Lonely

Question:

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too.

Have you tried seeing a therapist who doesn’t just listen but works *with* you in a goal-oriented way? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might work wonders for you. http://www.cognitivetherapy.com http://panicdisorder.about.com/cs/therapycbt/ http://rebt.org/ Philip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being. Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by accident. I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Yeah, me too. I haven’t opened up about this issue here until now that you’ve posted. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. No. Don’t believe that. I’m so glad you posted your message here. I feel someone else knows what I’m going through. You are better off alive. Please stay that way. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. I know. For me it’s like "What is this some big cosmic joke?" This helps me to become philisophical about it to some extent. Well, thanks for reading. I hope you see that this type of puzzle is one that you share with many. I read in one of the Edgar Cayce books that anything and everything that a person feels, goes through etc. has been experienced by at least one person in all of mankind. I try to remember that when I feel very badly. Mike, is there anything that cheers you up at all? What is it? Suzanne. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thanks for your post, Meryl. I’m hoping the Pamelor is going to make a difference over time…. Hugs, MikeH

Hi Mike, It has taken me a while to respond. I read your post and I understood your feelings. You describe depression very well:( love Meryl

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thanks, Vicki…. I’ll be thinking of you, today…. as your daughter gets married! Hugs, MikeH

Mike, I know what you mean about self-worth. Believe me, I went through that too. It is something you cannot make people around you understand. I am thinking of you and hoping this feeling lifts and you find something you enjoy very soon. Love, Vicki

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. Have you tried seeing a therapist who doesn’t just listen but works *with* you in a goal-oriented way? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might work wonders for you.

The one I have been seeing is good but she has a habit of allowing me to direct the topics discussed during the hour. So, if I go in there and something is bothering me, I end up wasting the hour bitching about it rather than getting down to the real work such as CBT or hypnosis or whatever. I’ve been seeing this woman for about 2 years. She knows me like a book. We’ve done some eye movement therapy and stuff like that, but no heavy duty CBT or rational emotive stuff which I would be very interested in. It seems that there is a shortage of people who do this type of thing. Sometimes I think that my therapist lady gets more out of our meetings than I do sometimes. She likes me a lot and I think the insights that I give her are stimulating to her which is good, but the meetings are supposed to be for me mostly. Right now I’m in a therapy hiatus. I go see the shrink buddy once in a while to give him an update on the med and that’s about it for right now. The SB is a good guy. I enjoy going to see him. I know that CBT exists and I would like to try it full force, but right now I’m just giving therapy a rest for a while. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

:I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with :respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good :listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in :real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make :friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate :feeling like this. {{{{{Mike}}}}} I`m sorry you are struggling so. There is nothing wrong with have as a friend. Maybe you could look into a local support group for depression/anxiety sufferers. I met my best friend at one many years ago. :The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The amelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of :side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on :it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to :talk to, and I pay him to listen. I`m glad you went back on the pamelor. Hopefully the side-effects will wear off. If not, maybe there is another antidepressant you could try. Don`t forget, you have us to talk to as well. Good luck with your pdoc appt tomorrow. :I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress :free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more :ways than one. Sometimes having a job that is easy on us mentally is more important than raking in the dough with a stressful job. Feeling like you are a loser is your depression talking. You are a winner in my book :Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of :nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a :jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. Yup, I have felt this way. It seems to happen when I`m really struggling with panic and agoraphobia. I just feel so lost and alone. I do understand what you are going through. :I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because :I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I :really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt :myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems :so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage :to just face each day. Please don`t regret your post. You aren`t whining…….you are in a lot of pain and need to talk about it. Hopefully this will be cathartic for you. :On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. Jackie ~*~There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win~*~ ~Elie Wiesel~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi Mike, It has taken me a while to respond. I read your post and I understood your feelings. You describe depression very well:( love Meryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening…. MikeH

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thank you, David…. I would be glad to chat with you sometime. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but there is a certain comfort in knowing that there are others who deal with the same thing. I’m back on the Pamelor.. four nights, now. I will stay on it and see what happens. Take care….. MikeH

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I am so sorry you are lonely. I do often feel like that myself, so I know what it feels like. I want you to know that you are NOT a loser because you work only 18 hours a week. I don’t work at all, and I don’t consider myself a loser. You are out there, in the world, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of.

