.  Let us know how it works out.   take care, jon

Response:

Jon, jon wrote:[snip] > the point is that it is possible to go out by yourself and have a good > time.  There is no reason why you should deprive yourself of having fun > just because you can’t find a date, or all your friends are losers, or > whatever the reason.  Go out and have fun.  You never know what may > happen.  Since you are somewhere that you are interested in there will > be others there that have similar interests to you.  Maybe some of them > will also be alone, or maybe they will admire your courage for coming > alone and want to get to know you better. > [Brad, I think I'm getting an idea for another homework assignment ]

LOL … sounds like a good one to me!  I’m still planning on going to the movies by myself … just haven’t gotten around to setting a time/date yet. Maybe I just need the threat of a due date to get me going … > jon

Brad

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hello, I am new to this group so a little background…I am 37 years old, >never >married, not currently dating. Recently I received tickets to rodeo and >concert >in Pasadena, Texas and to Astros baseball games through my job. Only problem >is >I cannot seem to find anybody to go with me. My best friend has recently >began >dating again and she always has a date to these with her boyfriend who also >works with us but cannot stand me. I had rodeo tickets for last night and >planned to go with a blind date which stood me up. I paged my friend and she >was already at the rodeo and she said come on anyway so I did. Once I >arrived, >she said she was leaving early and left about 5 minutes after I arrived…her >boyfriend pulled her away whenever we were talking and I stayed maybe 5 or 10 >minutes after that & went home. I have tickets for tonight but have not found >anyone who wants to go. I could not find anyone to go with me to the >Astro-Cubs >and gave those away. I went to Astros-Cardinals. My best friend was there >with >her boyfriend, David, and they sat 3 rows in front of me and saw me at the >game >and did not speak…spoke to everyone around me. I had to bum a ride to that >game because my car was in the shop. My friend knew this but never offered to >give me a ride…told me to find a date to take me a threw out a couple of >suggestions of a couple of guys we know…one could not go and the other is >sort of a jerk who expected sex after the game. I have tickets to the rodeo >tonight and still looking because I do not wish to go alone. I eat alone, >sleep >alone and pretty much do everything alone. My best friends boyfriend refuses >to >double and does not want her to have anything to do with me. The phone calls >and invites have dwindled to nothing and the only time she calls me if they >are >having a fight and she is depressed over that relationship…if things are >going good then I will not hear from her unless I page her and she may return >my page several hours later. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. >Kelly >……………………………………………………………….. >In Memory of Winthrop 1988 – May 14, 1998  ^..^ >……………………………………………………………….. .

Dear Kelly…. Sometimes as time goes by, friends drift apart due to different interests, or a number of other reasons.  Perhaps it is time you let go of these old friends and found yourself some new ones. It’s very easy for old friends to take you for granted.  If this is not a feasible solution and you wish to maintain the friends you have….then you need to let them know that their actions are hurting you….and you need to also take a good look at yourself.  Now..I’m not saying this is the case, for I don’t know you at all…..but ask yourself what kind of image are you portraying to your friends.  Are you always down and bummed out….do you make demands, even subtle ones, that your friends should give you more time than their boyfriends.  Just something to think about.  And, if you decide that maybe new friends might be a solution, the get out and make yourself visible….perhaps charity work or volunteering of some kind. Remember to always keep a warm smile on your face….this is always inviting to potential friends.  Take a good, long look around and you’ll see that there are other lonely people out there….just waiting for someone to come along and be a friend. Also….while you’re getting all this straightened out, please know that you are welcome here, and you already have friends here….that will always be willing to talk or listen.  So…stay with us for a while as you work out the solution to your loneliness. Your friend, Gina "I see the same stars in the same sky Shining down on you. I’ll be looking up from wherever I am And it’s you I’ll see if you’re looking, too.."                     — Phil Collins

Response:

