Lonely Loneliness

The integral of pain over time

Question:

I’m liking this poet, Robert Foster, more and more! I’m going to have to find some books of poetry by him. Would I find it/them at the Barnes and Noble per chance?? h@shi   ><

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Cenobite wrote: > HashiRoan (hashir…@aol.com) wrote: > : What’s "A Box of Rain"?  :-/ > A book of lyrics by Robert Hunter, and a song: > Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day. > Maybe the sun is shining, birds are singing, > No rain is falling from a heavy sky. > What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? > For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. > Walk out of any doorway, feel your way, feel your way like the day before. > Maybe you’ll find direction, Around some corner where it’s been > waiting to meet you. > What do you want me to do, to watch for you while you are sleeping? > Then please don’t be surprised when you find me dreaming too. > Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day, > Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days > while going home. > What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? > It’s all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. > Walk into splintered sunlight, > Inch your way through dead dreams to another land. > Maybe you’re tired and broken, > Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear. > What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? > A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through. > Just a box of rain, wind and water, sun and shower, wind and rain, > In and out the window like a moth before a flame. > And it’s just a box of rain, I don’t know who put it there, > Believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare. > And it’s just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair, > Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there. > (written for Phil Lesh to sing to his dying father) > Henry B. Messenger            "They’re beating up the musicians? >  http://satanic.org/~cenobite  Bummer." >                                   – Jerry Garcia in "Altamont"

     That is so beautiful….Thank you.  J —  May I Always Live           Where The Sky Is Open             Fences Are Not,               And The Spirit Walks.                            A Sioux Perspective

Response:

HashiRoan (hashir…@aol.com) wrote:

: What’s "A Box of Rain"?  :-/ A book of lyrics by Robert Hunter, and a song: Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day. Maybe the sun is shining, birds are singing, No rain is falling from a heavy sky. What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. Walk out of any doorway, feel your way, feel your way like the day before. Maybe you’ll find direction, Around some corner where it’s been waiting to meet you. What do you want me to do, to watch for you while you are sleeping? Then please don’t be surprised when you find me dreaming too. Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day, Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home. What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? It’s all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. Walk into splintered sunlight, Inch your way through dead dreams to another land. Maybe you’re tired and broken, Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear. What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through? A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through. Just a box of rain, wind and water, sun and shower, wind and rain, In and out the window like a moth before a flame. And it’s just a box of rain, I don’t know who put it there, Believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare. And it’s just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair, Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there. (written for Phil Lesh to sing to his dying father) Henry B. Messenger            "They’re beating up the musicians?  http://satanic.org/~cenobite  Bummer."                                   – Jerry Garcia in "Altamont"

Response:

Hello Cenobite, Thank you for posting this, I was watching this thread feeling uneasy, because I didn’t know what to say. But I know how you feel, because I’ve felt that way too, and so I’m not gonna tell you don’t worry it’ll get better. Because I know the state of no hope can remain with you for a long long time. : What I was trying to say was that out of kindness to people, we don’t : tell them that there is no hope even if there isn’t any. And that this : is the right thing to do, even though it is on the face of it, a lie. Hope:   feeling of expectation and desire   feeling of trust and confidence   (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary of Current English) Feelings come and go. : I believe that you care about me and the other people here. Sometimes : I tell myself that there is no hope as an excuse to not try, because : it is too hard and too painful to put myself out there where I can : be rejected and hurt again. And that’s when despair owns me. : : Henry B. Messenger     "Most of the time they’re sittin’ and cryin’ at home :  http://satanic.org/    One of these days they know they’ve gotta get goin’ :   ~cenobite             out of the door and down to the street all alone" :                                    - "Truckin’", Robert Hunter Yessir, it does. You are owned, so you are a slave. And what are you going to do about it? Are you going to stay where you are, which is the easy way, or are you going to run for your freedom? But don’t run away from us, please stay here and keep talking, people were never meant to live as a hermit, we all need each other. Hugs, Caroline

Response:

Caroline (carolin…@consunet.nl) wrote:

