Lonely Loneliness

I need advice: what should have i done or said???

Question:

ok ..i had the same problem and being a shy guy lost so many such opportunities i could be ashamed lol anyways from my experience its is about : Timing : You need to be fast! cold blod ..just say few words.. as soon  you start to think what would you say ..how would girl react..what if she rejects you , then you have so much tension because you didnt speak before…silence kills ..paralize you..just say something with nice tone no really matter what. And sometimes when i see a wonderfull girl i get stunned because of maybe low self confidence affraid to look pathetic.. only when i was drunk i could make same conversation. Hey going to club alone is the worst thing!!! I did it myself and I don’t wish anybody the same… its just depress you seeing other partying and you passive watching. I think Moss (spelled right?) wrote a lot of seducing tehnics , pick up lines etc…but seemed to me too pathetic to use them.

Response:

In article <8eju4n$ut…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Zeno <j_m…@my-deja.com> wrote: >In article

<dan-0105001715490…@ocmax7-070.dialup.optusnet.com.au>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  d…@danielp.freehosting.net (dan) wrote: >> Ok,…. >> i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink >by myself… >    Well, I’m no expert at picking up women, but you should definitely >go to clubs with a friend and not by yourself.  Second, those guys who >got those women’s phone numbers probably used a whole routine that they >have used a dozen times before.  But I’ll bet that their original >routine didn’t work the first time they did it, but after doing it for >a while, they just knew what to say – and i don’t mean using a "pick- >up" line or whatever.  They learned how to do it from experience.  You >probably should have asked him what his "trick" was, just make you make >it look like your joking when you ask so you don’t look pathetic. >Anyway, just practice a bunch of stuff until someone works with >someone.  I’ll bet those guys get rejected sometimes, too, but it >doesn’t bother them, they just move on.

Also keep in mind (and I know that this may be a depressing thing to think about) that the fact that the girls gave the guys numbers doesn’t really mean a whole lot.  You say they just talked for what? Under an hour?  And then left separately? Speaking from experiance, Theres only a very very very very slim chance that they will ever see each other again.  Yes, the women gave the guys numbers, but keep in mind that A: The guys may not ever bother calling. They just feel studly becasue they got some girls phone number.  They may have girlfriends and stuff.  They might have a whole stack of numbers to get through… B: Even if they call, the girls may very well just give them the brush off. That often happens.  The girls are a bit tipsy, and in eccelent partying moods, and it was dark… so they may be rather free with their numbers… Competition between the two girls may also have encouraged them to give out numbers ("See?? Look!  A guy asked me for my number! What a Hottie I must Be!")  By the time the guys call, likely several days later, the girls have had time to think it over, and have sobered up.  They’ll be saying to themselves "What was I *thinking*?!?" And besides, they may have given their numbers to a lot of guys, and there will likely be other guys they’re more interested in.  heck, when they guy calls she may not even remember who the hell he was. Just one of several guys she talked to that evening.. C: They could just be "pager" numbers, and the girls will probably not call back if the guys page them. D: They could be bogus numbers. I’ve actually had a few times where I was "making out" with some chick, and then when I later call, its just a pager which doesn’t get returned, or I get brushed off, or i talk to her once or twice on the phone, before getting brushed off.  So even the guys you see *making out* with chicks at the club may not get anywhere with them afterwards. Its only if the chick really has the hots for the guy that she’ll be talking to him afterwards.  And if that was the case, they very likely would have done more than just chatted for an hour or so. She would have stuck to him like glue. cav * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

