Lonely Loneliness

A FIFTY POUND PACKAGE OF UNDILUTED LOVE

Question:

Marty and kauilapolu, I am sitting here in tears.  I wish I had the ability to put my heart to words in this most profound manner.  I have saved both your posts and when my Lil’ Guy who will be leaving us in the near future, finally takes his journey, I will have your words close at hand for the comfort they will give me.  Thank you for sharing your hearts so profoundly.  I am greatful.  Warm Regards,  Donna

Response:

Marty and kauilapolu, I am sitting here in tears.  I wish I had the ability to put my heart to words in this most profound manner

You DO have the ability to your heart to words Donna. (I read what you captured when your heart spilled what it had to say on those long ago pages). Like the Little Prince said "It is only with the HEART that one can see clearly!" and as POLU says, "It is only with the HEART that one can speak TRUELY!"

Response:

Dear Marty, The world should ‘always’ weep for the loss of ‘every’ soul. We should ALL feel something missing everytime Death steals something so pure and good from the fragile grip we call ‘Life’. These little companions of ours can indeed teach those lessons that only the purest of love and kindest of hearts can help us discover. Maybe one of the reasons we seem to ‘bloom’ around them is because they make us feel so safe and fully loved. In the shadow of their own unflappable trust we find ourselves learning to trust in ways we would NEVER have allowed ourselves to trust those less willing to accept us (warts and all). But when the journey ends, there is always that black-hole where once there was joy and comfort. When my own final end comes, as it must…I will pray for faith and imagine myself taking a last look at life as I take that next look at the faces of those who I will have been expecting to see again…for SO long. And should my faith somehow wane, and if I flounder between worlds, then I pray for a God that is kinder than that. I will pray that in my own death I will ‘hallucinate’ and see…a little dog with blonde hair tumbling over his eyes, who is young and bouncing and waiting for ME! Until then, I too will be missing A five pound "package of undiluted love" and for that hole in my heart where once so much more joy used to be, I will die with one word still unsilenced on my lips: "LUCKY"…I’ll be seeing you…"LUCKY" you loved me! Forever.

Response:

I recently lost my mutt to cancer.  Perhaps some of you will appreciate an article I wrote for a local publication.  Helping her pass was the most difficult experience of my life. A FIFTY POUND PACKAGE OF UNDILUTED LOVE My best friend is gone. Today she died while I held her in my arms. I felt her tremble and quiver as she struggled for her last breaths. As the tears streamed down my face I watched as she gasped her last and watched as the life light in her eyes slowly disappeared. She was so confused and scared. Her last conscious look at me asked me why. As she lay lifeless I saw through my tears the juxtaposition of her lifeless form and the vibrancy of her years on this planet. Her body was now a shell and the essence of her life had left. She was a victim of liver and spleen cancer. The disease must have been attacking her body for many months, however she had hid her condition well, never once showing any pain or discomfort until two weeks ago. Even then, she never cried or let on how seriously ill she really was. She just got more and more tired and eventually refused food. As she lay lifeless, I shouted at the cancer that took her from me. "You no good SOB took her life and now you will die." That’s the irony of cancer. Its goal is to kill it’s host and in the process it kills itself. This bit of natural justice comes at a terrible price. My baby came to me as an abandoned puppy that some uncaring slob dumped in a local park. The coyotes killed and ate all her litter mates. Somehow the pack of hungry canines spared her life. She was small, tiny and helpless. She required bottle feeding for a full two weeks before taking food. It seemed appropriate to name her Baby. Starting that first night she would only sleep when in bed with me, curled up against my side. This began a eleven year relationship that was filled with the deepest love, support, and mutual respect than I have ever known – even with human companions and family. Her tail was wagging from the first time I spoke to her until her cancer riddled body collapsed in my arms. I often likened her tail to a perpetual motion machine, waving a greeting and welcome to all within sight. Well, almost everyone. She had an extreme dislike for "Hells Angel" biker types, but all others were automatically her friend for life and she would freely share her happiness with them. She was a fifty pound package of undiluted love available to all who would accept her. She became my constant companion on hikes, wilderness trips, canoe floats, fishing trips and expeditions of all sorts. She was my defender when she felt I was threatened. She was my welcome home party each and every time I came through the door – even if I had been gone only a few moments. When I was down or facing adversity she knew just the right medicine to make me better. A nudge with her wet nose, a few kisses, and a wagging tale would always make the hurt go away. She didn’t need fancy toys or an expensive house. Her needs and pleasures were simple and straightforward. A kind word of praise, a tummy rub, and an ear scratch was all she required to be a happy camper. Combine that with a regular meal and a trip or two outside to do her duty and she would follow you to hell and back. Perhaps us humans can take note of these simple pleasures that led to her great happiness. A happier and more content creature I have never known. My fondest memories are of her standing with her front paws on the bow of my canoe serving as a tail wagging maidenhead leading the way through the rapids and quiet waters of our journey. A truer analogy of life would be harder to find. She truly enjoyed the canoe trips even though she really didn’t care to swim. Her dedication to me was never compromised. I was her best friend as much as she was mine. In times of trouble I could bare my soul to her, tell her my problems and deepest fears, share my disappointment and failures. Even though she couldn’t possibly comprehend, she always laid patiently by my side looking at me with her big dark eyes that said "I understand and it will be O.K.". Being unable to speak she used her eyes to talk to me. Somehow this all made life so much better. We traveled a lot and she never found a place she didn’t like. She endured days of rain and cold, swarms of biting insects, hot sunny days, and long road trips in the car. All she asked in return was my companionship and the simple pleasures she craved. Life is always full of ironies and contradictions and her passing of cancer was certainly one of them. I have been battling cancer myself for the past six months. Just before my surgery I had made arrangements for her long term care should I not survive or if the cancer later took my life. One of the worst parts of my medical situation was the realization that I may not be able to honor my commitment to take care of her and protect her for as long as she would live. I made sure she would have a good family to live with and provided for her care financially. How bizarre that only six weeks after my surgery she passed away from the very disease that threatens my life. I think she was holding on until she knew I would be O.K. You see, she began her rapid decline the day after the final results of the surgery were made known to me. The news was good. It appeared that the cancer had been completely removed and I most likely would not die of it. I guess I will never know for sure but I can’t shake the thought from my mind. I cannot imagine how the void her passing has left in my life will ever be filled. I have experienced the passing of my mother, friends, and family and the pronouncement that I have cancer.  None of which has had the profound effect on me that her death has. A gaping hole has been torn from my heart and there is a terrible loneliness in my life. The house now seems empty and hollow. I will long for her excited welcome every time I come through the door. I miss you Babe. I loved you more than life itself. My life will be better for your being a part of it. You gave me the love that was missing from my life. You taught me how the simple things are the most important things. You unselfishly gave me the last full measure of your love. I whispered into her hear "God’s speed, my friend. I’ll see you on the other side."as she trembled in my arms as the drugs began to take effect. I pray that this is the case, that our spirits will someday be reunited, or, at least her soul can come back to help someone else. She was simply the best friend and companion that there could ever be. Good journey, Babe. Posted Via Uncensored-News.Com – Still Only $9.95 – http://www.uncensored-news.com    With Seven Servers In California And Texas – The Worlds Uncensored News Source

Response:

Filed under: Happiness Loneliness

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