(((((Diana))))) We are here for you.  I know this must be a very difficult time for you. Please know that I am thinking of you. It *will* get better… it just takes time! Love, MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana

 . — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Diana schreef: My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me.

Anger is part of the grieving process. After all a beloved one has actually *left* you. Many people have difficulties accepting this feeling but it’s essential not to blame yourself for it, it’s normal, healthy and temporary. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family.

You bet! Why is life so difficult?

Why not? There are no answers to *why*-questions. It’s just what it is and we’ll have to deal with what we get on our plates. Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression.

To fully understand it one nees to experience it. But what’s the difference? People don’t have to understand as long as they accept that you have it. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more.

OTOH one doesn’t need to experience something in order to be able to *treat* it. An oncologist wouldn’t be a better doctor if he had cancer himself. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it.

I think most of us know this feeling and have experienced it at some point. Please don’t leave me my dear family.

I’m totally sure we will *not* leave you, Diana! Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling.

I do know the feeling.  When one of my closest friends died, I was so angry at him!  I kept thinking this thought, "You were supposed to take me with you!"  But the truth is this — it was his time, not mine.  And the same is true with your sister – it was her time to go, and not your time to go. As long as you have us, you will not be alone.  We’re here, we care, and we want you to smile again, and feel good about living. There’s an old saying, "Fake it until you make it."  If you act as if you feel better, often times you will actually feel better.  Life won’t be perfect — it never is — but grief does soften and fade over time, and one day you will remember your sister without anger or overwhelming sadness.  This is truth. Sending you warm hugs.  Keep posting. Love, Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana

Diana, You have a part in this world. You must. You are here..you just don’t think so right now because your mind is on your unhappiness. These strange, bad feelings will pass, new ones will pop up, they will pass too…it goes like that until you heal. You do eventually heal whether you can believe that or not. The only important thing to remember is to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you do feel..it’s something you need to feel and get out of you to work through this.. grief is a process…it’s a series of changes that eventually lead to a new normal in your life..that is the outcome..just allow the process to work, And when the pain gets bad, you know we are here and we care 24 hours a day, and we do understand panic. Love you. Sally — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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<gently snipped ::I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel ::but I don’t know if he understand what it is. ::Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A ::That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this ::life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that ::I don’t have part on it. ::Please don’t leave me my dear family. Dear Diana, You know we would never leave you! If anyone understands what panic and depression is like, it is your good friends here at ASAPM. Your anger is understandable and to be expected at this point. It is one of the stages of grief. You won’t feel angry forever, it will pass. (((((Diana))))) Jackie ~*~Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them~*~   ~~Shawn Alexander — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Diana, my thoughts and prayers are always with you. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Hi, Diana, Please know we will always be here for you.  I have copied and pasted 10 steps of Grieving.  In your own time, please read them.  Please note Stage 7.  I hope this may give you some comfort… smiles, Elise Stage 1: Shock Shock is the temporary escape from reality.  This is the stage that we are in during the funeral. Stage 2: Grief Express the grief we feel,whether it be in public and cry,or some go off and be by themselves. This is also okay, many people show emotions in different ways. Stage 3: Depression and Loneliness No two people grieve even the same kind of loss in the same way. This is normal and a part of good healthy grief. During this time we may say were is my God? It seems as he has forsaken me, but one day this all will pass.  It may take some more time than others and this is okay. God made each one of us different and unique. Stage 4: Physical Systems of Distress Some people develop an illness, in which it is psychosomatic,which is brought on by the loss of the loved one. Stage 5: Panic Sometimes we get panicky, because we can think of nothing but our loss. We become fearful of the unknown,loss of concentration, whether it be job or personal or whatever we are involved in. the loss is taking priority over other things that we should be doing. This is normal,there is nothing abnormal about this panicky feeling at times. Stage 6: Guilt Over The Loss Sometimes we feel guilty that there might have been something else we could have done and didn’t do it.  Their is normal quilt and abnormal guilt. Real quilt should not be glossed over,or repressed. It needs to be dealt with. There is difficulty separating the two. Do not be afraid to talk with someone about these feelings of quilt. Stage 7: Anger & Resentment These are normal feelings. We are humans. Resentment is unhealthy if allowed to take over.  Yet it is a part of the grief process that needs to be overcome. Stage 8: Resistant To Returning Although we are back in the swing of things, we sometimes resist getting back into the swing of things. We like to stay in the comfort zone. The way things were, but we must get on to new things. Stage 9: Hope The darkness now suddenly starts to be light again. This depends upon each person. Because each person is different and although two people lose (Example)their Aunt. No two people will grieve the same way for her. Stage 10: Reality After experiencing grief,we come out different people. We are then able to help others,that are going through grief. We are ready to get on with life. This also depends on how mature each individual is and how fast a person can cope. Now we are not afraid anymore to live in this world. We are now ready to live in the world. Epilogue: Do not despair,we will get through this and get on with life. God will help us along the way. Trust him, he has not forsaken us. He has things for us to do yet. Look to him for the answer. Believe me, ask, if you do not ask he will not reveal. Pray and ask God to revel He is right there waiting for you.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana

We will not leave you dear Diana. You are grieving and we are listening. love Meryl — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My dear Family; My sister died a couple of weeks ago, and i have the feeling that i blame her for that. It’s feel like she left me alone( I know that she did’t) it’s the feeling. Maby I feel this because she was the only one in the famely, who never left me. I have other sisters who i never see, they left me. I have now nobody left who is looking after me(and I mean one of sisters) I have only Albert and the childeren, but they don’t know everything. But I have you all as my family. Why is life so difficult? Why can’t nobody else try to understand what it is, a life ful with P/A and depression. I don’t think that not even Roel knows how I feel, I can tell him how i feel but I don’t know if he understand what it is. Yes he knows what it is to loose somebody, but never how it is to have P/A That makes it so difficult to tell somebody else that you don’t want this life no more. I have the feeling that the world is standing still, and that I don’t have part on it. Please don’t leave me my dear family. Love Diana

Diana, I understand your feelings. I only have a couple of people in my family who I feel would never turn their backs on me and one is my grandmother, who is almost 80, and when I lose her it will be very, very hard. I also know that being angry at someone who dies for leaving you alone is perfectly normal and quite common, so don’t feel bad about that. You are not alone, though. Even though we are all thousands of miles away (except our other friends in The Netherlands and UK), we are a community and I consider everyone my friend. I will not leave as long as I have fingers to type. I think more people suffer anxiety and panic than let on. You may be surrounded by those who don’t, but outside of your circle sufferers are everywhere. Perhaps it is more of a stigma in Europe?  Here, everyone I know is on meds, has been on meds, or needs to be on meds for anxiety, panic and depression. I’m not kidding. Maybe it’s a U.S. thing, I don’t know. Please don’t think we will leave you. We’re always here to help and listen (read). I feel alone a lot, too, so I really feel bad that you’re going through this. Know that I love you and am here if you need me. You can always email me, too. (((((((((((((((((((((((((Diana)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love, Dawn — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"paneon" (paneon@sdf_dot_lonestar.org) writes: >> >> > One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light >> >> > savings… >> >> But bundles of tornados, and dictators… >> > No tornados here, but we did have 20 years under the iron fist of Sir > Joh. >> > Not a good sign when your ex-premier dies, and newspapers around the > world >> > praise the death of a "notoriously corrupt neocon despot".  All (mostly) >> > before my time thankfully… >> Elected despots never are labelled dictators, of course. >> Well…not all of them are really elected. Just look at Bush…and keep >> your eyes on the spring elections in Canada, too!  think our Premier must >> already be bidding on Bush’s rigged election puters….;-) > Well – the way things were here was that the rural electorates had a vastly > greater weighting than the cities. (No technology fudging required.)

Hm. Never had thought of that one….Might come to that, I guess. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> >> > (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. ) >> >> Really???? Oh wow! Someone who answers and does not *only* give a > link!:) >> > Aw shucks – if I just give a link that I’ve dug up, what’s the point of >> > posting at all? It’s a bit like giving a present without wrapping it > nicely. >> It’s wose in my view…Poeple here are here cause of loneliness where the >> ng then is sort of a hope for converstions and  at least cyber >> socializing. Where then giving a link and nothign else is like telling >> someone "Hey, wanna be friends?" and the other ing nothing, handing you a >> business card that is not even theirs;-):) > Hmm… the other thing I’ve never quite understood is *why* some people make > their initial tell-all ‘Hi – I’m really lonely’ post – and then vanish off > the landscape of a.s.l. > I mean… Why? We’re not that horrible to the new folken in town, are we?

Through the years, I saw some of those be posted by regulars pretending they were newcomers, for a few of those posts. Then for the rest, I think maybe poeple are so used to havgn no answer at all that they forget to follow up and see if anyone ever replied here…. Or mayeb they had a moment of finding themself able to post soemthign to then feel more down and not up to replyng to the replies…. Go figure….  >  >  >> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> >> Hi ya, Pan!:) >> >> How ya been? >> >> Read somehwere that you were in a down mood a while ago…Hope it is >> >> picking up already, and that those lovely wowie trees (how >> >> fantasticklelish!) are not making your spring fever too heavy to > bear… >> > Well… I seem to chug along on my depression cycle for 3 or so weeks – > and >> > then get too miserable to do anything much for a week, let alone to post > to >> > a.s.l. >> Fleh. Sounds dreadful, and must be heavy to know it is a cycle and comes >> back each x weeks…. >> Is there anythign that ever allowed the cycle to be broken? Spaced btween >> phases? >> Like maybe tickling you under the arms…?;-) >> Or filling your socks with jell-o at night, to see your face in the >> morning as you try and put them on?;-):) >> Or how about forcing yourself to wear one bron shoe and one black shoe (or >> a blue and a white running shoe)? Maybe that coudl work to break the bad >> spell in making people stop you all the tie to tell you your shoes don’t >> match? Just breaking the rotiner and the cycle in its tracks, ya know…. >> (Just tryign gauchely to make you giggle of course, nd not to make fun of >> an affliction, hope you (and whoever woudl read this) kknow that!:)) > Well – the various jello and sock plans wouldn’t work. Hate to sound too > much like a sterotypical Aussie – but one of the bad things about graduating > from university is that I have to learn how to wear shoes again.

Whatever for??? I work in runnign shoes myself…. Not to > mention the necessary evils of needing to have my hair cut on a more regular > than annual basis.

There too, only the time of the interview maybe? Buy a wig, perhaps? One that has a fresh cut trim look to it, where you remove it for the first day of work.:) But kidding aside, while it sounds awful. once poeple are in the grove, most of them find it quite okay suddenly when they switch camps from student to worker. Feels odd a while, then it passes. Besides, again, after a short moment, people go back to chosing whatever they feel best with. Here anyway, the days of firing someone cause of their clthes or haorcut/hairdo are gone They just invent new reasons to pretend it is not cause fo the shoes nor haircut;-) But if oen keeps clear of any other reason they oudl tag on them, they can pull it off;-) Easier though to just buy shoes and get a haircut, of course:)  > – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> *shudder* > >> > (I really struggle with my communication skills because a fairly large >> > portion of my vocabulary is made up of the ‘dog-noises’, or in other > words, >> > the noises that me and my dog use to ‘talk’ to each other. >> Immmrrrmmeerrfarf…Nooopnooooop… >> (means: "Tell me about it. Sigh") >> Waaah!!! Wherwerhhh???:):) >> (I know!!! Wanna play fetch??:):)) >> (wags tongue):);-) > Mmph! > ("Get out of bed and feed me!") > Grmph! > ("You’re late home! Where’s my dinner?") > Umph, umph, umph! > ("Excellent cooking! That was great!") > There is a strange logic in our language. Note the common suffix in the > food-related sentence structure, and the different prefices used in as > situationally appropriate. The rest of our inter-species dialogue is sadly a > bit more difficult to transcribe… >>  My family >> > understands us – but it means I really find it difficult to express > myself >> > to outsiders in an understandable verbal manner – let alone in written > form. >> > The problem is – I end up feeling really awful because the only way I > know >> > to sympathise to other people’s problems when they talk about them on > a.s.l. >> > is by making a funny whimpering noise that is perfectly understandable > to my >> > dog, but extremely difficult to translate into english for those that > don’t >> > speak canine. Which in a round-about way stops me posting here when I’m > in a >> > down mood.) >> Thing about asl is that it being a support ng, it can use some peole >> to cheer up and offer support to, not just poeple offerign it. So many are >> apparently here only o offer support, be nice and let them feel useful in >> such moments! Make dog mnoises, and let them from there scratch your ear >> and get you back in the ball game. >> Me thinks maybe when you fee down, you feel like your words donlt say what >> you feel or mean to express, cause they sure read fine all the >> time….Must be that you feel they donlt read as *you* meant then. Or >> maybe that you think they donlt read okay cause you feel not too good, >> where then your judgement on what you write makes you think it is not so >> good…. >> Either that or you fear being as boring and avoided as me in a loneliness >> suport ng when you’re down;-) >> But take my word, as mispelt as it may be: no one can write worse than me! > (Miss Pants?) > Well, yes… I suppose I am fairly terrified of been considered boring, and > I suppose also the whole "I miss phred" vibes coming through lately have > been a bit disheartening to the less eloquent (i.e. me) people in a.s.l. >> (There goes my brain creating again. Yesterday driving back from work, I >> wanted to hear My Sherona. Felt like that. But I forgot to turn on the >> radio, doh. Just did and guess what is playing? No. not Louie louie louie >> louah. My sherona, silly!!:)) >> >> For some reason, Nestor, my pc, refuses do do a cut and paste ths > morning. >> >> I will try and go check the link later then. >> > Nestor? My computer’s called soma. >> Why? > Back in the days when I had the time to dabble in linux, I had to christen > the unsanctified beast for various reasons, and ’soma’ was the first thing > that came to mind. Oddly enough, it actually makes a strange sort of sense > if you’re into Aldous Huxley… > <Aldous Huxley quote> > "If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours > each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in > a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not > only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this > heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up > next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution-then, it seems > to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering > a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." > </Aldous Huxley quote> > Of course – he wasn’t considering posting on usenet when he wrote this, but > I still think it’s surprisingly relevent. > >>  Should I have given it a female name >> > then? >> Not necessarily. Depends. >> I call mine Nestor cause suddenly yesterday, its name came to me after >> waiting to find one for it for 4 years. My last one became fanous: it was >> called "Puter" and its name is now all over cyberland. >> Nestor fots my pc cause it is at my service, even if some would say it is >> old. Since it has slow downs at times, it’s a bi like an old servant with >> rhumatisms and arthritis that some day can not do the steps…. >> But it is a good noble puter, worthy of the name Nestor. >> It says though it is not sure it likes how the sound resembles "Next >> store"…. >> I had told my new car hat for a change, I;d have to find it a female name. >> Note that my last car was named Bazoo by me, Renard by Ollie, cause all my >> older cars I also had called Bazoos. (Bazoo in Quebecer means an old >> beaten wreck that still rolls.) >> Bazoo does not qwuite fit my new car, even if it i a

… read more »

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> > One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light > >> > savings… > >> But bundles of tornados, and dictators… > > No tornados here, but we did have 20 years under the iron fist of Sir Joh. > > Not a good sign when your ex-premier dies, and newspapers around the world > > praise the death of a "notoriously corrupt neocon despot".  All (mostly) > > before my time thankfully… > Elected despots never are labelled dictators, of course. > Well…not all of them are really elected. Just look at Bush…and keep > your eyes on the spring elections in Canada, too!  think our Premier must > already be bidding on Bush’s rigged election puters….;-)

Well – the way things were here was that the rural electorates had a vastly greater weighting than the cities. (No technology fudging required.) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> > (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. ) > >> Really???? Oh wow! Someone who answers and does not *only* give a link!:) > > Aw shucks – if I just give a link that I’ve dug up, what’s the point of > > posting at all? It’s a bit like giving a present without wrapping it nicely. > It’s wose in my view…Poeple here are here cause of loneliness where the > ng then is sort of a hope for converstions and  at least cyber > socializing. Where then giving a link and nothign else is like telling > someone "Hey, wanna be friends?" and the other ing nothing, handing you a > business card that is not even theirs;-):)

Hmm… the other thing I’ve never quite understood is *why* some people make their initial tell-all ‘Hi – I’m really lonely’ post – and then vanish off the landscape of a.s.l. I mean… Why? We’re not that horrible to the new folken in town, are we? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> Hi ya, Pan!:) > >> How ya been? > >> Read somehwere that you were in a down mood a while ago…Hope it is > >> picking up already, and that those lovely wowie trees (how > >> fantasticklelish!) are not making your spring fever too heavy to bear… > > Well… I seem to chug along on my depression cycle for 3 or so weeks – and > > then get too miserable to do anything much for a week, let alone to post to > > a.s.l. > Fleh. Sounds dreadful, and must be heavy to know it is a cycle and comes > back each x weeks…. > Is there anythign that ever allowed the cycle to be broken? Spaced btween > phases? > Like maybe tickling you under the arms…?;-) > Or filling your socks with jell-o at night, to see your face in the > morning as you try and put them on?;-):) > Or how about forcing yourself to wear one bron shoe and one black shoe (or > a blue and a white running shoe)? Maybe that coudl work to break the bad > spell in making people stop you all the tie to tell you your shoes don’t > match? Just breaking the rotiner and the cycle in its tracks, ya know…. > (Just tryign gauchely to make you giggle of course, nd not to make fun of > an affliction, hope you (and whoever woudl read this) kknow that!:))

Well – the various jello and sock plans wouldn’t work. Hate to sound too much like a sterotypical Aussie – but one of the bad things about graduating from university is that I have to learn how to wear shoes again. Not to mention the necessary evils of needing to have my hair cut on a more regular than annual basis. *shudder* > > (I really struggle with my communication skills because a fairly large > > portion of my vocabulary is made up of the ‘dog-noises’, or in other words, > > the noises that me and my dog use to ‘talk’ to each other. > Immmrrrmmeerrfarf…Nooopnooooop… > (means: "Tell me about it. Sigh") > Waaah!!! Wherwerhhh???:):) > (I know!!! Wanna play fetch??:):)) > (wags tongue):);-)

Mmph! ("Get out of bed and feed me!") Grmph! ("You’re late home! Where’s my dinner?") Umph, umph, umph! ("Excellent cooking! That was great!") There is a strange logic in our language. Note the common suffix in the food-related sentence structure, and the different prefices used in as situationally appropriate. The rest of our inter-species dialogue is sadly a bit more difficult to transcribe… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  My family > > understands us – but it means I really find it difficult to express myself > > to outsiders in an understandable verbal manner – let alone in written form. > > The problem is – I end up feeling really awful because the only way I know > > to sympathise to other people’s problems when they talk about them on a.s.l. > > is by making a funny whimpering noise that is perfectly understandable to my > > dog, but extremely difficult to translate into english for those that don’t > > speak canine. Which in a round-about way stops me posting here when I’m in a > > down mood.) > Thing about asl is that it being a support ng, it can use some peole > to cheer up and offer support to, not just poeple offerign it. So many are > apparently here only o offer support, be nice and let them feel useful in > such moments! Make dog mnoises, and let them from there scratch your ear > and get you back in the ball game. > Me thinks maybe when you fee down, you feel like your words donlt say what > you feel or mean to express, cause they sure read fine all the > time….Must be that you feel they donlt read as *you* meant then. Or > maybe that you think they donlt read okay cause you feel not too good, > where then your judgement on what you write makes you think it is not so > good…. > Either that or you fear being as boring and avoided as me in a loneliness > suport ng when you’re down;-) > But take my word, as mispelt as it may be: no one can write worse than me!

(Miss Pants?) Well, yes… I suppose I am fairly terrified of been considered boring, and I suppose also the whole "I miss phred" vibes coming through lately have been a bit disheartening to the less eloquent (i.e. me) people in a.s.l. > (There goes my brain creating again. Yesterday driving back from work, I > wanted to hear My Sherona. Felt like that. But I forgot to turn on the > radio, doh. Just did and guess what is playing? No. not Louie louie louie > louah. My sherona, silly!!:)) > >> For some reason, Nestor, my pc, refuses do do a cut and paste ths morning. > >> I will try and go check the link later then. > > Nestor? My computer’s called soma. > Why?

Back in the days when I had the time to dabble in linux, I had to christen the unsanctified beast for various reasons, and ’soma’ was the first thing that came to mind. Oddly enough, it actually makes a strange sort of sense if you’re into Aldous Huxley… <Aldous Huxley quote> "If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution-then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." </Aldous Huxley quote> Of course – he wasn’t considering posting on usenet when he wrote this, but I still think it’s surprisingly relevent. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  Should I have given it a female name > > then? > Not necessarily. Depends. > I call mine Nestor cause suddenly yesterday, its name came to me after > waiting to find one for it for 4 years. My last one became fanous: it was > called "Puter" and its name is now all over cyberland. > Nestor fots my pc cause it is at my service, even if some would say it is > old. Since it has slow downs at times, it’s a bi like an old servant with > rhumatisms and arthritis that some day can not do the steps…. > But it is a good noble puter, worthy of the name Nestor. > It says though it is not sure it likes how the sound resembles "Next > store"…. > I had told my new car hat for a change, I;d have to find it a female name. > Note that my last car was named Bazoo by me, Renard by Ollie, cause all my > older cars I also had called Bazoos. (Bazoo in Quebecer means an old > beaten wreck that still rolls.) > Bazoo does not qwuite fit my new car, even if it i a new used car, as it > is only 3-4 years old compared to my last Bazoo, Renard, which was 3 when > I got it, but lived with me until its age 17. > How about your dog? Maybe he knows what your puter’s real name is?

No – he’s a television addict. There’s too much effort involved in computing for that pup to show much of an interest. (-paneon)

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"paneon" (paneon@sdf_dot_lonestar.org) writes: >> >> What an odd custom, this time change each fall and spring. >> >> When everyoen will be smart enough to elt poeple put in their hours at > the >> >> time they wish, they will be able to decide to leave when it is light > and >> >> come back when it is light or do both in the dark, as they please… >> >> In the meantime, try and tell two old canine buddies to "hold it" ill > you >> >> ge home, and that onono, you did not arrive late and forget them, its > the >> >> clock that is set back on hour…. >> >> Just be careful where you step as you so try…. >> >> It suddenly was pictch dark, by the time I was halfway home. So much >> >> traffic today….Nothign special in town, just the time change, and the >> >> entire traffic is jammed. Probably red lights that were not set back > one >> >> hour in their faulty programming, here and there… >> >> I wonder how often that happened on a Halloween night, just so that the >> >> few kids that still go door to door are in greater danger of being hit > by >> >> cars as they cross streets… >> >> At least, parents will be happy that they go to bed ""earlier"" than > the >> >> clock says, and that teachers will be the ones facing the kids who ate > so >> >> much sugar on a Monday…and Tuesday and…. >> >> Best wishes to all the teachers who have to deal with 30 some hyper >> >> kids all week, while their own inner clock just can’t believe there > still >> >> is one more hour before the schoolday ends… >> >> It is as dark as full night here by now…2 minutes to seven P.M. >> >> Who IS the tart that started this setting entire populations off?;-) >> > One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light >> > savings… >> But bundles of tornados, and dictators… > No tornados here, but we did have 20 years under the iron fist of Sir Joh. > Not a good sign when your ex-premier dies, and newspapers around the world > praise the death of a "notoriously corrupt neocon despot".  All (mostly) > before my time thankfully…

Elected despots never are labelled dictators, of course. Well…not all of them are really elected. Just look at Bush…and keep your eyes on the spring elections in Canada, too!  think our Premier must already be bidding on Bush’s rigged election puters….;-) >> > (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. ) >> Really???? Oh wow! Someone who answers and does not *only* give a link!:) > Aw shucks – if I just give a link that I’ve dug up, what’s the point of > posting at all? It’s a bit like giving a present without wrapping it nicely.

It’s wose in my view…Poeple here are here cause of loneliness where the ng then is sort of a hope for converstions and  at least cyber socializing. Where then giving a link and nothign else is like telling someone "Hey, wanna be friends?" and the other ing nothing, handing you a business card that is not even theirs;-):)  >  >  >> >> Hi ya, Pan!:) >> How ya been? >> Read somehwere that you were in a down mood a while ago…Hope it is >> picking up already, and that those lovely wowie trees (how >> fantasticklelish!) are not making your spring fever too heavy to bear… > Well… I seem to chug along on my depression cycle for 3 or so weeks – and > then get too miserable to do anything much for a week, let alone to post to > a.s.l.

Fleh. Sounds dreadful, and must be heavy to know it is a cycle and comes back each x weeks…. Is there anythign that ever allowed the cycle to be broken? Spaced btween phases? Like maybe tickling you under the arms…?;-) Or filling your socks with jell-o at night, to see your face in the morning as you try and put them on?;-):) Or how about forcing yourself to wear one bron shoe and one black shoe (or a blue and a white running shoe)? Maybe that coudl work to break the bad spell in making people stop you all the tie to tell you your shoes don’t match? Just breaking the rotiner and the cycle in its tracks, ya know…. (Just tryign gauchely to make you giggle of course, nd not to make fun of an affliction, hope you (and whoever woudl read this) kknow that!:))  > > (I really struggle with my communication skills because a fairly large > portion of my vocabulary is made up of the ‘dog-noises’, or in other words, > the noises that me and my dog use to ‘talk’ to each other.

Immmrrrmmeerrfarf…Nooopnooooop… (means: "Tell me about it. Sigh") Waaah!!! Wherwerhhh???:):) (I know!!! Wanna play fetch??:):)) (wags tongue):);-)  My family > understands us – but it means I really find it difficult to express myself > to outsiders in an understandable verbal manner – let alone in written form. > The problem is – I end up feeling really awful because the only way I know > to sympathise to other people’s problems when they talk about them on a.s.l. > is by making a funny whimpering noise that is perfectly understandable to my > dog, but extremely difficult to translate into english for those that don’t > speak canine. Which in a round-about way stops me posting here when I’m in a > down mood.)

Thing about asl is that it being a support ng, it can use some peole to cheer up and offer support to, not just poeple offerign it. So many are apparently here only o offer support, be nice and let them feel useful in such moments! Make dog mnoises, and let them from there scratch your ear and get you back in the ball game. Me thinks maybe when you fee down, you feel like your words donlt say what you feel or mean to express, cause they sure read fine all the time….Must be that you feel they donlt read as *you* meant then. Or maybe that you think they donlt read okay cause you feel not too good, where then your judgement on what you write makes you think it is not so good…. Either that or you fear being as boring and avoided as me in a loneliness suport ng when you’re down;-) But take my word, as mispelt as it may be: no one can write worse than me! (There goes my brain creating again. Yesterday driving back from work, I wanted to hear My Sherona. Felt like that. But I forgot to turn on the radio, doh. Just did and guess what is playing? No. not Louie louie louie louah. My sherona, silly!!:))  >> >> For some reason, Nestor, my pc, refuses do do a cut and paste ths morning. >> I will try and go check the link later then. > Nestor? My computer’s called soma.

Why?  Should I have given it a female name > then?

Not necessarily. Depends. I call mine Nestor cause suddenly yesterday, its name came to me after waiting to find one for it for 4 years. My last one became fanous: it was called "Puter" and its name is now all over cyberland. Nestor fots my pc cause it is at my service, even if some would say it is old. Since it has slow downs at times, it’s a bi like an old servant with rhumatisms and arthritis that some day can not do the steps…. But it is a good noble puter, worthy of the name Nestor. It says though it is not sure it likes how the sound resembles "Next store"…. I had told my new car hat for a change, I;d have to find it a female name. Note that my last car was named Bazoo by me, Renard by Ollie, cause all my older cars I also had called Bazoos. (Bazoo in Quebecer means an old beaten wreck that still rolls.) Bazoo does not qwuite fit my new car, even if it i a new used car, as it is only 3-4 years old compared to my last Bazoo, Renard, which was 3 when I got it, but lived with me until its age 17. How about your dog? Maybe he knows what your puter’s real name is? —

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> What an odd custom, this time change each fall and spring. > >> When everyoen will be smart enough to elt poeple put in their hours at the > >> time they wish, they will be able to decide to leave when it is light and > >> come back when it is light or do both in the dark, as they please… > >> In the meantime, try and tell two old canine buddies to "hold it" ill you > >> ge home, and that onono, you did not arrive late and forget them, its the > >> clock that is set back on hour…. > >> Just be careful where you step as you so try…. > >> It suddenly was pictch dark, by the time I was halfway home. So much > >> traffic today….Nothign special in town, just the time change, and the > >> entire traffic is jammed. Probably red lights that were not set back one > >> hour in their faulty programming, here and there… > >> I wonder how often that happened on a Halloween night, just so that the > >> few kids that still go door to door are in greater danger of being hit by > >> cars as they cross streets… > >> At least, parents will be happy that they go to bed ""earlier"" than the > >> clock says, and that teachers will be the ones facing the kids who ate so > >> much sugar on a Monday…and Tuesday and…. > >> Best wishes to all the teachers who have to deal with 30 some hyper > >> kids all week, while their own inner clock just can’t believe there still > >> is one more hour before the schoolday ends… > >> It is as dark as full night here by now…2 minutes to seven P.M. > >> Who IS the tart that started this setting entire populations off?;-) > > One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light > > savings… > But bundles of tornados, and dictators…

No tornados here, but we did have 20 years under the iron fist of Sir Joh. Not a good sign when your ex-premier dies, and newspapers around the world praise the death of a "notoriously corrupt neocon despot".  All (mostly) before my time thankfully… > > (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. ) > Really???? Oh wow! Someone who answers and does not *only* give a link!:)

Aw shucks – if I just give a link that I’ve dug up, what’s the point of posting at all? It’s a bit like giving a present without wrapping it nicely. > Hi ya, Pan!:) > How ya been? > Read somehwere that you were in a down mood a while ago…Hope it is > picking up already, and that those lovely wowie trees (how > fantasticklelish!) are not making your spring fever too heavy to bear…

Well… I seem to chug along on my depression cycle for 3 or so weeks – and then get too miserable to do anything much for a week, let alone to post to a.s.l. (I really struggle with my communication skills because a fairly large portion of my vocabulary is made up of the ‘dog-noises’, or in other words, the noises that me and my dog use to ‘talk’ to each other. My family understands us – but it means I really find it difficult to express myself to outsiders in an understandable verbal manner – let alone in written form. The problem is – I end up feeling really awful because the only way I know to sympathise to other people’s problems when they talk about them on a.s.l. is by making a funny whimpering noise that is perfectly understandable to my dog, but extremely difficult to translate into english for those that don’t speak canine. Which in a round-about way stops me posting here when I’m in a down mood.) > For some reason, Nestor, my pc, refuses do do a cut and paste ths morning. > I will try and go check the link later then.

Nestor? My computer’s called soma. Should I have given it a female name then? (-paneon)

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"paneon" (paneon@sdf_dot_lonestar.org) writes: >> What an odd custom, this time change each fall and spring. >> When everyoen will be smart enough to elt poeple put in their hours at the >> time they wish, they will be able to decide to leave when it is light and >> come back when it is light or do both in the dark, as they please… >> In the meantime, try and tell two old canine buddies to "hold it" ill you >> ge home, and that onono, you did not arrive late and forget them, its the >> clock that is set back on hour…. >> Just be careful where you step as you so try…. >> It suddenly was pictch dark, by the time I was halfway home. So much >> traffic today….Nothign special in town, just the time change, and the >> entire traffic is jammed. Probably red lights that were not set back one >> hour in their faulty programming, here and there… >> I wonder how often that happened on a Halloween night, just so that the >> few kids that still go door to door are in greater danger of being hit by >> cars as they cross streets… >> At least, parents will be happy that they go to bed ""earlier"" than the >> clock says, and that teachers will be the ones facing the kids who ate so >> much sugar on a Monday…and Tuesday and…. >> Best wishes to all the teachers who have to deal with 30 some hyper >> kids all week, while their own inner clock just can’t believe there still >> is one more hour before the schoolday ends… >> It is as dark as full night here by now…2 minutes to seven P.M. >> Who IS the tart that started this setting entire populations off?;-) > One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light > savings…

But bundles of tornados, and dictators… > (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. )

Really???? Oh wow! Someone who answers and does not *only* give a link!:) Hi ya, Pan!:) How ya been? Read somehwere that you were in a down mood a while ago…Hope it is picking up already, and that those lovely wowie trees (how fantasticklelish!) are not making your spring fever too heavy to bear… For some reason, Nestor, my pc, refuses do do a cut and paste ths morning. I will try and go check the link later then. C > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Willett > (-paneon)

–

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What an odd custom, this time change each fall and spring. When everyoen will be smart enough to elt poeple put in their hours at the time they wish, they will be able to decide to leave when it is light and come back when it is light or do both in the dark, as they please… In the meantime, try and tell two old canine buddies to "hold it" ill you ge home, and that onono, you did not arrive late and forget them, its the clock that is set back on hour…. Just be careful where you step as you so try…. It suddenly was pictch dark, by the time I was halfway home. So much traffic today….Nothign special in town, just the time change, and the entire traffic is jammed. Probably red lights that were not set back one hour in their faulty programming, here and there… I wonder how often that happened on a Halloween night, just so that the few kids that still go door to door are in greater danger of being hit by cars as they cross streets… At least, parents will be happy that they go to bed ""earlier"" than the clock says, and that teachers will be the ones facing the kids who ate so much sugar on a Monday…and Tuesday and…. Best wishes to all the teachers who have to deal with 30 some hyper kids all week, while their own inner clock just can’t believe there still is one more hour before the schoolday ends… It is as dark as full night here by now…2 minutes to seven P.M. Who IS the tart that started this setting entire populations off?;-) —

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> What an odd custom, this time change each fall and spring. > When everyoen will be smart enough to elt poeple put in their hours at the > time they wish, they will be able to decide to leave when it is light and > come back when it is light or do both in the dark, as they please… > In the meantime, try and tell two old canine buddies to "hold it" ill you > ge home, and that onono, you did not arrive late and forget them, its the > clock that is set back on hour…. > Just be careful where you step as you so try…. > It suddenly was pictch dark, by the time I was halfway home. So much > traffic today….Nothign special in town, just the time change, and the > entire traffic is jammed. Probably red lights that were not set back one > hour in their faulty programming, here and there… > I wonder how often that happened on a Halloween night, just so that the > few kids that still go door to door are in greater danger of being hit by > cars as they cross streets… > At least, parents will be happy that they go to bed ""earlier"" than the > clock says, and that teachers will be the ones facing the kids who ate so > much sugar on a Monday…and Tuesday and…. > Best wishes to all the teachers who have to deal with 30 some hyper > kids all week, while their own inner clock just can’t believe there still > is one more hour before the schoolday ends… > It is as dark as full night here by now…2 minutes to seven P.M. > Who IS the tart that started this setting entire populations off?;-)

One of the benefits of living in a sub-tropical climate? No day-light savings… (Oh yes – William Willet is the tart you’re looking for. ) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Willett (-paneon)

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -August Pamplona wrote: > Bernd Jendrissek wrote: >> —–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– >> Hash: SHA1 >> In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> >> someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >>> At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >>> still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women.  I came across >>> www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet. >> This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to >> learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap >> yourself is with the ASF-style literature.  Despite its name, >> alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard.  I tend to see it >> as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with >> a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number >> of off-topic topics. >>> I did two things:  Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >>> try.  Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >>> thought I’d mention it anyway. >> Interesting.  Interesting also, that one or two others here have >> reported the same.  Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!? >         Part of the experience was fairly horrible but I think it was > positive as a whole. >> BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially >> contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective >> public speaking. >         I do not disagree with you at all. If anyone had suggested a > couple of years ago that I do this, I would have considered it an absurd > impossibility. I felt pretty damn good about the fact that I was able > get myself to do it. > [snip] > August Pamplona

Note: It is likely that I would be too afraid to hire a prostitute in South Africa due to health concerns. August Pamplona — Women bring men they like tasks in much the same way cats put dead mice on their owner’s pillows. – Lola on a.s.s. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.

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You rock.  What a man!

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Now I just need to get single women to agree with you without having to tell them my life story.  Haha.  ;-)

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—–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– Hash: SHA1 In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women.  I came across >www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet.

This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap yourself is with the ASF-style literature.  Despite its name, alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard.  I tend to see it as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number of off-topic topics. >I did two things:  Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >try.  Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >thought I’d mention it anyway.

Interesting.  Interesting also, that one or two others here have reported the same.  Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!? BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective public speaking. >Second, I contacted all the guys from my area involved in this >seduction thing, and met up with them.  This was a great experience >because these were for the most part cool guys who were getting laid on >a regular basis — the sort of person I never knew before.  I made a >lot of friends this way and I started to meet and pick up women myself.

Interesting about the "cool guys".  I often suspect that these ASF types are more than just the average "player" who might tend to have a rather one-dimensional seduction strategy – perhaps limited to playing "jerk" or "bad boy" or "smooth talker".  Can you tell us more about your impressions of these guys?  Did they identify themselves along the pickup hierarchy as, say, PUA or RAFC or guru or other?  Did you act as their "wingman" or was it more of a casual, random meet-up? >So far I am still very new to the whole thing and I don’t have any real >results to show, but I did have a bunch of first experiences as an >almost thirty year old that most guys already did in high school (first >kiss, first time in discos / clubs, etc.)

Nice!  Do you think that these experiences feel qualitatively different than they might have, had you experienced them at a more age-appropriate time?  Is anything "more fun" or are there some things that disappointed? I suspect I’ve already begun the process of emotional callusing – that even though I might one day experience some of these "firsts", I might end up being a little disaffected by them after having done without for so long.  It’s sad, and I hope not true, but it would surprise me if I managed to feel like a kid in a candy store in every context. >The best part is, I have no trouble making a good first impression on >women, including very attractive women, which tells me that I look OK >and can act OK.  After a while I think they do catch on to the fact >that I am not quite ‘normal’ yet.

How do they react to this latent un-normalness?  Does it impose a cost on your interactions or does it disappear into the noise?  How does this "not quite normal" manifest itself? >But this means that whatever remains to be done is all in my head.

Yes, that can be a powerful motivator.  It means you have significant control over your outcomes. >I will try very hard to not only to pretend to be normal from this >point on, but to start to ‘live’ normalness, if you know what I mean.

Is this continuation of being "normal" something you want to do to have the satisfaction of having completed a task?  I suspect I may be prone to such an aspect of an already established perfectionism. —–BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE—– Version: GnuPG v1.4.2 (GNU/Linux) Comment: Please fetch my new key 804177F8 from hkp://wwwkeys.eu.pgp.net/ iD8DBQFDYjMCwyMv24BBd/gRAlX8AJ4r1BYAARFcyo7GWK6CW3i103sOVACgqHJZ CiC00PicPrwiAyz9mVfmQ2g= =xlH2 —–END PGP SIGNATURE—–

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bernd Jendrissek wrote: > —–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– > Hash: SHA1 > In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> > someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >>At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >>still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women.  I came across >>www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet. > This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to > learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap > yourself is with the ASF-style literature.  Despite its name, > alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard.  I tend to see it > as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with > a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number > of off-topic topics. >>I did two things:  Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >>try.  Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >>thought I’d mention it anyway. > Interesting.  Interesting also, that one or two others here have > reported the same.  Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!?

         Part of the experience was fairly horrible but I think it was positive as a whole. > BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially > contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective > public speaking.

         I do not disagree with you at all. If anyone had suggested a couple of years ago that I do this, I would have considered it an absurd impossibility. I felt pretty damn good about the fact that I was able get myself to do it. [snip] August Pamplona — Women bring men they like tasks in much the same way cats put dead mice on their owner’s pillows. – Lola on a.s.s. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.

Response:

Hello everybody, I posted here a couple times in the winter of 2002, going on to mail a bit with the grand old lady of the asl group (Hi Chloe!).  Then I realized that reading the group was having a bad effect on me because it kept reminding me that I’m a pathological loner rather than motivating me to do something about it. My intention with this post is not to join again, but to tell of my efforts and good progress on my long journey out of loneliness. Basic background:  I am a guy, now in my late 20-s, who never was very social. Because of some unfortunate events during my early teens I completely lost it.  I lost all my friends and withdrew into a fantasy world.  It was only in high school when I found my way into the clique of the biggest losers on campus and finally was able to connect with one or two other guys.  It is at that time when I realized that I should try to somehow socially recover.  Unfortunately because of extreme shyness it was impossible for me to make friends by approaching people, so the few people I knew were the ones who were social enough to pick me up. I had a single friend even through my college years, who was quite socially dysfunctional himself.  None of my friends in either high school or college had any girl friends or even dated a girl, so on one hand I fit right in, on the other I had absolutely no social contact with the other gender.  And no, we did not go to parties, we didn’t even really know they existed. A key thing that brought about a turning point were moving out from home after I graduated from college and finally got a job such that I could afford this.  I love my parents but I think they are a big reason for me having this problem to begin with.  They are themselves utterly without a social life, as are their parents (my grandparents).  They never saw anything wrong with me, nor with themselves, and they thought they provided me with all the company I needed.  I also never talked with them about my problems, we just never talked on a particularly personal level at all. Anyway, moving to my own place three years ago and finishing school made me become very depressed.  Previously I was not depressed, only shy and lonely, and now things suddenly became much worse.  I did not have the daily company of the family, meaning I was suddenly more alone than ever.  In addition, being in college always presents one with automatic long term goals, such as passing the next set of exams, on which one can focus, which helps a lot to shut out any other concerns. When one starts working, the next big long term goal is retirement, and its about 40 years away.  I felt very bored and direction less in life, the daily grind repeating week after week with no other content to my life was becoming unbearable already after the first two years.  The upside of getting a job was being forced to interact with many other people at least on a professional level, and this helped a lot with my shyness, at least with respect to other men.  My job is in a field where women are very rare.  In fact, and you are going to find this funny, I also work in part as a hr manager, selecting candidates and doing job interviews.  Because of my shyness I doubt I would have been able to interview a woman or bear the thought of working with one, so I never did.  As a result, there is not a single woman in our company. To be fair, a female applicant only came up a single time so far, even though I interviewed a lot of people. I have a minor spinal deformity, but the depression and loneliness lead me to blow this flaw completely out of proportion, and started to think of myself as handicapped, and being terrified what everyone thought about me.  I of course never talked to anyone about it.  I also had some minor acne and was rather wimpy-looking, making me hate my body and as a result myself even more. By the end of last year things got so bad that I decided that I was going to try some radical things to try to change myself and become ‘normal’.  First, I realized that I was to a large degree depressed because I felt bad about my body.  So I started working out at the gym and drinking protein shakes.  I got some amazing results in just three months, and gained 10 kgs (22 lbs) of muscle.  I was not a bodybuilder by any means, but I was no longer really wimpy either.  This boosted my self-esteem a lot because one of my previous depressive beliefs was that its impossible to change myself in any way no matter how hard I try.  Clearly, I had proof that this was not the case.  I invested the extra self-esteem to gather enough courage to visit a doctor about my acne, and be aggressive enough with him to get me some prescription acne medication subscribed that he was initially reluctant to do.  This totally got rid of my acne, boosting my self esteem even further.  Then I changed my wardrobe, and bought some cool clothes, started wearing some jewelry (I observed that cool, ‘normal’ guys often wear jewelry while wimpy depressed losers usually don’t.) and traded my boring nerdy glasses first for some cool designer ones and then for contact lenses. Finally, I went out and got a big, heavy motorcycle.  The rationale was that nerdy losers are not the motorcycle rider stereotype.  Plus, motorcycle riding was a bit dangerous, could give me an adrenaline rush, and it got me outdoors.  These were all positive, self-esteem building things.  I was very proud to put on my leathers and go riding because it made me feel like a real man, which is not a feeling I usually had when I stayed at home alone and watched TV.  In fact, I started thinking of myself as a man — previously, and this sounds completely crazy, I refused to call or think of myself as a man because I thought I had nothing in common with them other than some basic bodily resemblance. At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women.  I came across www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet.  This is one of many sites dedicated to teaching guys how to pick up women and get laid more effectively.  The weird thing is, if I ever had a sex drive I have completely lost it over the years, at least on a conscious level.  On the other hand, I had a great desire to be ‘normal’, and believe both friendships and romantic involvement with women are supposed to be part of that.  I did two things:  Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a try.  Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.  Second, I contacted all the guys from my area involved in this seduction thing, and met up with them.  This was a great experience because these were for the most part cool guys who were getting laid on a regular basis — the sort of person I never knew before.  I made a lot of friends this way and I started to meet and pick up women myself.  So far I am still very new to the whole thing and I don’t have any real results to show, but I did have a bunch of first experiences as an almost thirty year old that most guys already did in high school (first kiss, first time in discos / clubs, etc.)  The best part is, I have no trouble making a good first impression on women, including very attractive women, which tells me that I look OK and can act OK.  After a while I think they do catch on to the fact that I am not quite ‘normal’ yet.  But this means that whatever remains to be done is all in my head.  I will try very hard to not only to pretend to be normal from this point on, but to start to ‘live’ normalness, if you know what I mean.  Last night a girl told me that she thought I was crazy, and that she likes crazy.  Most likely I will end up overcompensating but thats fine with me. So, thats all for now.  I hope this mail can motivate some loners to get off their asses and get their lives in gear too. Greets to everyone, esp. Chloe.

Response:

sumire, FUCK OFF.   Get a life.

Response:

"He" is a "She", Anon, all the time I have been in asl a man would have never told me to fuck off, tehe Sumi – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> You are telling a lot of absolutely >> basic and disillusioning truths in what >> you wrote below. >He just wants to whine.

Response:

Anon wrote: > You can’t let personal ads get you down. The whole thing is that more guys > message girls anyway. That’s the way of the world. You can stop whining and > enjoy life. Everyone needs to whine but just stop being a pussy.

When approaching Internet Personals, it helps to have an Unspeakable Perversion. That way, all the lists of "requirements" and so on will be utterly irrelevant to you: you’ll simply be scanning for those subtle signs that this person shares your Unspeakable Perversion, and everything’s much simpler. Not to mention glorious when you finally find her. "Forget the rest – does this person look as if she listens to Abba LPs in private? Is the word ‘Waterloo’ casually mentioned anywhere in the text? Does she appear dressed in what might be a pink jumpsuit?"

Response:

"Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in message

news:4302f0e5$0$89643$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com… You don’t sound happy at all… "…This yet again proves the whole "be happy by yourself" thing is bull. I am happy by myself but it cannot go on for a perpetual duration. Everyone else when they’re unhappy by themselves goes out and finds someone. I can’t do that. I don’t understand why. I fear it will be like this for the rest of my life. I just don’t have *anyone* close…" And relationships that begin with and start from a position and feeling of loneliness just result in dependancy, followed by disaster. Just an opinion, based on bitter experience.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Janus" (timelor…@btopenworld.com) writes: > "Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in message > news:4302f0e5$0$89643$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com… > You don’t sound happy at all… > "…This yet again proves the whole "be happy by yourself" thing is bull. I > am > happy by myself but it cannot go on for a perpetual duration. Everyone else > when they’re unhappy by themselves goes out and finds someone. I can’t do > that. I don’t understand why. I fear it will be like this for the rest of my > life. I just don’t have *anyone* close…" > And relationships that begin with and start from a position and feeling of > loneliness just result in dependancy, followed by disaster. Just an opinion, > based on bitter experience.

Relationships that start based on "need"  ususally are some where love can hardly be spontaneously celebrated: those couples then have to make love like others "make" war: with plans, booby traps, embush, injury and post trauma;-). Half kidding. But there must be some half truth somewhere in there. Just throwing it raw and leaving it to others to chop the liver;-) (I.e. random thought) (Can "one" thought be ranmdom? If not, then can two thoughts, i.e. one thought plus one thought, be random? All the thinking in one life? Ooops….Too many thoughts for one post….Din mean it, it was completely random:);-)) —

Response:

Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > Relationships that start based on "need"  ususally are some where love can > hardly be spontaneously celebrated: those couples then have to make love > like others "make" war: with plans, booby traps, embush, injury and post > trauma;-).

(from the Internet) During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"OB" (nevilemo…@yahoo.com) writes: > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> Relationships that start based on "need"  ususally are some where love can >> hardly be spontaneously celebrated: those couples then have to make love >> like others "make" war: with plans, booby traps, embush, injury and post >> trauma;-). > (from the Internet) > During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an > unusual offer. > "Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you > get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ > and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate > it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 > bill and walked away satisfied. > It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to > that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes > time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye > and says: > "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every > command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life > and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not > ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" > The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." > The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a > deal." > The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She > made me a much better offer."

L:) See?:) Hardwork and plans and money hunt and …and…and…Atleast, she had you move to a hot country where there must be no dirty socks to wash:) (Take it you work in sandals, or do they insist on covering your prized feet?:)) —

Response:

> And relationships that begin with and start from a position and feeling of > loneliness just result in dependancy, followed by disaster. Just an > opinion, > based on bitter experience.

Except I’d gotten over the really bad depression before I met her "Janus" <timelor…@btopenworld.com> wrote in message

news:deco1s$jf9$1@nwrdmz01.dmz.ncs.ea.ibs-infra.bt.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in message > news:4302f0e5$0$89643$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com… > You don’t sound happy at all… > "…This yet again proves the whole "be happy by yourself" thing is bull. > I > am > happy by myself but it cannot go on for a perpetual duration. Everyone > else > when they’re unhappy by themselves goes out and finds someone. I can’t do > that. I don’t understand why. I fear it will be like this for the rest of > my > life. I just don’t have *anyone* close…"

Response:

How did you guess???   ;o) "Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in message

news:430cc6b0$0$1559$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > And relationships that begin with and start from a position and feeling of > > loneliness just result in dependancy, followed by disaster. Just an > > opinion, > > based on bitter experience. > Except I’d gotten over the really bad depression before I met her > "Janus" <timelor…@btopenworld.com> wrote in message > news:deco1s$jf9$1@nwrdmz01.dmz.ncs.ea.ibs-infra.bt.com… > > "Anon" <a…@anon.com> wrote in message > > news:4302f0e5$0$89643$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com… > > You don’t sound happy at all… > > "…This yet again proves the whole "be happy by yourself" thing is bull. > > I > > am > > happy by myself but it cannot go on for a perpetual duration. Everyone > > else > > when they’re unhappy by themselves goes out and finds someone. I can’t do > > that. I don’t understand why. I fear it will be like this for the rest of > > my > > life. I just don’t have *anyone* close…"

Response:

"sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in news:a0308bc9eec041705521a8ed741652f9@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com: > Point Two: > Whoever is or feels lonely is welcome here. > There is no rule that only heterosexuals are > welcome.

I a guy I’m sort of on friendly terms with (not really a friend-friend) was on speaking terms with only one member of his family, till that guy told him he was going to hell because he (my "friend") is gay.   — "You tried to scan me, you freaked-out maniac." –TV’s Frank.

Response:

"sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in news:de88e42f3dea6341f0b8f9e393e22940@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Sumi > "I sent responses to about four personal ads where their stated > requirements pretty much fit me, if they were honest.  I have had no > responses.  Feels heavy, feel dull.  Over 3,000 have viewed my ad but > I’ve gotten very few responses.  That is horrible.  I get some interest > in person; none online.  They are all a bunch of "baggage handlers" > i.e., those guys who don’t want women with emotional baggage, as if > they don’t have that and haven’t caused it in others.  By the time > people reach middle age, as these guys have, everyone has it. > I was struck by how uniform and unlikely the wording of the ads were. > Everyone was LOVING living where we do, LUVING the outdoors and > whatnot.  It’s actually quite hard to live here because of certain > factors.  The behaviors and expressions of people that I meet on a > daily basis would not support the majority here living in continuous > joy.  This has become the new cheesy personal ad wording.

<snip> funny because it’s true…most people seem like lying sacks of shit to me, but then again… — "You tried to scan me, you freaked-out maniac." –TV’s Frank.

Response:

Anyone:  If You Felt Lonely Today .  .  .  . How did it feel?  When did it come about?  What are the details? (If you want to share) Please reserve this thread for answering this question or the occasional sympathetic response.  Thanks.

Response:

The other day I was at the beach looking at the beauty and that might have did it.  I spend every day alone.  It sucks.  I feel like there is this shell around me,  a harsh shell and I don’t get love or companionship like other people.  I’ve gotten used to it but I haven’t gotten used to it.  I can’t get used to the problems with my skin.  The bug the fuck out of me.  Scabs.  Sometimes the phantom possibility of love has animated me and even that seems to have been destroyed now.  I hate these fucking scabs and shit on my skin.  The phantom possibility of love used to escort me through my day.  The rituals that I used to take care of my body added some desirabillity and hope.  Now I am flaccid and unlovable and old looking. It sucks totally.  I am pride robbed.  I am bereft.  I am lonely and hopeless.  Sigh. Please, no advice or debating.  Thank you.

Response:

That’s truly a prison without walls. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Anon-e-Mouse wrote: > The other day I was at the beach looking at the beauty and that might > have did it.  I spend every day alone.  It sucks.  I feel like there is > this shell around me,  a harsh shell and I don’t get love or > companionship like other people.  I’ve gotten used to it but I haven’t > gotten used to it.  I can’t get used to the problems with my skin.  The > bug the fuck out of me.  Scabs.  Sometimes the phantom possibility of > love has animated me and even that seems to have been destroyed now.  I > hate these fucking scabs and shit on my skin.  The phantom possibility > of love used to escort me through my day.  The rituals that I used to > take care of my body added some desirabillity and hope.  Now I am > flaccid and unlovable and old looking. It sucks totally.  I am pride > robbed.  I am bereft.  I am lonely and hopeless.  Sigh. > Please, no advice or debating.  Thank you.

Response:

Anon-e-Mouse wrote: > The other day I was at the beach looking at the beauty and that might > have did it.  I spend every day alone.  It sucks.  I feel like there is > this shell around me,  a harsh shell and I don’t get love or > companionship like other people.  I’ve gotten used to it but I haven’t > gotten used to it.  I can’t get used to the problems with my skin.  The > bug the fuck out of me.  Scabs.  Sometimes the phantom possibility of > love has animated me and even that seems to have been destroyed now.  I > hate these fucking scabs and shit on my skin.  The phantom possibility > of love used to escort me through my day.  The rituals that I used to > take care of my body added some desirabillity and hope.  Now I am > flaccid and unlovable and old looking. It sucks totally.  I am pride > robbed.  I am bereft.  I am lonely and hopeless.  Sigh. > Please, no advice or debating.  Thank you.

Okay, neither advice nor debating. Okay then. Take a neutral prognosis instead: There should be some help and things will become better with your skin, take this for granted. Good luck then! Sumire

Response:

Well it was yesterday. I was sitting at work while all the girls talk about their boyfriends knowing I cannot get into relationships. Then this amazingly beautiful girl altho anti-social (but nice when you talk to her) girl sat in my eye line. She’s gotta know I like her cause she always catches my stare. I even managed a smile at her! omg. And then coming home couples again. It’s like your shell. Knowing everyone else gets something I don’t have or cannot get. I was normal/happy a FULL 8 MONTHS! But then my relationship ended around 4-5 months ago and now I’m back to normal altho not as bad. This yet again proves the whole "be happy by yourself" thing is bull. I am happy by myself but it cannot go on for a perpetual duration. Everyone else when they’re unhappy by themselves goes out and finds someone. I can’t do that. I don’t understand why. I fear it will be like this for the rest of my life. I just don’t have *anyone* close. I have this weird friendship with a girl but it’s mostly over the phone. In real life I’m people’s friends but no one’s best friend. I get to do social things but this sometimes makes me feel even lonelier. And I’m not getting any younger and this is my final year at university the time when you’re supposed to be at your most social and in relationships because after that the contact sphere dries up. A good test of if I’m feeling lonely is I wake up with clenched teeth. I did that today. "Anon-e-Mouse" <anne_o_nymou…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1124098569.576454.134350@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Anyone:  If You Felt Lonely Today .  .  .  . > How did it feel?  When did it come about?  What are the details? (If > you want to share) > Please reserve this thread for answering this question or the > occasional sympathetic response.  Thanks.

Response:

Well expressed and well observed.  I’m sorry it’s like that for you, and for me.

Response:

I was full of lust and there was no one as they always is.  I thought of some outfits I could wear and stuff if I had someone but my body is ruined and it would be a joke.  What an asshole fate is.  It makes me feel mad and defeated and hopeless. Please no advice or stuff. Thanks.

Response:

>  I thought > of some outfits I could wear and stuff if I had someone but my body is > ruined and it would be a joke.

You mean you’re fat? if so no biggie just work out. I know you can’t be bothered to do things to look good cause it gets you (us) no where. but working out takes my mind off things and makes you look good so you have a higher chance of maybe finding someone! Loneliness is gay. "Anon-e-Mouse" <anne_o_nymou…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1124273583.774238.135570@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I was full of lust and there was no one as they always is. What an asshole >fate is.  It makes me > feel mad and defeated and hopeless. > Please no advice or stuff. Thanks.

Response:

Anon, you’re gay.  Now go to a gay site.

Response:

Point One: Sometimes it appears to me that people do not read each other carefully enough. Hmm, some have not known each other long enough. Point Two: Whoever is or feels lonely is welcome here. There is no rule that only heterosexuals are welcome. Point three: ahm… forget it. Sumi

Response:

Welcome back, Anon, Didn’t I tell you  nicer prospects some time ago? Well then, times will be better for you, take this for granted. Sumi (also back again a bit

Response:

You are telling a lot of absolutely basic and disillusioning truths in what you wrote below. Fact is that one can make a decent life in this world and with available people who are real and far from flawless. Who is flawless? Not me, not you, no-one. I accept the weak point of others as they make them lovable. Mr. Perfect and Ms. Perfect are illusions. Why want a Prince Charming? He will lie to you and pamper you with your own illusions. After a while he turns out to be a womanizer who knows all the buttons or he becomes Mr. Ugly. Prefer one of those flawed people who neither flatter nor pamper you, who are just real, and throw away your dreams of Mr. Perfect. And hm, forgive him a stupid ad. That might just be part of his flaws Show him he need not play a silly role but can be himself. I know what I’m talking about, my dear Hm, sorry if this was an advice you did not want. This is just my good ol’ personal style of responding. No offense. Sumi "I sent responses to about four personal ads where their stated requirements pretty much fit me, if they were honest.  I have had no responses.  Feels heavy, feel dull.  Over 3,000 have viewed my ad but I’ve gotten very few responses.  That is horrible.  I get some interest in person; none online.  They are all a bunch of "baggage handlers" i.e., those guys who don’t want women with emotional baggage, as if they don’t have that and haven’t caused it in others.  By the time people reach middle age, as these guys have, everyone has it. I was struck by how uniform and unlikely the wording of the ads were. Everyone was LOVING living where we do, LUVING the outdoors and whatnot.  It’s actually quite hard to live here because of certain factors.  The behaviors and expressions of people that I meet on a daily basis would not support the majority here living in continuous joy.  This has become the new cheesy personal ad wording. I remember over a decade ago I had another personal ad and at that time, everyone was claiming that they were into "walks on the beach"  I myself did walk on the beach and if these people were truthful, the beach would have looked like freeway at rush hour.  Everyone was into all kinds of outdoor activities, but when you would meet them and take them hiking, for instance, they would complain that this got their shoes dirty.  It’s sick, the cheesy imitative prose style that infests these things. If you can’t be honest about your daily activities when you’re looking for love, it doesn’t bode well.  Then there is the lying about intentions and "ever doing this before."  They’re claiming to be "just looking" or somehow not to want someone.  So dishonest.  Some make a big dishonest display of not being the type of person to do this or not ever having done this before.  I know of some cases where that is a lie.  If you open up every communication there with a lie, that is pathological.  I find these kind of people bewildering.  I don’t advertise that I’ve placed personal ads, but I don’t lie about it to OTHER people who have personal ads.  Very twisted. Another cheesy liefest is the activities people claim to do on a regular basis.  They also claim that they require someone as active as they are.  Fact: most people go to work, come home, watch TV, and eat fast food.  That’s what the majority of humans so.  If they do something other than that, it’s likely to be some cranky routine that another human being can’t partipate in.  Most of the walking men do is during courtship, or to please the woman after courtship, if she is that fortunate.  The majority of walks and hikes that I went on I dragged my male companions along, except during courtship when they willingly did anything I wanted them to do. Now I’m inactive due to health limitations, and I’m coming off as less than sparkly but the fact is, most of the guys there are lying about their activities. These guys all want a woman who is self-sufficient and so many other things.  They have long lists of demands, and not being needy or broken seems to be at the top of the list. Every single woman that I know over thirty five is broken and it usually has something to do with men or the man-created world.  And these guys want to lift out of this reality.  Maybe that’s why they are middle aged, divorced with minor children and advertising for love.  They seem like children. I feel very heavy, leaden and unflirted with. It feels like a brick wall out there.  Nothing.  Nothing.  Noone."

Response:

> You are telling a lot of absolutely > basic and disillusioning truths in what > you wrote below.

He just wants to whine. > Fact is that one can make a decent life > in this world and with available people > who are real and far from flawless.

Yups. Ugly people have happy lives etc. You can’t let personal ads get you down. The whole thing is that more guys message girls anyway. That’s the way of the world. You can stop whining and enjoy life. Everyone needs to whine but just stop being a pussy. "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message

news:de88e42f3dea6341f0b8f9e393e22940@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Who is flawless? Not me, not you, > no-one. I accept the weak point of others > as they make them lovable. > Mr. Perfect and Ms. Perfect are > illusions. > Why want a Prince Charming? He will lie to > you and pamper you with your own illusions. > After a while he turns out to be a womanizer > who knows all the buttons or he becomes > Mr. Ugly. > Prefer one of those flawed people who neither > flatter nor pamper you, who are just real, > and throw away your dreams of Mr. Perfect. > And hm, forgive him a stupid ad. That might > just be part of his flaws Show him > he need not play a silly role but can > be himself. > I know what I’m talking about, my dear > Hm, sorry if this was an advice you did > not want. This is just my good ol’ personal > style of responding. No offense. > Sumi > "I sent responses to about four personal ads where their stated > requirements pretty much fit me, if they were honest.  I have had no > responses.  Feels heavy, feel dull.  Over 3,000 have viewed my ad but > I’ve gotten very few responses.  That is horrible.  I get some interest > in person; none online.  They are all a bunch of "baggage handlers" > i.e., those guys who don’t want women with emotional baggage, as if > they don’t have that and haven’t caused it in others.  By the time > people reach middle age, as these guys have, everyone has it. > I was struck by how uniform and unlikely the wording of the ads were. > Everyone was LOVING living where we do, LUVING the outdoors and > whatnot.  It’s actually quite hard to live here because of certain > factors.  The behaviors and expressions of people that I meet on a > daily basis would not support the majority here living in continuous > joy.  This has become the new cheesy personal ad wording. > I remember over a decade ago I had another personal ad and at that > time, everyone was claiming that they were into "walks on the beach"  I > myself did walk on the beach and if these people were truthful, the > beach would have looked like freeway at rush hour.  Everyone was into > all kinds of outdoor activities, but when you would meet them and take > them hiking, for instance, they would complain that this got their > shoes dirty.  It’s sick, the cheesy imitative prose style that infests > these things. If you can’t be honest about your daily activities when > you’re looking for love, it doesn’t bode well.  Then there is the lying > about intentions and "ever doing this before."  They’re claiming to be > "just looking" or somehow not to want someone.  So dishonest.  Some > make a big dishonest display of not being the type of person to do this > or not ever having done this before.  I know of some cases where that > is a lie.  If you open up every communication there with a lie, that is > pathological.  I find these kind of people bewildering.  I don’t > advertise that I’ve placed personal ads, but I don’t lie about it to > OTHER people who have personal ads.  Very twisted. > Another cheesy liefest is the activities people claim to do on a > regular basis.  They also claim that they require someone as active as > they are.  Fact: most people go to work, come home, watch TV, and eat > fast food.  That’s what the majority of humans so.  If they do > something other than that, it’s likely to be some cranky routine that > another human being can’t partipate in.  Most of the walking men do is > during courtship, or to please the woman after courtship, if she is > that fortunate.  The majority of walks and hikes that I went on I > dragged my male companions along, except during courtship when they > willingly did anything I wanted them to do. > Now I’m inactive due to health limitations, and I’m coming off as less > than sparkly but the fact is, most of the guys there are lying about > their activities. > These guys all want a woman who is self-sufficient and so many other > things.  They have long lists of demands, and not being needy or broken > seems to be at the top of the list. Every single woman that I know over > thirty five is broken and it usually has something to do with men or > the man-created world.  And these guys want to lift out of this > reality.  Maybe that’s why they are middle aged, divorced with minor > children and advertising for love.  They seem like children. > I feel very heavy, leaden and unflirted with. It feels like a brick > wall out there.  Nothing.  Nothing.  Noone."

Response:

> Anon, you’re gay.  Now go to a gay site.

Clearly you must be slow. "Anon-e-Mouse" <anne_o_nymou…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1124315888.324622.121660@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too.

Have you tried seeing a therapist who doesn’t just listen but works *with* you in a goal-oriented way? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might work wonders for you. http://www.cognitivetherapy.com http://panicdisorder.about.com/cs/therapycbt/ http://rebt.org/ Philip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being.  Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by accident. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Yeah, me too. I haven’t opened up about this issue here until now that you’ve posted. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. No. Don’t believe that.  I’m so glad you posted your message here. I feel someone else knows what I’m going through. You are better off alive. Please stay that way. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. I know. For me it’s like "What is this some big cosmic joke?" This helps me to become philisophical about it to some extent. Well, thanks for reading. I hope you see that this type of puzzle is one that you share with many.  I read in one of the Edgar Cayce books that anything and everything that a person feels, goes through etc. has been experienced by at least one person in all of mankind.  I try to remember that when I feel very badly. Mike, is there anything that cheers you up at all? What is it? Suzanne. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thanks for your post, Meryl.  I’m hoping the Pamelor is going to make a difference over time…. Hugs, MikeH

Hi Mike, It has taken me a while to respond. I read your post and I understood your feelings. You describe depression very well:( love Meryl

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thanks, Vicki…. I’ll be thinking of you, today…. as your daughter gets married! Hugs, MikeH

Mike, I know what you mean about self-worth.  Believe me,  I went through that too.  It is something you cannot make people around you understand.  I am thinking of you and hoping this feeling lifts and you find something you enjoy very soon. Love, Vicki

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. Have you tried seeing a therapist who doesn’t just listen but works *with* you in a goal-oriented way? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might work wonders for you.

The one I have been seeing is good but she has a habit of allowing me to direct the topics discussed during the hour. So, if I go in there and something is bothering me, I end up wasting the hour bitching about it rather than getting down to the real work such as CBT or hypnosis or whatever. I’ve been seeing this woman for about 2 years. She knows me like a book. We’ve done some eye movement therapy and stuff like that, but no heavy duty CBT or rational emotive stuff which I would be very interested in. It seems that there is a shortage of people who do this type of thing. Sometimes I think that my therapist lady gets more out of our meetings than I do sometimes. She likes me a lot and I think the insights that I give her are stimulating to her which is good, but the meetings are supposed to be for me mostly. Right now I’m in a therapy hiatus. I go see the shrink buddy once in a while to give him an update on the med and that’s about it for right now. The SB is a good guy. I enjoy going to see him.  I know that CBT exists and I would like to try it full force, but right now I’m just giving therapy a rest for a while. — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

:I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with :respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good :listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in :real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make :friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate :feeling like this. {{{{{Mike}}}}} I`m sorry you are struggling so. There is nothing wrong with have as a friend. Maybe you could look into a local support group for depression/anxiety sufferers. I met my best friend at one many years ago. :The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The amelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of :side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on :it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to :talk to, and I pay him to listen. I`m glad you went back on the pamelor. Hopefully the side-effects will wear off. If not, maybe there is another antidepressant you could try. Don`t forget, you have us to talk to as well. Good luck with your pdoc appt tomorrow. :I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress :free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more :ways than one. Sometimes having a job that is easy on us mentally is more important than raking in the dough with a stressful job. Feeling like you are a loser is your depression talking. You are a winner in my book :Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of :nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a :jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. Yup, I have felt this way. It seems to happen when I`m really struggling with panic and agoraphobia. I just feel so lost and alone. I do understand what you are going through. :I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because :I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I :really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt :myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems :so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage :to just face each day. Please don`t regret your post. You aren`t whining…….you are in a lot of pain and need to talk about it. Hopefully this will be cathartic for you. :On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. Jackie ~*~There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win~*~         ~Elie Wiesel~ — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi Mike, It has taken me a while to respond. I read your post and I understood your feelings. You describe depression very well:( love Meryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thank you, David…. I would be glad to chat with you sometime. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but there is a certain comfort in knowing that there are others who deal with the same thing. I’m back on the Pamelor.. four nights, now.  I will stay on it and see what happens. Take care….. MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. Is this really you, or are you using your incredible psychic powers to channel your way into my head. That was supposed to be a humorous was to say I could have written this exact post. Mike, "alone" is a word that’s been on my mind a lot lately. I can feel what your posting about. Depression has been hitting me pretty hard as well. If you ever feel the need, send me an email and I’ll give you my Yahoo ID or ICQ number and we can chat. You would be most welcome. Go back on the Pamelor and stay there. It has helped me, though this last bought of depression found it’s way through.

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I am so sorry you are lonely.  I do often feel like that myself, so I know what it feels like.  I want you to know that you are NOT a loser because you work only 18 hours a week.  I don’t work at all, and I don’t consider myself a loser.  You are out there, in the world, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of.

Hi, Dawn….. Thanks for your words of support.  It is nice to know that one is not alone. I don’t regret my post, after all, since so many people seem to feel the same way at times.  I guess we all just need to share and vent at times… and this was just one of those times for me. Take care… and thanks again! MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this.

What you’ve said above and most of the rest of your post rings so true for me. I almost fell over when I read it because I feel much of the same thing. Our exact circumstances may be different but if I tell you my story, maybe you’ll see that you are not alone and you will gain insight. I’ll tell you about what the friend thing is like for me. Since being a teen, the friend thing has always been a personal difficulty for me. I’ve always felt I had a very hard time connecting with people – especially those in my own age group. I’m not one for having a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out in herds with women that I don’t really like and who are catty and superficial.  Over the years, the friends I have had have been real ones, but for various reason such as geography or whatever, I don’t really have too many people in my local area that I feel comfortable enough and have enough in common to be myself with and hang out with. In fact at this time of writing, I’d say there is only one person who I am friends with in my local area who I can do "things" with and with whom I share common interests and can chat on the phone with.  I feel fortunate to have ONE person like this. Yet, at the same time, I wonder why there seems to be such a shortage of people like my friend who are available to me.   I’ve been here (in my area) for 4 years now. I have HAD relationships with people, but they always end for one reason or another. My friendships end and sometimes it has been due to my change of feelings about things and sometimes it’s because the person who I thought was my friend actually wanted a romance where I did not.  There was one guy who I felt really close to on a friendship level – we were always there for each other. I made it crystal clear that I wanted to be friends and wasn’t looking for romance. When I make a statement like that to someone, I mean it – it is not in my nature to tease or flirt with someone of the opposite sex. I’m just not like that. We hung out for about 2 years and he seemed to be fine with this and got along great.  I finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that he actually thought that I was going to change my mind and eventually fall for him romantically. He realized that at that point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend. He now has one, which is great and I don’t begrudge him that, but for me this means that I don’t have his friendship like I used to because we rarely talk anymore. Here’s another example: I was good friends with another guy. It was purely platonic. He had a heart of gold and was down-to-earth. We were buds and I felt good about the friendship – always had something to talk about. But nobody is perfect and there was an aspect about his personality that was annoying to me but I was able to overlook it at the time.  He had a very limited view of the obstacles that people can have due to anxiety and depression. His view was that being depressed or scared was a weakness which is total bullshit as we all know. At that time I was having problems and started to blow off his phone calls because I felt that I needed to be understood and he just couldn’t understand me and bothered me quite a bit that my friend really believed that I was that way I was because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  So, in time that frienship ended too. Yet another example: in my aerobics class which is filled with women, it is a very close-knit group and the women don’t really talk to me that much. A couple of years ago, there was one girl who did reach out and attempt to be friends with me. This girl seemed to have interests and be highly intelligent. Well, it didn’t take long to figure out that this girl was an extremely toxic, controlling, underhanded opportunistic user (they do exist out there). I would have been nuts to keep associating with this girl so I stopped.  The ironic point is why of all the people in my areobics class, did this one toxic individual pursue me as someone to hang out with? So, for me, it seems that relationships don’t work out very well for me even on a frienship level. If it is a male, they seem to be interested in something that I am not (romance), or they state that they are interested in platonic frienship but are not really being truthful to themselves about this or have the hopes that I will eventually fall for them, or they turn out to be nasty users, or my needs are not understood etc. etc. etc. They always end. I’ve asked myself over and over again and try to figure out why things are the way they are for me in this regard. I think the reasons may be a combination of practical and cosmic reasons. First, I have been told numerous, numerous times that I come off as very aloof and a bitch and some have told me that I have an air of intimidation or that I appear that I don’t want to be bothered by anybody.  Ironically, I’ve also been told that at first glance of me, I appear to be somebody who has a ton of friends and a spouse or a sig other. I don’t know why this is because it is definately not the case. A confidant has also told me that I come off as intense and this scares many people although not all. A previous therapist has told me that anybody who comes up to me to talk would have to have a whole lot of confidence in themselves.  I understand this intellectually, but from my perspective knowing who I am, this frustrates the hell out of me because I  really wouldn’t hurt anybody!!!!  I am a very decent, thoughtful person. I am honest. I have much spirit and a good heart. I’m not sure if my level of GAD contributes to the intesity. I think it might. Anyway, I try to smile more at people and just relax a little bit which can be hard.  I am physically attractive at this point in my life  but always thought that attractive people had it easier. They don’t. I can attest to that without question. Perhaps some of it has to do with where I live.  I’ve been told that in my city, new people can have a hard time connecting with the ones who have lived here there whole lives. I read an article that says that many unconventional types tend to move away from this place. The complex that I live in is like a ghost town. People go to work, come home and that’s it. You are lucky if people say hello to you while you are walking the dog. I have lots of interests – the arts, music, food, vegetarianism, my dog, books – but it seems that even in a city of over 50,000, everyone my age is into raising the kids and being with the spouse or they are into other things such as hanging at the local bar every night which I don’t want to do.   I do have a tendancy to have what may be considered high expectations of people, but I’m not going to alter this too much. My expectations have to do with character of a person not what they look like or what kind of car they drive. It seems that character is lacking in some of the people I tend to come across and I wonder why it is this way for me. Finally, I think being a loner is part of what may be some blueprint for my life on this earth. I know it sounds cliche but it makes sense in a sort of way.  I’ve read some books on life themes and contracts. One if by Sylvia Browne called "The Other Side and Back: A Psychic’s Guide to Our World and Beyond" which I highly recommend. In it is one chapter that offers comforting words regarding the concept of loneliness. Another is "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss. There are also some Edgar Cayce books that are insightful in this regard. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen.

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one.

Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways.

I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being.  Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by accident. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.  

Yeah, me too. I haven’t opened up about this issue here until now that you’ve posted. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.

No. Don’t believe that.  I’m so glad you posted your message here. I feel someone else knows what I’m going through. You … read more »

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. What you’ve said above and most of the rest of your post rings so true for me. I almost fell over when I read it because I feel much of the same thing. Our exact circumstances may be different but if I tell you my story, maybe you’ll see that you are not alone and you will gain insight. I’ll tell you about what the friend thing is like for me. Since being a teen, the friend thing has always been a personal difficulty for me. I’ve always felt I had a very hard time connecting with people – especially those in my own age group. I’m not one for having a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out in herds with women that I don’t really like and who are catty and superficial.  Over the years, the friends I have had have been real ones, but for various reason such as geography or whatever, I don’t really have too many people in my local area that I feel comfortable enough and have enough in common to be myself with and hang out with. In fact at this time of writing, I’d say there is only one person who I am friends with in my local area who I can do "things" with and with whom I share common interests and can chat on the phone with.  I feel fortunate to have ONE person like this. Yet, at the same time, I wonder why there seems to be such a shortage of people like my friend who are available to me. I’ve been here (in my area) for 4 years now. I have HAD relationships with people, but they always end for one reason or another. My friendships end and sometimes it has been due to my change of feelings about things and sometimes it’s because the person who I thought was my friend actually wanted a romance where I did not.  There was one guy who I felt really close to on a friendship level – we were always there for each other. I made it crystal clear that I wanted to be friends and wasn’t looking for romance. When I make a statement like that to someone, I mean it – it is not in my nature to tease or flirt with someone of the opposite sex. I’m just not like that. We hung out for about 2 years and he seemed to be fine with this and got along great.  I finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that he actually thought that I was going to change my mind and eventually fall for him romantically. He realized that at that point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend. He now has one, which is great and I don’t begrudge him that, but for me this means that I don’t have his friendship like I used to because we rarely talk anymore. Here’s another example: I was good friends with another guy. It was purely platonic. He had a heart of gold and was down-to-earth. We were buds and I felt good about the friendship – always had something to talk about. But nobody is perfect and there was an aspect about his personality that was annoying to me but I was able to overlook it at the time.  He had a very limited view of the obstacles that people can have due to anxiety and depression. His view was that being depressed or scared was a weakness which is total bullshit as we all know. At that time I was having problems and started to blow off his phone calls because I felt that I needed to be understood and he just couldn’t understand me and bothered me quite a bit that my friend really believed that I was that way I was because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  So, in time that frienship ended too. Yet another example: in my aerobics class which is filled with women, it is a very close-knit group and the women don’t really talk to me that much. A couple of years ago, there was one girl who did reach out and attempt to be friends with me. This girl seemed to have interests and be highly intelligent. Well, it didn’t take long to figure out that this girl was an extremely toxic, controlling, underhanded opportunistic user (they do exist out there). I would have been nuts to keep associating with this girl so I stopped.  The ironic point is why of all the people in my areobics class, did this one toxic individual pursue me as someone to hang out with? So, for me, it seems that relationships don’t work out very well for me even on a frienship level. If it is a male, they seem to be interested in something that I am not (romance), or they state that they are interested in platonic frienship but are not really being truthful to themselves about this or have the hopes that I will eventually fall for them, or they turn out to be nasty users, or my needs are not understood etc. etc. etc. They always end. I’ve asked myself over and over again and try to figure out why things are the way they are for me in this regard. I think the reasons may be a combination of practical and cosmic reasons. First, I have been told numerous, numerous times that I come off as very aloof and a bitch and some have told me that I have an air of intimidation or that I appear that I don’t want to be bothered by anybody.  Ironically, I’ve also been told that at first glance of me, I appear to be somebody who has a ton of friends and a spouse or a sig other. I don’t know why this is because it is definately not the case. A confidant has also told me that I come off as intense and this scares many people although not all. A previous therapist has told me that anybody who comes up to me to talk would have to have a whole lot of confidence in themselves.  I understand this intellectually, but from my perspective knowing who I am, this frustrates the hell out of me because I  really wouldn’t hurt anybody!!!!  I am a very decent, thoughtful person. I am honest. I have much spirit and a good heart. I’m not sure if my level of GAD contributes to the intesity. I think it might. Anyway, I try to smile more at people and just relax a little bit which can be hard.  I am physically attractive at this point in my life  but always thought that attractive people had it easier. They don’t. I can attest to that without question. Perhaps some of it has to do with where I live.  I’ve been told that in my city, new people can have a hard time connecting with the ones who have lived here there whole lives. I read an article that says that many unconventional types tend to move away from this place. The complex that I live in is like a ghost town. People go to work, come home and that’s it. You are lucky if people say hello to you while you are walking the dog. I have lots of interests – the arts, music, food, vegetarianism, my dog, books – but it seems that even in a city of over 50,000, everyone my age is into raising the kids and being with the spouse or they are into other things such as hanging at the local bar every night which I don’t want to do. I do have a tendancy to have what may be considered high expectations of people, but I’m not going to alter this too much. My expectations have to do with character of a person not what they look like or what kind of car they drive. It seems that character is lacking in some of the people I tend to come across and I wonder why it is this way for me. Finally, I think being a loner is part of what may be some blueprint for my life on this earth. I know it sounds cliche but it makes sense in a sort of way.  I’ve read some books on life themes and contracts. One if by Sylvia Browne called "The Other Side and Back: A Psychic’s Guide to Our World and Beyond" which I highly recommend. In it is one chapter that offers comforting words regarding the concept of loneliness. Another is "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss. There are also some Edgar Cayce books that are insightful in this regard. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being.  Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by

… read more »

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I know I have to find something else.  I also want to move out of this tiny place I live…. and to someplace with more cultural activities going on. At this point, as silly as it may sound, I think I’m equating my worth as an individual with my earning power/potential.

Mike, I know what you mean about self-worth.  Believe me,  I went through that too.  It is something you cannot make people around you understand.  I am thinking of you and hoping this feeling lifts and you find something you enjoy very soon. Love, Vicki — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening….

Is this really you, or are you using your incredible psychic powers to channel your way into my head. That was supposed to be a humorous was to say I could have written this exact post. Mike, "alone" is a word that’s been on my mind a lot lately. I can feel what your posting about. Depression has been hitting me pretty hard as well. If you ever feel the need, send me an email and I’ll give you my Yahoo ID or ICQ number and we can chat. You would be most welcome. Go back on the Pamelor and stay there. It has helped me, though this last bought of depression found it’s way through. — David Chamberlain – ASAPM Moderator |        Support for anxiety or panic disorders. Check us out!        | | alt.support.anxiety-panic.moderated http://stump.algebra.com/~asapm | There is seldom reason or sense involved in these matters of love — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I appreciate your post, Elise.  The depression has just been kicking my butt lately.  I’ll find my way back out of it somehow. I really want to move from this little place….. to a larger city.  On the one hand, it’s exciting to think of starting a new life with all sorts of opportunities.  On the other hand, it’s very frightening to think of leaving an area I’m familiar with and moving to something new! Thanks for listening….. MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, Mike, Sounds like you are really struggling with the depression right now.  I do hope the Pamelor helps you – give yourself a few days to get it back into your system. I think a lot of anxiety/depression sufferers tend to be lonely.  I have a bad habit of withdrawing from people.  Always afraid of what expectations they may have of me.  I have some very good friends who always ask me to go out with them and do stuff and I always find excuses not to go.  I just feel more comfortable in my own home – that’s anxiety and agoraphobia speaking here… Don’t regret writing this post and venting.  It’s therapeutic for you and we all understand what you are going through. I think it’s great that you are working part time.  It gives you the opportunity to be out of the house, make some money and be around people. smiles, Elise

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hugs back atcha, Anne….Thanks! MikeH

((((((((((Mike))))))))))))    You are a wonderful man. I hope you can find some ways to connect with more ppl IRL, as  you’ve connected with us here. xxoo Anne

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.   I am glad you can share with us.  It makes me feel better about sharing myself.  Look, I think many of us have felt the way you feel right now. Dear Lord, I went through hell a year ago after agonizing about leaving a job I loved and knowing I had to leave for my sanity.  Then I fell into how you feel right now.  I didn’t think I mattered to anyone but I was wrong. I thought I contributed nothing to this world but I was wrong.  Mike, don’t get yourself into this mindfix.  You have been one of the most positive people I have met in this newsgroup.  I know how difficult things can be especially when you just dwell and dwell on things.  It’s not going to help you to do that.  I know.

Hi, Vicki… About five years ago, I, too, left a job situation I loved in order to get myself out of a place where my integrity was being compromised and where I had no real control of it.  So…  I did the only thing I knew to do at the time: I got out.  I went into something else in education in my area….to finish out my last five years of a 30-year career.  I was never really happy with the new situation… and thought I would never make it through the five years.  That ended last May.  As glad as I was, this fall, not to have to go back to that job, I feel a bit lost without any real substantive work.  We certainly cannot live on my pension… and, in any case, I can’t *not work*. I think working helps keep me sane.  But I need to find something I can be happy with. I know I have to find something else.  I also want to move out of this tiny place I live…. and to someplace with more cultural activities going on. At this point, as silly as it may sound, I think I’m equating my worth as an individual with my earning power/potential.  And since I’m just doing a small part-time job for practically no pay, I translate that to mean that I’m not worth very much.  I know that’s not true… but with all the depression lately, it’s just one more thought to shake. Thanks for your kind words….. MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH

Mike, I am so sorry you are lonely.  I do often feel like that myself, so I know what it feels like.  I want you to know that you are NOT a loser because you work only 18 hours a week.  I don’t work at all, and I don’t consider myself a loser.  You are out there, in the world, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of. Please feel free to email me if you want to talk. ((((((Mike)))))) Dawn — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi, Mike! I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.

        I sure think you are! But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this.

        I have plenty of real-life friends, and the group the most congenial I’ve ever found in my life is on the Net – and it’s not a support one!!! So you’ve got a good start. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways.

        I’ve sure been there!  Even in a lively university. I live in the Deep South and I’m not a bubba or a jock either – but there’s always something.           I’ve been in a situation where I was trying to make new friends, and I had a vicious little jerk for a therapist who acted like shyness was the greatest crime in the universe, and I still made some new friends in spite of it!!!  And anti-depressants were only a dream in those days.  So it can be done.  You’ve got what it takes!!!!! I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day.

        Don’t regret it a second, we’re here for you!  That is the depression talking; knowing it is half the battle.  Feel free to e-mail me.           We’re here for you, I know you’ve been here for plenty of us. Dennis — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH

Dear Mike, I am glad you can share with us.  It makes me feel better about sharing myself.  Look, I think many of us have felt the way you feel right now. Dear Lord, I went through hell a year ago after agonizing about leaving a job I loved and knowing I had to leave for my sanity.  Then I fell into how you feel right now.  I didn’t think I mattered to anyone but I was wrong.  I thought I contributed nothing to this world but I was wrong.  Mike, don’t get yourself into this mindfix.  You have been one of the most positive people I have met in this newsgroup.  I know how difficult things can be especially when you just dwell and dwell on things.  It’s not going to help you to do that.  I know. Listen to me, young man!!!  Try hard to look at the positive things in your life.  I know it’s hard but I bet you can find something.  Dwell on that. Let us hear from you after a good night’s sleep. Thinking of you, dear, Vicki — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

too tight blurted out: I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. There’s the problem, Mike. I treat people like dirt and have lots for

friends So…. that’s the key to success, eh!?? ;P I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. I don’t think there’s any doubt about that, as I can attest to, by knowing you … what, around 6 years?

It has been a long time, that’s for sure, E.  Looking back on it, I didn’t really have an problems at all when we first met…. not compared to the ones that have cropped up since. What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends? I promise you this (which is an idle threat, I know) but if you were here (or me there) I’d MAKE you be my friend. You’d even be shooting pool and at least ‘watching’ poker – and getting to know the guys. I’ve done it before with people who felt outcastish – and the exposure by being taken in made quite a difference. I really believe that to be true!

I have no doubt!  But there is no E around here to *take me in*! If you could believe that yourself, you might be able to ‘force’ yourself into some situations you don’t necessarily go for, but the people may very well surprise you with their different interests (that may very well be the same as many of yours).

If you could see where I live, Elliott… you’d understand a bit better. Indianapolis, this is not! In this case, however, I know of the lack of friends (which I think is the tail that wags the depression dog to *some* extent, and *some* of the time – or at the very least makes if far worse) and thought I’d try to bring another view to light. Again, in knowing you as a net friend, I guarantee that I’d make you eat dirt and be my friend, and in doing so, you’d make some (just one would be quite enough, IMO – and IME) friends.

Thanks for the thoughts, E-Man…. and it *is* another way of looking at it, I suppose. I’m just tired of being alone.  I’m a good person… really! A different duck?  Thank goodness! Take care, my friend! MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

((((((((((Mike))))))))))))    You are a wonderful man. I hope you can find some ways to connect with more ppl IRL, as  you’ve connected with us here. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for your reply, Diane.  It’s the depression talking, I know. Hopefully, I’ll find a way out of it soon. Take care! MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You talk to us as much as you want to, Mike.  You know what’s very strange is that I’ve been feeling kind of lost and maybe slightly bored lately.  I wanted to volunteer at a place, but am a little too afraid to do it.  Not only that, but Winter is on it’s way – feels like it’s here already in the Great White North – and I’d hate to be calling in saying I wasn’t coming because it was so cold outside.  I just don’t know what to do with myself lately.  How much cleaning can a person do?  I’ve been making desserts, but not alot of them and trying to make nice suppers.  The best thing for me would be to volunteer my time.  I know that.  You’re not whining my friend. The change of season affects alot of us and usually changing from Summer to Fall or Fall to Winter does it for some.  Please try not to think of yourself as a loser because you’re not, Mike.  Maybe when your med kicks in a little more it’ll perk you up.  {{{{{Mike}}}}} Di

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks, Jackie…. I’ll be okay.  I know it’s the depression talking more than anything else….. and the idea that I’m without a job and my pension is not very much money. I appreciate your reply…. MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – :I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with :respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good :listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in :real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make :friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate :feeling like this. {{{{{Mike}}}}} I`m sorry you are struggling so. There is nothing wrong with to have as a friend. Maybe you could look into a local support group for depression/anxiety sufferers. I met my best friend at one many years ago. :The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The amelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of :side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on :it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to :talk to, and I pay him to listen. I`m glad you went back on the pamelor. Hopefully the side-effects will wear off. If not, maybe there is another antidepressant you could try. Don`t forget, you have us to talk to as well. Good luck with your pdoc appt tomorrow. :I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress :free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more :ways than one. Sometimes having a job that is easy on us mentally is more important than raking in the dough with a stressful job. Feeling like you are a loser is your depression talking. You are a winner in my book :Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of :nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a :jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. Yup, I have felt this way. It seems to happen when I`m really struggling with panic and agoraphobia. I just feel so lost and alone. I do understand what you are going through. :I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because :I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I :really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt :myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems :so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage :to just face each day. Please don`t regret your post. You aren`t whining…….you are in a lot of pain and need to talk about it. Hopefully this will be cathartic for you. :On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening….

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Hi, Mike, Sounds like you are really struggling with the depression right now.  I do hope the Pamelor helps you – give yourself a few days to get it back into your system. I think a lot of anxiety/depression sufferers tend to be lonely.  I have a bad habit of withdrawing from people.  Always afraid of what expectations they may have of me.  I have some very good friends who always ask me to go out with them and do stuff and I always find excuses not to go.  I just feel more comfortable in my own home – that’s anxiety and agoraphobia speaking here… Don’t regret writing this post and venting.  It’s therapeutic for you and we all understand what you are going through. I think it’s great that you are working part time.  It gives you the opportunity to be out of the house, make some money and be around people. smiles, Elise

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH — The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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You talk to us as much as you want to, Mike.  You know what’s very strange is that I’ve been feeling kind of lost and maybe slightly bored lately.  I wanted to volunteer at a place, but am a little too afraid to do it.  Not only that, but Winter is on it’s way – feels like it’s here already in the Great White North – and I’d hate to be calling in saying I wasn’t coming because it was so cold outside.  I just don’t know what to do with myself lately.  How much cleaning can a person do?  I’ve been making desserts, but not alot of them and trying to make nice suppers.  The best thing for me would be to volunteer my time.  I know that.  You’re not whining my friend. The change of season affects alot of us and usually changing from Summer to Fall or Fall to Winter does it for some.  Please try not to think of yourself as a loser because you’re not, Mike.  Maybe when your med kicks in a little more it’ll perk you up.  {{{{{Mike}}}}} Di

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately.  I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness.  I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.  But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. (  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I not able to find or make friends?  If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all.  I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months.  The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was.  So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow.  He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library.  The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing.  So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this?  I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in.  I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post.  I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.   Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.  Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry.  But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely..  it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH

– The charter is available at:  http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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::Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After ::reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be ::well all my dear friends. LJ Dear LJ, You have nothing to be ashamed about! You were just telling us how you feel, which I`m sure many could relate to. Don`t be so hard on yourself. {{{{{LJ}}}}} Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~  - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

As far as I am concerned, you have nothing to be ashamed of my friend. — Ron P It isn’t the fall that hurts:) It’s the sudden stop:( — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ As far as I am concerned, you have nothing to be ashamed of my friend. — Ron P

I second that, Ron!  {{{{{LJ}}}}} Di — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

Please don’t feel selifsh or ashamed. You’re not. You’re a very nice presence here and you happen to have a few problems. So have all of us. Come to think about it that’s why this newsgroup was founded in the first place So write all you want and need to write. Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

Dear, Many of us feel the same way you do.  Actually, we have to say it out loud from time to time.  We have to address ourselves sometimes! If you are going to be near upstate NY anytime, give me a yell.  I would be proud to buy you a drink. gt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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This place gets smaller and smaller – like ADDForums …. I’ve got half the place on ignore.

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This place gets smaller and smaller – like ADDForums …. I’ve got half the place on ignore.

ADD is useless?

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This place gets smaller and smaller – like ADDForums …. I’ve got half the place on ignore. ADD is useless?

No, just certain posts.  Like this whole thread. — Ann e-mail address is not checked

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This place gets smaller and smaller – like ADDForums …. I’ve got half the place on ignore.

Here’s a hint. If you want to see more posts don’t put so many people on ignore.

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This place gets smaller and smaller – like ADDForums …. I’ve got half the place on ignore. Here’s a hint. If you want to see more posts don’t put so many people on ignore.

Gee, thanks.

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Gee, thanks.

Speaking of myself, herein … I feel completely sick to my stomach. I feel that I have two options … 1) Do nothing. 2) Make a complete stupid ass out of myself. I am screwed either way. When I start to make a complete stupid ass of myself, there is no going back. What sickens me the most is that ‘Doing Nothing’ is the worst of all possible choices. RL

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"Gee, thanks." ~ Brunibus "Tres Welcome ~ Devil Worshiper!" ~ Folly

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"Speaking of myself, Herein … I Feel Completely Sick To My Stomach. I feel That I have Two options … !.  Do nothing. !!. Make a complete stupid ass out of myself. I am screwed either Way. When I start to make A complete stupid ass of myself, there’s no going Back. What sickens me the most Is that ‘Doing Nothing’ is the worst Of all Possible choices." ~ Raving "Boring!" ~ Twittering "Cliche!" ~ Folly "Redundant!" White Chalk "Get with the program!" ~ Merlot

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Speaking of myself, Herein … I Feel Completely Sick To My Stomach. I feel That I have Two options … !.  Do nothing. !!. Make a complete stupid ass out of myself. I am screwed either Way. When I start to make A complete stupid ass of myself, there’s no going Back. What sickens me the most Is that ‘Doing Nothing’ is the worst Of all Possible choices." ~ Raving "Boring!" ~ Twittering "Cliche!" ~ Folly "Redundant!" White Chalk "Get with the program!" ~ Merlot

Oh yes. … There is one other remote possibility. The answer to the $64,000 question. Ignored.  ~ Raving

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Speaking of myself, Herein … I Feel Completely Sick To My Stomach. I feel That I have Two options … !.  Do nothing. !!. Make a complete stupid ass out of myself. I am screwed either Way. When I start to make A complete stupid ass of myself, there’s no going Back. What sickens me the most Is that ‘Doing Nothing’ is the worst Of all Possible choices." ~ Raving "Boring!" ~ Twittering "Cliche!" ~ Folly "Redundant!" White Chalk "Get with the program!" ~ Merlot Oh yes. … There is one other remote possibility. The answer to the $64,000 question. Ignored.  ~ Raving

So what am I waiting for? 1) The apathy which comes from repeated attempt and failure has broken me down. 2) Continuing to go it alone by myself feels most unsettling. Shouldn’t I have gotten the message by now, methinks? 3) I have lost sight of faith and hope. 4) The dispair of depression overtakes me.  .. and then there is the ‘What’s wrong with this’ ? I know the answer to that … Not important, … part of the answer, should I ever get to the point of working with an answer … Simply, not important. No answer. No help. … that’s the problem. What do I do about it? The difference between loneliness and alone ?    How I feel doesn’t fit <fit into the aforementioned description. Why?

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"Speaking of myself, Herein … I Feel Completely Sick To My Stomach.

What I fear the most is that my answer will go nowhere. Another failure. The failing has become too costly for me. Here is the perspective explanation … "Just do it!" ~~~~~ No! Simply ‘being myself’ without <thinking about it is akin to mapping myself onto myself. I project myself onto myself in a sort of 1 to 1 identity mapping. I feel like I hit a blanket of wet velvet. … suffocating in quicksand. This is the reason it doesn’t work. What can work? Answer: Projecting myself WITHIN myself. As silly as it seems, merely allowing myself to exist as a small volume within the ‘fantasy world’ of my own universe; of my own making The answer that doesn’t work ~~~~~ being the center of the natural universe The answer that DOES work ~~~~~~ being at the center of my own fantasy invention of reality. Kinky, eh? Am I really ‘phucked up’ or what?

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Speaking of myself, Herein … I Feel Completely Sick To My Stomach. What I fear the most is that my answer will go nowhere. Another failure. The failing has become too costly for me. Here is the perspective explanation … "Just do it!" ~~~~~ No! Simply ‘being myself’ without <thinking about it is akin to mapping myself onto myself. I project myself onto myself in a sort of 1 to 1 identity mapping. I feel like I hit a blanket of wet velvet. … suffocating in quicksand. This is the reason it doesn’t work. What can work? Answer: Projecting myself WITHIN myself. As silly as it seems, merely allowing myself to exist as a small volume within the ‘fantasy world’ of my own universe; of my own making The answer that doesn’t work ~~~~~ being the center of the natural universe The answer that DOES work ~~~~~~ being at the center of my own fantasy invention of reality. Kinky, eh? Am I really ‘phucked up’ or what?

Like AA says you need to recognize a power greater than youself. _g

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j r sherman wrote: > yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. > it’s bad poetry. > written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. > so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for > sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. > it’s free advice day. > love and kisses, > j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Hey, you were around when I was around on RAP, back in the not-crappy days. I posted as Kalera Stratton or Kalera Ashley then. -=Lola

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -j r sherman wrote: > In article <-f6dnU_ADPua2n7cRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… >>You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I >>think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. >>-=Lola > yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. > it’s bad poetry. > written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. > so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for > sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. > it’s free advice day. > love and kisses, > j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Like, "duh".

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In article <QdydnaOxD-QfvHncRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->j r sherman wrote: >> yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. >> it’s bad poetry. >> written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. >> so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for >> sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. >> it’s free advice day. >> love and kisses, >> j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman >Hey, you were around when I was around on RAP, back in the not-crappy >days. I posted as Kalera Stratton or Kalera Ashley then. >-=Lola

through copious bottles of red wine and various depravities on my part, my memory is now all shot to hell. so if i don’t remember you, that does not mean that you were not memorable. if that makes any sense. but anyway, welcome back, O human child, to the waters and the wild with a faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand. if that makes any sense either. love and kisses, j r "the REAL Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman — —————————————————————— "I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie last night."                         Roky Erikson ——————————————————————

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -j r sherman wrote: > through copious bottles of red wine and various depravities on my part, my > memory is now all shot to hell. so if i don’t remember you, that does not mean > that you were not memorable. > if that makes any sense. > but anyway, welcome back, O human child, to the waters and the wild > with a faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping > than you can understand. > if that makes any sense either. > love and kisses, > j r "the REAL Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Heh, thanks! I was drinking plenty of red wine in those days myself. Still do, on occasion, though I’ve found that minimizing my writing addiction also minimizes my drinking… funny that. -=Lola

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: > You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry > there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well > – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. > My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. > I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens > and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place > is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and > swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your > kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. >>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. > Ilya is >>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his > craft. >>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". > Up yours.

You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. -=Lola

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Dolores wrote: > ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: > > You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry > > there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well > > – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. > > My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. > > I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens > > and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place > > is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and > > swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your > > kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. > >>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. > > Ilya is > >>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his > > craft. > >>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". > > Up yours. > You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I > think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. > -=Lola

I’m not partial to Ilya’s doggerel, but he’s right about r.a.p. Even a year or two ago it was still a poetry group with a court jester. Not much poetry, but there was a leavening (Marek I remember with affection), and one or two worthwhile discussion threads in amongst all the Chuck-bashing. But from my last two lurks, the poets seem to have buggered off elsewhere and it’s just a beady-eyed Reptile House of exotic egos assembled around the Chuck carcass.

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In article <-f6dnU_ADPua2n7cRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: >> You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry >> there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well >> – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. >> My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. >> I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens >> and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place >> is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and >> swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your >> kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. >>>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. >> Ilya is >>>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his >> craft. >>>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". >> Up yours. >You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I >think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. >-=Lola

yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. it’s bad poetry. written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. it’s free advice day. love and kisses, j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman — —————————————————————— "I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie last night."                         Roky Erikson ——————————————————————

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the entire population of Liechtenstein wrote: > I’m not partial to Ilya’s doggerel, but he’s right about r.a.p. Even a > year or two ago it was still a poetry group with a court jester. Not > much poetry, but there was a leavening (Marek I remember with > affection), and one or two worthwhile discussion threads in amongst all > the Chuck-bashing. But from my last two lurks, the poets seem to have > buggered off elsewhere and it’s just a beady-eyed Reptile House of > exotic egos assembled around the Chuck carcass.

Yep. I checked in a while ago and it was just a waste of time. Nothing good on there at all. BTW, "Heart and Soul" applied to writing of any kind is not necessarily a compliment. -=Lola

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Rik Roots wrote: > That’s as may be, but Ilya chose to cross-post his poem to both rap and > aapc, where people demand more of a poem than just a sharing and > therapeutic experience. Usenet has different groups for different purposes, > and I for one will be glad when Ilya finally learns that the poetry groups > are for serious poetry discussion, not for sharing poems as part of the > healing process.

You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. > Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. Ilya is > nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his craft. > Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem".

Up yours.

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Rosena wrote: > This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone > shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up

That’s as may be, but Ilya chose to cross-post his poem to both rap and aapc, where people demand more of a poem than just a sharing and therapeutic experience. Usenet has different groups for different purposes, and I for one will be glad when Ilya finally learns that the poetry groups are for serious poetry discussion, not for sharing poems as part of the healing process. > Rosena > p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits

Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. Ilya is nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his craft. Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". Rik, knee deep. — http://www.kalieda.org/pctp A different approach to workshopping your poetry online …

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In message <1105153586.189623.175…@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, Rosena <filpri…@aol.com> writes >This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone >shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up

Ilya usually say who he gets his poems from. — The opinions given above may be mine. They might also     just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

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In message <1105153586.189623.175…@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, Rosena <filpri…@aol.com> writes >This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone >shares their special talents, humors, and gifts

Look at the cross-posts.  You’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.  We’re also in RAP where Ilya has no special talent (or any, come to that). > — lighten up

An ASD speciality, I presume? >Rosena >p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits

Only if you’re in ASD.  In RAP, it’s irredeemably bad. — Rob Evans When I see a swine I reach for 45-calibre pearls.

Response:

<ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> this should be posted to poetry groups.  everybody in these loneliness, shyness, depression groups says to find people with common interests you write poetry.   whining about how lonely you are is not a common interest. rec.arts.poems; alt.arts.poetry.comments <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1104158613.236231.310020@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I walk the city looking for a trace > Of my beloved, and she’s never there > I open up my arms for her embrace > And find myself engulfing winter air > I wake at night to feel her tender touch > And see beside me nothing but the darkness > I try to tell her I love her so much > And, lying next to me, her absence startles. > What has become of you? Where have you gone? > I cannot find you anywhere I go > We, that for so long time have been as one, > It seems like yesterday – two years ago. > Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves > Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, > Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves > And willingly submit to higher powers, > Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog > And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, > Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog > And fight with love what man is misconceiving, > Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town > And with it nurture people into freedom, > Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, > Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, > Perhaps you’re living on another plain > And seeing past and future, true and clear, > Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane > And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, > Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts > Of those who see you in your full resplendor, > Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards > And burn them until they become mere embers, > Or basking in the sun, or watching stars > At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, > Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, > Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – > I know not where you are, and like a tramp > I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, > Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, > The memory of you and of your kindness. > Ilya Shambat.

Response:

This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up Rosena p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -mr.cin wrote: > <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> > this should be posted to poetry groups.  everybody in these loneliness, > shyness, depression groups says to find people with common interests > you write poetry.   whining about how lonely you are is not a common > interest. > rec.arts.poems; alt.arts.poetry.comments > <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:1104158613.236231.310020@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com… > >I walk the city looking for a trace > > Of my beloved, and she’s never there > > I open up my arms for her embrace > > And find myself engulfing winter air > > I wake at night to feel her tender touch > > And see beside me nothing but the darkness > > I try to tell her I love her so much > > And, lying next to me, her absence startles. > > What has become of you? Where have you gone? > > I cannot find you anywhere I go > > We, that for so long time have been as one, > > It seems like yesterday – two years ago. > > Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves > > Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, > > Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves > > And willingly submit to higher powers, > > Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog > > And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, > > Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog > > And fight with love what man is misconceiving, > > Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town > > And with it nurture people into freedom, > > Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, > > Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, > > Perhaps you’re living on another plain > > And seeing past and future, true and clear, > > Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane > > And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, > > Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts > > Of those who see you in your full resplendor, > > Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards > > And burn them until they become mere embers, > > Or basking in the sun, or watching stars > > At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, > > Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, > > Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – > > I know not where you are, and like a tramp > > I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, > > Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, > > The memory of you and of your kindness. > > Ilya Shambat.

Response:

I walk the city looking for a trace Of my beloved, and she’s never there I open up my arms for her embrace And find myself engulfing winter air I wake at night to feel her tender touch And see beside me nothing but the darkness I try to tell her I love her so much And, lying next to me, her absence startles. What has become of you? Where have you gone? I cannot find you anywhere I go We, that for so long time have been as one, It seems like yesterday – two years ago. Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves And willingly submit to higher powers, Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog And fight with love what man is misconceiving, Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town And with it nurture people into freedom, Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, Perhaps you’re living on another plain And seeing past and future, true and clear, Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts Of those who see you in your full resplendor, Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards And burn them until they become mere embers, Or basking in the sun, or watching stars At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – I know not where you are, and like a tramp I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, The memory of you and of your kindness. Ilya Shambat.

Response:

I walk the city looking for a trace Of my beloved, and she’s never there I open up my arms for her embrace And find myself engulfing winter air I wake at night to feel her tender touch And see beside me nothing but the darkness I try to tell her I love her so much And, lying next to me, her absence startles. What has become of you? Where have you gone? I cannot find you anywhere I go We, that for so long time have been as one, It seems like yesterday – two years ago. Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves And willingly submit to higher powers, Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog And fight with love what man is misconceiving, Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town And with it nurture people into freedom, Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, Perhaps you’re living on another plain And seeing past and future, true and clear, Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts Of those who see you in your full resplendor, Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards And burn them until they become mere embers, Or basking in the sun, or watching stars At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – I know not where you are, and like a tramp I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, The memory of you and of your kindness. Ilya Shambat.

Response:

<ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> this should be posted to poetry groups.  everybody in these loneliness, shyness, depression groups says to find people with common interests you write poetry.   whining about how lonely you are is not a common interest. rec.arts.poems; alt.arts.poetry.comments <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1104158613.236231.310020@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I walk the city looking for a trace > Of my beloved, and she’s never there > I open up my arms for her embrace > And find myself engulfing winter air > I wake at night to feel her tender touch > And see beside me nothing but the darkness > I try to tell her I love her so much > And, lying next to me, her absence startles. > What has become of you? Where have you gone? > I cannot find you anywhere I go > We, that for so long time have been as one, > It seems like yesterday – two years ago. > Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves > Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, > Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves > And willingly submit to higher powers, > Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog > And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, > Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog > And fight with love what man is misconceiving, > Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town > And with it nurture people into freedom, > Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, > Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, > Perhaps you’re living on another plain > And seeing past and future, true and clear, > Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane > And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, > Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts > Of those who see you in your full resplendor, > Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards > And burn them until they become mere embers, > Or basking in the sun, or watching stars > At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, > Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, > Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – > I know not where you are, and like a tramp > I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, > Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, > The memory of you and of your kindness. > Ilya Shambat.

Response:

This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up Rosena p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -mr.cin wrote: > <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> > this should be posted to poetry groups.  everybody in these loneliness, > shyness, depression groups says to find people with common interests > you write poetry.   whining about how lonely you are is not a common > interest. > rec.arts.poems; alt.arts.poetry.comments > <ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:1104158613.236231.310020@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com… > >I walk the city looking for a trace > > Of my beloved, and she’s never there > > I open up my arms for her embrace > > And find myself engulfing winter air > > I wake at night to feel her tender touch > > And see beside me nothing but the darkness > > I try to tell her I love her so much > > And, lying next to me, her absence startles. > > What has become of you? Where have you gone? > > I cannot find you anywhere I go > > We, that for so long time have been as one, > > It seems like yesterday – two years ago. > > Perhaps you’re swimming in the ocean waves > > Or taking photographs of sun and flowers, > > Perhaps you are convinced that Jesus saves > > And willingly submit to higher powers, > > Perhaps you’ve raised another champion dog > > And take him to the dog shows where you’re living, > > Perhaps you’re drenched in dew and winter fog > > And fight with love what man is misconceiving, > > Perhaps you bring your beauty to your town > > And with it nurture people into freedom, > > Perhaps you, dressed in your red velvet gown, > > Find birds with broken wings and house and feed them, > > Perhaps you’re living on another plain > > And seeing past and future, true and clear, > > Perhaps you’re healing wounded and insane > > And free them from the grasp of the deceiver, > > Perhaps you’re loved, or treasured in the hearts > > Of those who see you in your full resplendor, > > Perhaps you’re breaking shatters into shards > > And burn them until they become mere embers, > > Or basking in the sun, or watching stars > > At night when all that lives becomes a shadow, > > Or, as I feel and conjure from afar, > > Playing with butterflies on a green meadow – > > I know not where you are, and like a tramp > > I stumble through the days, asleep and mindless, > > Carrying with me, like a worn-out lamp, > > The memory of you and of your kindness. > > Ilya Shambat.

Response:

In message <1105153586.189623.175…@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, Rosena <filpri…@aol.com> writes >This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone >shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up

Ilya usually say who he gets his poems from. — The opinions given above may be mine. They might also     just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

Response:

Mr. Cin wrote to Ilya Shambat in reply to a really beautiful poem: > This should be posted to poetry groups.   > everybody in these loneliness, > shyness, depression groups says to find > people with common interests > you write poetry.   whining about how lonely > you are is not a common interest.

Yes, this IS the loneliness group. And various topics are brought up here – either to rant off one’s loneliness, frustration or whatever. But there are also things that should distract people from their primary problems, which in itself is a refreshing attitude. Poetry itself can be taken as something per se, then of course it belongs to a poetry group as such. But poetry is always something else as well: when it talks about loneliness it is just another way to share with us people in here, but even when it would talk about anything else it could distract us a bit from whatever burdens us, don’t you think so, Mr. Cin? And ah, I take this is just a crosspost from ASD, because Alan and Rosena are disputing Ilya’s poem as well. I find those crossposts, that are ripped out of their contexts, much more annoying than poetry as such. People turn up who never really talk to us in here. I hate the absence of real communication, mates. I like Ilya’s poems. But why does he not really communicate? Are his poems a way to hide away after all? There are many contributors who prefer indirect ways. Many of these ways are beautiful, some, on the other hand, can be repelling. But all of them do not EASE the feeling of loneliness, they just manifest them, yah they even celebrate them. Period. Sumi

Response:

In message <1105153586.189623.175…@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, Rosena <filpri…@aol.com> writes >This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone >shares their special talents, humors, and gifts

Look at the cross-posts.  You’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.  We’re also in RAP where Ilya has no special talent (or any, come to that). > — lighten up

An ASD speciality, I presume? >Rosena >p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits

Only if you’re in ASD.  In RAP, it’s irredeemably bad. — Rob Evans When I see a swine I reach for 45-calibre pearls.

Response:

Rosena wrote: > This is silly.  Ilya’s poetry is just fine here in ASD where everyone > shares their special talents, humors, and gifts — lighten up

That’s as may be, but Ilya chose to cross-post his poem to both rap and aapc, where people demand more of a poem than just a sharing and therapeutic experience. Usenet has different groups for different purposes, and I for one will be glad when Ilya finally learns that the poetry groups are for serious poetry discussion, not for sharing poems as part of the healing process. > Rosena > p.s. a very nice poem with a few minor edits

Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. Ilya is nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his craft. Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". Rik, knee deep. — http://www.kalieda.org/pctp A different approach to workshopping your poetry online …

Response:

Rik Roots wrote: > That’s as may be, but Ilya chose to cross-post his poem to both rap and > aapc, where people demand more of a poem than just a sharing and > therapeutic experience. Usenet has different groups for different purposes, > and I for one will be glad when Ilya finally learns that the poetry groups > are for serious poetry discussion, not for sharing poems as part of the > healing process.

You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. > Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. Ilya is > nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his craft. > Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem".

Up yours.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: > You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry > there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well > – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. > My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. > I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens > and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place > is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and > swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your > kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. >>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. > Ilya is >>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his > craft. >>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". > Up yours.

You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. -=Lola

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Dolores wrote: > ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: > > You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry > > there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well > > – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. > > My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. > > I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens > > and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place > > is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and > > swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your > > kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. > >>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. > > Ilya is > >>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his > > craft. > >>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". > > Up yours. > You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I > think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. > -=Lola

I’m not partial to Ilya’s doggerel, but he’s right about r.a.p. Even a year or two ago it was still a poetry group with a court jester. Not much poetry, but there was a leavening (Marek I remember with affection), and one or two worthwhile discussion threads in amongst all the Chuck-bashing. But from my last two lurks, the poets seem to have buggered off elsewhere and it’s just a beady-eyed Reptile House of exotic egos assembled around the Chuck carcass.

Response:

In article <-f6dnU_ADPua2n7cRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->ilya_shambat2…@yahoo.com wrote: >> You’re a moron. Look at r.a.p. and tell me if there is serious poetry >> there. All you have is idiots like JR Sherman and Peter Ross and – well >> – you, attacking everyone while posting nothing worth reading at all. >> My poetry is by far the best posted on r.a.p. in a long, long time. >> I remember when the place was alive, with people like Marek and Smolens >> and Hillary Joyce putting up work that was worthwhile. Now, the place >> is full of idiocy, anal-retentiveness, pettiness, cruelty and >> swinishness. What I write is a relief from the idiocy of you & your >> kind of people. My work is real poetry; yours is trash. >>>Sylvia and Anne cared enough about their craft to write good poems. >> Ilya is >>>nowhere near their standard, and shows no interest in improving his >> craft. >>>Whatever he wrote, it was not "a very nice poem". >> Up yours. >You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I >think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. >-=Lola

yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. it’s bad poetry. written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. it’s free advice day. love and kisses, j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman — —————————————————————— "I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie last night."                         Roky Erikson ——————————————————————

Response:

the entire population of Liechtenstein wrote: > I’m not partial to Ilya’s doggerel, but he’s right about r.a.p. Even a > year or two ago it was still a poetry group with a court jester. Not > much poetry, but there was a leavening (Marek I remember with > affection), and one or two worthwhile discussion threads in amongst all > the Chuck-bashing. But from my last two lurks, the poets seem to have > buggered off elsewhere and it’s just a beady-eyed Reptile House of > exotic egos assembled around the Chuck carcass.

Yep. I checked in a while ago and it was just a waste of time. Nothing good on there at all. BTW, "Heart and Soul" applied to writing of any kind is not necessarily a compliment. -=Lola

Response:

j r sherman wrote: > yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. > it’s bad poetry. > written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. > so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for > sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. > it’s free advice day. > love and kisses, > j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Hey, you were around when I was around on RAP, back in the not-crappy days. I posted as Kalera Stratton or Kalera Ashley then. -=Lola

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -j r sherman wrote: > In article <-f6dnU_ADPua2n7cRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… >>You were there when I was a regular poster too, ten years ago or so I >>think. Your poetry is full of heart and soul. >>-=Lola > yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. > it’s bad poetry. > written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. > so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for > sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. > it’s free advice day. > love and kisses, > j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Like, "duh".

Response:

In article <QdydnaOxD-QfvHncRVn…@comcast.com>, Dolores says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->j r sherman wrote: >> yeah, but it’s…ya know, bad. >> it’s bad poetry. >> written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s doing. >> so, like, ya know, go out and read some good poetry, so that you’ll know for >> sure Lymbata’s poetry is, ya know, bad. >> it’s free advice day. >> love and kisses, >> j r "Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman >Hey, you were around when I was around on RAP, back in the not-crappy >days. I posted as Kalera Stratton or Kalera Ashley then. >-=Lola

through copious bottles of red wine and various depravities on my part, my memory is now all shot to hell. so if i don’t remember you, that does not mean that you were not memorable. if that makes any sense. but anyway, welcome back, O human child, to the waters and the wild with a faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand. if that makes any sense either. love and kisses, j r "the REAL Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman — —————————————————————— "I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie, I walked with a Zombie last night."                         Roky Erikson ——————————————————————

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -j r sherman wrote: > through copious bottles of red wine and various depravities on my part, my > memory is now all shot to hell. so if i don’t remember you, that does not mean > that you were not memorable. > if that makes any sense. > but anyway, welcome back, O human child, to the waters and the wild > with a faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping > than you can understand. > if that makes any sense either. > love and kisses, > j r "the REAL Mr. Heart and Soul" sherman

Heh, thanks! I was drinking plenty of red wine in those days myself. Still do, on occasion, though I’ve found that minimizing my writing addiction also minimizes my drinking… funny that. -=Lola

Response:

Hi all, Good to see that I’m not alone in this lonely hell. What can I say but misery loves company! A brief introduction: I’m 27, male, and so very average in appearance. Oh, and I don’t have much of a ‘personality’. My bank account lacks about three or four zeroes to qualify for ’sparkling’. And I live in the wonderfully bizarre country of South Africa. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and won’t ever have one. Needless to say, I’m a genetic dead-end. Yep, involuntary celibacy isn’t just a downer, it’s a life wrecker. I know all about pain, worthlessness, depression and loneliness. Thought about suicide a lot until about a year ago. On more than one occasion I had the gun to my head. Only one problem, I’m a christian and I couldn’t do it. Not yet anyway. Not as long as my mother’s still alive. She’s the only person that still cares about my existence. It would destroy her life as well. So I’m doing the responsible thing and I’m living as the walking dead. My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet? I have it mostly under control, but every now and again it surges back with a vengeance. Also note that alcohol does not work. All you end up doing is hurling all over the furniture. Best regards from the african bush, J.

Response:

southern_cross_regim…@yahoo.com (Morbid_Plague) wrote in news:3f0727d0.0410011322.5cc06e9c@posting.google.com: > My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet?

SSRIs & psychotherapy are a good start.  As to the horrors of youth, there’s no solution except aging. — "It’s not a toy, it’s a real oven that bakes muffins, and it’s powered by Love." –Sea Lab 2021.

Response:

southern_cross_regim…@yahoo.com (Morbid_Plague) wrote in message <news:3f0727d0.0410011322.5cc06e9c@posting.google.com>… > Hi all, > Good to see that I’m not alone in this lonely hell. What can I say but > misery loves company! > A brief introduction: I’m 27, male, and so very average in appearance. > Oh, and I don’t have much of a ‘personality’. My bank account lacks > about three or four zeroes to qualify for ’sparkling’.

"Personality" = bank balance. Got that bit right. Though this tends to be more so after the age of 40. At your age, you could still get marks for "potential". Try looking as if you’re going places. (Try believing it first.) > And I live in > the wonderfully bizarre country of South Africa. > I’ve never had a girlfriend, and won’t ever have one. Needless to say, > I’m a genetic dead-end. Yep, involuntary celibacy isn’t just a downer, > it’s a life wrecker. I know all about pain, worthlessness, depression > and loneliness. Thought about suicide a lot until about a year ago. On > more than one occasion I had the gun to my head. Only one problem, I’m > a christian and I couldn’t do it. Not yet anyway. Not as long as my > mother’s still alive. She’s the only person that still cares about my > existence. It would destroy her life as well. So I’m doing the > responsible thing and I’m living as the walking dead. > My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet?

My own preferred "solutions", for what they’re worth: 1. wanking 2. posting idiotic crap on newsgroups 3. drinking 4. smoking (tobacco, can’t be doing with the other stuff) 5. entertaining absurd, impossible "romances" with women in other countries the other side of the world who only ever get to see me through a blurred, misfocussed webcam 6. working longer and longer hours 7. getting older 8. subscribing to a toytown cable Internet/phone provider. That way you can relieve your loneliness by talking to the technical support people whenever your Net connection or phone stop working, which is frequently 9. wanking > I have it mostly under control, but every now and again it surges back > with a vengeance. Also note that alcohol does not work. All you end up > doing is hurling all over the furniture.

That means you’re drinking the "wrong stuff, at the wrong time, in the wrong place" as John Kerry would say. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Best regards from the african bush, > J.

Response:

Dear Morbid, You didn’t mention why you’ve never had a girlfriend and won’t. The staggering truth about the vast majority of people…is that we are all stupendously ordinary…TV and the media may make it appear that the world is crawling with fascinating and beautiful people who never work or have problems..but most people really do live lives of "quiet desperation" . I know this  will probably sound like a cliche –but go and try to find someone else to help out…To make a friend you need to be a friend..and you may find someone of similar heart doing the exact same thing!! Greetings in Christ…Your sister, F "Morbid_Plague" <southern_cross_regim…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:3f0727d0.0410011322.5cc06e9c@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > Good to see that I’m not alone in this lonely hell. What can I say but > misery loves company! > A brief introduction: I’m 27, male, and so very average in appearance. > Oh, and I don’t have much of a ‘personality’. My bank account lacks > about three or four zeroes to qualify for ’sparkling’. And I live in > the wonderfully bizarre country of South Africa. > I’ve never had a girlfriend, and won’t ever have one. Needless to say, > I’m a genetic dead-end. Yep, involuntary celibacy isn’t just a downer, > it’s a life wrecker. I know all about pain, worthlessness, depression > and loneliness. Thought about suicide a lot until about a year ago. On > more than one occasion I had the gun to my head. Only one problem, I’m > a christian and I couldn’t do it. Not yet anyway. Not as long as my > mother’s still alive. She’s the only person that still cares about my > existence. It would destroy her life as well. So I’m doing the > responsible thing and I’m living as the walking dead. > My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet? > I have it mostly under control, but every now and again it surges back > with a vengeance. Also note that alcohol does not work. All you end up > doing is hurling all over the furniture. > Best regards from the african bush, > J.

Response:

Eerie Cabinets of Dr. Rodent’s post: > southern_cross_regim…@yahoo.com (Morbid_Plague) wrote in > news:3f0727d0.0410011322.5cc06e9c@posting.google.com: >> My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet? > SSRIs & psychotherapy are a good start.  As to the horrors of youth, > there’s no solution except aging.

Anti-depressants and counselling helped me mute the pain/rage. Also realizing that it’s not unusual to feel this inadequate so get used to it. Like Eerie says aging can help (sometimes it’s depressing though). Finding stuff to do that takes your mind off your misery is useful. If you actually like being with people, joining some kind of club could work.

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Sklenge <skle…@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in news:BD85F063.23D5D%sklenge@yahoo.co.uk: > Like Eerie says aging can help (sometimes it’s depressing though).

As of yet it’s not as bad as being a boy. — "It’s not a toy, it’s a real oven that bakes muffins, and it’s powered by Love." –Sea Lab 2021.

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I started up my own nation state, Olland. As I type this, I am 1 hour ahead of GMT, as I go off OMT. I’ve got skalds to compose and stuff like that concerning the mighty deeds of my realm. Also got to have a constitution or something. I’ve already got the Ollish National Anthem though, it’s "The Moonwomb" and it’s not really very good. Probbly needs re-composing. Ollish national costume involves wearing crap, cheapo clothes from Primark or somewhere like that. Any given coat will always have missing buttons because the Ollish King is totally crap with his hands and can’t sew or anything. There’s Ollish Cuisine though, a couple of recipes there: Sandcastle Salad Sandwiches, Sandcastle Stew, Sandcastle-Fried Mushrooms + Neutron Sandwiches (the Sandcastle prefix doesn’t apply to these latter as they were invented years ago before the founding of the Ollish Nation). There’s Ollish Art, which is in line with the Serendipitous / Paranoiac school of painting. There’s a National Animal too, the Spider. This creature is immortalised on the wall in the living room of Olizaus (the capital of Olland) by this freaky kind of novelty Halloween spider thing. When you switch it on, and make a loud noise near it, it trembles into motion, emitting a really eerie, theremin-like wail, and its eyes light up. There is a law in Olland that says that no man may harm a spider, as they deserve respect and stuff. Anyway, a whole bunch of other rubbish like that. And I’ve even been eligible for international aid!There’s an army from an allied nation on my doorstep as I type this, sent to disperse certain spiritual evils that have been gnawing at the very borders of my desmesne. Start your own country – it’s an eye-opener. It’ll certainly keep you busy, as it has myself. OTS "Morbid_Plague" <southern_cross_regim…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:3f0727d0.0410011322.5cc06e9c@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > Good to see that I’m not alone in this lonely hell. What can I say but > misery loves company! > A brief introduction: I’m 27, male, and so very average in appearance. > Oh, and I don’t have much of a ‘personality’. My bank account lacks > about three or four zeroes to qualify for ’sparkling’. And I live in > the wonderfully bizarre country of South Africa. > I’ve never had a girlfriend, and won’t ever have one. Needless to say, > I’m a genetic dead-end. Yep, involuntary celibacy isn’t just a downer, > it’s a life wrecker. I know all about pain, worthlessness, depression > and loneliness. Thought about suicide a lot until about a year ago. On > more than one occasion I had the gun to my head. Only one problem, I’m > a christian and I couldn’t do it. Not yet anyway. Not as long as my > mother’s still alive. She’s the only person that still cares about my > existence. It would destroy her life as well. So I’m doing the > responsible thing and I’m living as the walking dead. > My question is this: Has anyone figured out how to mute the pain yet? > I have it mostly under control, but every now and again it surges back > with a vengeance. Also note that alcohol does not work. All you end up > doing is hurling all over the furniture. > Best regards from the african bush, > J.

— Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.778 / Virus Database: 525 – Release Date: 15/10/2004

Response:

> It looks fine on my box df.  I have my shmantzy LCD turned to nearly it’s > dimmest setting too.  Do you know any other languages?  My brief > encounters with VBA (having read up on VB a few years ago) have led me to > the conclusion that it’s a horrible language.  I can do perl!  Tried > learning C first but didn’t use it (couldn’t think of anything I wanted) > so doesn’t count. Nice and straightforward though

Just C and Java, although I typically have to look up half of the stuff in C (esp. file operations) when I use it. I’ve written a couple of command line only C programs, because I don’t know shit all about the MFC and Visual aspect yet. I thought perl was a scripting language, sort of for doing complicated and repetitive search and replace functions. Maybe it’s more powerful than that. I don’t know jack shit about web authoring, aside from very basic HTML and CSS. I’m really becoming a dinosaur!

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2m1387Fhc202U1@uni-berlin.de: >> Personally, I do most of my work in Java.  The tools are free. >> Despite what people who tried it six years ago seem to think, it’s >> actually quite fast these days (nearly "as fast as C").  Plus, the >> stock library is immense.  For instance, a year or two ago I needed a >> "fire and forget" type of program to tweak some midi files.  It >> turned out the library had exactly what I needed–tools to manipulate >> raw midi data.  The job took maybe an hour. > My Java skills aren’t too bad, but I just hate the language and the > SDK and everyting else about it. I really should be porting everything > over to C++.

