Lonely Loneliness

I'm trying here

Question:

The problem is I always feel a let down after conventions.  I think because you are on such a high and then you come back down to real life

kind of like christmas!

Response:

Keeep on trying, don’t give up.

Thank you.  I won’t. I am glad that you see that the break off with the was for the best. Good Assesment Hun. There is this great great quote that I love on lonliness and love…its by RUMI. "The moment I first heard my love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere they’re in each other all alone."

This quote is awesome.  Thank you for sharing it with me.  It does make me feel a little better. If you believe this…then I think it will be easier for you to deal with the lonliness aspect/fears of never finding anyone.

I know I need to work on myself first and then God will put someone special in my life.  That is what I have to keep telling myself to get through the loneliness. Congratz on not purging!! GOO YOU!!!:) I’m not really sure what to tell you about the shopping addiction/credit debit…why not try one of those free credit consolidating companies?

Actually,  I just got an application from one of those companies and I’m going to send it in and see if they can help.  I’ve got to do something. It is good that you are doing good in some parts…give yourself some credit. You are NOT a hopeless case, not at all. I think that…and this is my own personel thoughts…but you not pruging, going to meetings, talking and sharing with your T…i think these things are a great

achievements…achievements that affect your health/life…achievements that weigh more to me than whether or not your house is a mess or credit cards-(not saying that money isnt important…but big pic. wise)  Who gives a flying flip if your house is a mess…when all of these things are working out well for you. Look at the positive side of things hun, and give yourself a lot more credit.

Thank you, Umber.  You are so sweet.  Your words mean a lot to me. Love, Kristi Before you buy.

Response:

i am sorry about your boyfriend.  that must have really hurt.  my heart goes out to you

I’m okay, I think.  I keep telling myself that but when I talked to my sponsor about it yesterday I got so angry.  I saw him at a meeting last night and did not say a word to him.  I know I’ll be okay, though.  I just have to keep telling myself that. but arent conventions just incredible?  did it help motivate you ? light that fire inside? give more hope i pray?

It was so wonderful to be around a bunch of young people who are so excited about recovery.  The problem is I always feel a let down after conventions.  I think because you are on such a high and then you come back down to real life.  I went to International this summer and when I got back I crashed hard and ended up relapsing within a month.  I just have to watch myself.  I feel really depressed today, though. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – our ed group , it turned otu to be just me today.  the leader, she has been b/p free for sixteen years.  prior bulimic for thirteen years, hard core like me, about ten hours a day b/p.  i asked what finally kicked in to help her stop. it was a relief not to hear the usual, oh i finally decided to.  what she said was simply all the things she had been working on, tools , etc, finally came together after lots of hard work.  no miracle. it was just a slow healing. a process, as recovery often is she said she first stopped purging and yes overate at times.  wore big comfy clothing.  but has been sixteen years b/p free

Wow.  That gives me a lot of hope.  My therapist is a recovered bulimic also.  Eleven years b/p free.  She is also a recovering alcoholic, eleven years sober.  I keep thinking if she can do it, I can do it.  It helps to be able to talk to someone whose walked the path, you know? Kristi Before you buy.

Response:

First, the guy I had been seeing broke it off with me.  He said his sponsor told him to.  

hey, so you were with a guy that didnt have the balls to tell you himself how he felt — he used someone else as an excuse to leave you. bummer for him. Whatever.

no kidding. He then told my best friend some things that really hurt me.  

he’s trying to justify his lame actions is all.  He may believe that dissing you makes him a better person. bummer for him again. every dog has its day. I’m doing okay with my food.  I can’t believe I haven’t purged in so long.  

absolutely congratulations.

Response:

hey boo i can hear you are trying.  soemthing they kept telling me at westwind, progress, not perfection. and you are doign just that, progress.  sure beats relapse! i am sorry about your boyfriend.  that must have really hurt.  my heart goes out to you but arent conventions just incredible?  did it help motivate you ? light that fire inside? give more hope i pray? our ed group , it turned otu to be just me today.  the leader, she has been b/p free for sixteen years.  prior bulimic for thirteen years, hard core like me, about ten hours a day b/p.  i asked what finally kicked in to help her stop. it was a relief not to hear the usual, oh i finally decided to.  what she said was simply all the things she had been working on, tools , etc, finally came together after lots of hard work.  no miracle. it was just a slow healing. a process, as recovery often is she said she first stopped purging and yes overate at times.  wore big comfy clothing.  but has been sixteen years b/p free shell

Response:

Hiya. Okay, I’m trying here.  Really trying to do the right thing and focus on my recovery.

Okay, first off that’s cool! I mean, wanting to is such a big thing, one I’m not even sure if I’m up for yet. It’s so hard, though.

I know, I’m doing it too. I hope you find the stength to keep on fighting, I know a cycle like this is hard to break, but, I know it can be done. Simply because I have done it before, it was just unfortunate circumstance that pulled me back. And I for one, would be more than happy to try and help you through this however possible.   but then I had to deal with all my issues of loneliness again and feeling like I will never find someone.  I just feel so lonely and so jealous of anyone who has a boyfriend right now.  Even though I know that as far as my recovery goes, a relationship is the last thing I need to be in.

I am probably going to sound like someone’s Gran when I say this (and at my age that isn’t good but I’m going to say it anyways. There will be someone out there who will love and respect you exactly as you deserve. I remember you from  when I was lurking, and, remember such a nice, kind person, who, was supportive and caring. A person, who I know, will find a guy who loves her. lol – as will I! I’m doing okay with my food.  I can’t believe I haven’t purged in so long.

That’s truly a great thing, don’t underestimate it. I just want it all to go away, though.

I hate to say this, bit it isn’t going to. I recently went through something (much smaller scale), whereupon I thought if I just ignored it all everything would be okay. The exact opposite happened. And although it is often painful to face true emotions and situations it has to be done, and it’s something I have to do too. I’m doing good in some parts of my recovery, but not in others.

It won’t all happen at once. Be proud of your achievements, they are great ones, gradual progress is the key. I just have no motivation to pick things up right now.

Oh tell me about that one! Right now, I am up to my eyes in things I should do, but simply cannot bring me to do it. There was no real point to my responding to that bit, I just thought I’d say that I know how it feels. so I hope things will start getting better.

They will, I promise, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but gradually things will improve, and until then, you have people like me to support you Thanks for listening to me.

Anytime! Madeline PS Sorry this was so long! Before you buy.

Response:

Okay, I’m trying here.  Really trying to do the right thing and focus on my recovery.  It’s so hard, though.  This weekend I went to an AA convention for young people.  It was fun, but some issues came up for me that were hard to deal with.  First, the guy I had been seeing broke it off with me.  He said his sponsor told him to.  Whatever.  He then told my best friend some things that really hurt me.  Basically I think he was just using me.  So I know it’s for the best and I think I’m okay with it, but then I had to deal with all my issues of loneliness again and feeling like I will never find someone.  I just feel so lonely and so jealous of anyone who has a boyfriend right now.  Even though I know that as far as my recovery goes, a relationship is the last thing I need to be in. I’m doing okay with my food.  I can’t believe I haven’t purged in so long.  I’m not eating really healthy, though, and I feel like I’m just gaining so much weight.  I have this fear that all my clothes are suddenly not going to fit so I keep going out and buying new clothes. I am in so much debt.  I can’t even deal with it all.  I have creditors calling me.  I can’t pay my bills.  All because of my damn credit cards.  I just have no control over shopping.  It’s just another addiction for me.  I just want it all to go away, though. I’m doing good in some parts of my recovery, but not in others.  I still feel like things are really unmanageable in my life, like my financial situation.  My house is such a mess, too.  I just have no motivation to pick things up right now.  But I’m going to meetings, I’m doing my best not to purge, I’m trying to help others, I’m talking to my therapist and sponsor, so I hope things will start getting better. It helps to be able to talk to y’all, too.  Thanks for listening to me. Before you buy.

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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