Hi Kelly, A much belated welcome, and I don’t even know if you are still with us here. I will not repeat the excellent advice that the others have given you, just adding a few thoughts. Going to an event alone should not be such a problem, because there can be any number of reasons that you are alone: your partner has other interests, or has another engagement. Or you want to go alone. I think of the John Denver concerts that I went to in the past. The first concerts I went alone, then with my boyfriend. And it was different. Because he was watching me too, I felt a little inhibited. (And then I thought, oh, get lost, he only comes here once a year at the most so I’m gonna enjoy it <smile>)  It was good to be sharing this private joy, but it was different. Try and be a little less concerned about what other people may think, because you come alone. It’s none of their business. And there will always be people around who think bad of you because it is in their nature to think bad of other people. So please don’t let that bother you. Go out and have fun!  And while you are out there, having fun and smiling a lot, you will start attracting new friends… Good luck! Hugs, Caroline *** Life is mostly froth and bubble. Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another’s trouble Courage in your own.                 Al Gordon KCtex7 heeft geschreven in bericht <19980923141644.01519.00000…@ng104.aol.com>… : :Hello, I am new to this group so a little background…I am 37 years old, never :married, not currently dating. Recently I received tickets to rodeo and concert :in Pasadena, Texas and to Astros baseball games through my job. Only problem is :I cannot seem to find anybody to go with me. My best friend has recently began :dating again and she always has a date to these with her boyfriend who also :works with us but cannot stand me. I had rodeo tickets for last night and :planned to go with a blind date which stood me up. I paged my friend and she :was already at the rodeo and she said come on anyway so I did. Once I arrived, :she said she was leaving early and left about 5 minutes after I arrived…her :boyfriend pulled her away whenever we were talking and I stayed maybe 5 or 10 :minutes after that & went home. I have tickets for tonight but have not found :anyone who wants to go. I could not find anyone to go with me to the Astro-Cubs :and gave those away. I went to Astros-Cardinals. My best friend was there with :her boyfriend, David, and they sat 3 rows in front of me and saw me at the game :and did not speak…spoke to everyone around me. I had to bum a ride to that :game because my car was in the shop. My friend knew this but never offered to :give me a ride…told me to find a date to take me a threw out a couple of :suggestions of a couple of guys we know…one could not go and the other is :sort of a jerk who expected sex after the game. I have tickets to the rodeo :tonight and still looking because I do not wish to go alone. I eat alone, sleep :alone and pretty much do everything alone. My best friends boyfriend refuses to :double and does not want her to have anything to do with me. The phone calls :and invites have dwindled to nothing and the only time she calls me if they are :having a fight and she is depressed over that relationship…if things are :going good then I will not hear from her unless I page her and she may return :my page several hours later. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. : :Kelly :……………………………………………………………….. :In Memory of Winthrop 1988 – May 14, 1998  ^..^ :……………………………………………………………….. . : : :

Response:

Hello Kelly… how are you today?… I hope things are going better in your life and I just wanted to take the time to thank you for reaching out here… and to remind you that you are welcome to get stuff off your chest or come back and visit again… there’s actually a few new people from texas around (though as big as TX is, that’s like saying there are a couple of islands in the Pacific, huh?   … anyway, if you’re out there reading maybe you’d like to say hi again and even check out the ASL Web Site – we’re going to try to help people find friends by offering personal info pages… so anyone who might want to meet someone near where they live could find out someone right here might live close by… anyway, I’m hoping you’re finding more social in your social life… but whether you are or not, you’re still welcome here honest love, ric KCtex7 wrote in message <19980923141644.01519.00000…@ng104.aol.com>… >Hello, I am new to this group so a little background…I am 37 years

old, >never married, not currently dating. Recently I received tickets to rodeo >and concert in Pasadena, Texas and to Astros baseball games through >my job. Only problem is I cannot seem to find anybody to go with me. My >best friend has recently began dating again and she always has a date >to these with her boyfriend who also works with us but cannot stand me. >I had rodeo tickets for last night and planned to go with a blind date >which stood me up. I paged my friend and she was already at the rodeo >and she said come on anyway so I did. Once I arrived, she said she >was leaving early and left about 5 minutes after I arrived…her boyfriend >pulled her away whenever we were talking and I stayed maybe 5 or 10 >minutes after that & went home. I have tickets for tonight but have not >found anyone who wants to go. I could not find anyone to go with me to >the Astro-Cubs and gave those away. I went to Astros-Cardinals. My >best friend was there with her boyfriend, David, and they sat 3 rows in >front of me and saw me at the game and did not speak…spoke to >everyone around me. I had to bum a ride to that game because my car >was in the shop. My friend knew this but never offered to give me a >ride…told me to find a date to take me a threw out a couple of >suggestions of a couple of guys we know…one could not go and the >other is sort of a jerk who expected sex after the game. I have tickets to >the rodeo tonight and still looking because I do not wish to go alone. I >eat alone, sleep alone and pretty much do everything alone. My best >friends boyfriend refuses to double and does not want her to have >anything to do with me. The phone calls and invites have dwindled to >nothing and the only time she calls me if they are having a fight and she >is depressed over that relationship…if things are going good then I will >not hear from her unless I page her and she may return my page several >hours later. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Kelly >…………………………………………………………….. … >In Memory of Winthrop 1988 – May 14, 1998  ^..^ >…………………………………………………………….. ….

Response:

Filed under: Fight Loneliness

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