: Thank you for posting this, I was watching this thread feeling uneasy, : because I didn’t know what to say. But I know how you feel, because I’ve : felt that way too, and so I’m not gonna tell you don’t worry it’ll get : better. Because I know the state of no hope can remain with you for a long : long time. Y’all can call me Hank. As soon as tin is running on the Solaris box, I won’t be posting from the satanic.org account anyway. It’s been a problem for me for years, I don’t think it’s going away any time soon. And, yes, my thyroid hormone levels are normal, and, yes, I’ve taken SSRIs, but they didn’t help me. Don’t get me wrong: I have fun, too. : Yessir, it does. You are owned, so you are a slave. And what are you going : to do about it? Are you going to stay where you are, which is the easy way, : or are you going to run for your freedom? That’s a good question. I don’t think there’s anything I can do but ride it out. Heave-to and wait for the storm to pass. You can look at it from a marketing point of view as well. If the product isn’t selling, you can promote it, lower its price, improve it, or any combination of the above. : But don’t run away from us, please stay here and keep talking, people were : never meant to live as a hermit, we all need each other. I’m unlikely to become a hermit, I live with two other engineers. I don’t like living by myself. I have a few friends. But I’m not going anyplace, either. I’d like to note that y’all have made me get out my copy of "A Box of Rain." Henry B. Messenger              "Believe it if you need it, if you  http://explosive.net/~cenobite  don’t, just pass it on."                                       – Robert Hunter

Response:

Cenobite, What’s "A Box of Rain"?  :-/ h@shi   ><

Response:

HashiRoan wrote: > Cenobite, > What’s "A Box of Rain"?  :-/ > h@shi >   ><

     Glad you asked that!  There’s probably at least 20 of us don’t know the answer. <laugh>  I do hope it’s leakproof, though. Thanks, : ) J —  May I Always Live           Where The Sky Is Open             Fences Are Not,               And The Spirit Walks.                            A Sioux Perspective

Response:

We are we here? Not in the existential sense, but this newsgroup? Someone here, more eloquent than I, said it was because we felt loneliness, that is, the percieved lack of significant relationships in our lives. I agree with that. What I don’t agree with is the idea that I’m here to fix this problem; that I haven’t figured things out, that I don’t understand why… I do understand why. I can’t fix what’s broken. What I’m here for is to find a way to want to live anyway, even without anyone who cares. The weather was finally nice enough to sail today. It was still not wonderful: 15-25 knot cold cold breeze out of the west. I huddled in my foulie jacket enjoying the motions of a fast boat under sail again, and the building teamwork of crew. But the oppressive feeling of there being nobody for me was still there, god, I am so lonely. There have been times I’ve wanted to say things to people here, and I’ve held back… what I would have said to them, while it would have been the truth, would have been no comfort, and very discouraging. Why don’t we tell people the truth? I know I’ve been lied to in this way. Because it’s the cruelest cut of all to take away someone’s tiny shred of hope, even if that hope is utter folly. Why am I here? Mostly I suppose I haven’t anywhere else to go. Henry B. Messenger            "Teilhard de Chardin calls this ‘third world’    http://satanic.org/~cenobite  the noosphere, that is, the world of the mind."

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Cenobite wrote: > We are we here? > Not in the existential sense, but this newsgroup? > Someone here, more eloquent than I, said it was because we felt loneliness, > that is, the percieved lack of significant relationships in our lives. > I agree with that. > What I don’t agree with is the idea that I’m here to fix this problem; > that I haven’t figured things out, that I don’t understand why… I do > understand why. I can’t fix what’s broken. What I’m here for is to find > a way to want to live anyway, even without anyone who cares. > The weather was finally nice enough to sail today. It was still not > wonderful: 15-25 knot cold cold breeze out of the west. I huddled in > my foulie jacket enjoying the motions of a fast boat under sail again, > and the building teamwork of crew. > But the oppressive feeling of there being nobody for me was still there, > god, I am so lonely. > There have been times I’ve wanted to say things to people here, and I’ve > held back… what I would have said to them, while it would have been the > truth, would have been no comfort, and very discouraging. Why don’t we > tell people the truth? I know I’ve been lied to in this way. Because > it’s the cruelest cut of all to take away someone’s tiny shred of hope, > even if that hope is utter folly. > Why am I here? Mostly I suppose I haven’t anywhere else to go. > Henry B. Messenger            "Teilhard de Chardin calls this ‘third world’ >  http://satanic.org/~cenobite  the noosphere, that is, the world of the mind."

