Lonely Loneliness

Really needing you guys right now

Question:

     It’s Piper. I’m finally in Colorado, with my apartment all decorated and clean. It looks really, really nice. My parents bought me so much stuff, I feel really spoiled and not in a good way. My roommate must think I am, every day we keep hauling more and more stuff up here. But it feels kinda like home now, especially my room. It’s decorated to my X-Files taste:) I just got my computer up and running today, or I would have written sooner. There’s a lot going on right now that’s making me sad, and I don’t know how to handle all of it. I need you guys. I just need to know that you’re here and I’m not alone. My roommate is never here, she always sleeps at her boyfriends. I met the guys down the hall last night. They’re really nice, but they smoke more pot than I thought was humanly possible. I can’t hang out with my "old crowd," because they’re not sober, so I have to make new friends. I plan to meet people in AA and in the GLBT(gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) group. I don’t want things to go the way they went before. I think part of my sadness is just fear that it’s going to be like last year. I have to make it different.      As far as the ED is concerned, I’m having a really hard time. We left and I was at a really low weight. For some reason, I just can’t stop eating and I’ve gained x pounds. I need to gain them, but I did it the wrong way. Part of it is that I stopped laxatives cold turkey and I’ve blown up to a Hindinberg-sized blimp in my eyes. It makes me want to restrict, take laxatives again, it induces panic.      I want to my new psychiatrist. He seems like a great guy. We’re going to do some psychoanalysis, which I’ve never done before. There’s also an ED support group and a depression support group on campus that I’m going to check out. I just have to find some healthy support systems. I really miss you guys. I’m scared about everything. I want this to be the beginning of my life, not the beginning of another round of involuntary commitments and hospitalizations. Of course, I’m on medication now, so my moods are staying basically in control.      Well, I’m rambling. I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I’ll write again soon, I’ve got so many posts to catch up on!! Luv on ya, Piper "The Truth is Out There" "Trust No One" "All Lies Lead to the Truth" "Deny Everything" "Apology is Policy" "Everything Dies" "Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate"  "Beleive the Lie" "Resist or Serve" "The End" "Amor Fati"

Response:

Hi Piper- I just wanted to offer my support to you.  It sounds like you have some good ideas for finding new friends and a support system.  I hope you follow through with them.  Don’t feel bad about feeling spoiled…..your parents probably just want to help and I’m sure they love you.  You’re not asking for all the stuff, and you deserve it.  I can understand your loneliness, I’m also living on my own and it is hard sometimes.  But it sounds like you can make a lot of friends.  Try to remember that you needed to gain weight and that you’re really not a blimp, your image is just distorted.  You can change your life and make this a brand new start instead of a repeat of the past!  I hope everything works out, and we’re here for you! Luv, Tara

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –      It’s Piper. I’m finally in Colorado, with my apartment all decorated and clean. It looks really, really nice. My parents bought me so much stuff, I feel really spoiled and not in a good way. My roommate must think I am, every day we keep hauling more and more stuff up here. But it feels kinda like home now, especially my room. It’s decorated to my X-Files taste:) I just got my computer up and running today, or I would have written sooner. There’s a lot going on right now that’s making me sad, and I don’t know how to handle all of it. I need you guys. I just need to know that you’re here and I’m not alone. My roommate is never here, she always sleeps at her boyfriends. I met the guys down the hall last night. They’re really nice, but they smoke more pot than I thought was humanly possible. I can’t hang out with my "old crowd," because they’re not sober, so I have to make new friends. I plan to meet people in AA and in the GLBT(gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) group. I don’t want things to go the way they went before. I think part of my sadness is just fear that it’s going to be like last year. I have to make it different.      As far as the ED is concerned, I’m having a really hard time. We left and I was at a really low weight. For some reason, I just can’t stop eating and I’ve gained x pounds. I need to gain them, but I did it the wrong way. Part of it is that I stopped laxatives cold turkey and I’ve blown up to a Hindinberg-sized blimp in my eyes. It makes me want to restrict, take laxatives again, it induces panic.      I want to my new psychiatrist. He seems like a great guy. We’re going to do some psychoanalysis, which I’ve never done before. There’s also an ED support group and a depression support group on campus that I’m going to check out. I just have to find some healthy support systems. I really miss you guys. I’m scared about everything. I want this to be the beginning of my life, not the beginning of another round of involuntary commitments and hospitalizations. Of course, I’m on medication now, so my moods are staying basically in control.      Well, I’m rambling. I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I’ll write again soon, I’ve got so many posts to catch up on!! Luv on ya, Piper "The Truth is Out There" "Trust No One" "All Lies Lead to the Truth" "Deny Everything" "Apology is Policy" "Everything Dies" "Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate"  "Beleive the Lie" "Resist or Serve" "The End" "Amor Fati"

