needy
Question:
hello diane all I can say I hear you. I wish I could do something for you, hold you maybe, though I doubt I would be strong enough to hold you until you are exhausted. and … sorry, I couldnt bring myself to hurt you. but then, I am so far away. so all I can say is I hear you. Fletcher – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -i’m feeling very needy these days. Elisabeth went to the pdoc in my place today, and she told him that things aren’t going very well…that i’m mostly just working and sleeping, and that i’ve lost interest in everything. she also told him that i don’t feel valuable to anyone, which is true, and said she thinks that i need to pay more attention to them on the inside. pppfffffttttttt. i can’t hear what’s going on inside. at all. ok, a little here and there, but mostly nothing. and she didn’t tell him the most important part, that i feel this extraordinary need to talk and to be heard and some other stuff that i can’t say here. well, i can i guess, if i spoiler, so i will. um…talking about physical pa*n and need for it. some reference to bd*m and si. * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** ok, i have this really intense need to fight someone…and to be hurt, but for it to be in a "safe" and consensual sort of way. kind of like if someone big and strong grabs me and won’t let me go, but allows me to fight it until i’m exhausted. but more than that even…i need the small (and medium) hurts that go along with bdsm…and the care that comes after. the body -aches- for care. the so*l yearns for it, as well. i’ve thought of hurting myself, bad enough to be hospitalized. i don’t know how to get the care i need, without screaming for it. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
i’m feeling very needy these days. Elisabeth went to the pdoc in my place today, and she told him that things aren’t going very well…that i’m mostly just working and sleeping, and that i’ve lost interest in everything. she also told him that i don’t feel valuable to anyone, which is true, and said she thinks that i need to pay more attention to them on the inside. pppfffffttttttt. i can’t hear what’s going on inside. at all. ok, a little here and there, but mostly nothing. and she didn’t tell him the most important part, that i feel this extraordinary need to talk and to be heard and some other stuff that i can’t say here. well, i can i guess, if i spoiler, so i will. um…talking about physical pa*n and need for it. some reference to bd*m and si. * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** ok, i have this really intense need to fight someone…and to be hurt, but for it to be in a "safe" and consensual sort of way. kind of like if someone big and strong grabs me and won’t let me go, but allows me to fight it until i’m exhausted. but more than that even…i need the small (and medium) hurts that go along with bdsm…and the care that comes after. the body -aches- for care. the so*l yearns for it, as well. i’ve thought of hurting myself, bad enough to be hospitalized. i don’t know how to get the care i need, without screaming for it. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
hi Fletcher, all I can say I hear you. I wish I could do something for you, hold you maybe, though I doubt I would be strong enough to hold you until you are exhausted.
*smile* gentle holding would be nice, too. and … sorry, I couldnt bring myself to hurt you. but then, I am so far away. so all I can say is I hear you.
thanks. we need people to hear us. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
hey there 
hey back 
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i’m feeling very needy these days. Elisabeth went to the pdoc in my place today, and she told him that things aren’t going very well…that i’m mostly just working and sleeping, and that i’ve lost interest in everything. she also told him that i don’t feel valuable to anyone, which is true, and said she thinks that i need to pay more attention to them on the inside. pppfffffttttttt. i can’t hear what’s going on inside. at all. ok, a little here and there, but mostly nothing. phaps ya could comunicate another way first, thru here, thru writin or wotever?
i guess i’m going to have to explore different ways…i guess i just figured that if i can’t hear them, there was no need. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – and she didn’t tell him the most important part, that i feel this extraordinary need to talk and to be heard and some other stuff that i can’t say here. well, i can i guess, if i spoiler, so i will. um…talking about physical pa*n and need for it. some reference to bd*m and si. * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** ok, i have this really intense need to fight someone…and to be hurt, but for it to be in a "safe" and consensual sort of way. kind of like if someone big and strong grabs me and won’t let me go, but allows me to fight it until i’m exhausted. but more than that even…i need the small (and medium) hurts that go along with bdsm…and the care that comes after. i can relate to a bit of this. i have that strong need to fight a lot to the point that i considerd gettin into b*xing but havnt cos im not sure its a v good idea. just that i feel a lot that i just need to realy fight somone. but its diffrent for me, cos i dont want to be hurt. is it just maybe the need for some phisical touch? n that even a touch that hurts is better than no touch at all?