Why do you hate Java and not C++? > My basic C skills are up to par, but it’s all the > GUI/file operations and such that I am just so used to doing in piss > easy VB that are making me slow in going over.

How do you handle I/O errors in VB? >> Cool.  Thanks. > Not done yet. It’s harder than you think deciding on colours!

Oh, I’m well aware!

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> Personally, I do most of my work in Java.  The tools are free.  Despite > what people who tried it six years ago seem to think, it’s actually quite > fast these days (nearly "as fast as C").  Plus, the stock library is > immense.  For instance, a year or two ago I needed a "fire and forget" > type of program to tweak some midi files.  It turned out the library had > exactly what I needed–tools to manipulate raw midi data.  The job took > maybe an hour.

My Java skills aren’t too bad, but I just hate the language and the SDK and everyting else about it. I really should be porting everything over to C++. My basic C skills are up to par, but it’s all the GUI/file operations and such that I am just so used to doing in piss easy VB that are making me slow in going over. > What would you say is the average length of those programs?

Nothing over 1000 lines of code. Actually my longest program is right on that. On average maybe 300-400. > Cool.  Thanks.

Not done yet. It’s harder than you think deciding on colours!

Response:

Little Monster <r…@localhost.localdomain> wrote in news:pan.2004.07.18.20.05.57.455900@localhost.localdomain: > It looks fine on my box df.  I have my shmantzy LCD turned to nearly > it’s dimmest setting too.  Do you know any other languages?  My brief > encounters with VBA (having read up on VB a few years ago) have led me > to the conclusion that it’s a horrible language.  I can do perl! > Tried learning C first but didn’t use it (couldn’t think of anything I > wanted) so doesn’t count. Nice and straightforward though

I’ve tried to get into Perl about a half-dozen times and just can’t.  All the little exceptions and short-cuts are too much for me to remember between usages.  IIRC, Larry Wall himself admits in "Programming Perl" that Perl sits best with people who use it for at least a few minutes every day.   It’s little wonder I can’t grok the thing, then, since I can easily go months without writing a line of code. Maybe I just haven’t had all the "aha!" moments I need to with Perl.  It took me a couple of years of "aha!" moments to really get comfortable with C, but at this point in my "career," I can write 1000 lines of C before even bothering to compile it, and get maybe one or two errors.  No problem. Different strokes, I guess.

Response:

On Sun, 18 Jul 2004 15:58:57 +1000, the world was enlightented by Darkfalz, unto whom the words are attributed: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Lash Rambo" <lra…@obmarl.com> wrote in message > news:Xns952986876DE32lramboobmarlcom@68.12.19.6… >> "Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2lt23aFfa63qU1@uni- >> berlin.de: >> > I have a blog now. >> > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ >> > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice. >> Holy shit.  I had no idea you were so prolific an author of completed >> software!  I feel shamed! > They’re all in VB so far. My C++ sucks. The shame is on me! > None of my software could truly be called "software", ie. something which > runs for a while and does something. They’re pretty much all click and exit > tools to do simply byte manipulation or conversions of files. >> Not sure if you have some fancy shmantzy 300" LCD that’s as bright as the >> sun, but from my end, black text on a blue background is hard as hell to >> read.  I had to CTRL+A your pages to be able to read them. > Just a regular CRT. Yeah that’s probably not a great colour scheme but it > looked okay on my screen, thanks to the stylesheet it will be easy to > change.

It looks fine on my box df.  I have my shmantzy LCD turned to nearly it’s dimmest setting too.  Do you know any other languages?  My brief encounters with VBA (having read up on VB a few years ago) have led me to the conclusion that it’s a horrible language.  I can do perl!  Tried learning C first but didn’t use it (couldn’t think of anything I wanted) so doesn’t count. Nice and straightforward though MOnster — I am the sexiest man in the UuuuKaaaayy All the girls love me And I will never grow Ooollldd I am the sexiest man in the UuuKaaaay! http://www.the-monstruum.co.uk

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2luhtbFgkg9cU1@uni-berlin.de: > "Lash Rambo" <lra…@obmarl.com> wrote in message > news:Xns952986876DE32lramboobmarlcom@68.12.19.6… >> "Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2lt23aFfa63qU1@uni- >> berlin.de: >> > I have a blog now. >> > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ >> > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice. >> Holy shit.  I had no idea you were so prolific an author of completed >> software!  I feel shamed! > They’re all in VB so far. My C++ sucks. The shame is on me!

Nothing wrong with that, really.  I guess if you were really worried about it, you could learn something like DarkBasic, which is supposed to be "as fast as C", and is like, $50. Personally, I do most of my work in Java.  The tools are free.  Despite what people who tried it six years ago seem to think, it’s actually quite fast these days (nearly "as fast as C").  Plus, the stock library is immense.  For instance, a year or two ago I needed a "fire and forget" type of program to tweak some midi files.  It turned out the library had exactly what I needed–tools to manipulate raw midi data.  The job took maybe an hour. > None of my software could truly be called "software", ie. something > which runs for a while and does something. They’re pretty much all > click and exit tools to do simply byte manipulation or conversions of > files.

What would you say is the average length of those programs? >> Not sure if you have some fancy shmantzy 300" LCD that’s as bright as >> the sun, but from my end, black text on a blue background is hard as >> hell to read.  I had to CTRL+A your pages to be able to read them. > Just a regular CRT. Yeah that’s probably not a great colour scheme but > it looked okay on my screen, thanks to the stylesheet it will be easy > to change.

Cool.  Thanks.

Response:

Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > Not to worry about your connection: mine has to be the pits:), and > always disconnects, while other people;s line seemed to just remain > fine and stable. Of course they did not have dial-up, nor did they > have FreeNet, i.e. a free server, but with limited online time and > frequent disconenctions…. > Including for not typing for over *30 seconds*, which voice sees to > rid of. > But say I type chat with someone…Whilew they type, I have to type > three lil dots at my end ("…") to make sure my line stays > connected….  Pain in the schmurf, that.

Wow. Schmurf? …

Response:

"Lash Rambo" <lra…@obmarl.com> wrote in message

news:Xns952986876DE32lramboobmarlcom@68.12.19.6… > "Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2lt23aFfa63qU1@uni- > berlin.de: > > I have a blog now. > > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ > > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice. > Holy shit.  I had no idea you were so prolific an author of completed > software!  I feel shamed!

They’re all in VB so far. My C++ sucks. The shame is on me! None of my software could truly be called "software", ie. something which runs for a while and does something. They’re pretty much all click and exit tools to do simply byte manipulation or conversions of files. > Not sure if you have some fancy shmantzy 300" LCD that’s as bright as the > sun, but from my end, black text on a blue background is hard as hell to > read.  I had to CTRL+A your pages to be able to read them.

Just a regular CRT. Yeah that’s probably not a great colour scheme but it looked okay on my screen, thanks to the stylesheet it will be easy to change.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Darkfalz wrote: > "Victor" <little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au> wrote in message > news:40f7c0d7$0$1298$5a62ac22@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au… > > Would an audio blog be a good idea? > > If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record > > various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal > > crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? > > I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here > > listen to them no matter how pointless it was? > > Just curious. > I have a blog now. > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice.

You need more in the "about me" section on your site.

Response:

"Victor" <little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au> wrote in message news:40f9563b$0$1290$5a62ac22@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Darkfalz wrote: > > "Victor" <little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au> wrote in message > > news:40f7c0d7$0$1298$5a62ac22@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au… > > > Would an audio blog be a good idea? > > > If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record > > > various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal > > > crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? > > > I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here > > > listen to them no matter how pointless it was? > > > Just curious. > > I have a blog now. > > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ > > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice. > You need more in the "about me" section on your site.

Soon.

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"Darkfalz" <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in news:2lt23aFfa63qU1@uni- berlin.de: > I have a blog now. > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice.

Holy shit.  I had no idea you were so prolific an author of completed software!  I feel shamed! Not sure if you have some fancy shmantzy 300" LCD that’s as bright as the sun, but from my end, black text on a blue background is hard as hell to read.  I had to CTRL+A your pages to be able to read them.

Response:

Not to worry about your connection: mine has to be the pits:), and always disconnects, while other people;s line seemed to just remain fine and stable. Of course they did not have dial-up, nor did they have FreeNet, i.e. a free server, but with limited online time and frequent disconenctions…. Including for not typing for over *30 seconds*, which voice sees to rid of. But say I type chat with someone…Whilew they type, I have to type three lil dots at my end ("…") to make sure my line stays connected…. Pain in the schmurf, that.  "Victor" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: >> >> >> >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? >> >> >> >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) >> >> >> >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) >> >> >> >> > Yes I would. >> >> >> >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? >> >> >> >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) >> >> >> >> Key dookey. >> >> >> >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. >> >> >> >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) >> >> >> >> Chloe >> >> >> > I don’t have a microphone yet. >> >> >> > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. >> >> >> > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole >> my >> >> > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I >> guess.  >> >> >> >> >> Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. >> >> >> From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" >> and a >> >> few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all >> over the >> net >> and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens >> in RL where >> some >> of the expressions I make up catch on and are >> now part of >> Quebec’s >> language and expressions.  Like "Three for >> a dollar at >> Wall-Mart" >> which was originally "…at K-Mart", as >> we had no wall >> marts here at >> the time;-), and others had no >> K-Mart. The >> expression I made about >> the type of friends that >> say they are >> friends and are not acting like >> friends would at >> all: cheap sort >> of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar >> type"…but so >> many more…  >> >> >> >> >> In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness >> and >> >> offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you >> contributed to >> >> something the support ngs are supposed to be >> about: support against >> >> loneliness -or against shyness, why not, >> and possubly against >> >> depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT >> is a contribution!  >> Having >> such an idea stolen just shows how >> valuable it is, and >> offers it >> recognition on the spot for how >> valid it is too, and for >> how many >> might benefit from trying >> this.  In your own way, you >> might have >> changed the face of many >> support ngs’ trends.  >> >> >> >> >> Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I >> >> read >> this morning so far (Bababababarf!) >> >> >> Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign >> >> something >> always reminds me of my mother…. >> >> >> We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more >> >> >> fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would >> >> just >> pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for >> >> my "new >> house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would >> see >> my father >> build for her one day. The "new house" never >> came, and >> all the >> objects went out of date, obsolete. >> >> >> Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… >> >> >> Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it >> >> reminds >> her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, >> >> >> she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would >> >> for >> each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her >> >> ages ago, >> still in its box… >> >> >> To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and >> somethign >> to >> remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of >> years ago by >> >> always remembering who gave her what and never >> confusing by >> offering, >> say, something I gave her to one of my >> sibblings for >> their bday.  >> To me, receiving one "back" is >> always a reminder of >> how by waiting >> for the right day, the >> right moment and the right >> tools, we let life >> pass us by.  And >> I have an occasion to measure >> it each and every bday >> I >> have…;-) >> >> >> >> >> Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of >> my >> >> time pass me by again! >> >> >> Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some >> >> >> lurkers remember today to seize the day. >> >> >> The time we kill is the only time we have…. >> >> >> Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or >> >> not.  >> Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there >> >> is always >> snail mail:) >> >> >> Chloe >> >> > New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need >> to >> > get the microphone. >> >> > I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one >> >> > from an actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I >> may >> > never recieve. >> >> Paid mine four dolalrs in a Radio Shack. >> >> I tried the 20 bucks two ways, adn they dontl do two ways at all >> >> anyway, so barf to that. The cheap ones work fine:) >> >> A friend also bought me as a present an expensive hands free type >> that >> allows oen to answer voice  no matter where they are in the >> house. But >> interferecne makes it so that it doe snot work unless I >> am facing the >> puter. It also has the supposed two way talk that I >> find is just more >> irritating than anything else. Besides, Yahoo >> offers it in chosing >> either the hands free or the one way voice >> chat, or did. Dunno fi >> they threw that option out sicne the last >> upgrade two days >> ago….Have not tried it yet, eh. >> > —————————————————— >> > I was looking at a small one that you can clip onto the top of a >> > laptop monitor. >> Mine was supposedly so you could clip it on your clothes/collar.The >> clip broke aftert two time,s which did not matter as it is best held >> anyway. >>  > Oh >> yeah, I’m getting a >> laptop by the way. > I could post here while sitting on the can. <:P >> > —————————————————— >> How to make he word "Blog" become "Plop" in no time….;-) >> That will brign back memories. >> My last long time penpal would have this advantage., As a rsult, his >> place was always tied up as he woudl house clean as we spoke. Mne >> became a gigantic mess as I had to be at the puter to chat. Which is >> why he sent me the wire free chat thingummie..Sadly it did not work. >> But a cell phone I used to have woudl only work rarely in this >> building, Soemthign somewhere makes interference and blocked the >> waves. >> >> Man, what a blargh heavy humid day we will ahve!! Yet the skies >> were >> true blue and no rain clouds in sight the last tiem I looked >> through >> the window… >> >> Me thinks me better try and start the old air co, even if it cools >> >> close to nothing, in case it coudl get some humidity out of the >> >> house… >> > —————————————————— >> > And I’m freezing. >> > It is so incredible cold here right now. >> > —————————————————— >> Telling a Quebcer about "cold"…?;-) >> How cold is cold in your neck of the woods? >> Here, we usually mean at least miunus 40 F with wind factor making it >> -60.  Or a flat -40 that lasts longer than 6 weeks will get us to >> moan about it for sure. >> The only thing I mind about it is havign to warm up the car -everyoen >> else has remote save me of course, liek everyoen else has decent ir >> co on their cars too, eh. >> Yet I am the one with Graves, i.e. sensitive to the slightest change >> of temperature…. >> Life, huh?;-) > —————————————————— > I can tolerate hot weather fairly well, but when it comes to cold, > that’s a different story. > —————————————————— >> >> There is a family annual picnic today….I shoudl think of going, >> but >> my car is in such a dangerous state that it makes me worry a >> lot to >> drive it on such a road in that condition…..Still…I >> shoudl go….  >> Mom might not be there for long, at 81 going on >> 82….  >> And it is important to her to see all her descendants once >> a year, >> each tiem thinkign it might be the last time, not only for >> her, but >> for us to see her with us….. >> >> Got so much to do though…Like handwash laundry and clean the >> house >> and wash floors and blankets and cook meals or soemthign for >> the >> week, which I never end up doing, lackign time in only two >> >> days….Where going to the pic nicc will eman havign only oen >> >> left….Coudl always try and bring my laundry "home" to do it, but >> >> with everyoen going there, odds are that 30 will do the same. >> (Large >> family, seven kids and many grand kids, great grand kids >> and even >> great great grand kids in it by now…Last count was I >> think 130 >> countign spouses, but it might have doubled for all I >> know since the >> last time….) >> > —————————————————— >> > That is one large family. >> > I’ve got like 6 people in my family. Rarely hear from any of them >> > either.

… read more »

Response:

"Victor" <little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au> wrote in message news:40f7c0d7$0$1298$5a62ac22@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au… > Would an audio blog be a good idea? > If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record > various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal > crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? > I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here > listen to them no matter how pointless it was? > Just curious.

I have a blog now. http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Darkfalz wrote: > "Victor" <little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au> wrote in message > news:40f7c0d7$0$1298$5a62ac22@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au… > > Would an audio blog be a good idea? > > If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record > > various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal > > crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? > > I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here > > listen to them no matter how pointless it was? > > Just curious. > I have a blog now. > http://darkfalz.kiczek.com/ > I’d rather write than speak, I don’t like my voice.

I’m checking it out now.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > >> >> >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? > >> >> >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) > >> >> >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) > >> >> >> > Yes I would. > >> >> >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? > >> >> >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) > >> >> >> Key dookey. > >> >> >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. > >> >> >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) > >> >> >> Chloe > >> >> > I don’t have a microphone yet. > >> >> > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. > >> >> > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole > my >> >> > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I > guess.  >> >> > >> >> Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. > >> >> From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" > and a >> >> few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all > over the >> net >> and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens > in RL where >> some >> of the expressions I make up catch on and are > now part of >> Quebec’s >> language and expressions.  Like "Three for > a dollar at >> Wall-Mart" >> which was originally "…at K-Mart", as > we had no wall >> marts here at >> the time;-), and others had no > K-Mart. The >> expression I made about >> the type of friends that > say they are >> friends and are not acting like >> friends would at > all: cheap sort >> of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar >> type"…but so > many more…  >> >> > >> >> In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness > and >> >> offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you > contributed to >> >> something the support ngs are supposed to be > about: support against >> >> loneliness -or against shyness, why not, > and possubly against >> >> depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT > is a contribution!  >> Having >> such an idea stolen just shows how > valuable it is, and >> offers it >> recognition on the spot for how > valid it is too, and for >> how many >> might benefit from trying > this.  In your own way, you >> might have >> changed the face of many > support ngs’ trends.  >> >> > >> >> Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I > >> read >> this morning so far (Bababababarf!) > >> >> Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign > >> something >> always reminds me of my mother…. > >> >> We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more > >> >> fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would > >> just >> pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for > >> my "new >> house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would > see >> my father >> build for her one day. The "new house" never > came, and >> all the >> objects went out of date, obsolete. > >> >> Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… > >> >> Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it > >> reminds >> her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, > >> >> she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would > >> for >> each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her > >> ages ago, >> still in its box… > >> >> To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and > somethign >> to >> remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of > years ago by >> >> always remembering who gave her what and never > confusing by >> offering, >> say, something I gave her to one of my > sibblings for >> their bday.  >> To me, receiving one "back" is > always a reminder of >> how by waiting >> for the right day, the > right moment and the right >> tools, we let life >> pass us by.  And > I have an occasion to measure >> it each and every bday >> I > have…;-) >> >> > >> >> Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of > my >> >> time pass me by again! > >> >> Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some > >> >> lurkers remember today to seize the day. > >> >> The time we kill is the only time we have…. > >> >> Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or > >> not.  >> Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there > >> is always >> snail mail:) > >> >> Chloe > >> > New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need > to >> > get the microphone. > >> > I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one > >> > from an actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I > may >> > never recieve. > >> Paid mine four dolalrs in a Radio Shack. > >> I tried the 20 bucks two ways, adn they dontl do two ways at all > >> anyway, so barf to that. The cheap ones work fine:) > >> A friend also bought me as a present an expensive hands free type > that >> allows oen to answer voice  no matter where they are in the > house. But >> interferecne makes it so that it doe snot work unless I > am facing the >> puter. It also has the supposed two way talk that I > find is just more >> irritating than anything else. Besides, Yahoo > offers it in chosing >> either the hands free or the one way voice > chat, or did. Dunno fi >> they threw that option out sicne the last > upgrade two days >> ago….Have not tried it yet, eh. > > —————————————————— > > I was looking at a small one that you can clip onto the top of a > > laptop monitor. > Mine was supposedly so you could clip it on your clothes/collar.The > clip broke aftert two time,s which did not matter as it is best held > anyway. >  > Oh > yeah, I’m getting a > laptop by the way. > I could post here while sitting on the can. <:P > > —————————————————— > How to make he word "Blog" become "Plop" in no time….;-) > That will brign back memories. > My last long time penpal would have this advantage., As a rsult, his > place was always tied up as he woudl house clean as we spoke. Mne > became a gigantic mess as I had to be at the puter to chat. Which is > why he sent me the wire free chat thingummie..Sadly it did not work. > But a cell phone I used to have woudl only work rarely in this > building, Soemthign somewhere makes interference and blocked the > waves. > >> Man, what a blargh heavy humid day we will ahve!! Yet the skies > were >> true blue and no rain clouds in sight the last tiem I looked > through >> the window… > >> Me thinks me better try and start the old air co, even if it cools > >> close to nothing, in case it coudl get some humidity out of the > >> house… > > —————————————————— > > And I’m freezing. > > It is so incredible cold here right now. > > —————————————————— > Telling a Quebcer about "cold"…?;-) > How cold is cold in your neck of the woods? > Here, we usually mean at least miunus 40 F with wind factor making it > -60.  Or a flat -40 that lasts longer than 6 weeks will get us to > moan about it for sure. > The only thing I mind about it is havign to warm up the car -everyoen > else has remote save me of course, liek everyoen else has decent ir > co on their cars too, eh. > Yet I am the one with Graves, i.e. sensitive to the slightest change > of temperature…. > Life, huh?;-)

—————————————————— I can tolerate hot weather fairly well, but when it comes to cold, that’s a different story. —————————————————— – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> There is a family annual picnic today….I shoudl think of going, > but >> my car is in such a dangerous state that it makes me worry a > lot to >> drive it on such a road in that condition…..Still…I > shoudl go….  >> Mom might not be there for long, at 81 going on > 82….  >> And it is important to her to see all her descendants once > a year, >> each tiem thinkign it might be the last time, not only for > her, but >> for us to see her with us….. > >> Got so much to do though…Like handwash laundry and clean the > house >> and wash floors and blankets and cook meals or soemthign for > the >> week, which I never end up doing, lackign time in only two > >> days….Where going to the pic nicc will eman havign only oen > >> left….Coudl always try and bring my laundry "home" to do it, but > >> with everyoen going there, odds are that 30 will do the same. > (Large >> family, seven kids and many grand kids, great grand kids > and even >> great great grand kids in it by now…Last count was I > think 130 >> countign spouses, but it might have doubled for all I > know since the >> last time….) > > —————————————————— > > That is one large family. > > I’ve got like 6 people in my family. Rarely hear from any of them > > either. > > —————————————————— > I very rarely do. Contacts are somewhat artificial sicne I took one of > them to court eyars ago for assault. It was the usual thing you read > in books or magazines, the beign doisowned, outcasted and all. Now > they tolerate my preence, and make it feel liek I shoudl be ever so > gratefuyl for it, at times….I rathr feel they shoudl be glad to see > me, nah:) It is not liek they ahd to forgive me anything, Quite the > other way around it woudl be. > So those gatherings…I am always left sort of wishing I ahd a safe > car, so as to be sure to oh, not just not be stranded on my way > there, but to be sure Ic an leave at the slightest sign I sense of > tensiosn in the air…  I am expected to travel with a sibbling or > relative each time, which is hell to me….

