Hi I'm all messed up, and you?
Question:
Nicodemus, You begin by being good to yourself, venting, crying (I always found primal screaming in the shower to be quite theraputic), and surrounding yourself with good, supportive friends. Know that you’ve got to wade through the muck & the mire to get to the shore. I’m glad you found us. There’s a good group here, with plenty of experience and honest advice and appraisals. Welcome to the group, Kim http://netnow.micron.net/~kgibson – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
You’ve received some good advice so far, if I were to add my part I’d tell you not to spend your time hoping she will change her mind. Don’t hold your life up waiting for a change, accept the fact and try your best to move forward…it hurts and I suppose we all wish things could change…the pain will be less and less and soon you’ll be back on your feet :-) We all have our days…and you will…those lonely days when you feel like crying…when I get like that I come here…these folks always make you feel better…and we’ll be here for ya 
Belinda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Nicodemus, You begin by being good to yourself, venting, crying (I always found primal screaming in the shower to be quite theraputic), and surrounding yourself with good, supportive friends. Know that you’ve got to wade through the muck & the mire to get to the shore. I’m glad you found us. There’s a good group here, with plenty of experience and honest advice and appraisals. Welcome to the group, Kim http://netnow.micron.net/~kgibson I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
Belinda is 100% correct. Men do not understand that by the time a woman makes her move and leaves, it is well thought out and her decision was made a long time ago and is final and not going to change. Most men (based on research) are stunned when the woman leaves and report that they had no idea anything was wrong. Often nothing was wrong. The woman wanted a new prince charming (again the research shows that) Women leave simply becuase they are bored or feel they have or are growing apart. so much for committment. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You’ve received some good advice so far, if I were to add my part I’d tell you not to spend your time hoping she will change her mind. Don’t hold your life up waiting for a change, accept the fact and try your best to move forward…it hurts and I suppose we all wish things could change…the pain will be less and less and soon you’ll be back on your feet :-) We all have our days…and you will…those lonely days when you feel like crying…when I get like that I come here…these folks always make you feel better…and we’ll be here for ya Belinda Nicodemus, You begin by being good to yourself, venting, crying (I always found primal screaming in the shower to be quite theraputic), and surrounding yourself with good, supportive friends. Know that you’ve got to wade through the muck & the mire to get to the shore. I’m glad you found us. There’s a good group here, with plenty of experience and honest advice and appraisals. Welcome to the group, Kim http://netnow.micron.net/~kgibson I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
It HURTS. Nothing will make it stop hurting now, so just get through the hurt. Its like after an operation. You know it will hurt and it does, but every day you begin to heal slowly but surely and soon you only ache, then one day you realize how far you have come. We’ve all been where you are now. To whitewash it would be misleading. Do some selfexamination, treat yourself good and try to find someone who will listen w/o judgement (a counselor is best but a good friend if you can’t afford one). You need to vent, to justify, to blame. Do it all. Now is the time to wallow, cry, curse, etc. Then after a given time, pick yourself up and take some baby steps towards your new future, even though it was forced upon you. DO NOT run into a new relationship, go out and have casual sex. DO NOT bury yourself in dating, diversions. Face your new life, reacquaint yourself with yourself (ie, renewing old interests & hobbies, look up long lost friends) and just take it slowly. Good luck….and lean on our cyber shoulders!
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It HURTS. Nothing will make it stop hurting now, so just get through the hurt. Its like after an operation. You know it will hurt and it does, but every day you begin to heal slowly but surely and soon you only ache, then one day you realize how far you have come. We’ve all been where you are now. To whitewash it would be misleading. Do some selfexamination, treat yourself good and try to find someone who will listen w/o judgement (a counselor is best but a good friend if you can’t afford one). You need to vent, to justify, to blame. Do it all. Now is the time to wallow, cry, curse, etc. Then after a given time, pick yourself up and take some baby steps towards your new future, even though it was forced upon you. DO NOT run into a new relationship, go out and have casual sex. DO NOT bury yourself in dating, diversions. Face your new life, reacquaint yourself with yourself (ie, renewing old interests & hobbies, look up long lost friends) and just take it slowly.
I concur, this is good advice for ANYONE who ends up in the "Abyss" known as divorce. There is no quick, easy solutions but (as they say) time does indeed heal all wounds. I know it looks like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel right now, but believe me, it’s there. Don’t give up on yourself, there is life after divorce! The Computer Dinosaur
Response:
Nic, I went through about the same thing. I was lost and confused and didn’t what direction I needed to go. I just kept thinking it couldn’t get any worse. You can only get better from here on. Whatever you do don’t let your anger control you. I let mine control me and I just ended up in worse and more tense situations. I finally decided that I will not let this ruin my life and began to rebuild. It is not easy but it is definitely possible. It has been 6 months since my situation began and I am finally over her and on my way to happiness again. I wish you the best of luck. Keep your head up…. Adam – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
Start by accepting the facts. Then start looking at the positive side, and yes, there is a positive side. Eat right and take vitamins. Get into some form of exercise. Start a diary of what you feel each day and always put at least one positive entry every day. Find a hobby that you like, to occupy free time. Spare time is the enemy right now. Gives you too much time to think the wrong things. Bildo
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
Believe it or not it will get better. This is the right place to be. We’ve all been there someway or another. So come on in, take off your shoes, scream, vent, cry whatever you need to do. I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
– — amaluck ICQ #35013944 Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Response:
The main thing is to take care of yourself; don’t yield to those thoughts of self-destruction that inevitably come at a time like this. You will survive this! It hurts like hell but you will get through it. Don’t think of yourself as a failure. You didn’t fail, things just changed. And think more of yourself as just being alone, don’t sink into the loneliness abyss. Live each day, one day at a time. Don’t look into the future; from where you are now, you won’t see the future in it’s true perspective. There is quality life after divorce, it just needs a reasonable amount of time to develop. Visit here daily and share with us. We are all suffering to some degree. Many of us have started pulling beyond the pain, others are still deeply awash. It just takes time, so allow all the healing time that is needed. Take ownership of your life, otherwise she will be in control and won’t allow you to heal. — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Refined Southern Gentleman Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me. The song never ends with the singer, the truth outlives a lie, the dream lives on when the dreamer is gone, and true true love never dies. …Conway Twitty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just got on-line today. I am a male who has been recently seperated from my wife (3 months). I am the one who got dumped and I’m having a really hard go of it all. How can I possible get through these intense feelings of betrayal, anger, loneliness and failure. We have 2 children (5 & 2) . I thought she was my soulmate, I’m so lost. If any body knows where I should begin to rebuild my life or even how? I’d sure appreciate a response. Thanx.
Response:
Filed under: Happiness Loneliness
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