i’m not sure. it’s possible. but i also think that i’m looking for (or used to) an intensity with my emotions, and i expect or need for that to be the same with touch. the other thing is that i can’t imagine the body being satisfied with gentleness…it needsneedsneeds right now. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – the body -aches- for care. the so*l yearns for it, as well. wish ya had somone near ya to give ya that. i’ve thought of hurting myself, bad enough to be hospitalized. i don’t know how to get the care i need, without screaming for it. i hope ya dont have to go that far to get the help ya need. holdin back on a rant on mental health care, cos it seems to me that they havnt got there head round the idea of preventon been better than cure, n that ppl rarly get the help they need until they hit crisis.
yeah, isn’t that the truth. thinking of ya, sorry not more help.
thanks for writing, Celeste. diane In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
hi Tabkey, and a belated welcome back! I am sori to hear that you are in the place you find yourself … think I am also stuck there … not too sure how to get out, but am trying to be ratioale about it, not that it really helps, but keep posting here and share your feelings, etc …. it helps to get it out, we all here for each other … Know that you are being thought of and that yous are very special and appreciated, Take care frend, hope to see a post from yous soon.
thank you for your kind words. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
hey there
i’m feeling very needy these days. Elisabeth went to the pdoc in my place today, and she told him that things aren’t going very well…that i’m mostly just working and sleeping, and that i’ve lost interest in everything. she also told him that i don’t feel valuable to anyone, which is true, and said she thinks that i need to pay more attention to them on the inside. pppfffffttttttt. i can’t hear what’s going on inside. at all. ok, a little here and there, but mostly nothing.
phaps ya could comunicate another way first, thru here, thru writin or wotever? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – and she didn’t tell him the most important part, that i feel this extraordinary need to talk and to be heard and some other stuff that i can’t say here. well, i can i guess, if i spoiler, so i will. um…talking about physical pa*n and need for it. some reference to bd*m and si. * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** ok, i have this really intense need to fight someone…and to be hurt, but for it to be in a "safe" and consensual sort of way. kind of like if someone big and strong grabs me and won’t let me go, but allows me to fight it until i’m exhausted. but more than that even…i need the small (and medium) hurts that go along with bdsm…and the care that comes after.
i can relate to a bit of this. i have that strong need to fight a lot to the point that i considerd gettin into b*xing but havnt cos im not sure its a v good idea. just that i feel a lot that i just need to realy fight somone. but its diffrent for me, cos i dont want to be hurt. is it just maybe the need for some phisical touch? n that even a touch that hurts is better than no touch at all? the body -aches- for care. the so*l yearns for it, as well.
wish ya had somone near ya to give ya that. i’ve thought of hurting myself, bad enough to be hospitalized. i don’t know how to get the care i need, without screaming for it.
i hope ya dont have to go that far to get the help ya need. holdin back on a rant on mental health care, cos it seems to me that they havnt got there head round the idea of preventon been better than cure, n that ppl rarly get the help they need until they hit crisis. thinking of ya, sorry not more help. C. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Dear Dianne, I am sori to hear that you are in the place you find yourself … think I am also stuck there … not too sure how to get out, but am trying to be ratioale about it, not that it really helps, but keep posting here and share your feelings, etc …. it helps to get it out, we all here for each other … Know that you are being thought of and that yous are very special and appreciated, Take care frend, hope to see a post from yous soon. Regards, Tabkey
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i’m feeling very needy these days. Elisabeth went to the pdoc in my place today, and she told him that things aren’t going very well…that i’m mostly just working and sleeping, and that i’ve lost interest in everything. she also told him that i don’t feel valuable to anyone, which is true, and said she thinks that i need to pay more attention to them on the inside. pppfffffttttttt. i can’t hear what’s going on inside. at all. ok, a little here and there, but mostly nothing. and she didn’t tell him the most important part, that i feel this extraordinary need to talk and to be heard and some other stuff that i can’t say here. well, i can i guess, if i spoiler, so i will. um…talking about physical pa*n and need for it. some reference to bd*m and si. * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** ok, i have this really intense need to fight someone…and to be hurt, but for it to be in a "safe" and consensual sort of way. kind of like if someone big and strong grabs me and won’t let me go, but allows me to fight it until i’m exhausted. but more than that even…i need the small (and medium) hurts that go along with bdsm…and the care that comes after. the body -aches- for care. the so*l yearns for it, as well. i’ve thought of hurting myself, bad enough to be hospitalized. i don’t know how to get the care i need, without screaming for it. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Works for me. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Catherine Gray…..glad to see your post, although not glad for the reason why. Scroll below: I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray Hi….. I understand the feeling of loneliness well. I also spend many weekends/weeknights alone. It’s very hard, I agree. I know that, partly for me, it’s that I’ve not told anyone of my dx. I also want my friends to perceive me as a strong, independent, not needy person. I don’t want them to feel that they need to "take care of me." So, frequently when a friend asks, "Did you have a good weekend?" I’ll respond, "Oh yes, it was just fine." When really, I’ve not spoken to a soul. I know that if I make some calls and ask friends what they’re doing, they’ll include me, but,…. I want _them_ to call me. That way I’ll know that I’m truly wanted. So…..I sit here waiting for the phone to ring. As I write this, I realize how dumb this whole thing sounds. I’m going to pick up that d*mn phone and call a friend to ask how –they’re- doing. Why don’t you try it too? Nahanton
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi Catherine Gray…..glad to see your post, although not glad for the reason why. Scroll below: I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray Hi….. I understand the feeling of loneliness well. I also spend many
weekends/weeknights alone. It’s very hard, I agree. I know that, partly for me, it’s that I’ve not told anyone of my dx. I also want my friends to perceive me as a strong, independent, not needy person. I don’t want them to feel that they need to "take care of me." So, frequently when a friend asks, "Did you have a good weekend?" I’ll respond, "Oh yes, it was just fine." When really, I’ve not spoken to a soul. I know that if I make some calls and ask friends what they’re doing, they’ll include me, but,…. I want _them_ to call me. That way I’ll know that I’m truly wanted. So…..I sit here waiting for the phone to ring. As I write this, I realize how dumb this whole thing sounds. I’m going to pick up that d*mn phone and call a friend to ask how –they’re- doing. Why don’t you try it too? Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Dear Catherine Gray – This must feel very, very difficult – I think in a similar situation I can imagine myself having feelings of having been used (however unintentionally) and discarded. Is it possible that this friend felt/feels awkward about the fact that you gave so much and did not give her the opportunity to give in return, because you were so very carefully shielding her from your own neediness? People do need to give as well as to receive, I think – at least I think most people do feel that need. Maybe I am off base entirely, but it is just a thought that occurred to me. The other possibilities, however, are virtually infinite – as you say, people get caught up in their own stuff and that takes over, for example. I am glad you wrote here, though, and hope it helps a little. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill (see Nahanton’s post below Catherine Gray’s. And, hopes to you, too, Catherine Gray. Your process sounds like my own, as does Nahanton’s. I’m going to try and take her advice. I hope you can, too.)
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Catherine Gray…..glad to see your post, although not glad for the reason why. Scroll below: I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray Hi….. I understand the feeling of loneliness well. I also spend many weekends/weeknights alone. It’s very hard, I agree. I know that, partly for me, it’s that I’ve not told anyone of my dx. I also want my friends to perceive me as a strong, independent, not needy person. I don’t want them to feel that they need to "take care of me." So, frequently when a friend asks, "Did you have a good weekend?" I’ll respond, "Oh yes, it was just fine." When really, I’ve not spoken to a soul. I know that if I make some calls and ask friends what they’re doing, they’ll include me, but,…. I want _them_ to call me. That way I’ll know that I’m truly wanted. So…..I sit here waiting for the phone to ring. As I write this, I realize how dumb this whole thing sounds. I’m going to pick up that d*mn phone and call a friend to ask how –they’re- doing. Why don’t you try it too? Nahanton
Response:
Amen, to that….. Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Feh – Yiddish and Hebrew are second languages for New Yorkers. L’shana tova to us *all* – and l’chaim, to boot. Beauty. Happy new year. That’s it. I just said happy new year a few different ways. And "oy." But everybody knows what that means. Now, then, what is that comment about the language of your ancestors? You wouldn’t dare try and suggest that I am your senior, would you? Oy. And btw, a mensch is a very good person. Just another translation for the "youngsters" and those outside of the Yiddish Club. thanks to you, too, Nahanton. You’re a mensch yourself. trill What to say, Trill?.. Way cool?.. Then there is the language of my ancestors that I don’t know very well, but get the drift of sometimes. Oy, yourself <slapping face with hand You are too much. Thank you for your good wishes, ( which Trill will translate if anyone is interested.) You are indeed a mensch. Nahanton You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill
Response:
Happy new year. That’s it. I just said happy new year a few different ways. And "oy." But everybody knows what that means. Now, then, what is that comment about the language of your ancestors? You wouldn’t dare try and suggest that I am your senior, would you? Oy. And btw, a mensch is a very good person. Just another translation for the "youngsters" and those outside of the Yiddish Club. thanks to you, too, Nahanton. You’re a mensch yourself. trill
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What to say, Trill?.. Way cool?.. Then there is the language of my ancestors that I don’t know very well, but get the drift of sometimes. Oy, yourself <slapping face with hand You are too much. Thank you for your good wishes, ( which Trill will translate if anyone is interested.) You are indeed a mensch. Nahanton You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill
Response:
What to say, Trill?.. Way cool?.. Then there is the language of my ancestors that I don’t know very well, but get the drift of sometimes. Oy, yourself <slapping face with hand You are too much. Thank you for your good wishes, ( which Trill will translate if anyone is interested.) You are indeed a mensch. Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill
Response:
wanna say something profound and helpful…but i’m hurting too. *extends hand to clasp in silent sympathy* I like you. dyenths
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human
contact….times where we – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she
doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she
hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are
probably clouding my – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
Hi all, I did try phoning my friend. I left messages a fortnight ago, again last week and 2 times this week. No call. I do know that it’s nothing that we’ve done – because although we have shared some of the probs with her, we’ve also been very careful – not to download too much onto her. We’ve tried to mainly be there for her, because she had been having problems. Now everything is lots better for her. I’m not angry ……just sad – that because her time of need is over, she doesn’t realise that we still wanted to be her friend. Catherine Gray
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – wanna say something profound and helpful…but i’m hurting too. *extends hand to clasp in silent sympathy* I like you. dyenths I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
Here is something that will maybe sound extremely trite to say, but maybe it’s true that most people really do try to do their best, and that it’s just that most people’s best is constrained in various ways. In this case, maybe she is doing her best, but her best includes that she cannot notice, understand, or accept that you are still there and wanting friendship. Could it be that she is embarrassed at having been so needy in front of you? I know that some of us here (some of DC’s Realm, too, I think?) have expressed some shame at appearing needy in front of others. I am sorry for the hurt. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I did try phoning my friend. I left messages a fortnight ago, again last week and 2 times this week. No call. I do know that it’s nothing that we’ve done – because although we have shared some of the probs with her, we’ve also been very careful – not to download too much onto her. We’ve tried to mainly be there for her, because she had been having problems. Now everything is lots better for her. I’m not angry ……just sad – that because her time of need is over, she doesn’t realise that we still wanted to be her friend. Catherine Gray wanna say something profound and helpful…but i’m hurting too. *extends hand to clasp in silent sympathy* I like you. dyenths I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
yeah, what she said! :) wishing you well… dyenths
Here is something that will maybe sound extremely trite to say, but maybe it’s true that most people really do try to do their best, and that it’s just that most people’s best is constrained in various ways. In this case, maybe she is doing her best, but her best includes that she cannot notice, understand, or accept that you are still there and wanting friendship. Could it be that she is embarrassed at having been so needy in front of you? I know that some of us here (some of DC’s Realm, too, I
think?) have expressed some shame at appearing needy in front of others. I am sorry for the hurt. Beauty. Hi all, I did try phoning my friend. I left messages a
fortnight ago, again last – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – week and 2 times this week. No call. I do know that it’s nothing that we’ve done – because although we have shared some of the probs with her, we’ve also been very careful – not to download too much onto her. We’ve tried to mainly be there for her, because she had been having problems. Now everything is lots better for her. I’m not angry ……just sad – that because her time of need is over, she doesn’t realise that we still wanted to be her friend. Catherine Gray wanna say something profound and helpful…but i’m hurting too. *extends hand to clasp in silent sympathy* I like you. dyenths message I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
Just an update. We telephoned our friend again yesterday morning….and this time she answered the phone. After saying hello and asking how she was…..she said that she was sorry, that she had received our messages – but had been busy and didn’t have the chance to phone back. THEN…before we could say anything else….she said "Is it OK if I phone you back in a couple of minutes?" We said…"Yeah sure" But she never phoned back. That was around 36 hours ago. The sadness continues…but we at least tried. I understand that it is better for us to let go….and not expect her to phone. If she does, it would be lovely. But I don’t think at this point – that we should try to phone her again. Much sadness and a great sense of loss. Catherine Gray
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – yeah, what she said! :) wishing you well… dyenths Here is something that will maybe sound extremely trite to say, but maybe it’s true that most people really do try to do their best, and that it’s just that most people’s best is constrained in various ways. In this case, maybe she is doing her best, but her best includes that she cannot notice, understand, or accept that you are still there and wanting friendship. Could it be that she is embarrassed at having been so needy in front of you? I know that some of us here (some of DC’s Realm, too, I think?) have expressed some shame at appearing needy in front of others. I am sorry for the hurt. Beauty. Hi all, I did try phoning my friend. I left messages a fortnight ago, again last week and 2 times this week. No call. I do know that it’s nothing that we’ve done – because although we have shared some of the probs with her, we’ve also been very careful – not to download too much onto her. We’ve tried to mainly be there for her, because she had been having problems. Now everything is lots better for her. I’m not angry ……just sad – that because her time of need is over, she doesn’t realise that we still wanted to be her friend. Catherine Gray wanna say something profound and helpful…but i’m hurting too. *extends hand to clasp in silent sympathy* I like you. dyenths message I have / had a friend in real. I’m not sure where the ‘had’ part is coming from. But then again, I am sortof sure. My friend…i consider her to be a beautiful person. She has a family….a husband and 2 teenage kids. She also knows and understands about my DX. Why I feel sad. Because I have intentionally shielded her from seeing us as being needy. Intentionally shelved stuff from her, which we’ve been going through. Oh, she knows a lot of it – but there are sooooo many times when we are alone on weekends / week nights, with no human contact….times where we wish that we could have some company. Times of despair for feeling as though we are always going to be alone. But, I don’t call her too often. I avoid it. For the past 6 months, she has called us during her times of need. We love being able to be there for her. We sit and listen, and bounce back things to her, without giving advise. She had been going through a lot of personal issues. We even helped her move house. Now that she has moved, she is doing a lot better And whilst I am really ( truly am ) happy that this has happened….and she wouldn’t realise that it feels this way to us – but she doesn’t need us now. The reason I am saying this, is because a few times over the last month when we have telephoned her, we’ve left messages – but she hasn’t gotten back to us. I’m sure it’s not intentional….it’s just that she is doing so good now, that she forgets that we could actually still do with a friend. It makes me sad – even though I am happy for her. What I hate about it….is that it makes me question how she really feels about me. There are a lot of other things making me sad, that are probably clouding my perceptions. Loneliness is the hardest thing I find. Catherine Gray
Response:
Feh – Yiddish and Hebrew are second languages for New Yorkers. L’shana tova to us *all* – and l’chaim, to boot. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Happy new year. That’s it. I just said happy new year a few different ways. And "oy." But everybody knows what that means. Now, then, what is that comment about the language of your ancestors? You wouldn’t dare try and suggest that I am your senior, would you? Oy. And btw, a mensch is a very good person. Just another translation for the "youngsters" and those outside of the Yiddish Club. thanks to you, too, Nahanton. You’re a mensch yourself. trill What to say, Trill?.. Way cool?.. Then there is the language of my ancestors that I don’t know very well, but get the drift of sometimes. Oy, yourself <slapping face with hand You are too much. Thank you for your good wishes, ( which Trill will translate if anyone is interested.) You are indeed a mensch. Nahanton You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill
Response:
Heh. Hebrew & Xian all in one word (we goyim got that one from you guys along w/a whole bunch of other stuff!!!!). Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Amen, to that….. Nahanton Feh – Yiddish and Hebrew are second languages for New Yorkers. L’shana tova to us *all* – and l’chaim, to boot. Beauty. Happy new year. That’s it. I just said happy new year a few different ways. And "oy." But everybody knows what that means. Now, then, what is that comment about the language of your ancestors? You wouldn’t dare try and suggest that I am your senior, would you? Oy. And btw, a mensch is a very good person. Just another translation for the "youngsters" and those outside of the Yiddish Club. thanks to you, too, Nahanton. You’re a mensch yourself. trill What to say, Trill?.. Way cool?.. Then there is the language of my ancestors that I don’t know very well, but get the drift of sometimes. Oy, yourself <slapping face with hand You are too much. Thank you for your good wishes, ( which Trill will translate if anyone is interested.) You are indeed a mensch. Nahanton You go, Nahanton. Way. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m a baby boomer trying to use the lingo of the generation that was my students. Oy. Now that’s more like it. L’shana tova, Nahanton. Good Yontiff. Happy New Year. Peace and happiness to you. May your friendships blossom, deepen in color, and spread joy through and around them. trill
Response:
Hi Catherine Gray……scroll below, please – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Just an update. We telephoned our friend again yesterday morning….and this time she answered the phone. After saying hello and asking how she was…..she said that she was sorry, that she had received our messages – but had been busy and didn’t have the chance to phone back. THEN…before we could say anything else….she said "Is it OK if I phone you back in a couple of minutes?" We said…"Yeah sure" But she never phoned back. That was around 36 hours ago. The sadness continues…but we at least tried. I understand that it is better for us to let go….and not expect her to phone. If she does, it would be lovely. But I don’t think at this point – that we should try to phone her again. Much sadness and a great sense of loss. Catherine Gray
Hi…..If that happened to me I would feel very hurt and sad, so I do understand what you’re feeling. It probably is best for you to let go. It seems as if you’ve done everything you *can* do. This might not *feel* right for you, but I would write her a letter telling her that you’re feelings were hurt, and that you don’t understand "why?" That if she doesn’t feel comfortable speaking on the phone, would she write you a note of explanation. This is just _my_ take on it. It does seem as if this is the end of the relationship, unfortunately. If that’s okay with you, just leave it be. If not write to her….. So sorry, Nahanton
Response:
hugs if k warm fuzzy blankets to snuggle way down in. /console gentley Kristi – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – lilbit needy. sawd T n crycry bout when i was lil. n someone was nice to me once n i crycry cuz it mak me feel so good, but then, when i was lil, all i felt was horribly guilty cuz i not desrve help, n makin ppl feel sorry for me, n just fakin. hurt. wanted it to be ok that someone help me. wanted to be diffrent so i could deserve kindness. jt
Response:
lilbit needy. sawd T n crycry bout when i was lil. n someone was nice to me once n i crycry cuz it mak me feel so good, but then, when i was lil, all i felt was horribly guilty cuz i not desrve help, n makin ppl feel sorry for me, n just fakin. hurt. wanted it to be ok that someone help me. wanted to be diffrent so i could deserve kindness. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
i feel sooooo desperatly needy i realize i am a depressive and i havent even been taking enough of my medication and i will rest if i get off here[all internet] and that things will be easier for others who have other interests i cant draw others are artist others exercise and do manic things too i am just depressed and write thats it so i gotta go but this is my last chance to speak and i want my chance does anybody know a support group on long island? i wont be able to read after 11 tonite an answer cause after that no more internet access for a while and rest but i feel sooooo sad i know i gotta go to sleep and let others function for me but i just wondered maybe a support group ix a week except i am usually to scared to speak to people inperson i hate talking out loud with words i can on;y write by bye love caroline/me
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i feel sooooo desperatly needy i realize i am a depressive and i havent even been taking enough of my medication and i will rest if i get off here[all internet] and that things will be easier for others who have other interests i cant draw others are artist others exercise and do manic things too i am just depressed and write thats it so i gotta go but this is my last chance to speak and i want my chance does anybody know a support group on long island? i wont be able to read after 11 tonite an answer cause after that no more internet access for a while and rest but i feel sooooo sad i know i gotta go to sleep and let others function for me but i just wondered maybe a support group ix a week except i am usually to scared to speak to people inperson i hate talking out loud with words i can on;y write by bye love caroline/me
Hello caroline/me, I wonder if contacting the Sidran Foundation might help. If you email them, place "Attn: Resource Specialist" in the title and then in the body of the message, place that you are looking for info on support groups in Long Island and leave your real address, they will mail you a full list of everything they have for that area. I wish you peace during your rest. Sierra of TN 2328 West Joppa Road, Suite 15, Lutherville, MD 21093 (410) 825-8888 phone - (410) 337-0747 fax Web page: <http://www.access.digex.net/~sidran — Pay attention to ~both~ your strengths and your weaknesses. Give yourself/ves plenty of credit for the things you do well and attempt to make small changes in the things you wish to improve.
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Filed under: Happiness Loneliness
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