a new soul enters
Question:
Heylow all!! Never been here before, not as though i’m feeling especially lonely at the moment, but it seems that it’s becoming a long term thing, not something that i’m comfortable with (i want to be with someone who i care about and who cares about me). Feeling sad as well ’cause i’m going to be heading off to uni in a few months (wohoo!), but my only real friend (well…maybe not as of recently…think that i pissed him off too much somehow (there isn’t much communication between us)) is heading off somewhere else…but that’s not the thing that gets me, the thing that gets me is that he isn’t much of a writing person (or talking person, or terribly expressive at all in any way that i can make out (i’m fine with tat i mean, just hard to keep up over e-mail 
)..annoys me how he seems to have induced an over-expressive slightly-affected part of me into existance, though that was admittedly entirely my fault (i’m gay and though i never let anything like sexual attraction get between us, i forgot that being gay is about more than that and ended up becoming reallly dependant on him without realising it was happening…though not anymore, i’m finally getting to something like a normal friendship with him again, which is good, but there’s very little time left, and we don’t see much of eachother anymore (i don’t know if he’s just completely fed up of me (which is understandable) or what). He’s important to me, because he’s the only person who’s been with me through the hardest times of my life yet, and I enjoy his friendship. Not counting the last 2/3 years, school for me was hell..my best friend moved house when i was about 9 or 10 and i dint have any more until i was around 15/16…that wasn’t a very good time for me…don’t get on with my family eiter (mum’s a completely awful person; can’t really say that i can’t understand why dad had an affair around a year go (i havn’t fogiven him though, because though i dont care that he had an affair (even got my sister a job working for the woman!), i care that he didn’t bother to think that mum would take out her anger on me if she found out (and she id, and she did, and he was in hospital when the other woman’s husband rang telling her that he had a personal detective on him, and how she put on a pathetic posh accent…). i’ve never told anyone about that before…. But as for romance, i’m 100% alone and really bad at dealing with people that i feel attracted to. I remember around a year ago hearing this moderately attractive guy play a really good rendition of a brahms waltz, and i fell hopelesly in love with him 
…didn’t say anything of course…just took every opportunity that i could to be around him *hehe* I had a brief interest in someone at my school as well, but that ended in me doing something slightly stupidnthen getting turned off the idea. The only other thing close to romance in my life is some science teacher who e-mails me on a regular basis, and though he freaks me out slightly (sortof like on of those men you could imagine offering you a sweet if you’d get into his car *heh*), he’s always complimenting me, which good for my ego I’m not exactly the most attractive person in the universe, so i doubt that my prospects will change much when i head off to the big bad world of uni (though i’ll be able to be open about my sexuality, i don’t know if it’s worth it) ok, this is getting a biteen long, so i’ll stop here Yup, i think that i qualify for this group, don’t ya think? =Tiddles=
Response:
"Faust" <e…@eircom.net> wrote in message
news:21a0bd34.0208171935.248a6185@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Heylow all!! > Never been here before, not as though i’m feeling especially lonely at > the moment, but it seems that it’s becoming a long term thing, not > something that i’m comfortable with (i want to be with someone who i > care about and who cares about me). > Feeling sad as well ’cause i’m going to be heading off to uni in a few > months (wohoo!), but my only real friend (well…maybe not as of > recently…think that i pissed him off too much somehow (there isn’t > much communication between us)) is heading off somewhere else…but > that’s not the thing that gets me, the thing that gets me is that he > isn’t much of a writing person (or talking person, or terribly > expressive at all in any way that i can make out (i’m fine with tat i > mean, just hard to keep up over e-mail )..annoys me how he seems to > have induced an over-expressive slightly-affected part of me into > existance, though that was admittedly entirely my fault (i’m gay and > though i never let anything like sexual attraction get between us, i > forgot that being gay is about more than that and ended up becoming > reallly dependant on him without realising it was happening…though > not anymore, i’m finally getting to something like a normal friendship > with him again, which is good, but there’s very little time left, and > we don’t see much of eachother anymore (i don’t know if he’s just > completely fed up of me (which is understandable) or what). He’s > important to me, because