Hi, Dawn….. Thanks for your words of support. It is nice to know that one is not alone. I don’t regret my post, after all, since so many people seem to feel the same way at times. I guess we all just need to share and vent at times… and this was just one of those times for me. Take care… and thanks again! MikeH — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

What you’ve said above and most of the rest of your post rings so true for me. I almost fell over when I read it because I feel much of the same thing. Our exact circumstances may be different but if I tell you my story, maybe you’ll see that you are not alone and you will gain insight. I’ll tell you about what the friend thing is like for me. Since being a teen, the friend thing has always been a personal difficulty for me. I’ve always felt I had a very hard time connecting with people – especially those in my own age group. I’m not one for having a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out in herds with women that I don’t really like and who are catty and superficial. Over the years, the friends I have had have been real ones, but for various reason such as geography or whatever, I don’t really have too many people in my local area that I feel comfortable enough and have enough in common to be myself with and hang out with. In fact at this time of writing, I’d say there is only one person who I am friends with in my local area who I can do "things" with and with whom I share common interests and can chat on the phone with. I feel fortunate to have ONE person like this. Yet, at the same time, I wonder why there seems to be such a shortage of people like my friend who are available to me. I’ve been here (in my area) for 4 years now. I have HAD relationships with people, but they always end for one reason or another. My friendships end and sometimes it has been due to my change of feelings about things and sometimes it’s because the person who I thought was my friend actually wanted a romance where I did not. There was one guy who I felt really close to on a friendship level – we were always there for each other. I made it crystal clear that I wanted to be friends and wasn’t looking for romance. When I make a statement like that to someone, I mean it – it is not in my nature to tease or flirt with someone of the opposite sex. I’m just not like that. We hung out for about 2 years and he seemed to be fine with this and got along great. I finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that he actually thought that I was going to change my mind and eventually fall for him romantically. He realized that at that point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend. He now has one, which is great and I don’t begrudge him that, but for me this means that I don’t have his friendship like I used to because we rarely talk anymore. Here’s another example: I was good friends with another guy. It was purely platonic. He had a heart of gold and was down-to-earth. We were buds and I felt good about the friendship – always had something to talk about. But nobody is perfect and there was an aspect about his personality that was annoying to me but I was able to overlook it at the time. He had a very limited view of the obstacles that people can have due to anxiety and depression. His view was that being depressed or scared was a weakness which is total bullshit as we all know. At that time I was having problems and started to blow off his phone calls because I felt that I needed to be understood and he just couldn’t understand me and bothered me quite a bit that my friend really believed that I was that way I was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. So, in time that frienship ended too. Yet another example: in my aerobics class which is filled with women, it is a very close-knit group and the women don’t really talk to me that much. A couple of years ago, there was one girl who did reach out and attempt to be friends with me. This girl seemed to have interests and be highly intelligent. Well, it didn’t take long to figure out that this girl was an extremely toxic, controlling, underhanded opportunistic user (they do exist out there). I would have been nuts to keep associating with this girl so I stopped. The ironic point is why of all the people in my areobics class, did this one toxic individual pursue me as someone to hang out with? So, for me, it seems that relationships don’t work out very well for me even on a frienship level. If it is a male, they seem to be interested in something that I am not (romance), or they state that they are interested in platonic frienship but are not really being truthful to themselves about this or have the hopes that I will eventually fall for them, or they turn out to be nasty users, or my needs are not understood etc. etc. etc. They always end. I’ve asked myself over and over again and try to figure out why things are the way they are for me in this regard. I think the reasons may be a combination of practical and cosmic reasons. First, I have been told numerous, numerous times that I come off as very aloof and a bitch and some have told me that I have an air of intimidation or that I appear that I don’t want to be bothered by anybody. Ironically, I’ve also been told that at first glance of me, I appear to be somebody who has a ton of friends and a spouse or a sig other. I don’t know why this is because it is definately not the case. A confidant has also told me that I come off as intense and this scares many people although not all. A previous therapist has told me that anybody who comes up to me to talk would have to have a whole lot of confidence in themselves. I understand this intellectually, but from my perspective knowing who I am, this frustrates the hell out of me because I really wouldn’t hurt anybody!!!! I am a very decent, thoughtful person. I am honest. I have much spirit and a good heart. I’m not sure if my level of GAD contributes to the intesity. I think it might. Anyway, I try to smile more at people and just relax a little bit which can be hard. I am physically attractive at this point in my life but always thought that attractive people had it easier. They don’t. I can attest to that without question. Perhaps some of it has to do with where I live. I’ve been told that in my city, new people can have a hard time connecting with the ones who have lived here there whole lives. I read an article that says that many unconventional types tend to move away from this place. The complex that I live in is like a ghost town. People go to work, come home and that’s it. You are lucky if people say hello to you while you are walking the dog. I have lots of interests – the arts, music, food, vegetarianism, my dog, books – but it seems that even in a city of over 50,000, everyone my age is into raising the kids and being with the spouse or they are into other things such as hanging at the local bar every night which I don’t want to do. I do have a tendancy to have what may be considered high expectations of people, but I’m not going to alter this too much. My expectations have to do with character of a person not what they look like or what kind of car they drive. It seems that character is lacking in some of the people I tend to come across and I wonder why it is this way for me. Finally, I think being a loner is part of what may be some blueprint for my life on this earth. I know it sounds cliche but it makes sense in a sort of way. I’ve read some books on life themes and contracts. One if by Sylvia Browne called "The Other Side and Back: A Psychic’s Guide to Our World and Beyond" which I highly recommend. In it is one chapter that offers comforting words regarding the concept of loneliness. Another is "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss. There are also some Edgar Cayce books that are insightful in this regard. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen.