<<what is your experience when you say something negative to a stranger,>> About the only time I say something negative to a stranger is when he/she is smoking a cigarette in a place that I have to be so I get sick and can hardly breathe. Example: Inside a covered bus stop when it’s raining, or upwind from any bus stop so I have to stand very very far from the bus stop to avoid the smoke but then I miss the bus. I suffer from a flattened spinal disk that makes it painful and dangerous to stand for a long time, so I really need to be sitting on the bus bench instead of standing far away to avoid the smoke.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -dan wrote: > Ok,…. > i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink by myself… > To the right of me at the end of the sofa are two attractive girls sitting > together, drinking and chatting with each other. For a second i entertain > the thought of trying to make conversation with the girl closest to me but > i dont cos i feel she is too attractive for me to bother her. Just then, > another guy comes and sits next to me and says hi and we shake hands. > Exchange a bit of guy talk and then he looks across and sees the 2 girls > together. He notices that one of them is shivering (she appeared to be > cold) and he offers his coat to her.  She naturally declines, but then > moves over and starts making conversation with both girls. His mate turns > up and they all start talking. To my amazement, the girls start laughing > really loud and seem to be enjoying themselves alot. Remember this is in a > nightclub so its VERY loud and kinda dark. All this time i’m thinking to > myself, what the fuck are these guys saying to get these girls laughing so > much and how do they get the nerve to do it (????) > During this time, 2 more attractive girls come to sit on the sofa. I move > to the right slighty to make room for them to sit to my left and as they > sit down, one of them says ‘thank you’ to me. I smile back and kinda nod > my head. The two girls sit together, drinking and chatting with each other > for the next 15 minutes, and during all that time i was trying to think of > something, anything to say that would break the ice and allow me to make > conversation with them. I usually dont have trouble making conversation > and am sometimes a little witty, but in in every situation like this > (talking to girls), my mind goes a complete blank!!!. Also at this time, a > guy who’s dancing by himself, makes his way over to the girls to encourage > them to dance with him. They both say ‘no’ and i kinda smiled to myself > cos i knew there was no way they were going to dance with him…. he got > rejected big time!……

interesting, how you could predict that. i wonder. do you dance or ask girls to dance? > So here i am sitting with these two attractive girls trying to think of > something original to say cos i know they dont want to hear a pick up line > (and i dont feel comfortable with saying those anyway). And just saying > ‘Hi’ doesnt go very far, so i was kinda thinking to myself….if i was one > of them, what would i want to hear that would make me be interested in the > other person speaking to me. Naturally, i just couldn’t think of anything > to say and in the end, the two girls get up and leave, looking kinda > bored.

(snip) yes, this is like me. i want to say something, but can only think of stupoid trival  things, hardly an additional.. seeming to be just repeating what has been said already. or i’ll think of something WAY too late. they’re on to some other topic by then. > 5 mins later, those other two guys and the two girls to the right of me, > exchange phone numbers and leave seperately. The first guy shakes my hand > again as he goes to leave, says to me ..’as easy as that mate!’…meaning > to say picking them up was sooo easy for him. > And that was the end of the night. I know that i’m fairly shy in these > situations but i could really use some advice on what to say or do that > would would help break the ice and make things easier for me to meet other > girls.

get tehphone number of that guy. he seemd frinedly to you. mazingly so, .. you could say he first sat near you to get near the girls, .. but then later .. was he bragging or did he seem interested in leting you know that a guy can do these things? > thanks all …(sorry for the long post)

wow. nice details. this is the only way to learn, watching the guys who can do it. —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

But why such a terrible fear of a one nighter? certainly if the dates ALWAYS turn out to be onenighters then there is a problem, .. similarly as is said of guys, "why not enjoy the evening without any expectations" why can’t women enjoy a night of sex with no further expectations? why are we turning the sexual part into an untouchable/unholy pseudo-religious experience? —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

