Lonely Loneliness

last quarter of college

Question:

I am in my last quarter of college ..graduating in june. Ironically, this is one of the saddest times of my life. I have made NO friends in my nearly five years and the school I go to is one of the top rated "party schools" in the nation.  For four years I sit alone in my little apartment and listen to RAGING parties outside my window. I hear these girls coming through the parking lot at 2 in the morning screaming WHAAAAHOOO!!  This is every night now for FOUR YEARS! I have tried to get out of this. I joined the theater group at school, began bartending at night, work out at the gym every day. Just NO friends. And now this is it. I am graduating in a few months and I guess that I am realizing that this is how college went. It is just about set in stone now. Whenever I look back on college for the rest of my life all I will see is the pain of loneliness. Every year I have tried to think  "well maybe this semester I’ll make some friends and date and things will change" But now that’s it. Its sad because I always felt like I would work it out and enjoy my youth a bit. I never had any friends in high school, never went to the prom or anything. I guess I just always hoped that I would have one year to be young and have friends and have fun! But in june, as I stand up on the podium with only my parents in the audience because I don’t know anyone else, I will realize that my youth is over and I missed out on all of it. Just a lonely guy sitting alone.

Response:

In article <19990301160358.11957.00003…@ng-cg1.aol.com>, jeni…@aol.com (Jeni 117) writes: >I am also in college right now, I’m a sophomore.  I have a few friends but >sometimes a few is better.  When I go to the cafeteria, I don’t always sit >with >people I know.  It’s okay to sit alone.  A lot of times you will see others >sitting alone as well.  Just remember that the people who are more social >aren’t necessarily happier.  They have their own problems.  Also, you >probably >have things to offer, that others can’t.  They might be envious of that in >you. > You never know.

I always remember one time when I was backpacking in the Lake District. It had been a day of continual drizzle and I was muddy and tired. I came to a quiet country road and a little further on, I passed a small guest house. A woman was sitting on the step and said how nice it must be, to be alone with my dog, just walking. I thought it was interesting that someone had seen me in this way, because I thought most people would see me as ’sad’. Perhaps she saw me as someone who had found solitude, when infact it was my way of dealing with it. It’s a fact, nobody knows what is happening with others ‘under the surface’. Jo.

Response:

>From: cw…@aol.com (CWY34) >I am in my last quarter of college ..graduating in june. Ironically, this is >one of the saddest times of my life. I have made NO friends in my nearly five >years and the school I go to is one >of the top rated "party schools" in the nation

I’m sorry that you’re college experience wasn’t as good as you had hoped it would be. But sticking it out and graduating is something to be very proud of and you should give yourself credit for that. <read and snipped> >Every year I have tried to think  "well maybe this semester I’ll >make some friends and date and things will change"

<snip> > I >guess I just always hoped that I would have one year to be young and have >friends and have fun! But in june, as I stand up on the podium with only my >parents in the audience because I don’t know anyone else, I will realize that >my youth is over and I missed out on all of it. Just a lonely guy sitting >alone.

I don’t want to sound harsh here, but *hoping* isn’t going to get you anywhere, Have you tried talking to a couselor?  Joining clubs and working (as you have done) are good places to start. But that’s just it, a start and you need to take it a step further each time and talk to people. As far as your youth being over, you are just ending one chapter and starting another.  *Hoping* for change dosen’t happen, it takes  some effort on your part.  Maybe you could start by seeing a couselor at school. Pam

Response:

I am also in college right now, I’m a sophomore.  I have a few friends but sometimes a few is better.  When I go to the cafeteria, I don’t always sit with people I know.  It’s okay to sit alone.  A lot of times you will see others sitting alone as well.  Just remember that the people who are more social aren’t necessarily happier.  They have their own problems.  Also, you probably have things to offer, that others can’t.  They might be envious of that in you.  You never know.

Response:

Hi Spekta   I can relate pretty closely to the regret of missing out on the nicer things in life.  I guess I could say that about almost half my life.  It gets worse as the empty years pile up.   You are still relatively young and keenly aware of your situation. You still have about three months of school left.  I strongly encourage you to muster up every ounce of courage you have and go out capture some of what your missing.  Experiment and try things you haven’t, you really don’t have that much to lose and you’ll get a new start after graduation.                                               Paul   P.S.- I’m taking my own advice, it’s hard and slow, but things are starting to change.

Response:

CWY34 wrote: > I am in my last quarter of college ..graduating in june. Ironically, this is > one of the saddest times of my life. I have made NO friends in my nearly five > years and the school I go to is one of the top rated "party schools" in the > nation.  For four years I sit alone in my little apartment and listen to RAGING > parties outside my window. I hear these girls coming through the parking lot at > 2 in the morning screaming WHAAAAHOOO!!  This is every night now for FOUR > YEARS!

I as well can sympathize with what you are going through.  I think part of the problem may be like they say when you are in high school/college these are going to be the best years of your life.  When you don’t experience that and feel so alone you end up feeling like what how come I’m not included.. why do I have to be the one left out.. the social reject.  I think in a way the fact that I went to community college for the first two years allowed me not to feel to bad.. because there weren’t the parties that I wasn’t invited to etc.. When I went away to school I can honestly say I wasn’t invited to one party.. in high school either.  It is not an easy thing to go through.  Especially when there are people that are coming into college with friends that they knew from high school.. they already have there friends and don’t really have that need to fit in. I have tried to get out of this. I joined the theater group at school, > began bartending at night, work out at the gym every day. Just NO friends.

I think that that was extremely brave of you to put yourself out there like that to join a theatre group, to work, to go out and exercise. Even though things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to in the way of meeting people it wasn’t like you were giving up and not trying.. You made alot more effort then I can say that I did. > guess I just always hoped that I would have one year to be young and have > friends and have fun! But in june, as I stand up on the podium with only my > parents in the audience because I don’t know anyone else, I will realize that > my youth is over and I missed out on all of it. Just a lonely guy sitting > alone.

I remember talking to my counselor about being in high school middle school etc.. and not playing in sports, or getting involved in clubs and how I felt like I had really lost out.. because that time was gone and I could never get it back.  But she told me to stop that.. to realize that I need to live in today.. because I wasn’t going to be able to change the past.  Just because I felt left out as a youth didn’t mean that I had to forecast that things were always going to be that way.  Heck there is alot of life left.  You are just beginning there are alot of opportunities still out there.  I know I probably sound like a flake but hey blame it on the therapist that cost like 50 bucks a pop or whatever an hour:)  Anyhow.. I just don’t want you to give up on things. Good LUCK.  By the way what did you get your degree in? Also you should be extremely proud of yourself for making in through 4 years of college!!  It’s not an easy thing to do. Anyhow take care, Jennifer

Response:

CWY34 wrote: > I am in my last quarter of college ..graduating in june. Ironically, this is > one of the saddest times of my life. I have made NO friends in my nearly five > years and the school I go to is one of the top rated "party schools" in the > nation.

I feel for you, CWY34.  As I’ve stated before, I had a tough time socially in college, too, so I can imagine how badly you feel. > I am graduating in a few months and I guess that I am realizing > that this is how college went. It is just about set in stone now.

CWY34, would you consider taking advantage of the benefits of college and going to talk to the counselor?  OK, maybe the time you have there is short, but you might be able to get some things off your chest in the next couple of months. Plus, the counselor could help you sort things out and see things a little clearer, for life after college.  Something to think about, anyway – right? > Its sad because I always felt like I would work it out and enjoy my youth a > bit. I never had any friends in high school, never went to the prom or > anything. I guess I just always hoped that I would have one year to be young > and have friends and have fun! But in june, as I stand up on the podium with > only my parents in the audience because I don’t know anyone else, I will > realize that my youth is over and I missed out on all of it. Just a lonely > guy sitting alone.

Now, now!  You’re still young, you still have your youth.  You’re just understandably *feeling* old right now.   And since you *are* still young, you have more of a chance, with therapy and medication, of changing and being more what you want to be.  Please consider it. And, if it’s any help, I had more ‘fun’ the few years AFTER college than I did IN college.  Look at graduation as both the end of something bad, and the start of new and possibly good things. Bonnie

Response:

>I have made NO friends in my nearly five >years and the school

In my first college, I would walk around campus, alone, everyone else would walk with a friend. I wouldn’t go to the cafeteria because I had no one to sit with, and was to phobic to sit alone next to people. I would look at the pretty girls, wanting to be close to them knowing I never could. I now go to school at  night lost in the shadows, at peace, but tormented. I too have lost my youth, and the joy and friendship of it. __ "I had seen them both naked, the greatest man and the smallest man: all to similar to one another, even the greatest all to human!" Nietzsche

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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