     I suppose "truth" is what you believe it to be when you are speaking of emotions and feelings.  I believe that I speak truth.  I know that I do not lie. I believe that your "truth" comes from your loss of hope.  I can only assume that the fact that you are cared about, here, and in our minds and hearts, means little to you.  I am sorry for that.  It means much to me, that I am cared about and cared for by the people here.  These may be words on a screen, but I am *real*. These are *my* words and they express my feelings.  They expresss my caring. And as I know that the *truth* is that other’s feelings of caring for me have value to me, I know that *truth* also is that my feelings for them have value.     I will not allow you to tell me otherwise.  I will not accept that I give and receive no comfort here.  I will not allow you to accept that there is no hope.  I will not allow you to accept that I do not care about you.  Do I make myself clear??? J —  May I Always Live           Where The Sky Is Open             Fences Are Not,               And The Spirit Walks.                            A Sioux Perspective

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Cenobite wrote: > LadyJ3 (Lad…@pop3.concentric.net) wrote: > : > : I will not accept that I give and > : receive no comfort here.  I will not allow you to accept that there > : is no hope.  I > : will not allow you to accept that I do not care about you.  Do I make myself > : clear??? J > I’m sorry, honestly. I see how you reached the conclusion that you did > and how my words misled and hurt you. > What I was trying to say was that out of kindness to people, we don’t > tell them that there is no hope even if there isn’t any. And that this > is the right thing to do, even though it is on the face of it, a lie. > I believe that you care about me and the other people here. Sometimes > I tell myself that there is no hope as an excuse to not try, because > it is too hard and too painful to put myself out there where I can > be rejected and hurt again. And that’s when despair owns me. > Henry B. Messenger     "Most of the time they’re sittin’ and cryin’ at home >  http://satanic.org/    One of these days they know they’ve gotta get goin’ >   ~cenobite             out of the door and down to the street all alone" >                                    - "Truckin’", Robert Hunter

     I know that I truly cannot understand your pain of rejection.  I know that it is hard to try and try again.  But, you must.  If you do not, you will never have what you wish.  I cannot abide hopelessness and despair.  It makes me angry.  I lived it and almost was not here because of it.  I do not wish it for you or anyone else.  I would take hold your collar and shake it out of you if I could. My poor keyboard takes such abuse as I pound the keys when I battle hoplessness, despair and negativity that I see here.  I would take it all from you. You must believe!  If you would *have*, first you must believe that you *can*.     Oh, Lord, sometimes I feel like Tinkerbelle. J —  May I Always Live           Where The Sky Is Open             Fences Are Not,               And The Spirit Walks.                            A Sioux Perspective

Response:

LadyJ3 (Lad…@pop3.concentric.net) wrote:

: : I will not accept that I give and : receive no comfort here.  I will not allow you to accept that there : is no hope.  I : will not allow you to accept that I do not care about you.  Do I make myself : clear??? J I’m sorry, honestly. I see how you reached the conclusion that you did and how my words misled and hurt you. What I was trying to say was that out of kindness to people, we don’t tell them that there is no hope even if there isn’t any. And that this is the right thing to do, even though it is on the face of it, a lie. I believe that you care about me and the other people here. Sometimes I tell myself that there is no hope as an excuse to not try, because it is too hard and too painful to put myself out there where I can be rejected and hurt again. And that’s when despair owns me. Henry B. Messenger     "Most of the time they’re sittin’ and cryin’ at home  http://satanic.org/    One of these days they know they’ve gotta get goin’   ~cenobite             out of the door and down to the street all alone"                                    - "Truckin’", Robert Hunter

Response:

Dear Cenobite: There is nothing I can add to what Lady J and John have already told you….all of which is profoundly true.  I can only reaffirm that there are people here that genuinely care about all the others, and you are, of course, included. Gina Time….don’t let it slip away. Raise your drinking glass, Here’s to yesterday………

Response:

In the Year of Our Lord 17 May 1998 06:54:52 GMT, cenob…@the.satanic.org (Cenobite) didst speak thustly: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->We are we here? >Not in the existential sense, but this newsgroup? >Someone here, more eloquent than I, said it was because we felt loneliness, >that is, the percieved lack of significant relationships in our lives. >I agree with that. >What I don’t agree with is the idea that I’m here to fix this problem; >that I haven’t figured things out, that I don’t understand why… I do >understand why. I can’t fix what’s broken. What I’m here for is to find >a way to want to live anyway, even without anyone who cares. >The weather was finally nice enough to sail today. It was still not >wonderful: 15-25 knot cold cold breeze out of the west. I huddled in >my foulie jacket enjoying the motions of a fast boat under sail again, >and the building teamwork of crew. >But the oppressive feeling of there being nobody for me was still there, >god, I am so lonely. >There have been times I’ve wanted to say things to people here, and I’ve >held back… what I would have said to them, while it would have been the >truth, would have been no comfort, and very discouraging. Why don’t we >tell people the truth? I know I’ve been lied to in this way. Because >it’s the cruelest cut of all to take away someone’s tiny shred of hope, >even if that hope is utter folly. >Why am I here? Mostly I suppose I haven’t anywhere else to go. >Henry B. