Suicide Effects
Question:
Aloha Michael, I’m sorry – It shouldn’t have to be like this.
You are right, it shouldn’t have to be like this. The attempts followed into my adult life too, however, my Mom has become a bit healthier over the past few years and has not been suicidal. I have so many damn accounts of her attempts I could fill a book with it. Aloha, Chris G It’s a hell of a long way home, why don’t you let me take you, it’s no good to go alone.
Response:
I have to agree with the posting I read on suicide and it’s effects on the ones who love us. When we are at our lowest we don’t feel loved…but you probably are. I spent my childhood and teen years constantly keeping an eye over my mother. Her constant suicide attempts were destroying me as a child. I would try to feel her pain..maybe I tried to hard and I am forever living with this deep sadness, loneliness and fear.
((sorry to snip)) Chris, I know first hand what it’s like to have to endure the suicide attempts of someone you love. My mother attempted suicide on a number of occasions but I wasn’t a child, I was mid twenties up to mid thirties. People really have no idea unless they’ve experienced it first hand just how gut wrenchingly destroying it is to see someone close to you attempt to take their life near or in front of you. To even discuss it under needy circumstances (terminal illness, severe depression, etc) is horrendously difficult. But nothing can compare to suicide being used as leverage against you by someone you love. For that has to be the ultimate act of cruelty. But irrespective of motives – it hurts, it hurts a lot. I would return home to find my mother suspended from a rope in a half hearted attempt at ending her suffering. If a road roller rolled over me back and forth for weeks on end – it would have hurt less. I’m sorry – It shouldn’t have to be like this. Take care Michael
Response:
I have to agree with the posting I read on suicide and it’s effects on the ones who love us. When we are at our lowest we don’t feel loved…but you probably are. I spent my childhood and teen years constantly keeping an eye over my mother. Her constant suicide attempts were destroying me as a child. I would try to feel her pain..maybe I tried to hard and I am forever living with this deep sadness, loneliness and fear. I missed out on my life. I missed out on having friends and school. I was forever sitting in classes in junior high and high shool and leaving class to walk 2 miles home to check on Mom. I became a loner in constant fear of her self induced death. It was like our secret. But I was a kid. What could I do. Grab the razors out of her hands when I would surprise her and show up in the middle of the day. My Mother’s suicide attempts were real. She finally had to start hiding from me. Just when I had a day that I thought things were OK everything went wrong. Mom was currently working as an Registered Nurse. She stole medication from work, went home sick from work. Stopping by the store to by a bottle of Vodka and hiding her car several blocks from home. She had about 12 hours to herself that day. Our garage was a storage mess. She hid herself behind stacks of boxes and covered her body in old carpet. She intended to die. She didn’t die. My sister went into the garage in the middle of the night to look for something. My sister heard bizare breathing coming from somewhere in the garage and called the police. It was Mom. I spent the next several days visiting her in the intensive care unit. The first evening they said to be prepared for her death. Yeah, that did something to me at the age of 15…and does to this day. She had several more attempts and spent a lot of time in hospitals…always starting with the emergency room and then the mental ward. She put herself in intensive care twice. I was always terrified I would loose her. I did love her. She felt unloved. My love wasn’t enough. I wasn’t worth her living for. I am older, wiser and understand depression now. Hell, about 5 years ago I attempted suicide…and not one of those attempts where I know someone will find me and I will be OK but everyone will pitty me. I planned it, found relief from it. I know where Mom was now. But now I know I could not do that to Mom. Chris G
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness Depression
Leave a Comment
XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
TrackBack URL | RSS feed for comments on this post.