Anyone ever try going out with a cohort? i once had the chance to try one of my long time theories, that i would do better in public on weekend evenings if was accompanied by a another guy, us acting lighthearted, keeping ourselves intellectually busy. jokes, whatever. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -BobBillyJoe wrote: > In alt.support.loneliness dan <d…@danielp.freehosting.net> wrote: > > Ok,…. > > i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink by myself… > > To the right of me at the end of the sofa are two attractive girls sitting > > together, drinking and chatting with each other. For a second i entertain > > the thought of trying to make conversation with the girl closest to me but > > i dont cos i feel she is too attractive for me to bother her. > <snippage> > > 5 mins later, those other two guys and the two girls to the right of me, > > exchange phone numbers and leave seperately. The first guy shakes my hand > > again as he goes to leave, says to me ..’as easy as that mate!’…meaning > > to say picking them up was sooo easy for him. > > And that was the end of the night. I know that i’m fairly shy in these > > situations but i could really use some advice on what to say or do that > > would would help break the ice and make things easier for me to meet other > > girls. > As one of the other posters said, saying ‘Hi!’ (and smiling) might > have been a good place to start. But you cannot blame women for being > suspicious of your motives, if they go to clubs often they are used to > guys using every line in the book on them. So why do they go? It is > some sort of a game I think. They like to be seen, like the attention, > and if the mood strikes or they are lucky maybe they will meet > someone. Mostly it is fun with friends. > You (like I might be in that situation) were obviously taking the > evening much more seriously than the women you saw. They were probably > enjoying a fun evening with friends, relaxing, while you were obsessed > with what magical thing to say and probably getting more and more > stressed out about it by the moment. This does not make you more > attractive to them. > I hate clubs and can hardly give you advice (as I cannot pick up women > either), but I might suggest a casual, more playful attitude. When you > see a woman, smile and may say hi. No need for a clever line. If she > is at all interested in talking to you it does not _matter_ what you > say, you need only say something to break the ice. It is not like you > say something to her and she pauses and thinks, ‘Was that clever?’ and > then decides whether to talk to you or not. She may not be in the > mood or may not be interested in meeting you – you can only try and if > she is not into it move on.

maybe assume you can’t do good, so have fun, tease the girls.. or be a little obnoxious and play as if you are "bulletproof"? say hi and belch?      :> > A few months back I tried an experiment of talking to lots of women I > met in public, not in clubs. You know: on the bus, in the elevator, in > the book store, wherever. I am more rejection-sensitive than shy and > have decent conversation skills but do not normally speak to women in > public. For a while I tried it. > What I found is that as long as I seemed playful and harmless > most women talked with me! Maybe it took a moment or two for her to > warm up but once I showed I was not a psychopath the women talked much > more easily with me. It did not take long for them to start revealing > some very personal things to me!

personal things? such as….? > Still of course none of my encounters lead anywhere. I did for a few > phone numbers; got only one, gave my mine out instead and never got a > call back. Oh, well. It was worth doing as an experiment, I at least > learned that women are not as scary to talk to as I once thought.

sure.. unless we are attracted to her.. —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

i am 25, female, so you probably think i will be able to tell you exactly what i want to hear.  well, i can’t.  "hi" seems to me a good place to start, but then there is what comes after "hi" isn’t there.  "how are you" or "are you having a good night" is general chit chat i guess.  i also guess that no matter what you say some chick will think you are trying to pick her up.  but is that a bad thing?  we are all looking for Mr. or Miss. Right.  i honestly feel sorry for guys, i mean afterall it is their responsibility for whatever reason to make conversation and the first move and all of that. just try is my advice to you.  even by just a "hello, how are you doing" will bring something of your nature out and if you are genuinely a nice guy then that will come out too.  i think society is an unfortunate place at the current time.  too many people (dare i say guys even) are looking for a "one-nighter" and that is most likely what a lot of us girls are afraid of. although, you do get girls who are looking for that as well.  so i am sorry i don’t have any "hard" factual advice for you.  just persist i guess.  i keep telling myself that at the right moment Mr. Right will come along so i guess just keep telling yourself that too.  and another thing i have taught myself i guess, i pretty much feel (or believe) that i will be alone forever, as in, no partner, no "better half".  it used to really shit me and depress me, but since suffering depression i almost take heart in it.  as in, i am learning to love myself and so dont really feel like i need anybody else.  i know that we all shouldn’t need somebody else to be happy but let’s face it, everybody needs somebody.  so i turn to my friends.  at least when a relationship dies you still have your friends.  sorry to ramble off the track here.  just don’t lose sight of who you are and what you stand for. it is difficult, i agree, but so long as you believe then it will happen. one day.  i will cross my fingers for you! raelene. dan <d…@danielp.freehosting.net> wrote in message

