Lonely Loneliness

Introducing lonely shy male anti-faithist (5)

Question:

anon-23…@anon.twwells.com wrote: > Now the followup you’ve been waiting for: > Andrew Venor <alve…@ix.netcom.com> said: > > You could help out in a soup kitchen. > Not a good idea in my case because I suffer from lots of phlem that I > have to keep coughing up and spitting out, and smell of food often > makes me sneese without much warning.

So work the door.  Help out with the record keeping, clear tables, mop the floors. > > You could help out at the animal shelter. > The nearest one is too far away from where I live.

How far is too far?  More than a block?  More than a mile?  The other side of town? > > You could join a literary discussion group. > I prefer to do discussions on the net.

However, it seems that you need to get out and interact with other people. While usenet discussions are a nice way to discuss ideas with people all over the world, it doesn’t give you experience in how to relate with people face to face. > > Volunteer to visit and read to the elderly.  Who knows, the elder you > > visit might have a granddaughter. > How old is this granddaughter you’re fantasizing on my behalf? > (Please answer!)

You are really over estimating your impact on my life. What ever age is appropriate for you.  This is an example of networking.  You meet someone who then introduces you to someone else. > > There are plenty of groups out there that don’t charge a membership > > fee.  Do a key word search for volunteer organizations, or check your > > phone book. > Which search engine specifically lists organizations (as opposed to Web > pages, where I’d get a thousand worthless hits for every good hit) and > allows searching by geographic region AND topic simultaneously to limit > hits to organizations in my local area?

Yahoo can do regional searches. Or try the Psychology Today Magazine web site.  Or check for a web site for the American Psychological Society.  Or do a web search for professional societies for psychologist, psychiatrists, therapists, or social workers. Or if you have a local free weekly paper in your area, check its classified ads.  Therapists post ads in them. > The phone book wouldn’t be useful, because the Yellow Pages list only > companies that make enough profit to purchase yellow-page advertising > to make more profit, while the White Pages list alphabetically by > company name which would be useless for searching.

Their are listings of non-profit organizations in the phone book.  They have phones too.  You just have to look. Or ask at the library answer desk.  Look in the newspaper.  The classified ads will have listings of some of your local non profits. > > Or maybe check and see if their is a support group for your > > degenerative spinal condition in your area. > I already checked: No such exists here.

You could always start one. > > Have you checked the social services departments of your city, county, > > or state.  They might have some sort of counseling programs. > They have been totally unwilling to help me in any way. I’m too shy to > say what it takes to get them to do anything.

Health Services usually have programs for depression.  Using that could be a start. > > Go to the search engines and try a key word search for psychotherapy, > > or shyness, or bashfulness or loneliness. > Yeah, and have ten thousand hits for everybody who ever mentionned that > topic on a Web page or elsewhere on the net. I could spend a hundred > years scanning those hits and never find anything useful for my current > question.

Or you could look and you might find something.  If you don’t look, YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANYTHING. You have to find your own answers.  Their isn’t one set answer out there that all you have to do is read it on a web site and your fixed.  You have to search out and find the answer that is right for you. The answer that works for me may not work for you.  In the same way that the answer you find may not work for me, JerryO, Celebok, Marc Meunier, or anybody else who posts to this group.  Each of us is going to have to find our own answer. So take the time and start searching.  Your answer won’t just fall in your lap. > > Then you must be in one of the few places that still doesn’t have a > > Barnes and Noble or Borders bookstores.  They have plenty of chairs in > > them. > The nearest one of them is a little too far away from here.

How far is too far?  More than a block?  More than a mile?  The other side of town?  The next town over? > > > I’ve tried the local library, and am usually unable to meet anyone > > > there (but see news of rejection below). > > Just because you missed once there doesn’t mean that you should give up > > on that hunting ground. > Missed once, and never was allowed to even swing the bat hundreds of > other times. The library is completely hopeless for meeting anyone.

