Lonely Loneliness

monkey moves?

Question:

Hey monkey, Been lurking for a while, keep reading every day though. As I mentioned before I have had OCD for 17 years (at least) – although the more I read the more I realize it might have been since young childhood. Anyway all that to say that I have lived in just about every type of situation (except marriage – although I lived with an ex for about 1.5 years) I know for me (as always in this newsgroup emphasis on the for me part) … change can be a trigger.  I feel great these days (thank god) but probably the worst period of my life was about 6 months ago when I was on again off again while breaking up with a girlfriend (we still communicate and she is quite nice but I am definately healthier without her … just a little too high strung and undecided on what she wanted to do which as I found was about the worst kinda thing for "my kinda OCD" – still think there is a song in there) … Anyway going to ramble a bit but bare with me …. A few things to be aware of the "change trigger" if that is one for you.  I am in no way saying that you shouldn’t change just be somewhat "mindfully aware" of what you are heading into and take stress releasing measures where need be.  As well, for me anyway, moving can be a stress.  I have moved probably 19 times since I was 19 (I am now 32).  This was in no way OCD related – I was in University then home, then a Coop program then living with a girlfriend then living with different friends (circumstances changed so we’d have to move) etc …. (Actually I just bought a house – I am quite excited so yet another move but this is the last one for a while – man its amazing how much "crap" one can possess after a while (I am not a hoarder but I think I can relate to the potential overwhelming aspects of having to deal with it …. ahh but I digress). Bottom line here is that I have lived in numerous situations – including on my own.  Anyway I found that I did not like living alone .. I have been lucky to have a roomate (different ones over the last 4 years) that is pretty much independent and who I get along with but for me I found it helped me with loneliness.  I really like my time alone but kinda knowing there would be someone around was quite helpful for me.  I believe I read the HALT term a few months ago (try not to get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired – obviously way easier said than done but for me it has been a good little nuemonic.)  Although I can certainly see that not living alone can be good for one and three but have negative impacts on two and four Ah well just have to figure our priorities. Lastly (for me) changes in personal relationships are my biggest trigger … I assume if you are going to move out from living with your "sweetie" that this is a change … I am just saying that you may want to be aware of that and take that into account.  It is worth being careful here – or as some elderly relative of mine must have said at some point – don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater – no idea who would have said but I sure someone must have …. Relationships are a delicate balence (there are way more people here with way more experience than me in this area I suspect) but I know that for me anyway changes in this are are definately toughies (hmmm kind of a lame word but what the heck – actually minor aside here a word that the "kids" are using these days that drives me nuts is "hotty" ie he’s/she’s a major "hotty" no idea why but can we please agree that this should be expunged from the language before it causes any more harm … ) My advice (for what it is worth) is just be aware and careful … Just don’t bite off any more that you can chew … take each of these changes slowly (if you need to) and plan stress release valves.  I know you said you have suffered from depression (I went through a nasty bout in the summer/fall – never really had it bad before and hope I don’t have to go through it again – but if I do at least I know what its about) anyway just be aware if you see any of those symptoms creeping in (for me the first sign was sleep and loss of sex drive) know when I start to feel those things coming on I am really quick to give myself some release valves and slow down – so far so good. Anyway hang in there, good luck.  I really enjoy your posts. Let me know how things go and you can feel free (obviously) to e-mail me any time if you want to rap about this. until later Genx_man (yet another Canadian OCD’er) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -monkey wrote in message <36D8CD03.AF958…@gilligansisland.net>… >Hi Everybody, >Has anyone here moved out on their own and noticed >any changes in their OCD symptoms? I’m >contemplating getting my own space to force myself >to deal with some OCD stuff. My sweetie just can’t >manage to support me in quite the right way. I >need to be myself – away from the enabling. Does >anyone have any experiences with this … any >stories, advice and comments would be appreciated. >Thanks >– >Monkey >http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ >mon…@gilligansisland.net >(to email me axe ‘gilligans’) >–

Response:

Louis Johnson wrote: > monkey goin to a different tree there. > happens all the time. > does the boy monkey know?

Hey Louis, Yup – the monkey boy knows – it’s a mutual thing – he wants some time to monkey around on his own too. We are still in the planning stages and have no idea what it all means … ah well. > if you go offline for a ways we will know why > and be thinking of you. just check back when > you are unpacked.

Oh – I won’t be going offline – not any time soon – but thanks for the kind words Louis — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —

Response:

Perry Mobley wrote: > Hi Monkey. I don’t have any experience in this, but I would think it is > good to re-evaluate things on a regular basis. I take from your post > that you are wanting to try things a little diffrently to see how the > ocd goes. Hoping it will get better.

Hi Perry, Yep – I want to try many things in my life differently – OCD and otherwise. I’m hoping it will do me good … fingers crossed. > While I can’t offer you advice I can say that > I think you are going through a good process. I can not tell you what to > do just that I can support you the best I can through this group.  Have > you talked it over with your therapist?  

Thanks for the support Perry. No I haven’t discussed it with my therapist. I’m thinking about it though – she would likely have a good perspective. Perhaps I’ll give her a ring. > Sending you good vibes. > ~~~~~~~“`~~~~“`~~~~“`~~~~

Wow, Perry’s Good Vibes! Thanks — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Genx_man wrote: > I know for me (as always in this newsgroup emphasis on the for me part) … > change can be a trigger.  I feel great these days (thank god) but probably > the worst period of my life was about 6 months ago when I was on again off > again while breaking up with a girlfriend (we still communicate and she is > quite nice but I am definately healthier without her … just a little too > high strung and undecided on what she wanted to do which as I found was > about the worst kinda thing for "my kinda OCD" – still think there is a song > in there) … > Anyway going to ramble a bit but bare with me …. A few things to be aware > of the "change trigger" if that is one for you.  I am in no way saying that > you shouldn’t change just be somewhat "mindfully aware" of what you are > heading into and take stress releasing measures where need be.  As well, for > me anyway, moving can be a stress.  I have moved probably 19 times since I > was 19 (I am now 32).  This was in no way OCD related – I was in University > then home, then a Coop program then living with a girlfriend then living > with different friends (circumstances changed so we’d have to move) etc …. > (Actually I just bought a house – I am quite excited so yet another move but > this is the last one for a while – man its amazing how much "crap" one can > possess after a while (I am not a hoarder but I think I can relate to the > potential overwhelming aspects of having to deal with it …. ahh but I > digress). > Bottom line here is that I have lived in numerous situations – including on > my own.  Anyway I found that I did not like living alone .. I have been > lucky to have a roomate (different ones over the last 4 years) that is > pretty much independent and who I get along with but for me I found it > helped me with loneliness.  I really like my time alone but kinda knowing > there would be someone around was quite helpful for me.  

Hi Genx Man, Hmm, I hear what you’re saying but I really enjoy being by myself. I can amuse myself very easily … I haven’t figured out whether I am amusing or just easly amused …? I think I’m beginning to realise just how much I want my own space – I still want my friends and my sweetie in my life just not ALL the time. I really like solitude and most of my interests are solitary. I do like to be socialable sometimes too but I’d rather just go out and have fun and be able to return to my own space. > the HALT term a few months ago (try not to get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or > Tired – obviously way easier said than done but for me it has been a good > little nuemonic.)  Although I can certainly see that not living alone can be > good for one and three but have negative impacts on two and four Ah well > just have to figure our priorities.

I feel living on my own would be beneficial in all four – I get the leftover pizza all to myself, no body around to piss me off, I don’t feel lonely when I by myself and I can sleep without someone snoring in my ear. > Lastly (for me) changes in personal relationships are my biggest trigger … > I assume if you are going to move out from living with your "sweetie" that > this is a change … I am just saying that you may want to be aware of that > and take that into account.  It is worth being careful here – or as some > elderly relative of mine must have said at some point – don’t throw the baby > out with the bathwater – no idea who would have said but I sure someone must > have ….

Yes, I’m thinking of moving out from living with my sweetie. We have discussed changing our relationship. We both love each other but both feel like we have grown up very  differently – we don’t have much in common and some sort of change is needed. I really don’t know what will happen exactly but we are pretty open about our feelings towards each other. I’ll love him forever and always be on his side, maybe not *by* his side. We both have very different goals in life and it’s hard to see them being reach in our relationship as it is now. > My advice (for what it is worth) is just be aware and careful … Just don’t > bite off any more that you can chew … take each of these changes slowly > (if you need to) and plan stress release valves.  I know you said you have > suffered from depression (I went through a nasty bout in the summer/fall – > never really had it bad before and hope I don’t have to go through it > again – but if I do at least I know what its about) anyway just be aware if > you see any of those symptoms creeping in (for me the first sign was sleep > and loss of sex drive) know when I start to feel those things coming on I am > really quick to give myself some release valves and slow down – so far so > good.

Yup! I know my signals too. I watch for them – don’t worry. I’ll watch the stress level and try to stay mellow … maybe a can find a place with a hot tub! > Anyway hang in there, good luck.  I really enjoy your posts. Let me know how > things go and you can feel free (obviously) to e-mail me any time if you > want to rap about this.

Thanks Genx Man … you’re such a ‘hotty’ — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —

Response:

monkey (mon…@gilligansisland.net) wrote:

: Hi Everybody, : Has anyone here moved out on their own and noticed : any changes in their OCD symptoms? I’m : contemplating getting my own space to force myself : to deal with some OCD stuff. My sweetie just can’t : manage to support me in quite the right way. I : need to be myself – away from the enabling. Does : anyone have any experiences with this … any : stories, advice and comments would be appreciated. : Thanks monkey goin to a different tree there. happens all the time. does the boy monkey know? if you go offline for a ways we will know why and be thinking of you. just check back when you are unpacked. p.s. living in trees has advantages. a woman in ummm, oregon or thereabouts set up house at the 300 foot level so’s the deforestry company wouldnt take out all the old growth. it worked. anyways three cheers for our own monkey. hurrah !! hurrah !!! hurrah !!! : — : Monkey : http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ : mon…@gilligansisland.net : (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) : — — ———————————————— so if it aint yer fault, then why y’a apologizing? ————————————————

Response:

CanadaMan wrote: > ..Sorry, can’t help ya there. My OCD did not show up until I moved out on my > own. Now, I can’t think of any way else to live.

… hmmm, I wonder what will show up when I move out on my own? — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —

Response:

In article <36DCB5F9.D4E6B…@gilligansisland.net>, monkey <mon…@gilligansisland.net> wrote: >CanadaMan wrote: >> ..Sorry, can’t help ya there. My OCD did not show up until I moved out on my >> own. Now, I can’t think of any way else to live. >…. hmmm, I wonder what will show up when I move >out on my own?

..Probably "calmness". CanadaMan

Response:

Hi Everybody, Has anyone here moved out on their own and noticed any changes in their OCD symptoms? I’m contemplating getting my own space to force myself to deal with some OCD stuff. My sweetie just can’t manage to support me in quite the right way. I need to be myself – away from the enabling. Does anyone have any experiences with this … any stories, advice and comments would be appreciated. Thanks — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —

Response:

Hi Monkey. I don’t have any experience in this, but I would think it is good to re-evaluate things on a regular basis. I take from your post that you are wanting to try things a little diffrently to see how the ocd goes. Hoping it will get better. I haven’t read anything of yours recently but you were talking one time about getting out more and being more active outside the house. Evidently you are feeling better. Thats great!! Perhaps by getting out on your own you will be able to reset your compas and determine what is really good for you and what you want to do with your life. Like going back to school and stuff. While I can’t offer you advice I can say that I think you are going through a good process. I can not tell you what to do just that I can support you the best I can through this group.  Have you talked it over with your therapist?  Sending you good vibes. ~~~~~~~“`~~~~“`~~~~“`~~~~ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -monkey wrote: > Hi Everybody, > Has anyone here moved out on their own and noticed > any changes in their OCD symptoms? I’m > contemplating getting my own space to force myself > to deal with some OCD stuff. My sweetie just can’t > manage to support me in quite the right way. I > need to be myself – away from the enabling. Does > anyone have any experiences with this … any > stories, advice and comments would be appreciated. > Thanks > — > Monkey > http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ > mon…@gilligansisland.net > (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) > —

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Depression

Related Posts

• misery loves company
• Thought from a newbie....
• The flowers of love
• I can't do this any more
• The Effect of the Internet on Social Relations
• The Risk-AIDS Hypothesis; Critique part II, final. (long)
• Meaning of my Life
• Where's SS?
• Feeling alone again
• Feeling aloof and and disconnected...