I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one.

Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways.

I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being. Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by accident. I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time.

Yeah, me too. I haven’t opened up about this issue here until now that you’ve posted. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead.

No. Don’t believe that. I’m so glad you posted your message here. I feel someone else knows what I’m going through. You … read more »

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate feeling like this. What you’ve said above and most of the rest of your post rings so true for me. I almost fell over when I read it because I feel much of the same thing. Our exact circumstances may be different but if I tell you my story, maybe you’ll see that you are not alone and you will gain insight. I’ll tell you about what the friend thing is like for me. Since being a teen, the friend thing has always been a personal difficulty for me. I’ve always felt I had a very hard time connecting with people – especially those in my own age group. I’m not one for having a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out in herds with women that I don’t really like and who are catty and superficial. Over the years, the friends I have had have been real ones, but for various reason such as geography or whatever, I don’t really have too many people in my local area that I feel comfortable enough and have enough in common to be myself with and hang out with. In fact at this time of writing, I’d say there is only one person who I am friends with in my local area who I can do "things" with and with whom I share common interests and can chat on the phone with. I feel fortunate to have ONE person like this. Yet, at the same time, I wonder why there seems to be such a shortage of people like my friend who are available to me. I’ve been here (in my area) for 4 years now. I have HAD relationships with people, but they always end for one reason or another. My friendships end and sometimes it has been due to my change of feelings about things and sometimes it’s because the person who I thought was my friend actually wanted a romance where I did not. There was one guy who I felt really close to on a friendship level – we were always there for each other. I made it crystal clear that I wanted to be friends and wasn’t looking for romance. When I make a statement like that to someone, I mean it – it is not in my nature to tease or flirt with someone of the opposite sex. I’m just not like that. We hung out for about 2 years and he seemed to be fine with this and got along great. I finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that he actually thought that I was going to change my mind and eventually fall for him romantically. He realized that at that point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend. He now has one, which is great and I don’t begrudge him that, but for me this means that I don’t have his friendship like I used to because we rarely talk anymore. Here’s another example: I was good friends with another guy. It was purely platonic. He had a heart of gold and was down-to-earth. We were buds and I felt good about the friendship – always had something to talk about. But nobody is perfect and there was an aspect about his personality that was annoying to me but I was able to overlook it at the time. He had a very limited view of the obstacles that people can have due to anxiety and depression. His view was that being depressed or scared was a weakness which is total bullshit as we all know. At that time I was having problems and started to blow off his phone calls because I felt that I needed to be understood and he just couldn’t understand me and bothered me quite a bit that my friend really believed that I was that way I was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. So, in time that frienship ended too. Yet another example: in my aerobics class which is filled with women, it is a very close-knit group and the women don’t really talk to me that much. A couple of years ago, there was one girl who did reach out and attempt to be friends with me. This girl seemed to have interests and be highly intelligent. Well, it didn’t take long to figure out that this girl was an extremely toxic, controlling, underhanded opportunistic user (they do exist out there). I would have been nuts to keep associating with this girl so I stopped. The ironic point is why of all the people in my areobics class, did this one toxic individual pursue me as someone to hang out with? So, for me, it seems that relationships don’t work out very well for me even on a frienship level. If it is a male, they seem to be interested in something that I am