Lonely Loneliness

Pleased to meet you

Question:

Matt wrote:

    <snipped>     There are many here that are truly into music and several guitar players, too.  <smile>  So, you already have things besides being lonely and knowing about depression in common with people here.  This is a good place to practice social skills, too.  ’Course, here….we get to "backspace".  <laugh>  There’s times, too, that we get into what men and women think about each other and/or expect from each other and so that helps us understand each other some.  I think it mostly helps us to understand that "generalities" only go so far.  All men aren’t alike and neither are all women.  I’m glad you’ve decided to stick around.  Hugs, Jae > Hello everyone, I’m Matt from England. I first posted a couple of days ago > and if you all don’t mind I’d like to stick around. I’m a lonely guy, almost > 31 and still living at home. I’m recovering from a severe spell of > depression that nearly killed me. —

            May I always live….                Where the sky is open….                    Fences are not………                       And The Spirit walks….

Response:

credo wrote in message <36bc5608.692930…@news.m.astro.com.au>… >Welcome Matt,

<snipped except for credo’s replies and questions> >What sort of IT course have you started? I’ve worked inside the IT >field since I got my first job (about 6 years ago now).

Its an intermediate course, sreadsheets, databases and word-processing. Actually, I should have mentioned that I’ve just finished an easier IT course. >You can play an instrument? Thats really cool… I’d always wished I >had the talent to play something. Even if you have neglected it for a >long time I’m sure you wouldn’t have too many troubles starting up >again.

I played for about an hour after reading you reply. It felt good. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I too started feeling alone amongst my circle of friends. We’d been >good friends all thru high-school. In fact my longest friend I’ve >known for about 18 years or so now (not bad considering I’m only 23). >But they discovered women while my talents at attracting a woman are >well… somewhat lacking (to understate the issue). Things started >happening as "couples"… while the few of us still single or >inbetween relationships would still hang about (and usually getting up >to no good <EG>) those with a g/f kinda stepped out of the scene. >It seems eventually they all got a better half though. While none are >married most are in pretty steady relationships. There is no barrier >to stop me being with my friends other than me feeling totally awkward >and self-conscious around them. >I’m now something of a recluse… I’ll generally only go out when >virtually dragged from the house. For this I am eternally greatful to >my friends… they still insist on getting me outside the house every >once and a while.

I want to be in a group/relationship. I hate being alone, it’s when I do my darkest thinking. It’s a vicious circle–I hate the world coz I’m alone and it shows on my face–no one will approach me coz I look so fierce. If someone does approach me I don’t know how to talk to them anyway, then they think I’m antisocial and odd which makes me feel even more bitter…etc >I can’t comment on the situation other than to imagine myself in your >position. Did you drive him away, or did you drive yourself away from >him? I often look back at the people I’ve lost contact with and I can >blame no one but myself… I was the one who shut off the contact. How >could I blame them for making the assumption that I no longer wanted >to have anything to do with them? >I’ll state it again just to make sure… thats just how I picture >things from my perspective – I’d be interested to hear what your >thoughts are about what happened.

I think he got fed up with my moaning, although towards the end of our friendship I knew he had met a new group of people and did’nt tell me (so I guess he was’nt too good a friend after all). >I too feel that way, though I guess in reality I’m the one that has >abandoned them – not that I’m suggesting that is what you’ve done.

I have abandoned some but things were worse then and I was much more screwed up. >Can’t comment there… never really had one to break up with or be >broken up with.

I’ve had 2 ’serious’ relationships with good times to be remembered in both. >And if I can only help one person here to see their way out of their >depression and/or loneliness I’ll feel blessed. I’m sure you feel the >same way Matt. >Welcome once again, I’m sure you’ll make a great addition to the >people that post (and lurk ) here too. >- credo

Helping people is a great thing. I’d like to think I’ve helped people in my time. I hope I get the chance to help a few more. Many thanks Credo. Matt.

Response:

Welcome Matt, I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people to offer support. A lot of people here are lonely for all sorts of reasons. Listening and helping each other deal with our problems can sometimes give us an insight into our own difficulties in life. On Sat, 6 Feb 1999 14:05:46 -0000, "Matt" <M…@myhome36.freeserve.co.uk> wrote: >Hello everyone, I’m Matt from England. I first posted a couple of days ago >and if you all don’t mind I’d like to stick around. I’m a lonely guy, almost >31 and still living at home. I’m recovering from a severe spell of >depression that nearly killed me. I’ve been living where I am now for 3 >years and although I have family here I have no friends. I’ve been ill for >several years, been on all sorts of medication, and been in and out of >hospital a few times. I have’nt worked for ages and I’ve just started an IT >course. I used to play the guitar, but I can’t seem to find the will

What sort of IT course have you started? I’ve worked inside the IT field since I got my first job (about 6 years ago now). >anymore, although lately I’m listening to more music than I used to so maybe >I’ll get the urge again. Music used to be a big part of my life, I’d play >that guitar for hours and hours. About 10 years ago I was at a college and I

You can play an instrument? Thats really cool… I’d always wished I had the talent to play something. Even if you have neglected it for a long time I’m sure you wouldn’t have too many troubles starting up again. >was really popular. Friday night was music night where I lived. All my pals >would come round, have a few beers and sing some songs…great times. But >even then I felt alone.

I too started feeling alone amongst my circle of friends. We’d been good friends all thru high-school. In fact my longest friend I’ve known for about 18 years or so now (not bad considering I’m only 23). But they discovered women while my talents at attracting a woman are well… somewhat lacking (to understate the issue). Things started happening as "couples"… while the few of us still single or inbetween relationships would still hang about (and usually getting up to no good <EG>) those with a g/f kinda stepped out of the scene. It seems eventually they all got a better half though. While none are married most are in pretty steady relationships. There is no barrier to stop me being with my friends other than me feeling totally awkward and self-conscious around them. I’m now something of a recluse… I’ll generally only go out when virtually dragged from the house. For this I am eternally greatful to my friends… they still insist on getting me outside the house every once and a while. >I met this guy and we became best friends. We had so >much in common and hung out together all the time. I think I drove him away >because I got so angry about stuff. I’m a very cynical person and can appear >to be very cold sometimes. It’s just a way to deal with my situation.

I can’t comment on the situation other than to imagine myself in your position. Did you drive him away, or did you drive yourself away from him? I often look back at the people I’ve lost contact with and I can blame no one but myself… I was the one who shut off the contact. How could I blame them for making the assumption that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with them? I’ll state it again just to make sure… thats just how I picture things from my perspective – I’d be interested to hear what your thoughts are about what happened. >Anyhow, I think all this made him dislike me and he stopped calling. That >really hurt. My best friend from when I was a kid was killed in a bike >accident. I feel like everyone I’ve ever been close too has abandoned me (I >know thats crazy!).

I too feel that way, though I guess in reality I’m the one that has abandoned them – not that I’m suggesting that is what you’ve done. >My girlfriends have been the ones to end the relationship (except once when I did).

Can’t comment there… never really had one to break up with or be broken up with. >Now I feel as though I have no social >skills at all. I like to think I care about things-sometimes too much, and >the compassion expressed in this group has really touched me. I could go on >and on, but I don’t want to bring the net to a halt (laugh). I hope we can >be friends. >Matt.

And if I can only help one person here to see their way out of their depression and/or loneliness I’ll feel blessed. I’m sure you feel the same way Matt. Welcome once again, I’m sure you’ll make a great addition to the people that post (and lurk ) here too. – credo —–BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK—– Version: 3.1 GO d–(++) s++: a– C+++ US P L W++ N++ o? K- w O- M V? PS+@ PE@ Y+ PGP- t++*@ 5+ X R+ !tv b+++ DI++ D++ G e h r– I* y++ ——END GEEK CODE BLOCK——

Response:

Hello everyone, I’m Matt from England. I first posted a couple of days ago and if you all don’t mind I’d like to stick around. I’m a lonely guy, almost 31 and still living at home. I’m recovering from a severe spell of depression that nearly killed me. I’ve been living where I am now for 3 years and although I have family here I have no friends. I’ve been ill for several years, been on all sorts of medication, and been in and out of hospital a few times. I have’nt worked for ages and I’ve just started an IT course. I used to play the guitar, but I can’t seem to find the will anymore, although lately I’m listening to more music than I used to so maybe I’ll get the urge again. Music used to be a big part of my life, I’d play that guitar for hours and hours. About 10 years ago I was at a college and I was really popular. Friday night was music night where I lived. All my pals would come round, have a few beers and sing some songs…great times. But even then I felt alone. I met this guy and we became best friends. We had so much in common and hung out together all the time. I think I drove him away because I got so angry about stuff. I’m a very cynical person and can appear to be very cold sometimes. It’s just a way to deal with my situation. Anyhow, I think all this made him dislike me and he stopped calling. That really hurt. My best friend from when I was a kid was killed in a bike accident. I feel like everyone I’ve ever been close too has abandoned me (I know thats crazy!). My girlfriends have been the ones to end the relationship (except once when I did). Now I feel as though I have no social skills at all. I like to think I care about things-sometimes too much, and the compassion expressed in this group has really touched me. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to bring the net to a halt (laugh). I hope we can be friends. Matt.

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Depression

Related Posts

• Pray for Iran
• Valentine's Day (Spoiler: suicide)
• Let's talk about loneliness
• A qusetion about diabetes and emotions
• Being Lonely
• No hope; No harm and No false alarm
• Stupid Guy Seeking Advice (Long)!
• Take Two - Percentages
• Why do you think you've failed with women?
• I guess I'm still awake