Lonely Loneliness

Even More Confused

Question:

                                            Hi Steve, Remeber please that all the comment troughout the mail are just my tough and therefor they are not "right" nor "wrong" …                                                 Hugs, thomas Steve heeft geschreven in bericht <35f753ac.192209…@news.eatel.net>… >As some of you know, I’ve been browsing through the ads at Yahoo! Personals (and >other personals sites on the Internet) for quite some time. >After sending off quite a bit of email to women in my area who claim they are >lonely, I finally got a response.  I’m stating this as an example of the ratio >of men looking for women on the net as opposed to women looking for men.  A >woman can place an ad and expect hundreds of responses, a man can place an ad >and expect maybe 1 or 2 responses per year, if any at all.

That is indeed so … But I guess that is just the way society evolved … >With these kind of odds, you realize that when you respond to a woman’s ad, you >are competing against hundreds of other guys.  In short, it’s a damn near >hopeless situation, but if you’re persistent (and in my case, have nothing >better to do with your time) it will occasionally pay off.

I am glad to hear it did … Just to bad that she wants a bit to much, or is at least giving that exprecion … >My problem is this: despite my loneliness, and my personal shortcomings–I am >not attracted to this woman, and I feel like a jerk because of this.  I mean, >who am I to judge? But at the same time, there is no way I would want to be >anything other than a friend to this person.  We haven’t actually met–just >exchanged pictures.

There seems to be nothing wrong with that … Did you have a good time then? >Apparently, she likes me.  I finally agreed to meet for coffee because I really >wouldn’t mind being friends with her.  She seems like an intelligent, nice >individual.  But I feel very strange–like the roles have been reversed and she >is the pursuer, and I am the pursued.  Maybe I shouldn’t even try to be friends >with her? Would I be an even bigger jerk for not wanting anything at all to do >with her?

Hmmm … it all makes sense … But I believe that you should give her at least a chance on your friendship … Maybe try to talk to her and make her clear that you would like for her to be your friend … But that you don’t want to be "lovers" … >I’ve never been in a situation where a woman is attracted to me, and I wan’t >attracted to her.  I’m feeling really confused and I feel like somehow I did >something wrong.  Like I don’t have the right to reject this person.  Does any >of this make sense?

Yes it does … I think you indeed don’t have the right to reject this person just like that … If after you talked she is still trying to hit at you, then you have a valid reason to reject her … >It’s getting late, and I’m going to stop rambling now.

Good night sweet dreams :p                                         Hugs, thomas – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Steve >crashs…@eatel.net >http://www.eatel.net/~crash/welcome.htm >Remove the word spam to reply >"Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want"

Response:

> As some of you know, I’ve been browsing through the ads at Yahoo! Personals (and  other personals sites on the Internet) for quite some time.

Nope, I didn’t know that either, I post to Yahoo Personals too actually. > After sending off quite a bit of email to women in my area who claim they are > lonely, I finally got a response.  I’m stating this as an example of the ratio > of men looking for women on the net as opposed to women looking for men.  A  woman can place an ad and expect hundreds of responses, a man can place an ad and expect maybe 1 or 2 responses per year, if any at all.

You are very correct on the woman aspect of things, but I have to be honest I get about half a dozen replies a month actually.  I tune my personal regularly, have two different ones which kinda cover me from two different perspectives, but basically read the same.  I used to get no response, but at one point I added to my personal that "personal suck" and my mail box exploded.  Kinda interesting. > With these kind of odds, you realize that when you respond to a woman’s ad, yo > are competing against hundreds of other guys.  In short, it’s a damn near > hopeless situation, but if you’re persistent (and in my case, have nothing > better to do with your time) it will occasionally pay off.

Exactly! > My problem is this: despite my loneliness, and my personal shortcomings–I am > not attracted to this woman, and I feel like a jerk because of this.  I mean, > who am I to judge? But at the same time, there is no way I would want to be > anything other than a friend to this person.  We haven’t actually met–just > exchanged pictures.

Wow, the pictures turned you down huh?  That’s the nature of personals.  It is also the irony of loneliness that we are so picky, irony in the sense of if being lonely could be fixed with just being around someone.  And to be honest many of us here know that that is not the case, that many of us here on ASL are not just looking for a relationship, as we are someone who identifies with us, someone who does more then just fill the seat beside us, but fills us with the spark and reads into our soul.  At least I am.  It does make for a complications when doing personals, because personals are impersonal. Hi Hi What do you like All kinds of stuff Me too Yeah… Nothing like hearing the sparkling conversation of people blind dating. On a strange note, the Caribou Coffe I hang out in Buckhead off peachtree -no ASL stalkers. please!- , is like personals central I suspect.  Cause there are  always people blind dating up there. > Apparently, she likes me.  I finally agreed to meet for coffee because I really > wouldn’t mind being friends with her.  She seems like an intelligent, nice > individual.  But I feel very strange–like the roles have been reversed and she > is the pursuer, and I am the pursued.  Maybe I shouldn’t even try to be friends > with her? Would I be an even bigger jerk for not wanting anything at all to do > with her?

Depends on friendship and your actual desire to be a friend.  See in one respect desire to be a friend is "Hey we’re not compatible, but you’d be cool as a best bud" The other one is "Hey! I don’t wanna date you and maybe we can just be friends, chat sometime over email, drop a post card?" If it’s the latter, just be polite and honest and tell her you’re not interested.  It is surely embarassing for both of you, but it is definately polite and honest. I work most with honesty, so that is my path. > I’ve never been in a situation where a woman is attracted to me, and I wan’t > attracted to her.  I’m feeling really confused and I feel like somehow I did > something wrong.  Like I don’t have the right to reject this person.  Does any > of this make sense?

Yes, I can’t say the same as I have met many -well not many but you know a couple - women who like me, Pablo and I wasn’t really interested, my lack of interest has always been lack of personality or them not really getting me, sometimes it has been on looks as well.  Had to be honest You have the right to make yourself happy though, sometimes that requires you to let people know that you can’t contribute alot to them or you’re not interested in a relationship. So what you’re saying does make sense. Ciao Pablo —–== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==—– http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp   Create Your Own Free Member Forum

Response:

Hey Steve, What is wrong with being friends with her??  Just make sure you don’t lead her on, then you would be a jerk.  Be friends with her, hang out, talk.  You know women actually do make good friends, they do not always have to be girlfriends.  Who knows what may happen in the future?  She might be able to help you meet other woman, she may have some cute friends, (women love to set their girlfriends up). Good luck. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Steve wrote: > As some of you know, I’ve been browsing through the ads at Yahoo! Personals (and > other personals sites on the Internet) for quite some time. > After sending off quite a bit of email to women in my area who claim they are > lonely, I finally got a response.  I’m stating this as an example of the ratio > of men looking for women on the net as opposed to women looking for men.  A > woman can place an ad and expect hundreds of responses, a man can place an ad > and expect maybe 1 or 2 responses per year, if any at all. > With these kind of odds, you realize that when you respond to a woman’s ad, you > are competing against hundreds of other guys.  In short, it’s a damn near > hopeless situation, but if you’re persistent (and in my case, have nothing > better to do with your time) it will occasionally pay off. > My problem is this: despite my loneliness, and my personal shortcomings–I am > not attracted to this woman, and I feel like a jerk because of this.  I mean, > who am I to judge? But at the same time, there is no way I would want to be > anything other than a friend to this person.  We haven’t actually met–just > exchanged pictures. > Apparently, she likes me.  I finally agreed to meet for coffee because I really > wouldn’t mind being friends with her.  She seems like an intelligent, nice > individual.  But I feel very strange–like the roles have been reversed and she > is the pursuer, and I am the pursued.  Maybe I shouldn’t even try to be friends > with her? Would I be an even bigger jerk for not wanting anything at all to do > with her? > I’ve never been in a situation where a woman is attracted to me, and I wan’t > attracted to her.  I’m feeling really confused and I feel like somehow I did > something wrong.  Like I don’t have the right to reject this person.  Does any > of this make sense? > It’s getting late, and I’m going to stop rambling now. > Steve > crashs…@eatel.net > http://www.eatel.net/~crash/welcome.htm > Remove the word spam to reply > "Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want"

Response:

As some of you know, I’ve been browsing through the ads at Yahoo! Personals (and other personals sites on the Internet) for quite some time. After sending off quite a bit of email to women in my area who claim they are lonely, I finally got a response.  I’m stating this as an example of the ratio of men looking for women on the net as opposed to women looking for men.  A woman can place an ad and expect hundreds of responses, a man can place an ad and expect maybe 1 or 2 responses per year, if any at all. With these kind of odds, you realize that when you respond to a woman’s ad, you are competing against hundreds of other guys.  In short, it’s a damn near hopeless situation, but if you’re persistent (and in my case, have nothing better to do with your time) it will occasionally pay off. My problem is this: despite my loneliness, and my personal shortcomings–I am not attracted to this woman, and I feel like a jerk because of this.  I mean, who am I to judge? But at the same time, there is no way I would want to be anything other than a friend to this person.  We haven’t actually met–just exchanged pictures. Apparently, she likes me.  I finally agreed to meet for coffee because I really wouldn’t mind being friends with her.  She seems like an intelligent, nice individual.  But I feel very strange–like the roles have been reversed and she is the pursuer, and I am the pursued.  Maybe I shouldn’t even try to be friends with her? Would I be an even bigger jerk for not wanting anything at all to do with her? I’ve never been in a situation where a woman is attracted to me, and I wan’t attracted to her.  I’m feeling really confused and I feel like somehow I did something wrong.  Like I don’t have the right to reject this person.  Does any of this make sense? It’s getting late, and I’m going to stop rambling now. Steve crashs…@eatel.net http://www.eatel.net/~crash/welcome.htm Remove the word spam to reply "Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want"

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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