Only because you gave up and don’t try anymore. > > Seeing that you have internet access, try advertising on some of the > > people matching services for activity partners.  You post your ad for > > anyone in your area that is interested your activity.  This way you > > meet people who you know are interested in what you like to do. > And what "activity" would you suggest I list in my ad?

If you need a stranger on the internet to tell you what you like to do, then you need to undergo a serious program of self discovery. Sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pencil.  With this make a list of what you like to do.  Then use what is on your list to write your activity ad. Then search the personnel’s yourself and answer ads from people who are interested in those activities. > I tried posting generic ads but nobody ever responded. > Oh well, at least you’re a little more helpful (with ideas) than Eric.

Thank you for the compliment, I think. However, I am not the Oracle of all things therapeutic and altruistic.  What I have given you is a few suggestions as to what is out there so you can start searching for your self.  I have a life, so I can’t be spending my time making lists of thing just so you can shoot down. You are going to have to take charge of your life and find your own way. ALV

Response:

In article <79kpka$hr…@twwells.com>,   anon-23…@anon.twwells.com wrote: > Log of failed attempts to meet anyone first, followup (Andrew) later below. > Friday I was at the supermarket, and I saw a very tall (as tall as I > am) woman, very skinny, older than I usually find attractive but still

[snip a lot of DETAIL which REMINDS me of me, except i don't pursue teens and don't expect women to be kissing me within an hour of meetng me.] > (Am I being paranoid") Was it appropriate for me to not even > try to meet her, considering her very young age and other > circumstances, or should I have tried something?

underage! (vs udderage. or rutter age.) well, mild flirting if it makes her feel good.   it’s beyond me.. > Score for past five years:

about like me, except i don’t consider TV or CD cover gals.. or bra ad gals either.. > Now the followup you’ve been waiting for:

[] > > You could join a literary discussion group. > I prefer to do discussions on the net.

huh? you don’t want to meet ppl? or why else? > > Volunteer to visit and read to the elderly.  Who knows, the elder you > > visit might have a granddaughter. > How old is this granddaughter you’re fantasizing on my behalf? > (Please answer!)

seriously, what do you think of this possiblity? i would say the chnces are low slow and few. so you’d better like your choice of activity. but realize all the time while considering that EVERY AVCTIVITY will seem unattractive when you think of them while slightly depressed. the effect of being depressed slows you too. just as you feel you can’t quite work out a way to "get it right" at all those various chances to get at the mind blowing older gal at the supermarket. > > There are plenty of groups out there that don’t charge a membership > > fee.  Do a key word search for volunteer organizations, or check your > > phone book. > Which search engine specifically lists organizations (as opposed to Web > pages, where I’d get a thousand worthless hits for every good hit) and > allows searching by geographic region AND topic simultaneously to limit > hits to organizations in my local area? > The phone book wouldn’t be useful, because the Yellow Pages list only > companies that make enough profit to purchase yellow-page advertising > to make more profit, while the White Pages list alphabetically by > company name which would be useless for searching.

our yp has non profits under associations and other headings. check the index first i know the yp publ is likely differnt for your phone book. online yps have non profs? but be aware non profs can be "self serving, ie, not charitable. so usually memebers volunteer internally.. > > Have you checked the social services departments of your city, county, > > or state.  They might have some sort of counseling programs. > They have been totally unwilling to help me in any way. I’m too shy to > say what it takes to get them to do anything.

i know that state of mind… > > Then you must be in one of the few places that still doesn’t have a > > Barnes and Noble or Borders bookstores.  They have plenty of chairs in > > them. > The nearest one of them is a little too far away from here.

go less often. > > > I’ve tried the local library, and am usually unable to meet anyone > > > there (but see news of rejection below). > > Just because you missed once there doesn’t mean that you should give up > > on that hunting ground. > Missed once, and never was allowed to even swing the bat hundreds of > other times. The library is completely hopeless for meeting anyone.

yes, but hopeless is better than nothing.. i’ve posted my "pointless" expereinces at bookstores and libraries.. better than hanging around home on friday or saturday evenings. > > Seeing that you have internet access, try advertising on some of the > > people matching services for activity partners.  You post your ad for > > anyone in your area that is interested your activity.  This way you > > meet people who you know are interested in what you like to do. > And what "activity" would you suggest I list in my ad? > I tried posting generic ads but nobody ever responded.