news:dan-0105001715490001@ocmax7-070.dialup.optusnet.com.au… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok,…. > i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink by myself… > To the right of me at the end of the sofa are two attractive girls sitting > together, drinking and chatting with each other. For a second i entertain > the thought of trying to make conversation with the girl closest to me but > i dont cos i feel she is too attractive for me to bother her. Just then, > another guy comes and sits next to me and says hi and we shake hands. > Exchange a bit of guy talk and then he looks across and sees the 2 girls > together. He notices that one of them is shivering (she appeared to be > cold) and he offers his coat to her.  She naturally declines, but then > moves over and starts making conversation with both girls. His mate turns > up and they all start talking. To my amazement, the girls start laughing > really loud and seem to be enjoying themselves alot. Remember this is in a > nightclub so its VERY loud and kinda dark. All this time i’m thinking to > myself, what the fuck are these guys saying to get these girls laughing so > much and how do they get the nerve to do it (????) > During this time, 2 more attractive girls come to sit on the sofa. I move > to the right slighty to make room for them to sit to my left and as they > sit down, one of them says ‘thank you’ to me. I smile back and kinda nod > my head. The two girls sit together, drinking and chatting with each other > for the next 15 minutes, and during all that time i was trying to think of > something, anything to say that would break the ice and allow me to make > conversation with them. I usually dont have trouble making conversation > and am sometimes a little witty, but in in every situation like this > (talking to girls), my mind goes a complete blank!!!. Also at this time, a > guy who’s dancing by himself, makes his way over to the girls to encourage > them to dance with him. They both say ‘no’ and i kinda smiled to myself > cos i knew there was no way they were going to dance with him…. he got > rejected big time!…… > So here i am sitting with these two attractive girls trying to think of > something original to say cos i know they dont want to hear a pick up line > (and i dont feel comfortable with saying those anyway). And just saying > ‘Hi’ doesnt go very far, so i was kinda thinking to myself….if i was one > of them, what would i want to hear that would make me be interested in the > other person speaking to me. Naturally, i just couldn’t think of anything > to say and in the end, the two girls get up and leave, looking kinda > bored. > 5 mins later, those other two guys and the two girls to the right of me, > exchange phone numbers and leave seperately. The first guy shakes my hand > again as he goes to leave, says to me ..’as easy as that mate!’…meaning > to say picking them up was sooo easy for him. > And that was the end of the night. I know that i’m fairly shy in these > situations but i could really use some advice on what to say or do that > would would help break the ice and make things easier for me to meet other > girls. > thanks all …(sorry for the long post)

Response:

<<maybe if you’d look for something positive to say to people you’d find an improvement in your social skills and social life.>> My experience with saying anything positive to a stranger is that she accuses me of "hitting on her" or "making a pass at her" or "sexual harassment" etc. It doesn’t matter if what I said had nothing to do with sex, she automatically assumes if I am trying to get on her good side then sex must be my ulterior motive. <<perhaps forwarding your newsgroup posts to whomever is handling your case to receive assistance might demonstrate your weaknesses in social encounters.>> Yes, please do. Send a preface explaining what in your opinion is wrong with my social skills ad demonstrated in what I posted, then follow with full text ore relevant parts of what I posted. E-mail to vic…@alliance4.org.

Response:

j_m…@my-deja.com said: > No wonder you don’t have any friends.

If you have a point to make, please write it up coherently, then e-mail it to my therapy coordinator vic…@alliance4.org where it might do some good. At present, Anne at Medi-Cal (1-800-704-0900) says no therapy is available, but perhaps you can explain to Vicki exactly what my symptoms are and what therapy would be useful for during it, then Vicki can convince the Anne to work harder to find suitable therapy. Unless you find nothing wrong with me that needs fixing.

Response:

Robert Maas wrote in message … ><<maybe if you’d look for something positive to say to people you’d >find an improvement in your social skills and social life.>> >My experience with saying anything positive to a stranger is that she >accuses me of "hitting on her" or "making a pass at her" or "sexual >harassment" etc. It doesn’t matter if what I said had nothing to do >with sex, she automatically assumes if I am trying to get on her good >side then sex must be my ulterior motive.