not (romance), or they state that they are interested in platonic frienship but are not really being truthful to themselves about this or have the hopes that I will eventually fall for them, or they turn out to be nasty users, or my needs are not understood etc. etc. etc. They always end. I’ve asked myself over and over again and try to figure out why things are the way they are for me in this regard. I think the reasons may be a combination of practical and cosmic reasons. First, I have been told numerous, numerous times that I come off as very aloof and a bitch and some have told me that I have an air of intimidation or that I appear that I don’t want to be bothered by anybody. Ironically, I’ve also been told that at first glance of me, I appear to be somebody who has a ton of friends and a spouse or a sig other. I don’t know why this is because it is definately not the case. A confidant has also told me that I come off as intense and this scares many people although not all. A previous therapist has told me that anybody who comes up to me to talk would have to have a whole lot of confidence in themselves. I understand this intellectually, but from my perspective knowing who I am, this frustrates the hell out of me because I really wouldn’t hurt anybody!!!! I am a very decent, thoughtful person. I am honest. I have much spirit and a good heart. I’m not sure if my level of GAD contributes to the intesity. I think it might. Anyway, I try to smile more at people and just relax a little bit which can be hard. I am physically attractive at this point in my life but always thought that attractive people had it easier. They don’t. I can attest to that without question. Perhaps some of it has to do with where I live. I’ve been told that in my city, new people can have a hard time connecting with the ones who have lived here there whole lives. I read an article that says that many unconventional types tend to move away from this place. The complex that I live in is like a ghost town. People go to work, come home and that’s it. You are lucky if people say hello to you while you are walking the dog. I have lots of interests – the arts, music, food, vegetarianism, my dog, books – but it seems that even in a city of over 50,000, everyone my age is into raising the kids and being with the spouse or they are into other things such as hanging at the local bar every night which I don’t want to do. I do have a tendancy to have what may be considered high expectations of people, but I’m not going to alter this too much. My expectations have to do with character of a person not what they look like or what kind of car they drive. It seems that character is lacking in some of the people I tend to come across and I wonder why it is this way for me. Finally, I think being a loner is part of what may be some blueprint for my life on this earth. I know it sounds cliche but it makes sense in a sort of way. I’ve read some books on life themes and contracts. One if by Sylvia Browne called "The Other Side and Back: A Psychic’s Guide to Our World and Beyond" which I highly recommend. In it is one chapter that offers comforting words regarding the concept of loneliness. Another is "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss. There are also some Edgar Cayce books that are insightful in this regard. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I have paid a therapist to listen to me too. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Same here. I’m serious. I have 2 degrees and have a job that is 16 hours a week because that’s all I handle right now. I love the job but it pays squat. I can’t stand corporate m-f – 9-5, so I am trying to keep the job I love and find something to supplement it another 2 days a week. I too feel like a career loser but I still think that it would be stupid to do something I hate everyday just for money. I tried it once and it sucked big time. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I do know what you mean about not fitting in. I look in the mirror and see a nose and 2 eyes and mouth. I see another human being. Yet I wonder if when I go outside the house, what people see is 3 eyes and 2 mouths because that’s what it feels like, I swear. My signature if I had one would be "Doin’ time on planet earth". Sometimes I really believe I am from another planet and got dropped here by

Response:

I know I have to find something else. I also want to move out of this tiny place I live…. and to someplace with more cultural activities going on. At this point, as silly as it may sound, I think I’m equating my worth as an individual with my earning power/potential.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate feeling like this. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day. On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening….

