Please help
Question:
Please help ex-wife left me almost $100.000 in debt and owing the IRS over $10,000. All I ask you to do is to send me $1.00. Send To: Richard Hopman 1726 Belmont Mesquite, Texas 75149
Response:
$ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Please help ex-wife left me almost $100.000 in debt and owing the IRS over $10,000. All I ask you to do is to send me $1.00. Send To: Richard Hopman 1726 Belmont Mesquite, Texas 75149
Response:
Please help ex-wife left me almost $100.000 in debt and owing the IRS over $10,000. All I ask you to do is to send me $1.00. Send To: Richard Hopman 1726 Belmont Mesquite, Texas 75149
I wonder if Richard Hopman knows this was posted? OTOH, if he did post it here is some help … sell some assets to pay the IRS and then file for bankruptcy to clear the slate or if no assets, file for bankruptcy and work out a payment plan with the IRS. this garbage? Floridanewbie
Response:
You dont want to die you may think that you do but it something letting you believe that. I was there once I didnt know how I could go on living without this person I had lived my life around and suddenly I found that it just takes time. I am not saying that I am fine and happy with everything that has happened I am saying that I live day by day and thank God that I wake up everyday. You can make it throguh this. And you will make it through this it is just going to be hard. I am here if you need to talk sometimes it helps I know it does for me.
Response:
It does get better, think of it as a way forward in life – after all, everything changes, and there are other people. Try ‘men are from mars, women from venus’ by john grey and ‘feel the fear and do it any way’. selp pity is destructive. good luck – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Many of us have felt that way, been in your shoes, and many more of us still are. If you need an understanding ear, you’ve come to the right place. I am going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I feel so lonely and scared that I literally want to die. Someone please help me!!
Response:
It does get better, think of it as a way forward in life – after all, everything changes, and there are other people. Try ‘men are from mars, women from venus’ by john grey and ‘feel the fear and do it any way’. selp pity is destructive. good luck
Has anyone here read John Grey’s book about loss of love and moving on from it? I believe it is called Mars and Venus starting over? If you’ve read it, did it help you with the healing process?
Response:
Divorce is a very personal experience for just about everyone. Feelings of loneliness and failure are common. Not wanting to go on is also a common response. Problem is that too many people act on that feeling. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you just wait it out. It just takes time. We all felt this way, we all went through this and we all survived it. You will too. Hang in there. Just don’t seek relationships for the sake of relationships. That will start a bad precedent and your problems will just compound. Wait until you are ready for a relationship. You will know. norm
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I feel so lonely and scared that I literally want to die. Someone please help me!!
Response:
I am going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I feel so lonely and scared that I literally want to die. Someone please help me!!
Response:
About all we can do Tim is listen, we’re good at that! Why not tell us your story?? Daisy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I am going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I feel so lonely and scared that I literally want to die. Someone please help me!!
Response:
Many of us have felt that way, been in your shoes, and many more of us still are. If you need an understanding ear, you’ve come to the right place.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I feel so lonely and scared that I literally want to die. Someone please help me!!
Response:
Another perfectly innocent woman who exists in a vacuum and is not causing any of her own problems by her own actions. Women are such saints. It is terrible though how men make them so many bad things. It is a good thing women today are so responsible. Just ask them. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault. Any? Does this apply when the female is the the accused? Does anyone need to be convicted or is just making the charge sufficient? You should talk the situation over with someone impartial, and probably consult with a lawyer. But yes, I would consider past abuse while the daugher was present a valid reason to seek full custody. While I agree with consulting an impartial third party (do they really exist?) some folks here sure got a LOT from the original post that I "he has never laid a hand on her and had been a good father. But lately he has been getting very angry" Gee, it sounds like she is the one leaving which means she has had a lot more time to deal with this … time spent emotionally disconnecting while deciding to leave before actually filing. That he is going through an emotional rough spot is rather to be expected .. we see a lot of anger in this group as people start down this trail. I got that sense of it, too, as the original poster said nothing that her s2bx had done, or threatened to do anything to the child. That he is angry tells us nothing as to whether he will abuse anyone. Anger is an emotion, and a very appropriate one, at many times, for both men and women. I don’t want to attribute motives to her, but what she wrote about him indicates zip about abusing a child, and that was the issue. Of course if you want to worry about what he might do even though there is zero evidence that he would even consider it, I guess a rush to judgment is in order. Where does today’s lynch mob form ? 
Be careful. Statistically DV death and injuries are most frequent when the abused spouse is finally taking steps to end the releationship. If you have any reason to think you or your daughters life and welfare may be threatened get out immediately. That is correct … although the original post did not suggest this was a concern. I’d guess her attorney would have suggested getting a restraining order if it would strengthen her bargaining hand (this is often done as part of the game … no real threat needed) And I will second concerns raised by others. You have no business dating at this stage. <snip Certainly Dr. Laura would agree …. for as long as it takes until the kid reaches adulthood, mind you. Well, if she has issues such as this going on, and she hasn’t worked out what she is doing about it, and all of what it means for her immediate future, as well as that of their child, I’d say that she’s not really " available " to seriously date anyone. Not now. She did not mention how long they have been separated nor how long the divorce proceedings have been dragged out. While it probably would be better not to be dating this soon, that is her business. It is. One can take good advice, consider it, or reject it out of hand. That doesn’t change what is the right thing to do. Floridanewbie Andre
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault. Gee, maybe I shoulda been in Oregon when we separated. She shoved me, slammed me against the car in front of the kids. I called 911, and the officer came and just hung around. Or maybe in Maine it’s only a felony if a *man* is the abuser. I’ll have to call family crisis services and ask them. These laws are very confusing. Thinking about recent sentancing in court around here, lesse, a woman got 6 months for strangling her baby and putting it in a trash bag (Jody Johnson case). Another woman got 6 months for leaving her kid in the car all night (car running with the heater on) while she drank vodka all night at her friends’ house (http://www.portland.com/sanews/0004291bboysdeath.shtml). It was 2 hours, the child died because the car heator malfunctioned. She was charged with manslaughter (maximum 40 years), but the judge only convicted her of endangering the welfare of a child.
Her *claim* was that it was only two hours. Based on the degree of damage to the car, it was likely much longer then that. Had this been a man, as I watch the courts around here, the sentance would have been much more severe. No refernce. But noted that the deputy is defending herself against manslaugher charges (presumably the same 40 year maximum sentence) so there are some important people in the criminal justice system who aren’t buying her view on things.
Not the jury – aquitted. Two teenagers in their mother’s car dead. Don’t think the county is doing a good job protecting cholden, here. Maybe you think diffrenetly. You have a reference to this one??
Yeah. (Maine) Portland Press Herald last week or so. In the B section, so I can’t provide a link. Call them and ask you to send you a copy of the artical. She was sentenced to 6 years, all but 6 months was suspended, and is to have no contact with married boyfriend or their child. Sentence resulted from a plea bargin. Maximum penalty for solicitation to commit murder is 40 years, but the state’s case was pretty weak for a number of reasons so DA was ready to accept a much shorter sentence.
Umm, sure, Guy calls for a hitman to kill his wife, the DAs would have prosecuted harder. I don’t buy it. Likewise, hope life goes better for you than it has to date.
It will. The first thing I needed to do was stop thinking the system was fair and would work. Once I did that, things got a whole lot better. Best & Kindest – Fido
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault.
Any? Does this apply when the female is the the accused? Does anyone need to be convicted or is just making the charge sufficient? You should talk the situation over with someone impartial, and probably consult with a lawyer. But yes, I would consider past abuse while the daugher was present a valid reason to seek full custody.
While I agree with consulting an impartial third party (do they really exist?) some folks here sure got a LOT from the original post that I "he has never laid a hand on her and had been a good father. But lately he has been getting very angry" Gee, it sounds like she is the one leaving which means she has had a lot more time to deal with this … time spent emotionally disconnecting while deciding to leave before actually filing. That he is going through an emotional rough spot is rather to be expected .. we see a lot of anger in this group as people start down this trail. Of course if you want to worry about what he might do even though there is zero evidence that he would even consider it, I guess a rush to judgment is in order. Be careful. Statistically DV death and injuries are most frequent when the abused spouse is finally taking steps to end the releationship. If you have any reason to think you or your daughters life and welfare may be threatened get out immediately.
That is correct … although the original post did not suggest this was a concern. I’d guess her attorney would have suggested getting a restraining order if it would strengthen her bargaining hand (this is often done as part of the game … no real threat needed) And I will second concerns raised by others. You have no bussiness dating at this stage.
<snip Certainly Dr. Laura would agree …. for as long as it takes until the kid reaches adulthood, mind you. She did not mention how long they have been separated nor how long the divorce proceedings have been dragged out. While it probably would be better not to be dating this soon, that is her business. Floridanewbie
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault. Gee, maybe I shoulda been in Oregon when we separated. She shoved me, slammed me against the car in front of the kids. I called 911, and the officer came and just hung around. Or maybe in Maine it’s only a felony if a *man* is the abuser. I’ll have to call family crisis services and ask them. These laws are very confusing. Thinking about recent sentancing in court around here, lesse, a woman got 6 months for strangling her baby and putting it in a trash bag (Jody Johnson case). Another woman got 6 months for leaving her kid in the car all night (car running with the heater on) while she drank vodka all night at her friends’ house (http://www.portland.com/sanews/0004291bboysdeath.shtml).
It was 2 hours, the child died because the car heator malfunctioned. She was charged with manslaughter (maximum 40 years), but the judge only convicted her of endangering the welfare of a child. A county deputy kills two teen-agers with her police cruiser, defending afgainst manslaughter charges, she explains her negligent dangerous driving by stating that there *might* have been domestic violence or child abuse being committed by a *man* at the call she was going to. (Kills the kids – but get that *man*!)
No refernce. But noted that the deputy is defending herself against manslaugher charges (presumably the same 40 year maximum sentence) so there are some important people in the criminal justice system who aren’t buying her view on things. Woman tries to run doen her boyfriend with the car in York after a fight, he rolls over the hood – gee the special domestic violence unit doesn’t seem to be interested in that case.
You have a reference to this one?? Woman tries to hire a hitman to kill her boyfriend – gets six months. (http://www.portland.com/frnews/0004281b1anderson.shtml)
She was sentenced to 6 years, all but 6 months was suspended, and is to have no contact with married boyfriend or their child. Sentence resulted from a plea bargin. Maximum penalty for solicitation to commit murder is 40 years, but the state’s case was pretty weak for a number of reasons so DA was ready to accept a much shorter sentence. Same sentance given to a dad in Portland (6 months-suspended) for attaching a fortune cookie message to his child support check "A Happy and Harmonious Family is Important to You". Funny laws we have.
Would love to get a reference on that one. I presume the sentence was a suspended 6 month sentence, which is a lot different than a 6 year sentence of which all but 6 months is suspended. Oh, yeah, that’s right Ken, you don’t believe this stuff happens. Mosta this stuff was just the last few weeks.
After monitoring this ng for a year now, I’m ready to believe just about anything. Best – Fido
Likewise, hope life goes better for you than it has to date.
Response:
I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault. You should talk the situation over with someone impartial, and probably consult with a lawyer. But yes, I would consider past abuse while the daugher was present a valid reason to seek full custody. Be careful. Statistically DV death and injuries are most frequent when the abused spouse is finally taking steps to end the releationship. If you have any reason to think you or your daughters life and welfare may be threatened get out immediately. And I will second concerns raised by others. You have no bussiness dating at this stage. For one thing you are still married and being seen as playing the field is not going to help your case one bit as far as child custody, divorce prceedings, or possible criminal charges against him. More important, you just are not ready for another relationship and won’t be for a long time. You need time to sort out your life, figure out who you are, figure out what went wrong with you marriage and what you can do to avoid it the next time. And your daughter needs to know that she is the most important thing in your life.
Response:
Dear Subreinaa I am a 30 year old women who is going through a divorce at the moment, and although there are no children involved I am a Registered Nurse and have had contact with quite a few women in your situation. Firstly, well done for getting yourself out of an abusive relationship. You and your child deserve so much more. I believe that you should apply for sole custody of your daughter, since you ex has demonstrated that he can not be trusted, and perhaps more importantly that he does not deserve to have contact with her until he solves his own problems. He may be getting upset at you in part because of guilt, and is therefore trying to transfer that guilt onto you. Do not allow him to. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your child. He is an adult and has to accept that actions have consequences. If netotiation and reasoning do not work, and I suspect that they won’t, then it may be best for you to get a withstraining order on him. Obviously this would be a last response, but you and your child deserve to feel safe and secure. Good luck for the future. It sounds as if you are doing everything right. Kylie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault. Any? Does this apply when the female is the the accused? Does anyone need to be convicted or is just making the charge sufficient? You should talk the situation over with someone impartial, and probably consult with a lawyer. But yes, I would consider past abuse while the daugher was present a valid reason to seek full custody. While I agree with consulting an impartial third party (do they really exist?) some folks here sure got a LOT from the original post that I "he has never laid a hand on her and had been a good father. But lately he has been getting very angry" Gee, it sounds like she is the one leaving which means she has had a lot more time to deal with this … time spent emotionally disconnecting while deciding to leave before actually filing. That he is going through an emotional rough spot is rather to be expected .. we see a lot of anger in this group as people start down this trail.
I got that sense of it, too, as the original poster said nothing that her s2bx had done, or threatened to do anything to the child. That he is angry tells us nothing as to whether he will abuse anyone. Anger is an emotion, and a very appropriate one, at many times, for both men and women. I don’t want to attribute motives to her, but what she wrote about him indicates zip about abusing a child, and that was the issue. Of course if you want to worry about what he might do even though there is zero evidence that he would even consider it, I guess a rush to judgment is in order.
Where does today’s lynch mob form ? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Be careful. Statistically DV death and injuries are most frequent when the abused spouse is finally taking steps to end the releationship. If you have any reason to think you or your daughters life and welfare may be threatened get out immediately. That is correct … although the original post did not suggest this was a concern. I’d guess her attorney would have suggested getting a restraining order if it would strengthen her bargaining hand (this is often done as part of the game … no real threat needed) And I will second concerns raised by others. You have no business dating at this stage. <snip Certainly Dr. Laura would agree …. for as long as it takes until the kid reaches adulthood, mind you.
Well, if she has issues such as this going on, and she hasn’t worked out what she is doing about it, and all of what it means for her immediate future, as well as that of their child, I’d say that she’s not really " available " to seriously date anyone. Not now. She did not mention how long they have been separated nor how long the divorce proceedings have been dragged out. While it probably would be better not to be dating this soon, that is her business.
It is. One can take good advice, consider it, or reject it out of hand. That doesn’t change what is the right thing to do. Floridanewbie
Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness " David Gelernter, " 1939 "
Response:
In Oregon, and probably a lot of other states, any degree of domestic violence while a child is present is considered child abuse and is chargable as felony assault.
Gee, maybe I shoulda been in Oregon when we separated. She shoved me, slammed me against the car in front of the kids. I called 911, and the officer came and just hung around. Or maybe in Maine it’s only a felony if a *man* is the abuser. I’ll have to call family crisis services and ask them. These laws are very confusing. Thinking about recent sentancing in court around here, lesse, a woman got 6 months for strangling her baby and putting it in a trash bag (Jody Johnson case). Another woman got 6 months for leaving her kid in the car all night (car running with the heater on) while she drank vodka all night at her friends’ house (http://www.portland.com/sanews/0004291bboysdeath.shtml). A county deputy kills two teen-agers with her police cruiser, defending afgainst manslaughter charges, she explains her negligent dangerous driving by stating that there *might* have been domestic violence or child abuse being committed by a *man* at the call she was going to. (Kills the kids – but get that *man*!) Woman tries to run doen her boyfriend with the car in York after a fight, he rolls over the hood – gee the special domestic violence unit doesn’t seem to be interested in that case. Woman tries to hire a hitman to kill her boyfriend – gets six months. (http://www.portland.com/frnews/0004281b1anderson.shtml) Same sentance given to a dad in Portland (6 months-suspended) for attaching a fortune cookie message to his child support check "A Happy and Harmonious Family is Important to You". Funny laws we have. Oh, yeah, that’s right Ken, you don’t believe this stuff happens. Mosta this stuff was just the last few weeks. Best – Fido
Response:
Rather than "pursuing full custody", can you simply get these facts out in the open in the same thoughtful way you just expressed them? Be fair about his non abuse of your daughter so far, accurate in describing his anger management problems, and then ask for the court’s help in determining the right thing to do. Asking for an evaluation, giving your reasons, and agreeing to abide by the terms if the evaluator sees no reason to restrict his visitation is a far cry from demanding sole custody. If you don’t get these issues ont he table now, it will be much harder to revisit them after a final parenting plan is signed and filed. Make your goal one of facilitating his involvement, even if that requires anger management counseling for him, rather than a goal of restricting him as a preventative measure. If your voicing of the issues triggers an attack by him, then your original actions are justified simply by his response. In the process, your daughter is protected. If he acknowledges the prior problems and the risks they present, gets help, and becomes a great 50/50 parent, everyone wins. Be courageous, honest and fair… even if he is not. In the end, that will serve you best. Good luck – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Response:
First of all, good fathers do not pound on their wives, particularly in front of the kids. I wouldn’t allow my child to be alone with him, or consider joint custody until he is in therapy and working on his problem. The risk is too great. Your daughter will eventually choose a guy who will smack her around, too.
Response:
Why are you "dating" when you’re not even divorced from your ch ilds father? A good parent does not abuse the other parent…if your daughter is in danger then you need to document everything that he does and says, on the other hand, stop this dating and having fun and get down to the business of your childs welfare. Good Luck. Daisy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Response:
<< Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. You must understand that abusive men are high on power and control….and even if he’s never actually hurt the child physically, the effects of the abuse to you are significant. No, you’re not wrong or silly to pursue custody when you want the best for your child. I assume you aren’t curtailing visitation (unless there’s good reason). So it should come as no surprise that he’ll use words to try to control the situation while you’re moving on with your life. Just stand firm. Loriann Hoff Oberlin is the author of SURVIVING SEPARATION & DIVORCE http://members.aol.com/lhoberlin/author.html
Response:
Food for thought: In some states there is a guardian ad litem program in which the interests of the child are represented in court. If the court were to appoint one for your daughter, he or she would speak for her and you would not be the "bad guy." In other words, his anger at any adverse report would be deflected to the guardian ad litem office. Alternatively, your attorney could hire a child psycologist to do an evaluation, and at least give the court an "expert" opinion. Just my 2 cents. — Roger — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Response:
I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had been a good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has I have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that I am trying to take his child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged I am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
As non PC as this answermay be, I have to say it… If you have a genuine concern that he has, or will harm your and *his* daughter, then you need to *prove* that in a court, and get her the safety that she needs. If, on the other hand, what is, is solely between you and he, that is not relevant to the issue of the residential custody of your and his child. From his point of view, it may well look to him that you are trying to replace him in her life. He may not be fully right about this, but if that is *his* perception of the matter, then that will colour his responses to you. If you’re divorcing him, your concern about him coming at you ought to diminish, as you won’t be with him. So, that isn’t quite relevant to the matter of the child’s life. Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness " David Gelernter, " 1939 "
Response:
I am a 24 yr old. woman who is soon to be divorced from a man who has abused her mentally and physcically for 3 plus years. I am sure that this is the right decisions to do. My problems arise with custody of our 3 year old. Although in the past he has abused me in front of her, he has never laid a hand on her and had beena good father. But lately he has been getting very angry has i have been moving onwith my life, ie dating and meeting new friends. Is it wrong of me to pursue full custody? He tells me that i am trying to takehis child away and replace him, but that is not the case. Its just that when he is enraged i am worried about mine and my daughters welfare. He always calms down and is regretful…but it happens over and over again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Response:
Hi Shelly, I hope things go well for you, whatever you decide to do. I wish I could help you with your dilemma but I’m afraid I’d be biased towards you staying with your husband, my wife left me and our 2 young children August just gone and the pain is unimaginable, I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Brian
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Brian, I am sorry to hear about your break up. In my situation there is no one else, and I do not have these feelings because of another man. I know families like yours were they seem to have everything I wish for, but they still get divorced..and then I think what hope is there for us then? All I want is a decent future for all of us, but my husbands refusal to get a job is really hurting me. He likes not working and dont feel there is anything I can do to change that. Shelly
Response:
Hi Brian, I am sorry to hear about your break up. In my situation there is no one else, and I do not have these feelings because of another man. I know families like yours were they seem to have everything I wish for, but they still get divorced..and then I think what hope is there for us then? All I want is a decent future for all of us, but my husbands refusal to get a job is really hurting me. He likes not working and dont feel there is anything I can do to change that. Shelly
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well.. i’ve always had steady work, bought own home, looked after my wife and kids and always helped with the housework… but it didnt stop my missus leaving me for another bloke.
Response:
Well.. i’ve always had steady work, bought own home, looked after my wife and kids and always helped with the housework… but it didnt stop my missus leaving me for another bloke.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have been with my husband for over 9 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. We married young, despite my parents objections, and I have now lived to regret that. I am 26 and he is 25 so we were little more than children when we first met. Since we have been together he has not held down a steady job and I feel this is the root of our problems. This has caused us major financial problems and we have been unable to move forward in our lives. We still rent our home and have no savings. I have been a SAHM for 5 years, but now my daughter is in school I want to work. I have been studying and doing a lot of voluntary work whilst she has been small to keep me up to date with the job market. I am reluctant to do go to work, as I do not want to work to support a man who refuses to get a job. I would like him to leave, but he has no where to go, and no money and neither do I, so he refuses. His parents refuse to let him go back to their house and my parents would be furious if I left here, as it is them that furnished our home for us as my husband has never had any money or a decent job. He is just carrying on as if we don’t have any problems, just hoping that I am just feeling hormonal or something. I have been feeling this way for several years and I can no longer go on like this, living with and sleeping with a man I don’t want to be with. It is if I am a single parent anyway, as he spends the morning in bed and the afternoons and nights on his computer. He gives me no help with the chores and childcare and I juggle all the bills with the very small amount of money we receive from the government, which would be fine if he was working, but he has not had a job for over a year. How do I get out of this situation? Where do I start? I have tried talking to him, but he just doesn’t want to listen. I would leave if I had somewhere to go. I though maybe the first step would be to get a job as it would be the first step to independence. Then again I would dearly love to wake up tomorrow and love my husband again, but I don’t feel that is going to happen, as I have been waiting for those feelings to return for years. Please help me. I feel as if I am in a hell of my own making. Shelly
Response:
I have been with my husband for over 9 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. We married young, despite my parents objections, and I have now lived to regret that. I am 26 and he is 25 so we were little more than children when we first met. Since we have been together he has not held down a steady job and I feel this is the root of our problems. This has caused us major financial problems and we have been unable to move forward in our lives. We still rent our home and have no savings. I have been a SAHM for 5 years, but now my daughter is in school I want to work. I have been studying and doing a lot of voluntary work whilst she has been small to keep me up to date with the job market. I am reluctant to do go to work, as I do not want to work to support a man who refuses to get a job. I would like him to leave, but he has no where to go, and no money and neither do I, so he refuses. His parents refuse to let him go back to their house and my parents would be furious if I left here, as it is them that furnished our home for us as my husband has never had any money or a decent job. He is just carrying on as if we don’t have any problems, just hoping that I am just feeling hormonal or something. I have been feeling this way for several years and I can no longer go on like this, living with and sleeping with a man I don’t want to be with. It is if I am a single parent anyway, as he spends the morning in bed and the afternoons and nights on his computer. He gives me no help with the chores and childcare and I juggle all the bills with the very small amount of money we receive from the government, which would be fine if he was working, but he has not had a job for over a year. How do I get out of this situation? Where do I start? I have tried talking to him, but he just doesn’t want to listen. I would leave if I had somewhere to go. I though maybe the first step would be to get a job as it would be the first step to independence. Then again I would dearly love to wake up tomorrow and love my husband again, but I don’t feel that is going to happen, as I have been waiting for those feelings to return for years. Please help me. I feel as if I am in a hell of my own making. Shelly
Response:
Hey, Daisy, did Maggi Moo go back to the barn? — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman http://home.earthlink.net/~jimedharrison/ God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven. Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi sweetie, I wish I knew what to say….I’m glad you found us, we’ll help keep you above water at least. Have you considered counseling or is she against that too?? Daisy Get acquainted with the posters of ASD! Visit: http://www.geocities.com/asddaisy My wife and I are separating after 4 yrs of marriage. We do not have any children or much property to settle over. She has only agreed to talk with me by E-mail only. After a 2 hr phone conversation with her this past Sunday, I had asked her if she wanted to try a trial separation, she said No, because of Finances. Maybe someone can explain that a litlle better to me. I ask her in that conversation, which was very civil, if there was any way to reconcile and save the marriage. She said that she wants to be free and separated and that I have a lot of things to work on and that it would be yrs to reconcile if at all. Please I could use some support right now as I am going through a very difficult time.
Response:
another Gargantuan <snip Women have usually given these things a lot of thought before they act.