the fact that people misunderstand your positivity may frustrate or even anger you, however ask yourself – what is your experience when you say something negative to a stranger, or anyone? do you get what you want? as for being misunderstood for saying something positive… from the little I’ve read of you, I would suggest you lack some of the conceptual boundaries for the culture you are speaking to on the usenet… you sometimes write things that most people only want to hear in their bedrooms (and some repressed people don’t want to hear it even there)… sexuality and flirtation is not inherently wrong, however some  will claim offense if honest physical language is expressed publically… nudity is rarely legal in the western culture you live in… public sexuality and descriptive sensual words are considered obscene in some communities that the net reaches… that’s not my opinion, that’s the reality of our culture… personally, I don’t find language offensive… I don’t believe in censorship of any literary human expression… however if you seek social acceptance in a medium as widespread and mainstream as the Usenet, I believe you’ll find better social acceptance if you learn limits on your positivity and friendliness in words… what for you may be simply honesty – asking for physical pleasure, asking for physical comfort and asking for intimacy… for some is offensive… asking a second or third time if you’ve been asked to leave someone alone is not good social skill… others see that as obsessive and shy away from you… no means no and good social skill is learning to respect someone’s no and walk away… I’m not suggesting what is right or wrong in human interaction… that’s a whole different discussion… improving your social skills means accommodating the cultural morees (you can help me spell that one and Pablo (I think) made another good suggestion… your name (and Usenet handle) has garnered a following… a rather zealous and vocal and angry following that you react to… they don’t seem to be able to ignore what they find offensive about you… you don’t seem to be able to ignore them… good social skills online include learning to ignore insults and not respond tit for tat… people who laugh at you or insult you are distracting you from learning good social skills… so if you can not learn to ignore them or use a filter to not read them, I also suggest you consider some of the positive suggestions you’re getting and try changing your approach to your writing and your handle… ><<perhaps forwarding your newsgroup posts to whomever is handling your >case to receive assistance might demonstrate your weaknesses in social

encounters.>> >Yes, please do. Send a preface explaining what in your opinion is >wrong with my social skills ad demonstrated in what I posted, then >follow with full text ore relevant parts of what I posted. E-mail to >vic…@alliance4.org.

feel free to copy and forward anything I write to you to anyone you wish… if they wish to contact me we can talk about how… I hope my suggestions help you understand some of the things that you can do yourself for yourself… honest love, ric    "Reading is equivalent to thinking with someone else’s head     instead of with one’s own."                                       ~ Arthur Schopenhauer ~

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Dan, I can relate to this so much.. from a perspective of two years ago.. I had no one.. and I was not comfortable going out alone.. I was with my x for pretty near 2 decades between dating and marriage.. <ouch> and I am only 38.. all my friends were married and our activities were deep participation with soccer, boyscouts, girlscouts, and all kind of community activities.. divorce changes that when only one parent is handling all the burden of the traveling and volunteering.. and supporting them too.. you just can’t maintain it.. and everyone’s lives are family and community oriented around you in your *normal lifestyle* Meeting others that are single means you have to kinda do a flip in the world.. and it’s like a whole new learning process, even the conversations are different.. most are real *me* oriented.. and that’s kinda hard too cause your used to total community awareness.. not Me awareness.. but I made me do it.. I don’t like bar scenes so much and I didn’t go in looking for a mate, but for a few new friends at least.. but now I have so much fun dancing with a whole group of ladies and through them I am meeting more and more people .. now I can go in.. and I hear a couple squeals and their is always someone who dances with me running up to give me a hug saying.. gee I was hoping you’d come.. took me a long time though..  at first I was on the wall, then I worked up to saying hello and I’m one who always shakes hands at first and then you hug them after you get to know them.. twas just the way I am..  I got mad at myself after awhile of standing on the wall and not knowing how to meet people like this cold turkey with no one to say.. hey this it.. so and so.. Well.. the first few people I met are still friends to say hey to and dance with and they have invited me here and there but I only have weekends when their father takes them.. otherwise, I am a mom or I am working.. and I walked up to a bunch of girls that were dancing and said.. Hello, I am so and so.. I have just escaped from 4 children for 48 hours, I don’t know anyone.. can I join you and dance? They giggled.. and viola.. I knew 3 people that told me when they would be out again to let me join them dancing.. you just got to do it.. Kay make the effort to meet them.. just one at a time.. till you have some Pamela "dan" <d…@danielp.freehosting.net> wrote in message

news:dan-0205001241430001@ocmax3-052.dialup.optusnet.com.au… <gently snip> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> sorry ….but i have no friends to go out with >

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In article <sgtrm9c1g…@corp.supernews.com>,   r…@shell.netmagic.net (Robert Maas) wrote: > <<it’s still a fact that it is a million times easier to talk to a > stranger when you are with someone you know.>> > Given that it’s impossible to be with someone you know, your statement > has about much validity as the statement that you should immediately > telephone your great granddaughter, or you should have at least 40 > billion dollars of net worth.

  No wonder you don’t have any friends. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

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<<it’s still a fact that it is a million times easier to talk to a stranger when you are with someone you know.>> Given that it’s impossible to be with someone you know, your statement has about much validity as the statement that you should immediately telephone your great granddaughter, or you should have at least 40 billion dollars of net worth.

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Hi Robert… in any given interaction, there’s a choice between different approaches and different responses to give… maybe if you’d look for something positive to say to people you’d find an improvement in your social skills and social life… your judgmental negativity might be impulsive and not meaning harm, but I can see how it would push people away… nobody likes to be told they are worthless or their ideas are worthless… besides being not true for me (I believe everyone has worth and every idea has worth if we care to explore it beyond a knee-jerk surface respnse), it’s anti-social behaviour… you asked for help with your social skills, this is a response to your request for help… perhaps forwarding your newsgroup posts to whomever is handling your case to receive assistance might demonstrate your weaknesses in social encounters… hope this helps in some way… honest love, ric  "it’s hard to find a new dream…                            with an old one in your eyes"                                            ~Gary Moore~ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Robert Maas wrote in message … ><<it’s still a fact that it is a million times easier to talk to a >stranger when you are with someone you know.>> >Given that it’s impossible to be with someone you know, your statement >has about much validity as the statement that you should immediately >telephone your great granddaughter, or you should have at least 40 >billion dollars of net worth.

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><<everybody needs somebody.  so i turn to my friends.>> Robert Maas wrote: >If you have friends, and they provide your need for somebody, then you >aren’t suffering loneliness, so why are you posting here? If you ever >actually get lonely, send me e-mail.

Xiob…@anonymous.NOSPAM.to replied: <<Loneliness is not just about not having physical bodies around — it can also be about the inability to make a meaningful connection with others. So, just because one has people around who can be called "friends" doesn’t mean that one can’t be lonely or shy.>> I didn’t say physical bodies, nor did I say non-friends who are mistakenly called "friends". I said "friends" and I meant real friends not fakes or bodies. Anyone who has real friends to satisfy his/her need for companionship & affection etc. can’t be lonely.

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<<you should definitely go to clubs with a friend and not by yourself.>> The people in this newsgroup are lonely because they don’t have any friends to go places with. Your advice is worthless here.

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In article <sgsji12g1g2…@corp.supernews.com>,   r…@shell.netmagic.net (Robert Maas) wrote: > <<you should definitely go to clubs with a friend and not by > yourself.>> > The people in this newsgroup are lonely because they don’t have any > friends to go places with. Your advice is worthless here.

   Just because this is the shyness newsgroup doesn’t mean that nobody here has any friends.  And whether or not they have any friends, it’s still a fact that it is a million times easier to talk to a stranger when you are with someone you know.  It’s almost impossible for a shy person, by himself, with not much "pick-up" experience to get a girl’s phone number (esp. a good-looking girl). Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

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In article <8eklup$7i…@news.IAEhv.nl>, "Tigre" <tigre…@hotmail.com> wrote: >>     Well, I’m no expert at picking up women, but you should definitely >> go to clubs with a friend and not by yourself.  Second, those guys who >Although I’m no pro either, this is definitely true. It’s much easier to not >be so damn self-conscious when you’re not alone.

sorry ….but i have no friends to go out with

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<<everybody needs somebody.  so i turn to my friends.>> If you have friends, and they provide your need for somebody, then you aren’t suffering loneliness, so why are you posting here? If you ever actually get lonely, send me e-mail.

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Robert Maas wrote in message … ><<everybody needs somebody.  so i turn to my friends.>> >If you have friends, and they provide your need for somebody, then you >aren’t suffering loneliness, so why are you posting here? If you ever >actually get lonely, send me e-mail.