Is this really you, or are you using your incredible psychic powers to channel your way into my head. That was supposed to be a humorous was to say I could have written this exact post. Mike, "alone" is a word that’s been on my mind a lot lately. I can feel what your posting about. Depression has been hitting me pretty hard as well. If you ever feel the need, send me an email and I’ll give you my Yahoo ID or ICQ number and we can chat. You would be most welcome. Go back on the Pamelor and stay there. It has helped me, though this last bought of depression found it’s way through. — David Chamberlain – ASAPM Moderator | Support for anxiety or panic disorders. Check us out! | | alt.support.anxiety-panic.moderated http://stump.algebra.com/~asapm | There is seldom reason or sense involved in these matters of love — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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I appreciate your post, Elise. The depression has just been kicking my butt lately. I’ll find my way back out of it somehow. I really want to move from this little place….. to a larger city. On the one hand, it’s exciting to think of starting a new life with all sorts of opportunities. On the other hand, it’s very frightening to think of leaving an area I’m familiar with and moving to something new! Thanks for listening….. MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, Mike, Sounds like you are really struggling with the depression right now. I do hope the Pamelor helps you – give yourself a few days to get it back into your system. I think a lot of anxiety/depression sufferers tend to be lonely. I have a bad habit of withdrawing from people. Always afraid of what expectations they may have of me. I have some very good friends who always ask me to go out with them and do stuff and I always find excuses not to go. I just feel more comfortable in my own home – that’s anxiety and agoraphobia speaking here… Don’t regret writing this post and venting. It’s therapeutic for you and we all understand what you are going through. I think it’s great that you are working part time. It gives you the opportunity to be out of the house, make some money and be around people. smiles, Elise

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Hugs back atcha, Anne….Thanks! MikeH

((((((((((Mike)))))))))))) You are a wonderful man. I hope you can find some ways to connect with more ppl IRL, as you’ve connected with us here. xxoo Anne

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so lonely lately. I am glad you can share with us. It makes me feel better about sharing myself. Look, I think many of us have felt the way you feel right now. Dear Lord, I went through hell a year ago after agonizing about leaving a job I loved and knowing I had to leave for my sanity. Then I fell into how you feel right now. I didn’t think I mattered to anyone but I was wrong. I thought I contributed nothing to this world but I was wrong. Mike, don’t get yourself into this mindfix. You have been one of the most positive people I have met in this newsgroup. I know how difficult things can be especially when you just dwell and dwell on things. It’s not going to help you to do that. I know.

Hi, Vicki… About five years ago, I, too, left a job situation I loved in order to get myself out of a place where my integrity was being compromised and where I had no real control of it. So… I did the only thing I knew to do at the time: I got out. I went into something else in education in my area….to finish out my last five years of a 30-year career. I was never really happy with the new situation… and thought I would never make it through the five years. That ended last May. As glad as I was, this fall, not to have to go back to that job, I feel a bit lost without any real substantive work. We certainly cannot live on my pension… and, in any case, I can’t *not work*. I think working helps keep me sane. But I need to find something I can be happy with. I know I have to find something else. I also want to move out of this tiny place I live…. and to someplace with more cultural activities going on. At this point, as silly as it may sound, I think I’m equating my worth as an individual with my earning power/potential. And since I’m just doing a small part-time job for practically no pay, I translate that to mean that I’m not worth very much. I know that’s not true… but with all the depression lately, it’s just one more thought to shake. Thanks for your kind words….. MikeH — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Mike, I am so sorry you are lonely. I do often feel like that myself, so I know what it feels like. I want you to know that you are NOT a loser because you work only 18 hours a week. I don’t work at all, and I don’t consider myself a loser. You are out there, in the world, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of. Please feel free to email me if you want to talk. ((((((Mike)))))) Dawn — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Hi, Mike! I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener.

I sure think you are! But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate feeling like this.

I have plenty of real-life friends, and the group the most congenial I’ve ever found in my life is on the Net – and it’s not a support one!!! So you’ve got a good start. The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The Pamelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to talk to, and I pay him to listen. I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more ways than one. Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways.

I’ve sure been there! Even in a lively university. I live in the Deep South and I’m not a bubba or a jock either – but there’s always something. I’ve been in a situation where I was trying to make new friends, and I had a vicious little jerk for a therapist who acted like shyness was the greatest crime in the universe, and I still made some new friends in spite of it!!! And anti-depressants were only a dream in those days. So it can be done. You’ve got what it takes!!!!! I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage to just face each day.

Don’t regret it a second, we’re here for you! That is the depression talking; knowing it is half the battle. Feel free to e-mail me. We’re here for you, I know you’ve been here for plenty of us. Dennis — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Dear Mike, I am glad you can share with us. It makes me feel better about sharing myself. Look, I think many of us have felt the way you feel right now. Dear Lord, I went through hell a year ago after agonizing about leaving a job I loved and knowing I had to leave for my sanity. Then I fell into how you feel right now. I didn’t think I mattered to anyone but I was wrong. I thought I contributed nothing to this world but I was wrong. Mike, don’t get yourself into this mindfix. You have been one of the most positive people I have met in this newsgroup. I know how difficult things can be especially when you just dwell and dwell on things. It’s not going to help you to do that. I know. Listen to me, young man!!! Try hard to look at the positive things in your life. I know it’s hard but I bet you can find something. Dwell on that. Let us hear from you after a good night’s sleep. Thinking of you, dear, Vicki — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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too tight blurted out: I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. There’s the problem, Mike. I treat people like dirt and have lots for

friends So…. that’s the key to success, eh!?? ;P I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good listener. I don’t think there’s any doubt about that, as I can attest to, by knowing you … what, around 6 years?

It has been a long time, that’s for sure, E. Looking back on it, I didn’t really have an problems at all when we first met…. not compared to the ones that have cropped up since. What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make friends? I promise you this (which is an idle threat, I know) but if you were here (or me there) I’d MAKE you be my friend. You’d even be shooting pool and at least ‘watching’ poker – and getting to know the guys. I’ve done it before with people who felt outcastish – and the exposure by being taken in made quite a difference. I really believe that to be true!

I have no doubt! But there is no E around here to *take me in*! If you could believe that yourself, you might be able to ‘force’ yourself into some situations you don’t necessarily go for, but the people may very well surprise you with their different interests (that may very well be the same as many of yours).

If you could see where I live, Elliott… you’d understand a bit better. Indianapolis, this is not! In this case, however, I know of the lack of friends (which I think is the tail that wags the depression dog to *some* extent, and *some* of the time – or at the very least makes if far worse) and thought I’d try to bring another view to light. Again, in knowing you as a net friend, I guarantee that I’d make you eat dirt and be my friend, and in doing so, you’d make some (just one would be quite enough, IMO – and IME) friends.

Thanks for the thoughts, E-Man…. and it *is* another way of looking at it, I suppose. I’m just tired of being alone. I’m a good person… really! A different duck? Thank goodness! Take care, my friend! MikeH — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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((((((((((Mike)))))))))))) You are a wonderful man. I hope you can find some ways to connect with more ppl IRL, as you’ve connected with us here. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for your reply, Diane. It’s the depression talking, I know. Hopefully, I’ll find a way out of it soon. Take care! MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You talk to us as much as you want to, Mike. You know what’s very strange is that I’ve been feeling kind of lost and maybe slightly bored lately. I wanted to volunteer at a place, but am a little too afraid to do it. Not only that, but Winter is on it’s way – feels like it’s here already in the Great White North – and I’d hate to be calling in saying I wasn’t coming because it was so cold outside. I just don’t know what to do with myself lately. How much cleaning can a person do? I’ve been making desserts, but not alot of them and trying to make nice suppers. The best thing for me would be to volunteer my time. I know that. You’re not whining my friend. The change of season affects alot of us and usually changing from Summer to Fall or Fall to Winter does it for some. Please try not to think of yourself as a loser because you’re not, Mike. Maybe when your med kicks in a little more it’ll perk you up. {{{{{Mike}}}}} Di

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks, Jackie…. I’ll be okay. I know it’s the depression talking more than anything else….. and the idea that I’m without a job and my pension is not very much money. I appreciate your reply…. MikeH