Dustcart
Response:
Women have usually given these things a lot of thought before they act. Dustcart
Come on guys, it’s not just *women* is it??? My stbx claims he has been thinking about it for a long time, years even. Only problem was, he didn’t let on to me about it. And no, even in hindsight, there weren’t a lot of clues. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
One of the books that I read (my mind has blanked because I hated it so much…it rang so true…it’s by Diane Vaughn) said that the people that leave, (both men and women) have usually been thinking about it for a very long time. In essence, they have been leaving, slowly, over a long period. That is one of the reasons that they seem so "blase" about it when they finally do leave…they’ve been processing it for awhile. Of course, for us who feel like our legs have just been cut out from under us, it’s a little different. Karin I think it’s called "Uncoupling"…I read it early on in the "saving the marriage" era of my saga and I got so upset that I threw it in the trash. Turns out that it was pretty much "right on"…I just didn’t want to believe it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Women have usually given these things a lot of thought before they act. Dustcart Come on guys, it’s not just *women* is it??? My stbx claims he has been thinking about it for a long time, years even. Only problem was, he didn’t let on to me about it. And no, even in hindsight, there weren’t a lot of clues. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
– "Circumstances do not make a person, they reveal him or her." –Richard Carlson
Response:
I stand corrected and humbled. — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman http://home.earthlink.net/~jimedharrison/ God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven. Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Women have usually given these things a lot of thought before they act. Dustcart Come on guys, it’s not just *women* is it??? My stbx claims he has been thinking about it for a long time, years even. Only problem was, he didn’t let on to me about it. And no, even in hindsight, there weren’t a lot of clues. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
Sound vague to me. She is separating and not divorcing, yet doesn’t want a trial sparation for financial reasons? That doesn’t make sense to me. A separation is just that – a separation. The words "trial" or "legal" don’t have a lot of real world meaning IMO. If she leaves, and may come back, then by definition it is a trial separation – she is trying out the idea that being apart may be better for her. Alternatively, she feels that the problems between you two can be best dealt with by being apart, and intends to come back. But there seems to be a communication problem – either by you to us (IOW, this is all clear, and you simply didn’t explain it all), or between you and her, or both. Sounds like our standard advice is gonna hold here: get yourself into therapy to understand what is happening and to take care of you. Good luck. Tim
Response:
This is kind of sketchy. You never mention the word divorce, but she doesn’t want a trial separation, she wants to be free and separated? As for finances, it must not be a heavy debt load because you don’t have much property to settle over. Do you know what the lot of things are that you have to work on? It sounds like she’s talking around the issue, or there are issues with you that she doesn’t feel she can reconcile. This sounds like an old saw, but hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Women have usually given these things a lot of thought before they act. Perhaps you could offer a little more information for clarification. — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman http://home.earthlink.net/~jimedharrison/ God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven. Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me.
My wife and I are separating after 4 yrs of marriage. We do not have any children or much property to settle over. She has only agreed to talk with me by E-mail only. After a 2 hr phone conversation with her this past Sunday, I had asked her if she wanted to try a trial separation, she said No, because of Finances. Maybe someone can explain that a litlle better to me. I ask her in that conversation, which was very civil, if there was any way to reconcile and save the marriage. She said that she wants to be free and separated and that I have a lot of things to work on and that it would be yrs to reconcile if at all. Please I could use some support right now as I am going through a very difficult time.
Response:
LOL…….they might have, maybe I should use my handcuffs more often huh??? Daisy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey, Daisy, did Maggi Moo go back to the barn? — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman http://home.earthlink.net/~jimedharrison/ God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven. Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me. Hi sweetie, I wish I knew what to say….I’m glad you found us, we’ll help keep you above water at least. Have you considered counseling or is she against that too?? Daisy Get acquainted with the posters of ASD! Visit: http://www.geocities.com/asddaisy My wife and I are separating after 4 yrs of marriage. We do not have any children or much property to settle over. She has only agreed to talk with me by E-mail only. After a 2 hr phone conversation with her this past Sunday, I had asked her if she wanted to try a trial separation, she said No, because of Finances. Maybe someone can explain that a litlle better to me. I ask her in that conversation, which was very civil, if there was any way to reconcile and save the marriage. She said that she wants to be free and separated and that I have a lot of things to work on and that it would be yrs to reconcile if at all. Please I could use some support right now as I am going through a very difficult time.
Response:
My wife and I are separating after 4 yrs of marriage. We do not have any children or much property to settle over. She has only agreed to talk with me by E-mail only. After a 2 hr phone conversation with her this past Sunday, I had asked her if she wanted to try a trial separation, she said No, because of Finances. Maybe someone can explain that a litlle better to me. I ask her in that conversation, which was very civil, if there was any way to reconcile and save the marriage. She said that she wants to be free and separated and that I have a lot of things to work on and that it would be yrs to reconcile if at all. Please I could use some support right now as I am going through a very difficult time.
Filed under: Loneliness Lonely
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