Loneliness is not just about not having physical bodies around — it can also be about the inability to make a meaningful connection with others. So, just because one has people around who can be called "friends" doesn’t mean that one can’t be lonely or shy.  (The same goes for having a spouse or significant other.) Also, it’s not really anyone else’s place to say that a person can’t be suffering from loneliness or shyness. –Xiobahn

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thanks raelene…… it really sadens me to hear that most girls just think guys are only after a ‘one-nighter’….that is just so NOT true….especially with me. i would be just as happy that a girl would talk to me amd show some interest. And i also wish that the girl would actually make the first move just once…..that would help alot. In article <390d5…@pink.one.net.au>, "purplemoshie" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<purplemos…@hotmail.com> wrote: >i am 25, female, so you probably think i will be able to tell you exactly >what i want to hear.  well, i can’t.  "hi" seems to me a good place to >start, but then there is what comes after "hi" isn’t there.  "how are you" >or "are you having a good night" is general chit chat i guess.  i also guess >that no matter what you say some chick will think you are trying to pick her >up.  but is that a bad thing?  we are all looking for Mr. or Miss. Right.  i >honestly feel sorry for guys, i mean afterall it is their responsibility for >whatever reason to make conversation and the first move and all of that. >just try is my advice to you.  even by just a "hello, how are you doing" >will bring something of your nature out and if you are genuinely a nice guy >then that will come out too.  i think society is an unfortunate place at the >current time.  too many people (dare i say guys even) are looking for a >"one-nighter" and that is most likely what a lot of us girls are afraid of. >although, you do get girls who are looking for that as well.  so i am sorry >i don’t have any "hard" factual advice for you.  just persist i guess.  i >keep telling myself that at the right moment Mr. Right will come along so i >guess just keep telling yourself that too.  and another thing i have taught >myself i guess, i pretty much feel (or believe) that i will be alone >forever, as in, no partner, no "better half".  it used to really shit me and >depress me, but since suffering depression i almost take heart in it.  as >in, i am learning to love myself and so dont really feel like i need anybody >else.  i know that we all shouldn’t need somebody else to be happy but let’s >face it, everybody needs somebody.  so i turn to my friends.  at least when >a relationship dies you still have your friends.  sorry to ramble off the >track here.  just don’t lose sight of who you are and what you stand for. >it is difficult, i agree, but so long as you believe then it will happen. >one day.  i will cross my fingers for you! >raelene.

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>     Well, I’m no expert at picking up women, but you should definitely > go to clubs with a friend and not by yourself.  Second, those guys who

Although I’m no pro either, this is definitely true. It’s much easier to not be so damn self-conscious when you’re not alone.

Response:

Ok,…. i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink by myself… To the right of me at the end of the sofa are two attractive girls sitting together, drinking and chatting with each other. For a second i entertain the thought of trying to make conversation with the girl closest to me but i dont cos i feel she is too attractive for me to bother her. Just then, another guy comes and sits next to me and says hi and we shake hands. Exchange a bit of guy talk and then he looks across and sees the 2 girls together. He notices that one of them is shivering (she appeared to be cold) and he offers his coat to her.  She naturally declines, but then moves over and starts making conversation with both girls. His mate turns up and they all start talking. To my amazement, the girls start laughing really loud and seem to be enjoying themselves alot. Remember this is in a nightclub so its VERY loud and kinda dark. All this time i’m thinking to myself, what the fuck are these guys saying to get these girls laughing so much and how do they get the nerve to do it (????) During this time, 2 more attractive girls come to sit on the sofa. I move to the right slighty to make room for them to sit to my left and as they sit down, one of them says ‘thank you’ to me. I smile back and kinda nod my head. The two girls sit together, drinking and chatting with each other for the next 15 minutes, and during all that time i was trying to think of something, anything to say that would break the ice and allow me to make conversation with them. I usually dont have trouble making conversation and am sometimes a little witty, but in in every situation like this (talking to girls), my mind goes a complete blank!!!. Also at this time, a guy who’s dancing by himself, makes his way over to the girls to encourage them to dance with him. They both say ‘no’ and i kinda smiled to myself cos i knew there was no way they were going to dance with him…. he got rejected big time!…… So here i am sitting with these two attractive girls trying to think of something original to say cos i know they dont want to hear a pick up line (and i dont feel comfortable with saying those anyway). And just saying ‘Hi’ doesnt go very far, so i was kinda thinking to myself….if i was one of them, what would i want to hear that would make me be interested in the other person speaking to me. Naturally, i just couldn’t think of anything to say and in the end, the two girls get up and leave, looking kinda bored. 5 mins later, those other two guys and the two girls to the right of me, exchange phone numbers and leave seperately. The first guy shakes my hand again as he goes to leave, says to me ..’as easy as that mate!’…meaning to say picking them up was sooo easy for him. And that was the end of the night. I know that i’m fairly shy in these situations but i could really use some advice on what to say or do that would would help break the ice and make things easier for me to meet other girls. thanks all …(sorry for the long post)

Response:

In article <dan-0105001715490…@ocmax7-070.dialup.optusnet.com.au>,   d…@danielp.freehosting.net (dan) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok,…. > i’m was in a nightclub (alone) siting on a sofa just having a drink by myself… > To the right of me at the end of the sofa are two attractive girls sitting > together, drinking and chatting with each other. For a second i entertain > the thought of trying to make conversation with the girl closest to me but > i dont cos i feel she is too attractive for me to bother her. Just then, > another guy comes and sits next to me and says hi and we shake hands. > Exchange a bit of guy talk and then he looks across and sees the 2 girls > together. He notices that one of them is shivering (she appeared to be > cold) and he offers his coat to her.  She naturally declines, but then > moves over and starts making conversation with both girls. His mate turns > up and they all start talking. To my amazement, the girls start laughing > really loud and seem to be enjoying themselves alot. Remember this is in a > nightclub so its VERY loud and kinda dark. All this time i’m thinking to > myself, what the fuck are these guys saying to get these girls laughing so > much and how do they get the nerve to do it (????) > During this time, 2 more attractive girls come to sit on the sofa. I move > to the right slighty to make room for them to sit to my left and as they > sit down, one of them says ‘thank you’ to me. I smile back and kinda nod > my head. The two girls sit together, drinking and chatting with each other > for the next 15 minutes, and during all that time i was trying to think of > something, anything to say that would break the ice and allow me to make > conversation with them. I usually dont have trouble making conversation > and am sometimes a little witty, but in in every situation like this > (talking to girls), my mind goes a complete blank!!!. Also at this time, a > guy who’s dancing by himself, makes his way over to the girls to encourage > them to dance with him. They both say ‘no’ and i kinda smiled to myself > cos i knew there was no way they were going to dance with him…. he got > rejected big time!…… > So here i am sitting with these two attractive girls trying to think of > something original to say cos i know they dont want to hear a pick up line > (and i dont feel comfortable with saying those anyway). And just saying > ‘Hi’ doesnt go very far, so i was kinda thinking to myself….if i was one > of them, what would i want to hear that would make me be interested in the > other person speaking to me. Naturally, i just couldn’t think of anything > to say and in the end, the two girls get up and leave, looking kinda > bored. > 5 mins later, those other two guys and the two girls to the right of me, > exchange phone numbers and leave seperately. The first guy shakes my hand > again as he goes to leave, says to me ..’as easy as that mate!’…meaning > to say picking them up was sooo easy for him. > And that was the end of the night. I know that i’m fairly shy in these > situations but i could really use some advice on what to say or do that > would would help break the ice and make things easier for me to meet other > girls. > thanks all …(sorry for the long post)

    Well, I’m no expert at picking up women, but you should definitely go to clubs with a friend and not by yourself.  Second, those guys who got those women’s phone numbers probably used a whole routine that they have used a dozen times before.  But I’ll bet that their original routine didn’t work the first time they did it, but after doing it for a while, they just knew what to say – and i don’t mean using a "pick- up" line or whatever.  They learned how to do it from experience.  You probably should have asked him what his "trick" was, just make you make it look like your joking when you ask so you don’t look pathetic. Anyway, just practice a bunch of stuff until someone works with someone.  I’ll bet those guys get rejected sometimes, too, but it doesn’t bother them, they just move on. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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