Parents profiting off my illness
Question:
I’m new. I’ve been lurking for the past month or so. I decided to post because I have no one to talk to about something I found out about my parents. I found out that my parents have purchased several shares of Biogen without telling me about it. In other words, they’re profiting off my illness. I’m so angry. I don’t know what to do. Why would a parent do that to their own child! They’ve been wishy washy about their reactions to my having MS. In denial a lot of the time. Selfish most of the time. My father especially. He’s a physician and he’s done next to nothing to try to help me understand the disease. I’ve had to scream at him, beg him to try to understand what’s going on and he does nothing really. When I was going for my first MRI to diagnose the MS, he was supposed to go with me. The day I was to have my MRI turned out to coincide with his family reunion. He chose to go to the reunion. I’ve never understood or forgiven him for that choice. I think he’s a very sick man. My mother’s not that much better. I did not understand their reactions to my illness. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them for this latest betrayal. What kind of parents profit off their own child’s illness. Any suggestions as to how to handle this craziness? Anyone else got any stories that top this? Oh well. I now realize that I’m more alone in this battle than I ever imagined. Thanks for listening. It helps to vent….
Response:
I wish there was something to say to help you understand this one…..All I can say is that my father did research for various diseases including MS. He always said that was the one that he hoped none of his four daughters would ever have to deal with. Well guess it did hit him awfully hard when the MS Bug came to his "baby". The research that has been done only leaves most scientist with a big question mark in their brains. Maybe it comes down to that a lot of parents just can’t deal with their own children getting any disease. Especially one so "stupid" No one knows what causes it, No one knows what can help, No one has the same symptoms, the "No one knows" list goes on and on and on. As far as making a profit, hey let’s hope your parents are making an egg nest for you. My heart goes out to you, as we all try to do….just try to keep the stress level down over this, it’s not worth making you worse.
Response:
You are takingthis all too personally. Most people hate to deal with sick ones. The older they are, the worse they are. I guess it has something to do with recognizing their own mortality. Also, it might be guilt. That is, perhaps they feel it was something they had done or not done that gave you MS. My own biggest fear is that what I have will be passed on to one of my four children. I’ve never been able to figure out if old ‘friends’ ignore you because they are afraid to confront you or confront themselves. Perhaps they just dont want to be associated with someone who can’t move as fast. As to the stock… think positively. If you are in the will, it will eventually be yours. Don’t let them wear you down. gordon.copl…@swsbbs.com
Response:
Bihzad (bih…@aol.com) wrote:
: I’m new. I’ve been lurking for the past month or so. I decided to post : because I have no one to talk to about something I found out about my : parents. I found out that my parents have purchased several shares of : Biogen without telling me about it. In other words, they’re profiting off : my illness. I’m so angry. I don’t know what to do. Why would a parent do : that to their own child! I think MSDOS and all versions of MS Windows are pieces of junk software but I own stock in MicroSoft because I expect it to make me money. I don’t care much for Wal-Marts business ethics and used to be one of their managers but I own stock in it too because I expect it to make me money. I don’t discuss my investments with my children because I don’t intend to give them any of it. After I’m dead they can do whatever they want with whats left. : They’ve been wishy washy about their reactions to my having MS. In denial : a lot of the time. Selfish most of the time. My father especially. He’s a : physician and he’s done next to nothing to try to help me understand the : disease. I’ve had to scream at him, beg him to try to understand what’s : going on and he does nothing really. When I was going for my first MRI to : diagnose the MS, he was supposed to go with me. The day I was to have my : MRI turned out to coincide with his family reunion. He chose to go to the : reunion. I’ve never understood or forgiven him for that choice. I think : he’s a very sick man. My mother’s not that much better. I’m just guessing here but if I was a physician I wouldn’t want to treat my own children for anything, let alone a disease that no one understands. He probably does not know how to deal with it. Give him time, remember that you are trying to deal with it too and the two of you are at different levels in coming to grips with it so won’t be communicating. : I did not understand their reactions to my illness. I don’t think I’ll : ever forgive them for this latest betrayal. What kind of parents profit : off their own child’s illness. Any suggestions as to how to handle this : craziness? Anyone else got any stories that top this? Oh well. I now : realize that I’m more alone in this battle than I ever imagined. Thanks : for listening. It helps to vent…. You parents probably need as much help right now as you do. Your and your parents world has changed, it has not ended. Changed in an unpredictable way so in lots of ways its difficult to come to grips with and accept. Give it time and look for a support group, you’ll find more help there than from any doctor. BiNM
Response:
Thanks so much everyone for responding to my message. Your responses made me calm down and look at things more rationally. After reading your responses, I decided to have a long talk with my parents. They really listened to me and I really listened to them. We all came to a better understanding about how MS is affectin me and how it is affecting them. I had no idea how devastated they felt when I was diagnosed with MS. Anyway, we cleared up a lot of things. Thanks again for your advice everyone. I’m really glad I joined this group. Bihzad
Response:
Maybe I’m looking at this wrong, but I wish I could afford to buy stock in Biogen. (Or anything else for that matter!) I think you might be better served to put your anger somewhere else. The information fthis company puts out relating to investing read like a success story that would attract a lot of serious investors! Guess I see other underlying issues here, your parents are struggling to adjust to your MS just like you are, why are you so angry? Or maybe this is another thing on the long list of angers with your parents. I guess I wonder what your relationship was before MS. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to anger, I’m just saying, look twice before you use much energy there! ———-
Response:
My Parents also bought stock in Biogen. They bought it because it was a good investment. My dad is 88 and still works the stock market every day. Some say they should have named him Scotty but I say more power to him. He knows a good investment when he hears of one. Maybe that is why your father got the stock. At 06:17 AM 9/3/96 -0500, you wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Maybe I’m looking at this wrong, but I wish I could afford to buy stock in >Biogen. (Or anything else for that matter!) I think you might be better >served to put your anger somewhere else. The information fthis company >puts out relating to investing read like a success story that would attract >a lot of serious investors! >Guess I see other underlying issues here, your parents are struggling to >adjust to your MS just like you are, why are you so angry? Or maybe this >is another thing on the long list of angers with your parents. I guess I >wonder what your relationship was before MS. >I’m not saying you don’t have a right to anger, I’m just saying, look twice >before you use much energy there! >———-
************************* Our God requires both ) rain and sunshine to ) make a rainbow. ) *************************
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I’m new. I’ve been lurking for the past month or so. I decided to post >because I have no one to talk to about something I found out about my >parents. I found out that my parents have purchased several shares of >Biogen without telling me about it. In other words, they’re profiting off >my illness. I’m so angry. I don’t know what to do. Why would a parent do >that to their own child! >They’ve been wishy washy about their reactions to my having MS. In denial >a lot of the time. Selfish most of the time. My father especially. He’s a >physician and he’s done next to nothing to try to help me understand the >disease. I’ve had to scream at him, beg him to try to understand what’s >going on and he does nothing really. When I was going for my first MRI to >diagnose the MS, he was supposed to go with me. The day I was to have my >MRI turned out to coincide with his family reunion. He chose to go to the >reunion. I’ve never understood or forgiven him for that choice. I think >he’s a very sick man. My mother’s not that much better. >I did not understand their reactions to my illness. I don’t think I’ll >ever forgive them for this latest betrayal. What kind of parents profit >off their own child’s illness. Any suggestions as to how to handle this >craziness? Anyone else got any stories that top this? Oh well. I now >realize that I’m more alone in this battle than I ever imagined. Thanks >for listening. It helps to vent….
Dear Bihzad, There are lots of reasons for buying stock in a company other than simply wanting a profit. Your parents may feel that investing in Biogen is one of the few things they can do to speed the day when a cure will be available. Or they may wish to be able to attend shareholders’ meetings and raise their concerns about the running of the company and its future plans with the directors. Of course you know them, and I don’t, but I would not jump to a hasty conclusion about their motives. Regarding your other concern, there is a saying over here (and maybe over there): "the cobbler’s children go barefoot". It is a cliche that doctors’ children are always the last in the queue for their parent’s attention. Your father may regard an MRI as a run-of-the-mill event, not appreciating that if you are the patient it has much greater significance. I hope this helps you stand back a bit and calm down! All the best, Anna —————- Anna Whelan London, UK a.whe…@ic.ac.uk —————-
Response:
On Mon, 2 Sep 1996 15:09 (BST), Bihzad <bih…@aol.com>, wrote on the topics "Parents profiting off my illness": <cut for space> > Oh well. I now realize that I’m more alone in this battle than I ever > imagined. Thanks for listening. It helps to vent….
Hello Bih…@aol.com, welcome to the group, & yes it does help to vent. I’m so sorry you feel so alone in coping with MS, it sure can be a lonely disease. Perhaps staying with the group will help, no doubt you’ll find many with whom you can relate & ease the sense of loneliness. I sort of know how you feel about your parents investing in Biogen, but don’t really see it as you, that they are "profitting" off your illness. Then again I don’t know them or the circumstances. As for Dad the GP, it’s a funny thing about doctors. They are often so nonchalant towards illness in the family. I know my brother certainly is. It’s the family joke *not* to consult with him on medical matters, he usually answers, "hmmm, wait & see, it might go away". Perhaps they’re so much more exposed to daily ugliness they develop a thick skin. But when the chips are down, it’s another matter & a real good thing, I’ve found, to have a "Dr. in the house". It might be good if you could all get together & get mad….. real mad, bang the walls & scream mad, but at MS instead of each other. Have you thought of some counseling? Often it can help you work thru a sense of alienation & anger & put a different light on a problem. It may bring you all closer together, who knows your parents may be as sad, angry & feeling helpless as you, without expressing it. Write any time you feel you’d like to, my address is below. Hate to think of you out there feeling lonely, especially when you really aren’t alone. All the best, Gabriella [sond...@ponyexpress.com ]
Response:
Hi! I understand your anger, truly I do. But, I think it may be misplaced as my story may illustrate. My mom and I have good communication on all things but the MS thing. She is hurt (she’s selfish, always) that HER child is flawed, I suppose. I try to understand this feeling she has. Lord knows I’m hurt about it too, but we talk about other things (she’s 87, and we only found out about the MS this year, so that’s probably a factor too). Lately I found out that she had joined all the various MS groups, sent substantial money, investigated the drug companies involved, and is trying to decide which to invest in. Rather than being angry and thinking that she was trying to profit from my problem, I felt overwhelmed with love and sadness. She’s trying to make it right. Do things to effect a cure or a help. She can’t talk to me about it very well, but she’s doing what she can. And, in her own way, she’s acknowledging the MS’s existence (I thought she was in complete denial) better than I ever knew! Perhaps your folks are doing the same! Perhaps they just can’t talk about it with you, but they thought that investing in something helpful to it would be a good thing to do. So, they’re going to profit from that decision. So what? Hope this point of view helps! Joan Joan Gordon jo…@cyberhighway.net Check out our web page for all sorts of great links: starting a craft business of your own, recipes, travel, writing, and MS! http://www.cyberhighway.net/~joang/index.html /—–/ ^ ^ ( O O ) ( ^ ) ( ~~~ ) ____________ooOoo___ooOoo________________ You might as well fall on your face as lean over too far backwards. – James Thurber ________Oooo___________Oooo____________ ( ) ( ) “` ”’
Response:
On Wed, 4 Sep 1996, Joan Gordon wrote: > I understand your anger, truly I do. But, I think it may be misplaced as > my story may illustrate. …. > Lately I found out that she > had joined all the various MS groups, sent substantial money, investigated > the drug companies involved, and is trying to decide which to invest in. > Rather than being angry and thinking that she was trying to profit from my > problem, I felt overwhelmed with love and sadness. She’s trying to make it > right. Do things to effect a cure or a help. She can’t talk to me about > it very well, but she’s doing what she can. And, in her own way, she’s > acknowledging the MS’s existence (I thought she was in complete denial) > better than I ever knew!
Joan, Quite a story, thank you for sharing it with us. Perhaps your mother will be able to talk to you about MS too but in the meantime it’s great to know that she is doing her darndest for her "little girl" and all the rest of us at the same time. Your mother must be a very formidable woman indeed and it’s good to have her on our side. Best wishes to you both, David Reiss
Response:
Joan, How very wise you are! What a truly wonderful daughter you must be. Bless you. Pam At 09:00 9/4/96 -0600, you wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi! >I understand your anger, truly I do. But, I think it may be misplaced as >my story may illustrate. >My mom and I have good communication on all things but the MS thing. She >is hurt (she’s selfish, always) that HER child is flawed, I suppose. I try >to understand this feeling she has. Lord knows I’m hurt about it too, but >we talk about other things (she’s 87, and we only found out about the MS >this year, so that’s probably a factor too). Lately I found out that she >had joined all the various MS groups, sent substantial money, investigated >the drug companies involved, and is trying to decide which to invest in. >Rather than being angry and thinking that she was trying to profit from my >problem, I felt overwhelmed with love and sadness. She’s trying to make it >right. Do things to effect a cure or a help. She can’t talk to me about >it very well, but she’s doing what she can. And, in her own way, she’s >acknowledging the MS’s existence (I thought she was in complete denial) >better than I ever knew! >Perhaps your folks are doing the same! Perhaps they just can’t talk about >it with you, but they thought that investing in something helpful to it >would be a good thing to do. So, they’re going to profit from that >decision. So what? >Hope this point of view helps! >Joan > Joan Gordon jo…@cyberhighway.net > Check out our web page for all sorts of great links: > starting a craft business of your own, recipes, travel, writing, and MS! > http://www.cyberhighway.net/~joang/index.html > /—–/ > ^ ^ > ( O O ) > ( ^ ) > ( ~~~ ) > ____________ooOoo___ooOoo________________ > You might as well fall on your face as > lean over too far backwards. > - James Thurber > ________Oooo___________Oooo____________ > ( ) ( ) > “` ”’
——————————- PamY Some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue. 8^D ——————————-
Response:
Anna: I agree that people in the medial field can sometimes forget about the trama that a patient goes through. I had a PT who became a patient and said she found it a new experience to be told "You an do a little more!!!" when it hurt to do it. But this isn’t limited to the medical field. It can often be hard to deal with others people;s illnesses and especially when you love them. Denial comes too easily. Only time can solve this problem. And patience and forgiveness can be in short supply for people. I speak from personal experience as I have MS. John Conrod .__________________________________________________. | __ | | /__//The |././././| | | __ /JOY of | ** ** ** | | | /__/ bearing |____________| | | __/ the …is the HOPE of | | __/Cross… wearing the Crown! | |__________________________________________________|
Response:
I think there’s going to be a story about a woman with MS who committed suicide and her husband’s story on Dateline this coming Friday, the 6th. I guess it would be morbid but interesting to watch.
Response:
David and Pam, Thanks for added support. Yes, my mother is a formidable force in the world! Let’s all be glad for people like that! One of these days she and I hopefully can have a conversation about MS! Joan Joan Gordon jo…@cyberhighway.net Check out our web page for all sorts of great links: starting a craft business of your own, recipes, travel, writing, and MS! http://www.cyberhighway.net/~joang/index.html /—–/ ^ ^ ( O O ) ( ^ ) ( ~~~ ) ____________ooOoo___ooOoo________________ You might as well fall on your face as lean over too far backwards. – James Thurber ________Oooo___________Oooo____________ ( ) ( ) “` ”’
Response:
Previously there was a post on service dogs. My utmost apologies for taking so long to post this number, I kept forgetting it at work. If you call Susan Duncan at 1-800-869-6898 ext. 25, she will be happy to talk to you. She is the national coordinator for service dogs, she has MS and uses a service dog. She can also sendyou lots of great info on it. Again sorry it took me so long to get this posted – obviously I have short term memory problem! Susan
Response:
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