Response:

Piper!  I was just wondering where you’d disappeared to earlier today! ;^) Finding all new friends is hard, and I can’t even imagine doing it when the old ones are still around and available.  But it sounds like you’ve got the right idea, hoping to meet people at AA and through LGBT activities.  Just don’t let yourself get discouraged – I *still* sometimes feel like hardly anybody where I currently live knows me, and I’ve been here a year and a half! Good luck and if you need to vent or a sympathetic shoulder, e-mail my Deja address & I’ll give you a real e-mail address to reach me at. alphasarah

Response:

((((((((Piper))))))) Thinking of you always, and wishing that this year is a great journey for you. I know that you have the strength to do this. And if all else fails i’ve got a can of Whoop Ass sitting right here in case you need it! Sorry guys, inside joke. Take care of you my sweet. Baby steps, on thing at a time, and all the other saying that you know so well. You are never alone, ever. And i’m only a phone call away. Love you always, Allison:)

Response:

     Guys, thanks for the support. Things are looking better today. Except that I found out I’m very allergic to MSG. We had teriyaki bowls at a Japanese restaurant last night, and I woke up swollen from head to toe! I still can’t get my shoes on, my lips are all puffed out, and none of my rings will go on. But, this too shall pass… Luv on ya, Piper "The Truth is Out There" "Trust No One" "All Lies Lead to the Truth" "Deny Everything" "Apology is Policy" "Everything Dies" "Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate"  "Beleive the Lie" "Resist or Serve" "The End" "Amor Fati"

Response:

Hi Piper, Glad to see you here again on ASED  Sounds like your place is decorated the way you want and that you have stuff you need to live relatively comfortably.  Glad also to hear that you’re looking into appropriate support groups to help you make a new beginning help, please email me signman

Response:

Piper, how about first practice feeling grateful to your parents for giving you stuff.  It really feels better than guilt. You can feel guilt any ol’ day but how often are people really generous to you?  If you know how to accept kindness, it will help when other people are kind to you.  It doesn’t matter what other people think of you.  You are who you have to live with(in).  And so you must treat yourself well.  If other people don’t understand, it doesn’t mean anything about you.  So they don’t understand, so they don’t know anything about you.  What matters is how you treat yourself and others. The laxatives–have they ever worked before?  I take it they have not done what you would like them to do in the long run.  So why think they will work now?  They will only make your situation worse.  I think that doing something harmful to yourself as part of a larger plan to get better really will unravel your plan from the start.  You need healthy choices to have a healthy plan. Thinking of you, jc

Response:

hey piper! just sending you love and support! xoxoxoxo

Response:

Piper…. I am just a email away…if you feel ok?? Hope the Bowie e card reached you .I sent it yesterday… Baci, Cila – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Piper Sweetie, i know how hard all this is and i just want you to know that i am here and i care…. Email me anytime, okay? Rooting for you, blue

Response:

Hi Piper Sweetie, i know how hard all this is and i just want you to know that i am here and i care…. Email me anytime, okay? Rooting for you, blue

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Depression

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