Lonely Loneliness

misery loves company

Question:

Casual relationships are never enough.  I need closeness. Intimacy.  I thought falling in love would save me.  But she just couldn’t take care of me like I needed. I am obsessed with my own loneliness.  The stress is consuming my entire life.  I cannot shake off the depression enough to experience joy.  I don’t know how to live alone.  What can I do?

        I believe that the desire to share one’s life with another is natural….I can identify with the feeling that falling in love was the solution to being totally isolated in the universe….However, I also believe that these are the type of issues that therapy and therapists excel at.  I am now trying to experiment with the middle ground of having close friends (as opposed to lovers)….it is just as (if not more so) scary, but I feel that the risks of rejection are less.  For those who haven’t followed my pitiful, boring story….I have recently fallen for my best friend.  Having had a little time to think about things, I believe that part of the attraction was that I *knew* Paul liked me as a friend and I wanted someone who would take care of me…..In my strong mode, of course, I would say that you have to love yourself….be happy with yourself, otherwise all the external validation doesn’t mean sh*t. Anyone can learn to live alone….it isn’t always what you want or deserve or are comfortable with, but you *can* do it. leslie (who is rambling big time now….sorry all) — So I’m a loser, baby, why don’t you kill me?      – Beck

Response:

Casual relationships are never enough.  I need closeness. Intimacy.  I thought falling in love would save me.  But she just couldn’t take care of me like I needed. I am obsessed with my own loneliness.  The stress is consuming my entire life.  I cannot shake off the depression enough to experience joy.  I don’t know how to live alone.  What can I do?

Steve, I’m so sorry. I’ve been *exactly* like you said for several years now (at least 5), and it hurts to see anyone else suffering the same kind of pain.  I’d give advice, but if I had any good advice to give, I would have been able to follow it myself and help myself by now. For years I used to fantasize about someone who would show up and magically save me from my crappy life.  Giving that up is very difficult…  the thought of relying on *myself* to fix my life up seems difficult and unfair and unpleasant, and my mind rebels at it.  But I really don’t think anybody else is going to make me happy with myself… I think it’s one of those natural human things to focus more and more on the one thing you can’t have.  Have you discussed your feelings of loneliness with a therapist?

Ever since I got my job in late April I haven’t been able to see my therapist once.  My therapist is only available Mondays and Wednesdays and I can’t take time off work to see her.  I haven’t seen her since Feb 2nd and I really need to and want to but there’s nothing I can do.  She’s the only psychologist I’ve ever had who’s even been a little help to me. — Chris

Response:

Casual relationships are never enough.  I need closeness. Intimacy.  I thought falling in love would save me.  But she just couldn’t take care of me like I needed.

For years I used to fantasize about someone who would show up and magically save me from my crappy life.  Giving that up is very difficult…  the thought of relying on *myself* to fix my life up seems difficult and unfair and unpleasant, and my mind rebels at it.  But I really don’t think anybody else is going to make me happy with myself… I am obsessed with my own loneliness.  The stress is consuming my entire life.  I cannot shake off the depression enough to experience joy.  I don’t know how to live alone.  What can I do?

I think it’s one of those natural human things to focus more and more on the one thing you can’t have.  Have you discussed your feelings of loneliness with a therapist? — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

  / / / // ____|__   __|  ____    / /  ____| |    / / / /| (___    | |  | |__    / /| |__  |  | | < < < <  ___   | |  |  __|   / / |  __| | . ` |   ____) |  | |  | |____    /  | |____| |  |/ / / / Hugs from Lady A/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My name is Steve, and I have depression.  I have probably had it for most of my life, but I was only diagnosed last fall, in the middle of a two year relationship with a woman who is also depressed.  Now that relationship has ended, and I feel like my life is right back where it was two years ago — nowhere.  I am 29 years old.  My social life is pretty lame.  I just don’t like to go out that much (although I hate staying home even more).  I work as a computer consultant, so work life can be very very isolating.  But yet I think I need to be around people to survive.  I just do not do well alone.  I become easily bored and easily frustrated.  We broke up three weeks ago. I am not sleeping very much — maybe four or five hours a night — then I wake up shaking and my mind starts to race and my heart becomes very heavy.  But I have been like this in some form or another since I was a teen.  I live in a shroud of darkness.  I am not happy with my life.  Not at all.  And I have tried to make changes to improve it, but I never seem to get very far.  Career seems unimportant.  Friends are not accessible.  I take my family for granted.  I am just too needy.  Casual relationships are never enough.  I need closeness. Intimacy.  I thought falling in love would save me.  But she just couldn’t take care of me like I needed.  She was lonely.  But she didn’t seem to know how to accept my love.  I dream of being a husband.  I know I have the capacity to love more than most people. I loved her too intensely, needed her too much.  Maybe most people don’t need a love that strong.  It is not healthy.  But I can’t control my intensity — my anxiety.  Serzone has helped, but not enough.  The problem is more deeply rooted than just a chemical imbalance.  I can’t relax.  I can’t enjoy the simple pleasures anymore.  I am obsessed with my own loneliness.  The stress is consuming my entire life.  I cannot shake off the depression enough to experience joy.  I don’t know how to live alone.  What can I do?

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/3136/index.html

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Depression

Related Posts

• lonely near Disneyworld
• SweetPest
• sensei,,mentor sks wf student
• Merry Christmas (Asking Santa some peace)
• My life SUCKS!!!!
• Axiety at night
• lonely
• Who is Jonathan?
• Sunny Sunday Afternoon
• choosing night to crash