and when you answered ads? ———–== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==———- http://www.dejanews.com/       Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own    

Response:

Log of failed attempts to meet anyone first, followup (Andrew) later below. Friday I was at the supermarket, and I saw a very tall (as tall as I am) woman, very skinny, older than I usually find attractive but still sort of cute. As I walked by her in the aisle, I noticed she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, but she wasn’t looking my way and I was too shy to make her turn around to see me, so I went on my way. Later I noticed she was leaving the far end of one aisle, turning to the right, so I headed that way to see what aisle she was going to next, planning to deliberately head the opposite way in the same aisle and have a chance to say ‘hi’, but she didn’t turn up any aisle at all. I guessed that maybe she was checking out, so I headed to the other end of a random aisle and sure enough she was in a checkout line, so I planned to get in line behind her but noticed her checkout line was much longer than another, so I changed my plan to use the faster checkout and be done the same time she was done so I could catch her while walking out at the same time, but my line was so much shorter and she had so much more to check out that I finshed before she did. I spent as long as I could verifying my receipt, but she still wasn’t finished, and I was too shy to loiter in the store long after I was finished, so I left, giving up much hope of meeting her that day, but watching to see whether she went out the same door or the opposite one. She not only went out the same door, but her car was the one parked exactly in front of mine (on the opposite side of the parking row), so I took as long as I possibly could to load my few groceries and return the cart and start my car and adjust the radio, but she was still unloading, so I gave up and pulled out and started heading out. As I waited for traffic to clear in the parking lot, she walked right by my car to return her cart, but she was on the passenger side so I couldn’t open up my window to say ‘hi’, and the traffic was just clearing so it wouldn’t do to stop my car in the middle of the lane to get out to yell over the top of my car, so I gave up again. As she walked back past the other side of my car, a combination of her motion and the breeze pushed her very thin shirt against her body so I could see she had large breasts, which are very sexy on a skinny woman, so then I really wished I had been able to meet her and get her into bed, but it was now too late. Was there anything I could have done to meet her without making a scene? Saturday I was at the library. When I was finished getting what I wanted, I wandered by the study tables, and saw a very pretty but very young woman, probably teenager, sitting at a table with study materials, directly opposite a woman who looked about the right age to be her mother (making sure she’s studying rather than meeting guys, especially guys twice her age). So I just walked by while glancing at how pretty she was, and she looked up toward me and seemed to smile a little. Because of her age and other person at her table, I didn’t stop to try to meet her. After circling the book stands and looking at stuff, because she had maybe smiled at me slighlty, I passed by her area again in the opposite direction and she seemed to notice me again and maybe half-smile again, and as I headed toward the exit I glanced back toward her a couple other times and each time she seemed to notice me and glance or half-smile at me. But I was too shy to turn around and make a possible scene in front of everyone else including possibly her mother. (Am I being paranoid") Was it appropriate for me to not even try to meet her, considering her very young age and other circumstances, or should I have tried something? After I got home, I thought that maybe I should have stopped at the point where I was passing by her, about 8 feet away from her, and given not just a smile but a little hello wave with my hand, and if she smiled (for real, not half) or waved back then I should have motioned her to get up and come over to where I was, then if she got close enough to hold her hand and whisper ask if that woman across the table is her mother or anyone she knows, and if she says yes then suggest we walk over to where her mother can’t see us together, then my fantasy gets into her really being attracted to me and letting me give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek etc. But in real life I’m too shy to even say ‘hi’ or wave or anything. She’s so pretty that even if she’s really only half my age and even if that really was her mother guarding her and even if her mother comes over and breaks us up, getting one hug and kiss before the terrible scene would be better than my current situation of not meeting anybody new to hug or visit or anything for many years. So I don’t know what to see when I see somebody so pretty but so young and apparently with a chaperone. Score for past five years: 1 woman who rejected me because she has a boyfriend (library a week ago). 0 women I actually met (get address or phone or hug or anything) 1 woman who gave me a ‘hi’ and big smile but I didn’t meet her and never saw her again. 1 gorgeous woman who returned my notice and gave big smile and noticed me on way out too but I didn’t react fast enough to actually meet her and never saw her again. 1 married woman I half met but haven’t seen for a couple years. Large number of attractive women I didn’t meet (too shy to do what’s necessary to meet them). Small number of attractive women on TV I’ll never have a chance to meet in person, such as skinny lady having affair with co-worker on "News Radio". Now the followup you’ve been waiting for: Andrew Venor <alve…@ix.netcom.com> said: > You could help out in a soup kitchen.

