Recovery.
Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -August Pamplona wrote: > Bernd Jendrissek wrote: >> —–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– >> Hash: SHA1 >> In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> >> someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >>> At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >>> still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women. I came across >>> www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet. >> This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to >> learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap >> yourself is with the ASF-style literature. Despite its name, >> alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard. I tend to see it >> as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with >> a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number >> of off-topic topics. >>> I did two things: Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >>> try. Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >>> thought I’d mention it anyway. >> Interesting. Interesting also, that one or two others here have >> reported the same. Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!? > Part of the experience was fairly horrible but I think it was > positive as a whole. >> BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially >> contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective >> public speaking. > I do not disagree with you at all. If anyone had suggested a > couple of years ago that I do this, I would have considered it an absurd > impossibility. I felt pretty damn good about the fact that I was able > get myself to do it. > [snip] > August Pamplona
Note: It is likely that I would be too afraid to hire a prostitute in South Africa due to health concerns. August Pamplona — Women bring men they like tasks in much the same way cats put dead mice on their owner’s pillows. – Lola on a.s.s. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.
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You rock. 
What a man!
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Now I just need to get single women to agree with you without having to tell them my life story. Haha. ;-)
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—–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– Hash: SHA1 In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women. I came across >www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet.
This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap yourself is with the ASF-style literature. Despite its name, alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard. I tend to see it as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number of off-topic topics. >I did two things: Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >try. Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >thought I’d mention it anyway.
Interesting. Interesting also, that one or two others here have reported the same. Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!? BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective public speaking. >Second, I contacted all the guys from my area involved in this >seduction thing, and met up with them. This was a great experience >because these were for the most part cool guys who were getting laid on >a regular basis — the sort of person I never knew before. I made a >lot of friends this way and I started to meet and pick up women myself.
Interesting about the "cool guys". I often suspect that these ASF types are more than just the average "player" who might tend to have a rather one-dimensional seduction strategy – perhaps limited to playing "jerk" or "bad boy" or "smooth talker". Can you tell us more about your impressions of these guys? Did they identify themselves along the pickup hierarchy as, say, PUA or RAFC or guru or other? Did you act as their "wingman" or was it more of a casual, random meet-up? >So far I am still very new to the whole thing and I don’t have any real >results to show, but I did have a bunch of first experiences as an >almost thirty year old that most guys already did in high school (first >kiss, first time in discos / clubs, etc.)
Nice! Do you think that these experiences feel qualitatively different than they might have, had you experienced them at a more age-appropriate time? Is anything "more fun" or are there some things that disappointed? I suspect I’ve already begun the process of emotional callusing – that even though I might one day experience some of these "firsts", I might end up being a little disaffected by them after having done without for so long. It’s sad, and I hope not true, but it would surprise me if I managed to feel like a kid in a candy store in every context. >The best part is, I have no trouble making a good first impression on >women, including very attractive women, which tells me that I look OK >and can act OK. After a while I think they do catch on to the fact >that I am not quite ‘normal’ yet.
How do they react to this latent un-normalness? Does it impose a cost on your interactions or does it disappear into the noise? How does this "not quite normal" manifest itself? >But this means that whatever remains to be done is all in my head.
Yes, that can be a powerful motivator. It means you have significant control over your outcomes. >I will try very hard to not only to pretend to be normal from this >point on, but to start to ‘live’ normalness, if you know what I mean.
Is this continuation of being "normal" something you want to do to have the satisfaction of having completed a task? I suspect I may be prone to such an aspect of an already established perfectionism. —–BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE—– Version: GnuPG v1.4.2 (GNU/Linux) Comment: Please fetch my new key 804177F8 from hkp://wwwkeys.eu.pgp.net/ iD8DBQFDYjMCwyMv24BBd/gRAlX8AJ4r1BYAARFcyo7GWK6CW3i103sOVACgqHJZ CiC00PicPrwiAyz9mVfmQ2g= =xlH2 —–END PGP SIGNATURE—–
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bernd Jendrissek wrote: > —–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– > Hash: SHA1 > In article <1129935201.648132.203…@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> > someguy <claibse…@kriocoucke.mailexpire.com> wrote: >>At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I >>still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women. I came across >>www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet. > This part of the story yet again confirms to me that if you want to > learn *actual* *practically useful* skills, a good place to bootstrap > yourself is with the ASF-style literature. Despite its name, > alt.support.shyness is pretty useless in that regard. I tend to see it > as more of a trawling net for interesting case studies, and a place with > a good yield of highly interesting tangential discussions on any number > of off-topic topics. >>I did two things: Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a >>try. Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I >>thought I’d mention it anyway. > Interesting. Interesting also, that one or two others here have > reported the same. Is it even worth the bother, I wonder??!!?
Part of the experience was fairly horrible but I think it was positive as a whole. > BTW being able to hire a hooker seems to me as superficially > contradictory to a claim of "shyness" as is being able to do effective > public speaking.
I do not disagree with you at all. If anyone had suggested a couple of years ago that I do this, I would have considered it an absurd impossibility. I felt pretty damn good about the fact that I was able get myself to do it. [snip] August Pamplona — Women bring men they like tasks in much the same way cats put dead mice on their owner’s pillows. – Lola on a.s.s. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.