he’s the only person who’s been with me > through the hardest times of my life yet, and I enjoy his friendship. > Not counting the last 2/3 years, school for me was hell..my best > friend moved house when i was about 9 or 10 and i dint have any more > until i was around 15/16…that wasn’t a very good time for me…don’t > get on with my family eiter (mum’s a completely awful person; can’t > really say that i can’t understand why dad had an affair around a year > go (i havn’t fogiven him though, because though i dont care that he > had an affair (even got my sister a job working for the woman!), i > care that he didn’t bother to think that mum would take out her anger > on me if she found out (and she id, and she did, and he was in > hospital when the other woman’s husband rang telling her that he had a > personal detective on him, and how she put on a pathetic posh > accent…). i’ve never told anyone about that before…. > But as for romance, i’m 100% alone and really bad at dealing with > people that i feel attracted to. I remember around a year ago hearing > this moderately attractive guy play a really good rendition of a > brahms waltz, and i fell hopelesly in love with him …didn’t say > anything of course…just took every opportunity that i could to be > around him *hehe* I had a brief interest in someone at my school as > well, but that ended in me doing something slightly stupidnthen > getting turned off the idea. The only other thing close to romance in > my life is some science teacher who e-mails me on a regular basis, and > though he freaks me out slightly (sortof like on of those men you > could imagine offering you a sweet if you’d get into his car *heh*), > he’s always complimenting me, which good for my ego I’m not > exactly the most attractive person in the universe, so i doubt that my > prospects will change much when i head off to the big bad world of uni > (though i’ll be able to be open about my sexuality, i don’t know if > it’s worth it) > ok, this is getting a biteen long, so i’ll stop here > Yup, i think that i qualify for this group, don’t ya think?
Damn right you do, welcome to the group. I hope you find the support that you’re looking for in here. — "Between the billboard masturbation across highways of metallic isolation there lies the deafening screaming of the millions wiping out the diseased pages of apathy that bleed our innocence" Love’s Sweet Exile – Manic Street Preachers 1991
Response:
heya yup, i like classical music (yeah, that’s how it’s spellt *heh*), it’s been part of my life for as long as i’ve been alive, it makes me happy, but has also been the most consistantly stressful part of my live for the last few years as for that teacher, i never compliment him, don’t really care about him one bit, havn’t e-mailed him in a while, maybe he’ll forget about me I have 1 female friend, she’s good for a chat and everything, but the big thing about being gay is that I DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HORMONAL CYCLES (i know that guys have them too, but they’re more pronounced in women) and emotional manipulation (i know, guys do it too, but women are nastier about it in general), women still have the ability to get into my head and mess with my mind, so i avoid them wherever possible (it’s like i have the same set of non directly sexual feeling towards women that most people have, but don’t have the one thing that makes women bearable when things get bad, a need for sex *hehehe*) I don’t plan to be very openly gay in uni (i mean, my girl friend knows, but that’s about it), not important for me, sadly, it doesn’t seem like i’ll have much time for friends over the next 4 years 
Dad didn’t leave mum, because he knew that we’d (me and my sisters ) get hurt in the break-up, and he works for the catholic church (manages a shrine), so he’d prolly loose his job as well. Been getting back into engineering though, and with all the family gone now, who knows? And thanx for the welcome =S=
Response:
> Damn right you do, welcome to the group. I hope you find the support that > you’re looking for in here.
thanx
Response:
*heh* my happiness’ll prolly only last a few days anyway; thanx for tellimg me your story as well
Response:
awww, thanx , nice and cosy in here *heh* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Faust > Welcome to the group.I’m Niunia. > I hope you’ll get here so much warm-heartedness and support as I got. >
Response:
Faust (e…@eircom.net) writes: > Thanx > Two things happened today to rid me of the friend problem firstly, > i was my friend:), secondly, i got an e-mail from an old aquaintance > who stopped talking to me with reasons explained in an e-mail that she > said that she sent but that i never got..well..after 6 months i > e-mailed, her, and she replied, and she basically told me what’s > stopping me from making friends (basically, my big ego-driven > mouth)…and something to do with friendship just clicked in my brain, > and i know that i have the power to make and keep friends now if i > want (sorry if this ray of happiness seems out of place here *heh* > ).
It’s absolutely fine to be happy here!:) While the name of the ng is "support.loneliness", it really mean to support OUT OF lonelienss, where hopefully poeple get more and more happy as they get less and less lonely:), else the support out of lonelienss would not be working too well:) > > However, on the love front things are still stagnant, as they are on > the family front, and on some others…still, I > never thought that it would feel so utterly good to have my faults > pointed out to me (guess that i’m something > of a masochist *heh*).
Some happen to make us click, others to make us frown for being thousands of light years away from how we are at all. I sometimes need honest feedback that is hard to get, and appreciated when oen person finally coud see beyond the usual taboos and "convenances" and help me out. After a decade where I was sort fo a zombie for medical and otehr reasons, it was like waking up after aging ten eyars physicalyy but not having lived those ten years with the feedback that goes one about where we are at, say. I soimply had not a clue where I was fittign anymore agewise…I mean, I was still tenyears before in my head and daily knowledge of me and life.. Yet was not in my body ten eyars behind. Had I aged a lot physically? I used to look in my twenties before, what did I looked like now? When poeple saw me, what age woudl they give me, for instance? I had not the fainstest clue as poeple don’t tend to say such things, specially if one looks much older. Asking a friend of mine, he;d say the normal polite nice thing a la "age is …" (irreleavant, not important, one si as young as they feel, lalalala.). I finally could get through to that friend and make him see what was so important for me in that, in tryign to start anew, but not having a clue where the starting line was at anymore, if you see what I mean. He then worded his answer still nicely, but answerign me seingI was not in a sort of "mirror, mirror on the wall" pahse, but needed feedback to try and fugire out where I was at, "what time it was", so to speak. The answer made me grow ten years in a fraction of a second, where I had since four eyars asked and asked poeple to please tell em honestly, let go of polite rubbish, as that was not what I needed to know. As much as the answer was a rough crashing into where I was in time, it yet brought a tremendous sense fo relief, and helped me enormously to adapt to where the right "time" was "about me". I wish I woudl have known two or three able of honesty thatw ay to make an average, as after all, opinions may differ somewhat, some even showing he was still easy on the impact, say:). But I had to do with only one feedback, as everyoen sle woudl give me the insipid nicities of the vanity feeeding type, not hearing me at all as I said why I asked. Kind feedback is nice, does not need to be rough with me anyway:):). If it clicks, it clicks, if it is soemthign I know to be totally off, bof. Yawnnnn…2:35 A.M. here. Think I shoud soon go to sleep:) C U, Faust, Chloe —
Response:
Thanx Two things happened today to rid me of the friend problem firstly, i was my friend:), secondly, i got an e-mail from an old aquaintance who stopped talking to me with reasons explained in an e-mail that she said that she sent but that i never got..well..after 6 months i e-mailed, her, and she replied, and she basically told me what’s stopping me from making friends (basically, my big ego-driven mouth)…and something to do with friendship just clicked in my brain, and i know that i have the power to make and keep friends now if i want (sorry if this ray of happiness seems out of place here *heh* ). However, on the love front things are still stagnant, as they are on the family front, and on some others…still, I never thought that it would feel so utterly good to have my faults pointed out to me (guess that i’m something of a masochist *heh*).
Response:
Hi Faust Welcome to the group.I’m Niunia. I hope you’ll get here so much warm-heartedness and support as I got. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Wanda" <Divr…@charter.net> wrote: > Hi Faust, > Welcome to the group! Lots of good people in here. > Welcome, > Wanda : ) > "Faust" <e…@eircom.net> wrote in message > news:21a0bd34.0208171935.248a6185@posting.google.com… > > Heylow all!! > > Never been here before, not as though i’m feeling especially lonely at > > the moment, but it seems that it’s becoming a long term thing, not > > something that i’m comfortable with (i want to be with someone who i > > care about and who cares about me). > > Feeling sad as well ’cause i’m going to be heading off to uni in a few > > months (wohoo!), but my only real friend (well…maybe not as of > > recently…think that i pissed him off too much somehow (there isn’t > > much communication between us)) is heading off somewhere else…but > > that’s not the thing that gets me, the thing that gets me is that he > > isn’t much of a writing person (or talking person, or terribly > > expressive at all in any way that i can make out (i’m fine with tat i > > mean, just hard to keep up over e-mail )..annoys me how he seems to > > have induced an over-expressive slightly-affected part of me into > > existance, though that was admittedly entirely my fault (i’m gay and > > though i never let anything like sexual attraction get between us, i > > forgot that being gay is about more than that and ended up becoming > > reallly dependant on him without realising it was happening…though > > not anymore, i’m finally getting to something like a normal friendship > > with him again, which is good, but there’s very little time left, and > > we don’t see much of eachother anymore (i don’t know if he’s just > > completely fed up of me (which is understandable) or what). He’s > > important to me, because he’s the only person who’s been with me > > through the hardest times of my life yet, and I enjoy his friendship. > > Not counting the last 2/3 years, school for me was hell..my best > > friend moved house when i was about 9 or 10 and i dint have any more > > until i was around 15/16…that wasn’t a very good time for me…don’t > > get on with my family eiter (mum’s a completely awful person; can’t > > really say that i can’t understand why dad had an affair around a year > > go (i havn’t fogiven him though, because though i dont care that he > > had an affair (even got my sister a job working for the woman!), i > > care that he didn’t bother to think that mum would take out her anger > > on me if she found out (and she id, and she did, and he was in > > hospital when the other woman’s husband rang telling her that he had a > > personal detective on him, and how she put on a pathetic posh > > accent…). i’ve never told anyone about that before…. > > But as for romance, i’m 100% alone and really bad at dealing with > > people that i feel attracted to. I remember around a year ago hearing > > this moderately attractive guy play a really good rendition of a > > brahms waltz, and i fell hopelesly in love with him …didn’t say > > anything of course…just took every opportunity that i could to be > > around him *hehe* I had a brief interest in someone at my school as > > well, but that ended in me doing something slightly stupidnthen > > getting turned off the idea. The only other thing close to romance in > > my life is some science teacher who e-mails me on a regular basis, and > > though he freaks me out slightly (sortof like on of those men you > > could imagine offering you a sweet if you’d get into his car *heh*), > > he’s always complimenting me, which good for my ego I’m not > > exactly the most attractive person in the universe, so i doubt that my > > prospects will change much when i head off to the big bad world of uni > > (though i’ll be able to be open about my sexuality, i don’t know if > > it’s worth it) > > ok, this is getting a biteen long, so i’ll stop here > > Yup, i think that i qualify for this group, don’t ya think? > > =Tiddles=
Response:
Hi Faust, Welcome to the group! Lots of good people in here. Welcome, Wanda : ) "Faust" <e…@eircom.net> wrote in message