Not a good idea in my case because I suffer from lots of phlem that I have to keep coughing up and spitting out, and smell of food often makes me sneese without much warning. > You could help out at the animal shelter.

The nearest one is too far away from where I live. > You could join a literary discussion group.

I prefer to do discussions on the net. > Volunteer to visit and read to the elderly.  Who knows, the elder you > visit might have a granddaughter.

How old is this granddaughter you’re fantasizing on my behalf? (Please answer!) > There are plenty of groups out there that don’t charge a membership > fee.  Do a key word search for volunteer organizations, or check your > phone book.

Which search engine specifically lists organizations (as opposed to Web pages, where I’d get a thousand worthless hits for every good hit) and allows searching by geographic region AND topic simultaneously to limit hits to organizations in my local area? The phone book wouldn’t be useful, because the Yellow Pages list only companies that make enough profit to purchase yellow-page advertising to make more profit, while the White Pages list alphabetically by company name which would be useless for searching. > Or maybe check and see if their is a support group for your > degenerative spinal condition in your area.

I already checked: No such exists here. > Have you checked the social services departments of your city, county, > or state.  They might have some sort of counseling programs.

They have been totally unwilling to help me in any way. I’m too shy to say what it takes to get them to do anything. > Go to the search engines and try a key word search for psychotherapy, > or shyness, or bashfulness or loneliness.

Yeah, and have ten thousand hits for everybody who ever mentionned that topic on a Web page or elsewhere on the net. I could spend a hundred years scanning those hits and never find anything useful for my current question. > Then you must be in one of the few places that still doesn’t have a > Barnes and Noble or Borders bookstores.  They have plenty of chairs in > them.

The nearest one of them is a little too far away from here. > > I’ve tried the local library, and am usually unable to meet anyone > > there (but see news of rejection below). > Just because you missed once there doesn’t mean that you should give up > on that hunting ground.

Missed once, and never was allowed to even swing the bat hundreds of other times. The library is completely hopeless for meeting anyone. > Seeing that you have internet access, try advertising on some of the > people matching services for activity partners.  You post your ad for > anyone in your area that is interested your activity.  This way you > meet people who you know are interested in what you like to do.

And what "activity" would you suggest I list in my ad? I tried posting generic ads but nobody ever responded. Oh well, at least you’re a little more helpful (with ideas) than Eric. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to: h…@anon.twwells.com   — for an automatically returned help message ad…@anon.twwells.com  – for the service’s administrator ano…@anon.twwells.com — anonymous mail to the administrator

Response:

In article <79kpka$hr…@twwells.com>,   anon-23…@anon.twwells.com wrote: > Oh well, at least you’re a little more helpful (with ideas) than Eric.

Have you ever gotten any helpful ideas?  What where they?  Or is it more helpful for someone to give you lots of ideas that you can discount? My advice:  Go to the library and checkout ‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne.  Read and understand part one so you understand what he calls a game.  Then read the description of the game, ‘Why Don’t You–Yes But.’ Anthony ———–== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==———- http://www.dejanews.com/       Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own    

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Depression

Related Posts

• Merry Christmas ? .
• Question for the group
• The Cutest Checkout Girl in the World
• Is Life Really Worth Living???
• Please help
• The end of no return
• LOSING HOPE
• Sunday was a totally lonely day
• monkey moves?
• Are there any ladies out there...