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – :I’m feeling so lonely lately. I have always tried to treat people with :respect and kindness. I think I’m kind, sensitive, caring and a good :listener. But.. her I am… 52 years old… and I have no real friends in :real life. ( What’s wrong with me? Why am I not able to find or make :friends? If it were not for my Net friends, I’d have no one at all. I hate :feeling like this. {{{{{Mike}}}}} I`m sorry you are struggling so. There is nothing wrong with to have as a friend. Maybe you could look into a local support group for depression/anxiety sufferers. I met my best friend at one many years ago. :The depression has been really bad for the past couple of months. The amelor was helping…. then I stopped taking if for a few days because of :side effects, and wound up right back where I was. So I’ve started back on :it again…. and I see my pdoc tomorrow. He’s the only person I have to :talk to, and I pay him to listen. I`m glad you went back on the pamelor. Hopefully the side-effects will wear off. If not, maybe there is another antidepressant you could try. Don`t forget, you have us to talk to as well. Good luck with your pdoc appt tomorrow. :I’m working part-time, 18 hrs/week, at the local library. The job is stress :free….. but pays almost nothing. So I’m feeling like a real loser in more :ways than one. Sometimes having a job that is easy on us mentally is more important than raking in the dough with a stressful job. Feeling like you are a loser is your depression talking. You are a winner in my book :Anyone else ever just feel *lost* like this? I live in the middle of :nowhere, so there isn’t much to get involved in. I’m neither a bubba nor a :jock, so I don’t fit in with other people around here in many ways. Yup, I have felt this way. It seems to happen when I`m really struggling with panic and agoraphobia. I just feel so lost and alone. I do understand what you are going through. :I will regret this post. I don’t usually share much personal stuff because :I wind up feeling like I’m whining and moaning all the time. Sometimes I :really think I’d be better off dead. Oh, I’m not going to hurt :myself…..not to worry. But sometimes when I get so blue… and life seems :so negative and lonely.. it seems like it’s almost more than I can manage :to just face each day. Please don`t regret your post. You aren`t whining…….you are in a lot of pain and need to talk about it. Hopefully this will be cathartic for you. :On that happy note, I’ll bid you all a good evening….

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Hi, Mike, Sounds like you are really struggling with the depression right now. I do hope the Pamelor helps you – give yourself a few days to get it back into your system. I think a lot of anxiety/depression sufferers tend to be lonely. I have a bad habit of withdrawing from people. Always afraid of what expectations they may have of me. I have some very good friends who always ask me to go out with them and do stuff and I always find excuses not to go. I just feel more comfortable in my own home – that’s anxiety and agoraphobia speaking here… Don’t regret writing this post and venting. It’s therapeutic for you and we all understand what you are going through. I think it’s great that you are working part time. It gives you the opportunity to be out of the house, make some money and be around people. smiles, Elise

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

You talk to us as much as you want to, Mike. You know what’s very strange is that I’ve been feeling kind of lost and maybe slightly bored lately. I wanted to volunteer at a place, but am a little too afraid to do it. Not only that, but Winter is on it’s way – feels like it’s here already in the Great White North – and I’d hate to be calling in saying I wasn’t coming because it was so cold outside. I just don’t know what to do with myself lately. How much cleaning can a person do? I’ve been making desserts, but not alot of them and trying to make nice suppers. The best thing for me would be to volunteer my time. I know that. You’re not whining my friend. The change of season affects alot of us and usually changing from Summer to Fall or Fall to Winter does it for some. Please try not to think of yourself as a loser because you’re not, Mike. Maybe when your med kicks in a little more it’ll perk you up. {{{{{Mike}}}}} Di

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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::Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After ::reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be ::well all my dear friends. LJ Dear LJ, You have nothing to be ashamed about! You were just telling us how you feel, which I`m sure many could relate to. Don`t be so hard on yourself. {{{{{LJ}}}}} Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~ - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

As far as I am concerned, you have nothing to be ashamed of my friend. — Ron P It isn’t the fall that hurts:) It’s the sudden stop:( — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ As far as I am concerned, you have nothing to be ashamed of my friend. — Ron P

I second that, Ron! {{{{{LJ}}}}} Di — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

Please don’t feel selifsh or ashamed. You’re not. You’re a very nice presence here and you happen to have a few problems. So have all of us. Come to think about it that’s why this newsgroup was founded in the first place So write all you want and need to write. Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks for putting up with my alcohol fuelled self-pitty rants. After reading my post the next morning, I felt selfish and a little ashamed. Be well all my dear friends. LJ

Dear, Many of us feel the same way you do. Actually, we have to say it out loud from time to time. We have to address ourselves sometimes! If you are going to be near upstate NY anytime, give me a yell. I would be proud to buy you a drink. gt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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