… read more »

Response:

"Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> >> >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? >> >> >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) >> >> >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) >> >> >> > Yes I would. >> >> >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? >> >> >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) >> >> >> Key dookey. >> >> >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. >> >> >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) >> >> >> Chloe >> >> > I don’t have a microphone yet. >> >> > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. >> >> > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my >> >> > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess. >> >> Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. >> >> From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" and a >> >> few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all over the >> net >> and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens in RL where >> some >> of the expressions I make up catch on and are now part of >> Quebec’s >> language and expressions.  Like "Three for a dollar at >> Wall-Mart" >> which was originally "…at K-Mart", as we had no wall >> marts here at >> the time;-), and others had no K-Mart. The >> expression I made about >> the type of friends that say they are >> friends and are not acting like >> friends would at all: cheap sort >> of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar >> type"…but so many more… >> >> In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness and >> >> offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you contributed to >> >> something the support ngs are supposed to be about: support against >> >> loneliness -or against shyness, why not, and possubly against >> >> depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT is a contribution! >> Having >> such an idea stolen just shows how valuable it is, and >> offers it >> recognition on the spot for how valid it is too, and for >> how many >> might benefit from trying this.  In your own way, you >> might have >> changed the face of many support ngs’ trends. >> >> Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I >> read >> this morning so far (Bababababarf!) >> >> Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign >> something >> always reminds me of my mother…. >> >> We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more >> >> fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would >> just >> pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for >> my "new >> house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would see >> my father >> build for her one day. The "new house" never came, and >> all the >> objects went out of date, obsolete. >> >> Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… >> >> Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it >> reminds >> her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, >> >> she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would >> for >> each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her >> ages ago, >> still in its box… >> >> To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and somethign >> to >> remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of years ago by >> >> always remembering who gave her what and never confusing by >> offering, >> say, something I gave her to one of my sibblings for >> their bday.  >> To me, receiving one "back" is always a reminder of >> how by waiting >> for the right day, the right moment and the right >> tools, we let life >> pass us by.  And I have an occasion to measure >> it each and every bday >> I have…;-) >> >> Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of my >> >> time pass me by again! >> >> Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some >> >> lurkers remember today to seize the day. >> >> The time we kill is the only time we have…. >> >> Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or >> not.  >> Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there >> is always >> snail mail:) >> >> Chloe >> > New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need to >> > get the microphone. >> > I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one >> > from an actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I may >> > never recieve. >> Paid mine four dolalrs in a Radio Shack. >> I tried the 20 bucks two ways, adn they dontl do two ways at all >> anyway, so barf to that. The cheap ones work fine:) >> A friend also bought me as a present an expensive hands free type that >> allows oen to answer voice  no matter where they are in the house. But >> interferecne makes it so that it doe snot work unless I am facing the >> puter. It also has the supposed two way talk that I find is just more >> irritating than anything else. Besides, Yahoo offers it in chosing >> either the hands free or the one way voice chat, or did. Dunno fi >> they threw that option out sicne the last upgrade two days >> ago….Have not tried it yet, eh. > —————————————————— > I was looking at a small one that you can clip onto the top of a laptop > monitor.

Mine was supposedly so you could clip it on your clothes/collar.The clip broke aftert two time,s which did not matter as it is best held anyway.  > Oh yeah, I’m getting a laptop by the way. > I could post here while sitting on the can. <:P > ——————————————————

How to make he word "Blog" become "Plop" in no time….;-) That will brign back memories. My last long time penpal would have this advantage., As a rsult, his place was always tied up as he woudl house clean as we spoke. Mne became a gigantic mess as I had to be at the puter to chat. Which is why he sent me the wire free chat thingummie..Sadly it did not work. But a cell phone I used to have woudl only work rarely in this building, Soemthign somewhere makes interference and blocked the waves. >> Man, what a blargh heavy humid day we will ahve!! Yet the skies were >> true blue and no rain clouds in sight the last tiem I looked through >> the window… >> Me thinks me better try and start the old air co, even if it cools >> close to nothing, in case it coudl get some humidity out of the >> house… > —————————————————— > And I’m freezing. > It is so incredible cold here right now. > ——————————————————

Telling a Quebcer about "cold"…?;-) How cold is cold in your neck of the woods? Here, we usually mean at least miunus 40 F with wind factor making it -60. Or a flat -40 that lasts longer than 6 weeks will get us to moan about it for sure. The only thing I mind about it is havign to warm up the car -everyoen else has remote save me of course, liek everyoen else has decent ir co on their cars too, eh. Yet I am the one with Graves, i.e. sensitive to the slightest change of temperature…. Life, huh?;-)  > – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> There is a family annual picnic today….I shoudl think of going, but >> my car is in such a dangerous state that it makes me worry a lot to >> drive it on such a road in that condition…..Still…I shoudl go…. >> Mom might not be there for long, at 81 going on 82…. >> And it is important to her to see all her descendants once a year, >> each tiem thinkign it might be the last time, not only for her, but >> for us to see her with us….. >> Got so much to do though…Like handwash laundry and clean the house >> and wash floors and blankets and cook meals or soemthign for the >> week, which I never end up doing, lackign time in only two >> days….Where going to the pic nicc will eman havign only oen >> left….Coudl always try and bring my laundry "home" to do it, but >> with everyoen going there, odds are that 30 will do the same. (Large >> family, seven kids and many grand kids, great grand kids and even >> great great grand kids in it by now…Last count was I think 130 >> countign spouses, but it might have doubled for all I know since the >> last time….) > —————————————————— > That is one large family. > I’ve got like 6 people in my family. Rarely hear from any of them > either. > ——————————————————

I very rarely do. Contacts are somewhat artificial sicne I took one of them to court eyars ago for assault. It was the usual thing you read in books or magazines, the beign doisowned, outcasted and all. Now they tolerate my preence, and make it feel liek I shoudl be ever so gratefuyl for it, at times….I rathr feel they shoudl be glad to see me, nah:) It is not liek they ahd to forgive me anything, Quite the other way around it woudl be. So those gatherings…I am always left sort of wishing I ahd a safe car, so as to be sure to oh, not just not be stranded on my way there, but to be sure Ic an leave at the slightest sign I sense of tensiosn in the air… I am expected to travel with a sibbling or relative each time, which is hell to me…. I hate depending on poeple that can not sense danger when it is in their face. My guts never wronged me, and I prefer to live with the intuition and not be caught (again) unable to act as my conscience and intuition tell me is best to:scarm out fo there whent he tiem for it comes:)  >  >> Well, that was a little blog like start;-) >> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Hope the puter you get will work fine, that laodign the software will >> go smoothly, and that you put no rush on it but take it as cool fun:) >> I will still be there:) >> C > —————————————————— > I’m sure it’ll be "cool fun" > I’m also keeping an eye on

… read more »

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? > >> >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) > >> >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) > >> >> > Yes I would. > >> >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? > >> >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) > >> >> Key dookey. > >> >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. > >> >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) > >> >> Chloe > >> > I don’t have a microphone yet. > >> > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. > >> > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my > >> > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess. > >> Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. > >> From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" and a > >> few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all over the > net >> and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens in RL where > some >> of the expressions I make up catch on and are now part of > Quebec’s >> language and expressions.  Like "Three for a dollar at > Wall-Mart" >> which was originally "…at K-Mart", as we had no wall > marts here at >> the time;-), and others had no K-Mart. The > expression I made about >> the type of friends that say they are > friends and are not acting like >> friends would at all: cheap sort > of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar >> type"…but so many more… > >> In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness and > >> offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you contributed to > >> something the support ngs are supposed to be about: support against > >> loneliness -or against shyness, why not, and possubly against > >> depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT is a contribution! > Having >> such an idea stolen just shows how valuable it is, and > offers it >> recognition on the spot for how valid it is too, and for > how many >> might benefit from trying this.  In your own way, you > might have >> changed the face of many support ngs’ trends. > >> Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I > read >> this morning so far (Bababababarf!) > >> Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign > something >> always reminds me of my mother…. > >> We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more > >> fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would > just >> pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for > my "new >> house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would see > my father >> build for her one day. The "new house" never came, and > all the >> objects went out of date, obsolete. > >> Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… > >> Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it > reminds >> her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, > >> she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would > for >> each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her > ages ago, >> still in its box… > >> To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and somethign > to >> remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of years ago by > >> always remembering who gave her what and never confusing by > offering, >> say, something I gave her to one of my sibblings for > their bday.  >> To me, receiving one "back" is always a reminder of > how by waiting >> for the right day, the right moment and the right > tools, we let life >> pass us by.  And I have an occasion to measure > it each and every bday >> I have…;-) > >> Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of my > >> time pass me by again! > >> Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some > >> lurkers remember today to seize the day. > >> The time we kill is the only time we have…. > >> Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or > not.  >> Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there > is always >> snail mail:) > >> Chloe > > New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need to > > get the microphone. > > I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one > > from an actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I may > > never recieve. > Paid mine four dolalrs in a Radio Shack. > I tried the 20 bucks two ways, adn they dontl do two ways at all > anyway, so barf to that. The cheap ones work fine:) > A friend also bought me as a present an expensive hands free type that > allows oen to answer voice  no matter where they are in the house. But > interferecne makes it so that it doe snot work unless I am facing the > puter. It also has the supposed two way talk that I find is just more > irritating than anything else. Besides, Yahoo offers it in chosing > either the hands free or the one way voice chat, or did. Dunno fi > they threw that option out sicne the last upgrade two days > ago….Have not tried it yet, eh.

—————————————————— I was looking at a small one that you can clip onto the top of a laptop monitor. Oh yeah, I’m getting a laptop by the way. I could post here while sitting on the can. <:P —————————————————— > Man, what a blargh heavy humid day we will ahve!! Yet the skies were > true blue and no rain clouds in sight the last tiem I looked through > the window… > Me thinks me better try and start the old air co, even if it cools > close to nothing, in case it coudl get some humidity out of the > house…

—————————————————— And I’m freezing. It is so incredible cold here right now. —————————————————— – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> There is a family annual picnic today….I shoudl think of going, but > my car is in such a dangerous state that it makes me worry a lot to > drive it on such a road in that condition…..Still…I shoudl go…. > Mom might not be there for long, at 81 going on 82…. > And it is important to her to see all her descendants once a year, > each tiem thinkign it might be the last time, not only for her, but > for us to see her with us….. > Got so much to do though…Like handwash laundry and clean the house > and wash floors and blankets and cook meals or soemthign for the > week, which I never end up doing, lackign time in only two > days….Where going to the pic nicc will eman havign only oen > left….Coudl always try and bring my laundry "home" to do it, but > with everyoen going there, odds are that 30 will do the same. (Large > family, seven kids and many grand kids, great grand kids and even > great great grand kids in it by now…Last count was I think 130 > countign spouses, but it might have doubled for all I know since the > last time….)

—————————————————— That is one large family. I’ve got like 6 people in my family. Rarely hear from any of them either. —————————————————— > Well, that was a little blog like start;-) > Hope the puter you get will work fine, that laodign the software will > go smoothly, and that you put no rush on it but take it as cool fun:) > I will still be there:) > C

—————————————————— I’m sure it’ll be "cool fun" I’m also keeping an eye on laptop carry cases, not that I’d really need one. ASL will be the first to know when I get my ‘puter. And my microphone. ——————————————————

Response:

"Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: >> > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> >> "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: >> >> > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? >> >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) >> >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) >> >> > Yes I would. >> >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? >> >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) >> >> Key dookey. >> >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. >> >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) >> >> Chloe >> > I don’t have a microphone yet. >> > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. >> > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my >> > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess. >> Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. >> From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" and a >> few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all over the net >> and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens in RL where some >> of the expressions I make up catch on and are now part of Quebec’s >> language and expressions.  Like "Three for a dollar at Wall-Mart" >> which was originally "…at K-Mart", as we had no wall marts here at >> the time;-), and others had no K-Mart. The expression I made about >> the type of friends that say they are friends and are not acting like >> friends would at all: cheap sort of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar >> type"…but so many more… >> In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness and >> offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you contributed to >> something the support ngs are supposed to be about: support against >> loneliness -or against shyness, why not, and possubly against >> depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT is a contribution! Having >> such an idea stolen just shows how valuable it is, and offers it >> recognition on the spot for how valid it is too, and for how many >> might benefit from trying this.  In your own way, you might have >> changed the face of many support ngs’ trends. >> Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I read >> this morning so far (Bababababarf!) >> Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign something >> always reminds me of my mother…. >> We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more >> fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would just >> pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for my "new >> house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would see my father >> build for her one day. The "new house" never came, and all the >> objects went out of date, obsolete. >> Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… >> Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it reminds >> her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, >> she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would for >> each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her ages ago, >> still in its box… >> To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and somethign to >> remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of years ago by >> always remembering who gave her what and never confusing by offering, >> say, something I gave her to one of my sibblings for their bday. >> To me, receiving one "back" is always a reminder of how by waiting >> for the right day, the right moment and the right tools, we let life >> pass us by.  And I have an occasion to measure it each and every bday >> I have…;-) >> Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of my >> time pass me by again! >> Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some >> lurkers remember today to seize the day. >> The time we kill is the only time we have…. >> Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or not. >> Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there is always >> snail mail:) >> Chloe > New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need to get > the microphone. > I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one from an > actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I may never > recieve.

Paid mine four dolalrs in a Radio Shack. I tried the 20 bucks two ways, adn they dontl do two ways at all anyway, so barf to that. The cheap ones work fine:) A friend also bought me as a present an expensive hands free type that allows oen to answer voice  no matter where they are in the house. But interferecne makes it so that it doe snot work unless I am facing the puter. It also has the supposed two way talk that I find is just more irritating than anything else. Besides, Yahoo offers it in chosing either the hands free or the one way voice chat, or did. Dunno fi they threw that option out sicne the last upgrade two days ago….Have not tried it yet, eh. Man, what a blargh heavy humid day we will ahve!! Yet the skies were true blue and no rain clouds in sight the last tiem I looked through the window… Me thinks me better try and start the old air co, even if it cools close to nothing, in case it coudl get some humidity out of the house… There is a family annual picnic today….I shoudl think of going, but my car is in such a dangerous state that it makes me worry a lot to drive it on such a road in that condition…..Still…I shoudl go…. Mom might not be there for long, at 81 going on 82…. And it is important to her to see all her descendants once a year, each tiem thinkign it might be the last time, not only for her, but for us to see her with us….. Got so much to do though…Like handwash laundry and clean the house and wash floors and blankets and cook meals or soemthign for the week, which I never end up doing, lackign time in only two days….Where going to the pic nicc will eman havign only oen left….Coudl always try and bring my laundry "home" to do it, but with everyoen going there, odds are that 30 will do the same. (Large family, seven kids and many grand kids, great grand kids and even great great grand kids in it by now…Last count was I think 130 countign spouses, but it might have doubled for all I know since the last time….) Well, that was a little blog like start;-) Hope the puter you get will work fine, that laodign the software will go smoothly, and that you put no rush on it but take it as cool fun:) I will still be there:) C —

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > >> "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > >> > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? > >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) > >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) > >> > Yes I would. > >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? > >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) > >> Key dookey. > >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. > >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) > >> Chloe > > I don’t have a microphone yet. > > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. > > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my > > idea!  Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess. > Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. > From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" and a > few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all over the net > and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens in RL where some > of the expressions I make up catch on and are now part of Quebec’s > language and expressions.  Like "Three for a dollar at Wall-Mart" > which was originally "…at K-Mart", as we had no wall marts here at > the time;-), and others had no K-Mart. The expression I made about > the type of friends that say they are friends and are not acting like > friends would at all: cheap sort of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar > type"…but so many more… > In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness and > offering a pleasant change to blogging alone, so you contributed to > something the support ngs are supposed to be about: support against > loneliness -or against shyness, why not, and possubly against > depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT is a contribution! Having > such an idea stolen just shows how valuable it is, and offers it > recognition on the spot for how valid it is too, and for how many > might benefit from trying this.  In your own way, you might have > changed the face of many support ngs’ trends. > Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I read > this morning so far (Bababababarf!) > Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign something > always reminds me of my mother…. > We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more > fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would just > pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for my "new > house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would see my father > build for her one day. The "new house" never came, and all the > objects went out of date, obsolete. > Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… > Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it reminds > her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, > she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would for > each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her ages ago, > still in its box… > To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and somethign to > remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of years ago by > always remembering who gave her what and never confusing by offering, > say, something I gave her to one of my sibblings for their bday. > To me, receiving one "back" is always a reminder of how by waiting > for the right day, the right moment and the right tools, we let life > pass us by.  And I have an occasion to measure it each and every bday > I have…;-) > Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of my > time pass me by again! > Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some > lurkers remember today to seize the day. > The time we kill is the only time we have…. > Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or not. > Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there is always > snail mail:) > Chloe

New ‘puter is supposed to arrive Thursday, but then I still need to get the microphone. I’ve been looking at them on ebay, but might end up getting one from an actual real shop instead of auctioning for something I may never recieve.

Response:

Would an audio blog be a good idea? If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here listen to them no matter how pointless it was? Just curious.

Response:

Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? We coudl blog back and forth:) But would YOU care for that…?;-) C "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > Would an audio blog be a good idea? > If I were to get a microphone (which I probably will) and record > various thoughts, ideas, feelings and whatever (usual blog, journal > crap), would anyone bother downloading them to listen? > I’d keep the files as small as I possibly could, would anyone here > listen to them no matter how pointless it was? > Just curious.

–

Response:

Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? > We coudl blog back and forth:) > But would YOU care for that…?;-)

Yes I would. I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem?

Response:

"Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? >> We coudl blog back and forth:) >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) > Yes I would. > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem?

If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) Key dookey. YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) Chloe —

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: > > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: > >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? > >> We coudl blog back and forth:) > >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) > > Yes I would. > > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? > If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) > Key dookey. > YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. > Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) > Chloe

I don’t have a microphone yet. I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my idea! Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess.

Response:

"Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> "Victor" (little_guybrush AT yahoo.com.au) writes: >> > Eleonore Beaudoin wrote: >> >> Care to do that in direct voice chat, Victor? >> >> We coudl blog back and forth:) >> >> But would YOU care for that…?;-) >> > Yes I would. >> > I’m only on dial-up though so would that be a problem? >> If so, I am dead, cause so am I!:) >> Key dookey. >> YM id is wippee08atyahoodotca, NOT dot com. >> Will await the first two-way blogging of E-History avidly:) >> Chloe > I don’t have a microphone yet. > I’m getting a new computer and I’ll wait for that first. > Wouldn’t you know I shared my idea on a.s.s and someone stole my idea! > Oh well. It’s not exactly 100% original anyway I guess.

Funny in a way how things travel from a ng to the other…. From "puter" to "tin foil hat" passing by "pfft" and "plunk" and a few more, some of the things I wrote in asl ended up all over the net and are now part of Net Life’s usual. Same happens in RL where some of the expressions I make up catch on and are now part of Quebec’s language and expressions. Like "Three for a dollar at Wall-Mart" which was originally "…at K-Mart", as we had no wall marts here at the time;-), and others had no K-Mart. The expression I made about the type of friends that say they are friends and are not acting like friends would at all: cheap sort of friends, i.e. "3 for a dollar type"…but so many more… In your case, it was an idea about breaking through loneliness and offering a pleasant change to blogging *alone*, so you contributed to something the support ngs are *supposed* to be about: support against loneliness -or against shyness, why not, and possubly against depression and a bunch of things. Now THAT is a contribution! Having such an idea stolen just shows how valuable it is, and offers it recognition on the spot for how valid it is too, and for how many might benefit from trying this. In your own way, you might have changed the face of many support ngs’ trends. Which would not be bad at all, given the type of crosspostings I read this morning so far (Bababababarf!) Waiting for new things and objects to be there before tryign something always reminds me of my mother…. We kept buying her things to make her house and daily life more fucntional and cosier, nicer. She would never use them and would just  pile the boxes in some area of the house, saying "It is for my "new house". Meaning by that the house she hoped she would see my father build for her one day. The "new house" never came, and all the objects went out of date, obsolete. Waiting to have the new house made her let life pass by… Nowadays, she resents the pile of by now useless boxes as it reminds her of the "new" house she never had; and as she aged, she found a way to rid of the pile of unused presents: she would for each of our bdays offer us the very thing(s) we offered her ages ago, still in its box… To her, I guess it means something new as a present, and somethign to remember her by, and acknowledging our presents of years ago by always remembering who gave her what and never confusing by offering, say, something I gave her to one of my sibblings for their bday. To me, receiving one "back" is always a reminder of how by waiting for the right day, the right moment and the right tools, we let life pass us by. And I have an occasion to measure it each and every bday I have…;-) Which is still not enough, as each time I realize I let most of my time pass me by again! Hopefully writing this here on top of reminding me, helps some lurkers remember *today* to seize the day. The time we kill is the only time we have…. Take care, Victor, and see you when you are ready, new puter or not. Would mine be dead by the time your new one arrived, there is always snail mail:) Chloe —

Response: