Lonely Loneliness

Man I wish I was good at sport

Question:

Not that I’m not ‘good’. I can pick up a sport and play it for fun but I wish I was like Andy Roddock on TV. He’s tall, good looking, confident, bright, articulate etc. etc. I’m about 0 of these things. Hahahaha. Man sports man have it made. But even some of them are messed up like Theo Fluerry who was an alcoholic.

Response:

On Thu, 10 Jun 2004 16:04:27 +0100, the world was enlightented by Anon, unto whom the words are attributed: > Not that I’m not ‘good’. I can pick up a sport and play it for fun but I > wish I was like Andy Roddock on TV. He’s tall, good looking, confident, > bright, articulate etc. etc. I’m about 0 of these things. Hahahaha. > Man sports man have it made. But even some of them are messed up like Theo > Fluerry who was an alcoholic.

Dont not thing tjat being dood good at it doesss liike, but thing you is that thing it doess.  Mean I, not it mattere sss how ou         play, or how you good at it arew, but thta you plahy and od thing           do ahta you do..  Err, styill ynot it right got.  Thing is, passion tgfor thing tha t is  beyone hgood at ro ont  good at – i s doing it that cournsts, buthgger whgatr  anyone else  hing sssst, it ss thing.  So play, m y tyhing, paly, nad so well  be hte trophy yours, and sod haat the rewsst say, does not matter what is confidgednt and good looking – just plaay. Monagtereesefr — I am the sexiest man in the UuuuKaaaayy All the girls love me And I will never grow Ooollldd I am the sexiest man in the UuuKaaaay! http://www.the-monstruum.co.uk

Response:

In article <40c87770$0$191$c3e8…@news.astraweb.com>, a…@anon.com says… >Not that I’m not ‘good’. I can pick up a sport and play it for fun but I >wish I was like Andy Roddock on TV. He’s tall, good looking, confident, >bright, articulate etc. etc. I’m about 0 of these things. Hahahaha. >Man sports man have it made. But even some of them are messed up like Theo >Fluerry who was an alcoholic.

There is natural ability, but still there has to be lots lots and lots of practice to be even better. But even practice to someone of lesser ability will make them way better than they thought they could be. If you enjoy a sport, you can get better and better at it, simply by wanting to be better and trying, never giving up on what is possible? People are good at sports (and anything else) because they spent the time in it. Same for anything else (arts, music, whatever). If it comes easy to them – those who pick something up easily – they’ll probably get bored with it as easily, and give it up, because it’s not interesting enough for them? I guess. Some people are like that, they have the ability but not the interest or time to want to do it. Whatever they do. You become confident because you’ve done something hundreds of times before. Harvey

Response:

Hey man, I made it through your answer, but please gimme some feedback whether I understood you correctly: Anon should forget about the trophies and all the excellence, he should simply enjoy doing sports, enjoy playing…. Hmmm, Munstaaahhh! And what about you? How many Budweisers have you been enjoying by the time you posted the above? Spiralling into the bottomless pit once again? Or just above yourself in a cloud of alcohol? What’s up? I’m concerned as you have told all about those sharp and pointed tools in your place – hope you keep your fingers off them as long as …. yes – what? Any hangover then? Anything that could help? Sumi

Response:

Hey, why the hell do you always want to perform, why do you stress yourself by wanting to do or have things beyond your easy reach? Why setting targets at whose unreachability you can proof what crap you are? Stop that kind of self destructive behaviour! Be it your looks, your activities, hm, whatever. The English language has the expression : *enjoy yourself* which does not exist in my language. In German you can only enjoy something else, not yourself. I’ll come back to enjoyment later. You are quite young, as I remember, and when I was your age I was similarly alone. Just that I never blamed anything or anybody. It was a given fact: I was not noticed by the world. I did not know it otherwise. It was a cruel fact for me that the guys were only after the pretty girls and as there was nobody after me I must be ugly I thought. (Which was not even true-I used to be a nice looking girl though a little handicapped, hmph.) I did not have the faintest idea how to make contact with those aliens of the other sex. So I tried hard to work on my beautiful mind. How ridiculous and silly. Whenever a boy noticed me he tried to do those silly things (you know) and never noticed my mind – which even drove me into more inner isolation. It happened by and by that I finally made friends and started to take an influence on my social environs. First thing was that I enforced myself to enjoy myself alone: took walks, did long cycling tours, enjoyed lying in meadows in the sun, went swimming in the lakes, went to beautiful places to take photos of them or draw them…. I just found out about the things I liked and really, really enjoyed doing them on my own. Up to now I have needed those periods of solitude and I am sure everybody needs the time to enjoy themselves all alone. Next thing is to rid those negative thinking patterns. You can see the very same glass half empty or half full. You can see what you have or what you don’t have and what you can do and can’t do. E.g. my 23rd birthday: i lived in a new place where most of the other students were younger than me and we all did not know each other too well. I was alone, had no friends and my birthday was nearing. It was winter and advent time. I thought I did not want to be all alone on my birthday so I put up an invitation in the kitchen of the floor on which I lived : it said I was going to have my birthday and would like to invite all the bunch into the assembly room and no-one should bring presents but be equipped with a pillow, a candle, an empty mug and a story. I did not expect many people but the room got full, I had to make more and more of the punsch (hot tea, orange juice and considerable amounts of rum) we all rested on the pillows on the floor and got our mugs full with that deadly drink and the people read/told the stories. I had not known how many people liked stories. I got funny ones and sad ones .. all sorts and they were the greatest presents I can think of. Later we went outdoors to throw snowballs at each other and made snow angels and had crazy fun. The whole evening did not bring me a special friend though, but the people were talking more to each other on the  same floor. The atmos- phere improved. A year later, when I had to study for my final exams, there was always something cooked for me as if by chance this or that colleague had cooked too much for himself or herself It’s those little things that matter. Back to sports: Why do you really want that high performance thing? All the training it needs and all the hard time wasted on nothing but records? Where’s the point? Aren’t there sports you can simply enjoy? The movement in the fresh air, the sweat streaming out of your body, the play of your muscles, anything you can think of? And if it’s a team sport: Just the contact with others, the way you co-ordinate your moves, the mere adventure of DOING, not the lonesome record of high performance? Don’t aim at the things that make you even more lonesome in the end, Anon…. disrupt your negative thinking patterns, don’t make them choke you! I may be uncomfortable for you to tell you this and I may not fit into this newsgroup with all my positive and romantic thinking patterns and maybe all ya lonely guys feel disturbed by me while you intend to celebrate your loneliness in here. Dunno and care a shit. What I know is that loneliness is a vital experience each of us needs and has to accept to grow and develop and to appreciate the other state: togetherness. We ARE basically alone and we must bring ourselves to accept that and even enjoy that and to occupy ourselves with the things we enjoy. (Hmm, isn’t this what Monster called hedonism somewhere, as far as I remember?) Only then do we have the chance to be positive and to contribute to any togetherness we like. When we go on being negative we will simply be excluded and remain in a vicious circle. The Darwinian principle also reaches deep into the human psyche: the survival of the fittest also means: the survival of the happiest. Basta. That’s it. So the point is this: We all (me still included though I seem to be ahead of some of you in this respect have to eliminate our negative thinking patterns, hmmm, wrong coinage: we have to develop positive thinking patterns that will by and by leak into our behaviour and get reflected in the way we are treated. The moon always shows us its bright side, hehe, that big illuminated Camenbert cheese on the nightly sky … sometimes we see her full face sometimes her profile and sometimes she hides – but what the moon always hides is her dark side. We do not even always have to hide our dark side completely though. Just have to accept it and parallel to it develop all those survival strategies we need to find happiness. Hmmm, this should have just become a short answer and has grown into so big a text. Sorry when I happen to appear like kinda missionary of happiness you might find pretty ridiculous. My way has been paved by pretty hard and sharp stones though and I think I can still be damned sad and lonely every now and then (gues why I’m here But isn’t it simply a natural state that every coin has two sides, that the moon has two sides , that our soul has two sides? Many of you in here will need a lot of encouragement and help to discover their bright and happy  sides as well. All the good things also exist for you as well, you’ve just gotta learn ways to reach out for them. Take care ‘n’ good luck Sumi

Response:

Yeah Monster gotta stop the drinking, it helps sure (despite what everyone says it does help) but you should stop the drink. While I’m not a heavy drinker or anywhere near an alcoholic I’m stopping drinking when depressed now (promised myself after yesterday). It was kinda getting worrying, even though I only ever had 20cl max. (well this year anyway) in a depressed drinking session it still isn’t right. Ironically the only reason I stopped though was cause I need to work out and not get headaches, not for some reason of not drinking. And besides, it’s better when you stop cause then you can start up again in a month or whenever and get less alcohol to get you drunk cause your built up tolerance erodes away with time. Lecture over. "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message

news:a470c5182113349ca5940f0c8c55403c@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hey man, I made it through your answer, but > please gimme some feedback whether I understood > you correctly: Anon should forget about the > trophies and all the excellence, he should simply enjoy > doing sports, enjoy playing…. > Hmmm, Munstaaahhh! And what about you? > How many Budweisers have you been enjoying by the > time you posted the above? > Spiralling into the bottomless pit once again? > Or just above yourself in a cloud of alcohol? > What’s up? > I’m concerned as you have told all about those sharp and pointed tools in > your place – hope you keep your fingers > off them as long as …. yes – what? > Any hangover then? > Anything that could help? > Sumi

Response:

Thanks for the positive reply. But it’s hard to stay happy. I used to be happy. I never used to have a girl friend or friends last year in high school but when away from school I was happy in the things I did myself. I was happy watching tele, browing the internet, following hockey, playing golf or whatever I did. Then this year came along. I was happy early on but still depressed. But all year I was like this, but I was happy too. I made a great friend (at the time, maybe still, I dont know) and thought things were gonna turn round really quick. Then it all fell away. It just did. Now I’m depressed all the time. I’ve turned into those sorts I thought I’d never be, those types who can’t see couples on the street. It never bothered me before but now it does. I know this is self destructive. The more I think about it the less likely it will change. But I can’t help but think about it. I’ve tried to battle thru it and cant. That’s why I made that post asking about meds cause I need something to take the stress off me. I can’t cope alone. How am I meant to go on? I want to, I keep trying, but I really don’t see how anything will change. And it hurts even worse now that I thought I’d made a best friend and she’s not. I was expecting to have a fun packed summer with her but she won’t even see me. This depresses me most. When I go out and have a good time I’m not depressed at all but this is harder and harder to do cause no one wants to go out with me. How am I meant to be happy? I can’t just do things I enjoy cause I can’t concentrate then I got exams to worry about and money worries. I’m drowning under all this pressure and stress. I woudln’t be depressed if I had that one great friend who’d go out with me. I was just so happy I made a friend. >Aren’t there sports you can simply enjoy? >The movement in the fresh air, the sweat streaming >out of your body, the play of your muscles, >anything you can think of? And if it’s a team sport: >Just the contact with others, the way you co-ordinate >your moves, the mere adventure of DOING, not the >lonesome record of high performance?

Of course I enjoy a lot of sports! I just meant Roddock (the tennis player) has everything like most sports men, big, strong, tall, alpha male, and he’s actually modest which I admire. It’s like the hockey player Joe Sakic, he’s freaking awesome but modest. Because they have something they can be so confident about that it reflects in the rest of their life. It’s no conincidence that the guys good at sport at school are the ones who (on teh whole) were happy and have happy memories. While I was good at sport I didn’t go to a mixed school so got none of the benefits of being good apart from trophies and such. But even in sport I feel lonely. It’s stupid. Take this example. I was playing a football match. I’m a solid goal scorer (soccer btw) but no one would feed me the ball! There was another guy who’s much more popular and he kept geting the ball and I was open he never passed it to me. Then he misses so many shots when I was open. I got 4 shots on goal I think, 1 was a bad angle shot that I made on goal and got moaned at for taking it and not passing it. When another guy does this it doesn’t matter! And the other shot I fluffed and got moaned at. Again another guy did this so many times but didn’t get moaned at. It’s bad teamwork, you encourage your players, when I was captain or alternative/vice captain I only moaned at players if they made the same mistake again and again cause it’s bad for the team. And this match was meant to be a ‘fun’ match. That’s why I loved playing playground footie at school, you don’t get moaned at and while it’s competitive it’s not like that match I wrote about above. That’s also why golf appeals to me, it’s all about me. No team mates although I haven’t played in over a year due to no money and no clubs. So that’s the thing. What is the point? People moan at me cause I’m a loser. I felt awful during the match. And that’s why I have no confidence in sport anymore. I get moaned at by team mates a lot for taking decisions that are mine to take as a foward. That’s what fowards do, they have an eye for the goal. Although I’m weak, skinny and short people are regulary suprised at how faisety and tanasious I am. People assume I’ll be a weaklin but I’m anything but on the field. Anyway, then you lose confidence, you keep passing, or don’t even want the ball so you don’t get moaned at. And due to the off field part of life being shit when you get moaned at on field it bothers you while it might not nother other people with complete or normal lives. It’s like I’m gonna take up ice hockey next season but I know I’ll get fluffed and flustered when people moan at me and lose confidence and end up dropping it. But I hope it’s not like that. And no it’s not all in my mind, seriously I made 2 bad shots and got moaned at and 2 other guys missed so many and it was *clap clap* unlucky. And one guy hogging the ball taking long shouts the same thing happend. But no with me its’ always different. I just don’t get what’s so bad about me? It makes me not wanna play again, then you get into that circle of not going out. But of course I try and be positive, it’s just hard when you wake up in the morning angry and fustrated and carry it on thru the day. If I could just go out more often with friends I felt decent with (like that chick) then I’d be fine. But of course no no I can’t get a break like that can I? "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message

news:770b36d122494d69486f6eb60e9bb8fc@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hey, why the hell do you always want to perform, > why do you stress yourself by wanting to do > or have things beyond your easy reach? > Why setting targets at whose unreachability you > can proof what crap you are? Stop that kind of > self destructive behaviour! > Be it your looks, your activities, hm, whatever. > The English language has the expression : *enjoy yourself* > which does not exist in my language. In German you > can only enjoy something else, not yourself. > I’ll come back to enjoyment later. > You are quite young, as I remember, and when I was > your age I was similarly alone. > Just that I never blamed anything or anybody. > It was a given fact: I was not noticed by the world. > I did not know it otherwise. It was a cruel fact for me > that the guys were only after the pretty girls and > as there was nobody after me I must be ugly I thought. > (Which was not even true-I used to be a nice looking girl > though a little handicapped, hmph.) > I did not have the faintest idea how to make contact > with those aliens of the other sex. So I tried hard to > work on my beautiful mind. How ridiculous and silly. > Whenever a boy noticed me he tried to do those silly > things (you know) and never noticed my mind – which even drove me into > more inner isolation. > It happened by and by that I finally made friends > and started to take an influence on my social environs. > First thing was that I enforced myself to enjoy myself alone: > took walks, did long cycling tours, enjoyed lying in > meadows in the sun, went swimming in the lakes, went > to beautiful places to take photos of them or draw them…. > I just found out about the things I liked and really, really enjoyed doing > them on my own. Up to now I have needed those > periods of solitude and I am sure everybody needs the > time to enjoy themselves all alone. > Next thing is to rid those negative thinking patterns. > You can see the very same glass half empty or half full. > You can see what you have or what you don’t have and > what you can do and can’t do. > E.g. my 23rd birthday: i lived in a new place where most > of the other students were younger than me and we all did > not know each other too well. I was alone, had no friends > and my birthday was nearing. It was winter and advent time. > I thought I did not want to be all alone on my birthday > so I put up an invitation in the kitchen of the floor on > which I lived : it said I was going to have my birthday and would like to > invite all the bunch into the assembly > room and no-one should bring presents but be equipped > with a pillow, a candle, an empty mug and a story. > I did not expect many people but the room got full, I had to > make more and more of the punsch (hot tea, orange juice > and considerable amounts of rum) we all rested on the > pillows on the floor and got our mugs full with that > deadly drink and the people read/told the stories. I had not > known how many people liked stories. I got funny ones and > sad ones .. all sorts and they were the greatest presents I can think of. > Later we went outdoors to throw snowballs at each other and made snow > angels and had crazy fun. The whole evening did not bring me a special > friend though, but the people were talking more to each other on the  same > floor. The atmos- > phere improved. A year later, when I had to study for my final exams, > there was always something cooked for me as > if by chance this or that colleague had cooked too much for himself or > herself It’s those little things that matter. > Back to sports: Why do you really want that high > performance thing? All the training it needs and > all the hard time wasted on nothing but records? > Where’s the point? > Aren’t there sports you can simply enjoy? > The movement in the fresh air, the sweat streaming > out of your body, the play of your muscles, > anything you can think of? And if it’s a team sport: > Just the contact with others, the way you co-ordinate > your moves, the mere adventure of DOING, not the > lonesome record of high performance? > Don’t aim at the things that make you even more lonesome in the end, > Anon…. disrupt your negative thinking patterns, > don’t make them choke you! > I may be uncomfortable for you to tell you this > and I may not fit into this newsgroup with all my > positive and

… read more »

Response:

Wish I could stay online longer but have to do those important chores in the house. Just a short one before I’m off, just in order to tell you I did not ignore your answer: So you’ve had this terrible year. Once again: you seem to be very young and your hormones might give you an extra pain ….. hmmm … looking back: if I’d judge my life according to its worst year, ohmy, terrible! You are going through a really bad time but many do, guys and girls. In such a phase time seems to stand still and sadness seems never-ending. One idea: Once you told you intend to spare your parents the knowledge of your troubles. On the other hand, maybe they could help you and find professional help? One of my friends got some professional help for her son and after two sessions he was really much better. (I basically think she would need such a help much more herself but that’s another story.) I mean you have your parents and you might also get a clue where some of your negative thinking patterns come from. Don’t spare them too much, they might really be helpful. You wrote they have already lost a son. Well, not communicating about the things that really matter, do you think that’s a good idea? Isn’t this a way to lose someone basically? I mean one should be careful about giving such advice because no one knows deeper backgrounds, but, well, keep in mind that there could also come some real help from your parents. All the best to you! Sumi

Response:

On Fri, 11 Jun 2004 03:41:19 -0400, the world was enlightented by sumire, unto whom the words are attributed: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hey man, I made it through your answer, but > please gimme some feedback whether I understood > you correctly: Anon should forget about the > trophies and all the excellence, he should simply enjoy > doing sports, enjoy playing…. > Hmmm, Munstaaahhh! And what about you? > How many Budweisers have you been enjoying by the > time you posted the above? > Spiralling into the bottomless pit once again? > Or just above yourself in a cloud of alcohol? > What’s up? > I’m concerned as you have told all about those sharp and pointed tools in > your place – hope you keep your fingers > off them as long as …. yes – what?

Not Bud, just bitter (dunkel bier?).  No idea how many, few enough though, it doesn’t take a lot to get me drunk! > Any hangover then? > Anything that could help?

No, no hangover, but did have the surprise at discovering my first speaker had been finished in the night, and someone had eaten a pizza… As to the bottomless pit, I didn’t really get out of it (apart from that recent visit to the moon, of course), but certainly not spiraling down. Monster — I am the sexiest man in the UuuuKaaaayy All the girls love me And I will never grow Ooollldd I am the sexiest man in the UuuKaaaay! http://www.the-monstruum.co.uk

Response:

On Fri, 11 Jun 2004 09:00:28 +0100, the world was enlightented by Anon, unto whom the words are attributed: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Yeah Monster gotta stop the drinking, it helps sure (despite what everyone > says it does help) but you should stop the drink. > While I’m not a heavy drinker or anywhere near an alcoholic I’m stopping > drinking when depressed now (promised myself after yesterday). It was kinda > getting worrying, even though I only ever had 20cl max. (well this year > anyway) in a depressed drinking session it still isn’t right. > Ironically the only reason I stopped though was cause I need to work out and > not get headaches, not for some reason of not drinking. > And besides, it’s better when you stop cause then you can start up again in > a month or whenever and get less alcohol to get you drunk cause your built > up tolerance erodes away with time. > Lecture over.

Tsk!  A couple of pints and I’m anybody’s as it is! But thanks for the caring lecture Monster — I am the sexiest man in the UuuuKaaaayy All the girls love me And I will never grow Ooollldd I am the sexiest man in the UuuKaaaay! http://www.the-monstruum.co.uk

Response:

On Sat, 12 Jun 2004 10:42:03 +0000, the world was enlightented by Prayer Capsule Activation Event, unto whom the words are attributed: > "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in > news:770b36d122494d69486f6eb60e9bb8fc@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com: >> The English language has the expression : *enjoy yourself* >> which does not exist in my language. In German you >> can only enjoy something else, not yourself. >> I’ll come back to enjoyment later. > HA!  I’ve enjoyed myself countless times since puberty…interesting > observation, however.

Funny thing language.  In English you can say, "I’m hot" but in German you have to say "it is hot to me" otherwise you are saying you are horny! Monster — I am the sexiest man in the UuuuKaaaayy All the girls love me And I will never grow Ooollldd I am the sexiest man in the UuuKaaaay! http://www.the-monstruum.co.uk

Response:

Suppose you mean masturbation. Okay, which could be a nice variant of *enjoying oneself* yet was not even included in what I wanted to say originally, hmph. Have fun, anyway Sumi

Response:

Exactly. Where do you have your German from? Sumi

Response:

Aaaww, my last post above looks like it was an answer to Munsta while I replied to PCA – I can’t find out how to place my posts correctly. It mostly does not matter but sometimes it does. Sorry. S.

Response:

"sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in news:770b36d122494d69486f6eb60e9bb8fc@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com: > The English language has the expression : *enjoy yourself* > which does not exist in my language. In German you > can only enjoy something else, not yourself. > I’ll come back to enjoyment later.

HA!  I’ve enjoyed myself countless times since puberty…interesting observation, however.

Response:

"Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in news:40c96d85$0$70912$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com: > Of course I enjoy a lot of sports! I just meant Roddock (the tennis > player) has everything like most sports men, big, strong, tall, alpha > male, and he’s actually modest which I admire. It’s like the hockey > player Joe Sakic, he’s freaking awesome but modest.

For jocks that’s pretty atypical.    Because they have > something they can be so confident about that it reflects in the rest > of their life.

What’s the average life span of a pro athlete other than golf? About 5-10 years max, I’d say.  Then they’re out of the limelight, have racked dozens of injuries, will have early arthritis, and if they’re lucky they might be a sports commentator on the local news in Quahog, Maine.  Or maybe end up as a greeter at casino in Las Vegas.    It’s no conincidence that the guys good at sport at > school are the ones who (on teh whole) were happy and have happy > memories. While I was good at sport I didn’t go to a mixed school so > got none of the benefits of being good apart from trophies and such.

Big fish, small pond.  Etc.

Response:

Filed under: Happiness Loneliness

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