Lonely Loneliness

Reflections of Old

Question:

Matt Selph wrote: > I said that as a defense mechanism.  :)

    <smile>  Yes, I can understand that. > I’m not above saying I was wrong.  Guess there isn’t much you can do, right?

    There might be, but the maturity level of your friends might not allow much to be done.  Some might not have the life experience yet to truly know how to comfort someone in any other way.  I did not point the possibility of a view different than yours out to have you feel that you were wrong, but in hopes of helping *you* understand them a bit better than they might understand you. <smile>  Sometimes, if we can see where people are coming from and see their possible intentions instead of just hear their words, it makes us feel less resentful.  When we are already having feelings of loneliness, we don’t need to be messing our minds with other "hurts", too, I think. > I just still can’t grasp how love can’t be all that great.  I mean, God sent > them a person to hold, love, and cherish, and how can that not be all that > great?  I was under the impression when they say that, that they just want > me to go away and *not* talk to them about this.  That makes me mad ’cause I > am always there for them, and they usually come to me when in need of help. > I’m a nice guy, but a lonely one.

    Even "good" things are not without problems, Matt.  I would write more on this, but today is not a good day for me to type, but as you have mailed this to me, also, if someone else does not expound on this, I will answer more when I am better able.    Your friends may not wish you to actually "go away", but might very well wish you to stop talking about this.  They do not have the answers and do not know how to comfort you and so it makes them uncomfortable.  They would rather you do not do that.  <smile>  But, that leaves you without someone to listen to you even.  And of course you would feel that they are not holding up their end of a friendship.     Hopefully, now you’ve found us, we might help some or at least just be able to listen when you wish to speak of your feelings.  Also, some might have suggestions on how you might approach your friends in a way that they will not be uncomfortable.  This might help to take the pressure off your friends and so allieviate your own feelings, as well. > I still love my friends very very much.  My loneliness I guess clouds my > thinking.  Sounds lame, I know, but I don’t know what else to say anymore. > Thanks for the help, > -MS

    Pain, Matt, whether emotional or physical clouds thinking.  <smile>  That is why we are lucky to have each other here to help each other "see" a bit better.     You are most welcome, Matt.  Jae —    "Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair…….                  But manifestations of strength and resolution."                                          Kahlil Gibran

Response:

Posted and Mailed     Matt, let me start out by telling you that you are mistaken.  Not all the "older" people in this group think that way.  I happen to be one of the older people.  We’re not going to discuss how much older, ok?  <grin>  When we’re hurt by something, it just plain hurts.  It doesn’t matter if you’re 8 or 80 or if you’ve been hurting for one week or 10 years.  The pain is *now* and it hurts. Period.     Now, I don’t truly think your friends are "incompetent little twits".  I think it’s possible that they just don’t know how to make you feel better, but are trying.  And the way they’re trying is to try to tell you that what you wish so much for isn’t that great.  I think they hope that will make you feel better.  Like you’re going to walk around feeling, "Oh, I’m so lucky!  I don’t have to deal with that."  <smile>     They can’t know how you feel, Matt.  But, I would give them some credit for caring enough about you to try even though it doesn’t help.  What do you think?     Jae – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Matt Selph wrote: > Hi.  I am 18 and am so lonely.  I know that the older people in here are > like, "You don’t know loneliness yet, sonnny boy," and I truly respect that. > But I’ve tried my luck with girls in the past and have failed everytime.  I > am so sad about it that I want to give up on the dating scene.  I can’t help > but feel that God’s plan is for me to be single.  And this saddens me > greatly. > If there is any consolation to me being lonely and single all my life, it > would be for me to be a spy–case officer–in the CIA. > If I am old and gray and look back on my lonely life with reflections of > old, then I hope to see a fruitful life where I protected the ones I have > loved even though they didn’t know about it. > Loneliness sucks so bad, and my friends – when i talk to them about it – > give me the advice that having a girlfriend is not all it is cracked up to > be.  I feel sorry for these people, for they do not know what a true gift > from God is.  And, insofar as their "advice" goes, it doesn’t matter a damn. > They are incompetent little twits if they truly feel that love is not all > that and a bag of chips. > Thanks for listening, > -MS

–    "Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair…….                  But manifestations of strength and resolution."                                          Kahlil Gibran

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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