Lonely Loneliness

Afraid to go home

Question:

Dear Jennifer, I am sorry you are going through this fear, and anxiety… just as I have been sympathetic to all the fear, anxietry, and pain, you have had to go through, during this entire ordeal… Sorry, Jenn… But you are not going home alone… we are with you… yes, I know it’s not the same, and it’s not what you mean… but I wanted to make the point again, that there are many here that care about you, and that you can always come here and tell of your pain, and fears… and we will hold you in safety, Jenn… with caring, and compassion… And I do know what you are talking about… even though it may be for different reasons for you… Each time I had a surgery, I was reluctant to leave the hospital, even though I wanted to go home, very badly… I guess I felt safe at the hospital, and was a bit afraid that maybe I wasn’t quite recovered enough, to go home… And maybe that’s part of it… the fear of going home, being on your own, not being so sure if you are able to take care of yourself… or just the perceived safety of someone being there with you… and as you said, perhaps also the fear of returning to loneliness… Sorry, I suppose I am just guessing, and projecting… (smile) Please just take good care of yourself, and be well soon… And don’t forget, Jennifer… we are here… You are not alone… (smile)                             warm, comforting hugs,                             Michael P.S. Thank you, Jae, for carrying Jennifer’s post… I still do not have it on my server, and I just received your post… Servers… go figure… (smile) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -In article <3726AB63.2744E…@ccms.net>, Jae <Lady…@ccms.net> wrote: >Jeneve23 wrote: >> Something has been nagging at me for a few days now and I figured it out >> tonight.  With all my complaining about having to stay at my parents house >> since I’ve been sick…I’m afraid to go back to my own place. I spent a week > in >> the hospital. Now Its going on a week at my parents house and I’m feeling >> physically much better. IN fact, I could probably head back to my apartment >> this weekend. And this is scaring me to death. I get used to be alone at my >> apartment..I spent days and days there without interacting with people…. > But >> after being around the nurses in the hopsital and my family here, i’m so > afraid >> that I’m going to be so terribly lonely when I get home. I know I will have > all >> of you to talk with, and my friends on the phone and I can always drive home > to >> my parents house , but its just..scary..it’s keeping me up tonight for some >> reason. Just needed to vent it out I suppose. Thanks for listening, guys… >    It’s perfectly natural, darlin’.  <smile>  And you’ll feel a bit strange > for a >few days when you do go home, but once you get back into your old routine, > you’ll >be ok.  I’m glad you were able to come tell us about it, Jenn.  Sometimes, just >"telling" helps banish that fear and anxiety some.  comforting hugs, Jae >            "Often, when we’re being tough and strong… >                       we’re scared….. >             It takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves…. >                       to be vulnerable, to be soft." >                          Dudley Martineau

Response:

You are incredible Barbara. Confused

Response:

P&M <chuckle> You have my attention Confused. No my dearest,… you are incredible.  The smile you just brought to my face was powerful stuff. Thank you so much for it. I am very glad you are here. — ************ Barbara I have seen a rainbow, now I need to find the pot of gold. Anyone have a map? ************ Confused wrote in message <925313363.589…@news.remarQ.com>…

:You are incredible Barbara. : :Confused : :

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I just wanted to say Ive been reading everyone’s replies to my initial post here….you’ve all been very helpful in making sense of these feelings Ive been having of heading back to my place. I’ve saved them and am rying to make sense of it in my head… Regards, Jenn {Hugs} members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * "if you smile at me i will understand, because that is something everyone everywhere does in the same language"–crosby, stills, and nash

Response:

<chuckle> You have my attention Confused. No my dearest,… you are incredible.  The smile you just brought to my face was powerful stuff. Thank you so much for it. I am very glad you are here. — ************ Barbara I have seen a rainbow, now I need to find the pot of gold. Anyone have a map? ************ Confused wrote in message <925313363.589…@news.remarQ.com>…

:You are incredible Barbara. : :Confused : :

Response:

Jenn, I wish I knew what I could do to make your fears go away.  I don’t know what to tell you to put your mind at ease because you’ve already said all the things that I would normally think of.  Irrational fears are just so hard to understand, even when I get them myself.  But I’ll just do what I can, which is to encourage you to take whatever you consider to be your best option as soon as you start to feel lonely.  Call one of your friends, post your feelings to this group, e-mail one or more of us, call one of us whose phone number you have (that includes me)–whatever you think would be best for you.  In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you–for comfort and a peaceful heart as you return to your life as normal. –Capt. Celebok – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Jeneve23 wrote: > I just wanted to say Ive been reading everyone’s replies to my initial post > here….you’ve all been very helpful in making sense of these feelings Ive been > having of heading back to my place. I’ve saved them and am rying to make sense > of it in my head… > > Regards, Jenn > {Hugs} > members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html > *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * > "if you smile at me i will understand, because that is something > everyone everywhere does in the same language"–crosby, stills, and nash

Response:

Michael wrote:

.>But you are not going home alone… we are with >you… yes, I know it’s not the same, and it’s not >what you mean… but I wanted to make the point >again, that there are many here that care about >you, and that you can always come here and tell >of your pain, and fears… and we will hold you in >safety, Jenn… with caring, and compassion…

I know what you are saying to me michael and it means the world to me… > I guess I felt safe at the hospital, and was a >bit afraid that maybe I wasn’t quite recovered enough, >to go home…

*Exactly* >P.S. Thank you, Jae, for carrying Jennifer’s post… I >still do not have it on my server, and I just received >your post… Servers… go figure… (smile)

Yes, thank you Jae for carrying the initial post ) and for your kind words of support…<smile> & <hugs> to you both… Regards, Jenn {Hugs} members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * And I walk up on high and I step to the edge to see my world below And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down cause it’s the world I know -"Collective Soul"

Response:

Celebok wrote: >I wish I knew what I could do to make your fears go away.

If you figure it out will you let me know ;o) I’m thinking though that only I will find the answer to that one…but your friendship and the support and companionship I find in this newsgroup is a big part of what helps ease the fears… Sending you {warm hugs} …. <smile> Regards, Jenn {Hugs} members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * And I walk up on high and I step to the edge to see my world below And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down cause it’s the world I know -"Collective Soul"

Response:

Hey Jenn: You should know well when I say I have experience this kind of mixed bag of feels very often.  One of the most difficult things for me is that, I am in the hospital so much now, that people just take it for granted that I always have visitors.  Guess what?  I end up only seeing Carey — and my Mother if she flys in to see me in one of panics. I discussed this in some detail with one of the doctors I see, and prior to this last year, I found that I really enjoyed volunteering at the hospital and the extended care homes,… kinda of being a visitor to those who didnt get many.  It was really a very rewarding thing — I contacted the social services department and explained what I wanted to do ==  I would go in with either Shakespeare or another book, and read to one or two people,… chat with them, and I have, over the past several years made some terrific friends.  It was really great because they gave me younger people who had been in accidents or major surgery, and often didnt have the social network that the older generation had in place. Would this be something you might be interested in?  Maybe you could reach out with that wonderful YOU and help someone in need, while giving you an opportunity to make some friends who really need you.  These relationships I have made have lasted me a long time. If you are interested, let me know.  I can give you more details and ideas that I have used,…. You are never really alone.  I have been sitting on the end of your bed the entire time.  Did you know that I now have a brand new 3 wick vanilla candle?  I have a tradition.  When the candle burns out, whoever I was buring it for — I carve their name in little letters on the new one.  That way they stay with me even longer…..  you are stuck with me for a LONG time honey…. — ************ Barbara The last thing I want to see before I go is a rainbow ************ Jeneve23 wrote in message <19990428021537.11242.00000…@ng30.aol.com>…

:Something has been nagging at me for a few days now and I figured it out :tonight.  With all my complaining about having to stay at my parents house :since I’ve been sick…I’m afraid to go back to my own place. I spent a week in :the hospital. Now Its going on a week at my parents house and I’m feeling :physically much better. IN fact, I could probably head back to my apartment :this weekend. And this is scaring me to death. I get used to be alone at my :apartment..I spent days and days there without interacting with people…. But :after being around the nurses in the hopsital and my family here, i’m so afraid :that I’m going to be so terribly lonely when I get home. I know I will have all f you to talk with, and my friends on the phone and I can always drive home to :my parents house , but its just..scary..it’s keeping me up tonight for some :reason. Just needed to vent it out I suppose. Thanks for listening, guys… : : :Regards, Jenn :{Hugs} :members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html :*+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * :"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved — loved :for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo

Response:

Jeneve23 wrote: > Something has been nagging at me for a few days now and I figured it out > tonight.  With all my complaining about having to stay at my parents house > since I’ve been sick…I’m afraid to go back to my own place. I spent a week in > the hospital. Now Its going on a week at my parents house and I’m feeling > physically much better. IN fact, I could probably head back to my apartment > this weekend. And this is scaring me to death. I get used to be alone at my > apartment..I spent days and days there without interacting with people…. But > after being around the nurses in the hopsital and my family here, i’m so afraid > that I’m going to be so terribly lonely when I get home. I know I will have all > of you to talk with, and my friends on the phone and I can always drive home to > my parents house , but its just..scary..it’s keeping me up tonight for some > reason. Just needed to vent it out I suppose. Thanks for listening, guys…

    It’s perfectly natural, darlin’.  <smile>  And you’ll feel a bit strange for a few days when you do go home, but once you get back into your old routine, you’ll be ok.  I’m glad you were able to come tell us about it, Jenn.  Sometimes, just "telling" helps banish that fear and anxiety some.  comforting hugs, Jae             "Often, when we’re being tough and strong…                        we’re scared…..              It takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves….                        to be vulnerable, to be soft."                           Dudley Martineau

Response:

Jenn wrote: >I’m afraid to go back to my own place.

And.. >And this is scaring me to death. I get used to be alone at my >apartment..I spent days and days there without interacting with people…. >But >after being around the nurses in the hopsital and my family here, i’m so >afraid >that I’m going to be so terribly lonely when I get home.

Hi Jenn… I understand what you’re talking about, this has happened to me also. When I had my knee surgery some time ago, I got lots of support from people… I had phone calls, people brought me food, they visited.. And then after a little while it just stopped. Things went back to the way they were before. I was still isolated. My room mate had taken 2 weeks off to be with me, then he went back to work. (Though I was very grateful for his sacrifice) Recently, I just was laid off from my job. And that was my primary social contact with people.. Although I am kind of shy, I have been forcing myself to build a social network for my emotional support. It seems kind of strange to say it that way, but supporting myself is necessary. Because I need to do it to survive emotionally. The last time I relied on someone else to be my emotional security, I hit the wall.. Badly. I really needed to diversify. That is, not count on one thing or one person to be everything. When I put that faith in my fiance, I was devastated when she left me. When I did that with my job, I got laid off. (That was the first time, 6 years ago) Anyway, I’m saying these things because I’ve been there too, and it really stinks. I just want to see you get through this intact..An d without being overcome with sadness.. Perhaps you can have your parents call you on the phone regularly? Or come visit? Start planning your escape though, while you’ve got the time to think. Consider looking at the various aspects of the isolation,  and perhaps you can try to decide what you will use to fill in the gaps should this happen again.. Regretably,  something like this always seems to happen again.. At least in some form.. Take care.. Warm hugs **** Ravenwing ****

Response:

Something has been nagging at me for a few days now and I figured it out tonight.  With all my complaining about having to stay at my parents house since I’ve been sick…I’m afraid to go back to my own place. I spent a week in the hospital. Now Its going on a week at my parents house and I’m feeling physically much better. IN fact, I could probably head back to my apartment this weekend. And this is scaring me to death. I get used to be alone at my apartment..I spent days and days there without interacting with people…. But after being around the nurses in the hopsital and my family here, i’m so afraid that I’m going to be so terribly lonely when I get home. I know I will have all of you to talk with, and my friends on the phone and I can always drive home to my parents house , but its just..scary..it’s keeping me up tonight for some reason. Just needed to vent it out I suppose. Thanks for listening, guys… Regards, Jenn {Hugs} members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ * "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved — loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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