news:21a0bd34.0208171935.248a6185@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Heylow all!! > Never been here before, not as though i’m feeling especially lonely at > the moment, but it seems that it’s becoming a long term thing, not > something that i’m comfortable with (i want to be with someone who i > care about and who cares about me). > Feeling sad as well ’cause i’m going to be heading off to uni in a few > months (wohoo!), but my only real friend (well…maybe not as of > recently…think that i pissed him off too much somehow (there isn’t > much communication between us)) is heading off somewhere else…but > that’s not the thing that gets me, the thing that gets me is that he > isn’t much of a writing person (or talking person, or terribly > expressive at all in any way that i can make out (i’m fine with tat i > mean, just hard to keep up over e-mail )..annoys me how he seems to > have induced an over-expressive slightly-affected part of me into > existance, though that was admittedly entirely my fault (i’m gay and > though i never let anything like sexual attraction get between us, i > forgot that being gay is about more than that and ended up becoming > reallly dependant on him without realising it was happening…though > not anymore, i’m finally getting to something like a normal friendship > with him again, which is good, but there’s very little time left, and > we don’t see much of eachother anymore (i don’t know if he’s just > completely fed up of me (which is understandable) or what). He’s > important to me, because he’s the only person who’s been with me > through the hardest times of my life yet, and I enjoy his friendship. > Not counting the last 2/3 years, school for me was hell..my best > friend moved house when i was about 9 or 10 and i dint have any more > until i was around 15/16…that wasn’t a very good time for me…don’t > get on with my family eiter (mum’s a completely awful person; can’t > really say that i can’t understand why dad had an affair around a year > go (i havn’t fogiven him though, because though i dont care that he > had an affair (even got my sister a job working for the woman!), i > care that he didn’t bother to think that mum would take out her anger > on me if she found out (and she id, and she did, and he was in > hospital when the other woman’s husband rang telling her that he had a > personal detective on him, and how she put on a pathetic posh > accent…). i’ve never told anyone about that before…. > But as for romance, i’m 100% alone and really bad at dealing with > people that i feel attracted to. I remember around a year ago hearing > this moderately attractive guy play a really good rendition of a > brahms waltz, and i fell hopelesly in love with him …didn’t say > anything of course…just took every opportunity that i could to be > around him *hehe* I had a brief interest in someone at my school as > well, but that ended in me doing something slightly stupidnthen > getting turned off the idea. The only other thing close to romance in > my life is some science teacher who e-mails me on a regular basis, and > though he freaks me out slightly (sortof like on of those men you > could imagine offering you a sweet if you’d get into his car *heh*), > he’s always complimenting me, which good for my ego I’m not > exactly the most attractive person in the universe, so i doubt that my > prospects will change much when i head off to the big bad world of uni > (though i’ll be able to be open about my sexuality, i don’t know if > it’s worth it) > ok, this is getting a biteen long, so i’ll stop here > Yup, i think that i qualify for this group, don’t ya think? > =Tiddles=
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Faust (e…@eircom.net) writes: > Heylow all!! > Never been here before, not as though i’m feeling especially lonely at > the moment, but it seems that it’s becoming a long term thing, not > something that i’m comfortable with (i want to be with someone who i > care about and who cares about me). > Feeling sad as well ’cause i’m going to be heading off to uni in a few > months (wohoo!), but my only real friend (well…maybe not as of > recently…think that i pissed him off too much somehow (there isn’t > much communication between us)) is heading off somewhere else…but > that’s not the thing that gets me, the thing that gets me is that he > isn’t much of a writing person (or talking person, or terribly > expressive at all in any way that i can make out (i’m fine with tat i > mean, just hard to keep up over e-mail )..annoys me how he seems to > have induced an over-expressive slightly-affected part of me into > existance, though that was admittedly entirely my fault (i’m gay and > though i never let anything like sexual attraction get between us, i > forgot that being gay is about more than that and ended up becoming > reallly dependant on him without realising it was happening…though > not anymore, i’m finally getting to something like a normal friendship > with him again, which is good, but there’s very little time left, and > we don’t see much of eachother anymore (i don’t know if he’s just > completely fed up of me (which is understandable) or what). He’s > important to me, because he’s the only person who’s been with me > through the hardest times of my life yet, and I enjoy his friendship. > Not counting the last 2/3 years, school for me was hell..my best > friend moved house when i was about 9 or 10 and i dint have any more > until i was around 15/16…that wasn’t a very good time for me…don’t > get on with my family eiter (mum’s a completely awful person; can’t > really say that i can’t understand why dad had an affair around a year > go (i havn’t fogiven him though, because though i dont care that he > had an affair (even got my sister a job working for the woman!), i > care that he didn’t bother to think that mum would take out her anger > on me if she found out (and she id, and she did, and he was in > hospital when the other woman’s husband rang telling her that he had a > personal detective on him, and how she put on a pathetic posh > accent…). i’ve never told anyone about that before…. > But as for romance, i’m 100% alone and really bad at dealing with > people that i feel attracted to. I remember around a year ago hearing > this moderately attractive guy play a really good rendition of a > brahms waltz, and i fell hopelesly in love with him …didn’t say > anything of course…just took every opportunity that i could to be > around him *hehe* I had a brief interest in someone at my school as > well, but that ended in me doing something slightly stupidnthen > getting turned off the idea. The only other thing close to romance in > my life is some science teacher who e-mails me on a regular basis, and > though he freaks me out slightly (sortof like on of those men you > could imagine offering you a sweet if you’d get into his car *heh*), > he’s always complimenting me, which good for my ego I’m not > exactly the most attractive person in the universe, so i doubt that my > prospects will change much when i head off to the big bad world of uni > (though i’ll be able to be open about my sexuality, i don’t know if > it’s worth it) > ok, this is getting a biteen long, so i’ll stop here > Yup, i think that i qualify for this group, don’t ya think? > =Tiddles=
Hi, Faust!:) Your nick and that mention of a was it Brahms musician gives me to think you like classical (engl: Never know if classic or calssical, I guess classical:)) music. Geez, that teacher sounds like soemthign creepy all right… I take it he must be rather a bit older than you, which oughta make one feel that way with a teacher seinding them compliments in email… Hope you’ll get enough of that here to be able to let that one go see elsewhere..Hard at times when oen says nothign openly to confront them, as they’d play "Moi?? Where did you ever get that idea!" type of thing of course. Anyway. While you say you had no friends between prepuberty and 15/16, sounds like you might be having a good social side to you… Ever thought of female friends, to help with that possible too fast attachment with guys yu find attractive…? Sonem do know men quite well and can help too as a sounding board, giving you feedback, and allowing you to also talk about it. I take it since you mentioend that once in uni you coudl be more opened about youur orientation, you’d still be in the closet at home and mean then that moving out for uni, mom and dad could not risk feeling disappointed, is that it? I do think it might be a great occasion for being yourself more openly and all once at uni. There will always be some tryign to psychoanalyse you and all, but more and more, people accept it as just simply that: a different orientation. Hopefully in time, it will just be "anb orientation", not even be thought as "different" as if the norm was hetero cause it had more room in movies and novels and in social image, say. Too bad about your mom and dad, but leave that to them. As the offsrping, it is not your job to take charge or even take the consequences of their choices. That’s theirs to handle. Sure is too bad your mom took it out on you, but in high emotional moments, it can happen even with the pbest of persons. No one is rational all of the time unless they are messed up even worse that you think your folks are;-):):). As for your dad, if he did not like your mom, cheatign was not an excuse. He coudl ahve elft her THEN go see elsewhere. Is it not awful how material confort will keep poeple livign with soemoen they can not stand at all? As for you, you’ll soon be out of there, if I read you well, when on your way to uni….Good, as then no oen can make you pay for another’s actions, or way less regularly. You’d have a place to go to, your own flat or even the dorm, to avoid it all, at the limit. As for your fittign here, so long as one feels they fit, they know they are lonely:), and that is """good""" enough (bad enough??;-):)). Welcome aboard. BTW, I am Chloe. Nice to meet you:), and hope you enjoy flying ASL;-):):) Chloe —
Response:
Filed under: Happiness Loneliness
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