Response:
Hello everybody, I posted here a couple times in the winter of 2002, going on to mail a bit with the grand old lady of the asl group (Hi Chloe!). Then I realized that reading the group was having a bad effect on me because it kept reminding me that I’m a pathological loner rather than motivating me to do something about it. My intention with this post is not to join again, but to tell of my efforts and good progress on my long journey out of loneliness. Basic background: I am a guy, now in my late 20-s, who never was very social. Because of some unfortunate events during my early teens I completely lost it. I lost all my friends and withdrew into a fantasy world. It was only in high school when I found my way into the clique of the biggest losers on campus and finally was able to connect with one or two other guys. It is at that time when I realized that I should try to somehow socially recover. Unfortunately because of extreme shyness it was impossible for me to make friends by approaching people, so the few people I knew were the ones who were social enough to pick me up. I had a single friend even through my college years, who was quite socially dysfunctional himself. None of my friends in either high school or college had any girl friends or even dated a girl, so on one hand I fit right in, on the other I had absolutely no social contact with the other gender. And no, we did not go to parties, we didn’t even really know they existed. A key thing that brought about a turning point were moving out from home after I graduated from college and finally got a job such that I could afford this. I love my parents but I think they are a big reason for me having this problem to begin with. They are themselves utterly without a social life, as are their parents (my grandparents). They never saw anything wrong with me, nor with themselves, and they thought they provided me with all the company I needed. I also never talked with them about my problems, we just never talked on a particularly personal level at all. Anyway, moving to my own place three years ago and finishing school made me become very depressed. Previously I was not depressed, only shy and lonely, and now things suddenly became much worse. I did not have the daily company of the family, meaning I was suddenly more alone than ever. In addition, being in college always presents one with automatic long term goals, such as passing the next set of exams, on which one can focus, which helps a lot to shut out any other concerns. When one starts working, the next big long term goal is retirement, and its about 40 years away. I felt very bored and direction less in life, the daily grind repeating week after week with no other content to my life was becoming unbearable already after the first two years. The upside of getting a job was being forced to interact with many other people at least on a professional level, and this helped a lot with my shyness, at least with respect to other men. My job is in a field where women are very rare. In fact, and you are going to find this funny, I also work in part as a hr manager, selecting candidates and doing job interviews. Because of my shyness I doubt I would have been able to interview a woman or bear the thought of working with one, so I never did. As a result, there is not a single woman in our company. To be fair, a female applicant only came up a single time so far, even though I interviewed a lot of people. I have a minor spinal deformity, but the depression and loneliness lead me to blow this flaw completely out of proportion, and started to think of myself as handicapped, and being terrified what everyone thought about me. I of course never talked to anyone about it. I also had some minor acne and was rather wimpy-looking, making me hate my body and as a result myself even more. By the end of last year things got so bad that I decided that I was going to try some radical things to try to change myself and become ‘normal’. First, I realized that I was to a large degree depressed because I felt bad about my body. So I started working out at the gym and drinking protein shakes. I got some amazing results in just three months, and gained 10 kgs (22 lbs) of muscle. I was not a bodybuilder by any means, but I was no longer really wimpy either. This boosted my self-esteem a lot because one of my previous depressive beliefs was that its impossible to change myself in any way no matter how hard I try. Clearly, I had proof that this was not the case. I invested the extra self-esteem to gather enough courage to visit a doctor about my acne, and be aggressive enough with him to get me some prescription acne medication subscribed that he was initially reluctant to do. This totally got rid of my acne, boosting my self esteem even further. Then I changed my wardrobe, and bought some cool clothes, started wearing some jewelry (I observed that cool, ‘normal’ guys often wear jewelry while wimpy depressed losers usually don’t.) and traded my boring nerdy glasses first for some cool designer ones and then for contact lenses. Finally, I went out and got a big, heavy motorcycle. The rationale was that nerdy losers are not the motorcycle rider stereotype. Plus, motorcycle riding was a bit dangerous, could give me an adrenaline rush, and it got me outdoors. These were all positive, self-esteem building things. I was very proud to put on my leathers and go riding because it made me feel like a real man, which is not a feeling I usually had when I stayed at home alone and watched TV. In fact, I started thinking of myself as a man — previously, and this sounds completely crazy, I refused to call or think of myself as a man because I thought I had nothing in common with them other than some basic bodily resemblance. At this point, about half way into the year, I was feeling great, but I still no friends outside of work, nor knew any women. I came across www.fastseduction.com while searching the Internet. This is one of many sites dedicated to teaching guys how to pick up women and get laid more effectively. The weird thing is, if I ever had a sex drive I have completely lost it over the years, at least on a conscious level. On the other hand, I had a great desire to be ‘normal’, and believe both friendships and romantic involvement with women are supposed to be part of that. I did two things: Out of curiosity I rented a hooker and gave sex a try. Unfortunately I found it boring and got nothing out of it, but I thought I’d mention it anyway. Second, I contacted all the guys from my area involved in this seduction thing, and met up with them. This was a great experience because these were for the most part cool guys who were getting laid on a regular basis — the sort of person I never knew before. I made a lot of friends this way and I started to meet and pick up women myself. So far I am still very new to the whole thing and I don’t have any real results to show, but I did have a bunch of first experiences as an almost thirty year old that most guys already did in high school (first kiss, first time in discos / clubs, etc.) The best part is, I have no trouble making a good first impression on women, including very attractive women, which tells me that I look OK and can act OK. After a while I think they do catch on to the fact that I am not quite ‘normal’ yet. But this means that whatever remains to be done is all in my head. I will try very hard to not only to pretend to be normal from this point on, but to start to ‘live’ normalness, if you know what I mean. Last night a girl told me that she thought I was crazy, and that she likes crazy. Most likely I will end up overcompensating but thats fine with me. So, thats all for now. I hope this mail can motivate some loners to get off their asses and get their lives in gear too. Greets to everyone, esp. Chloe.
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness Depression
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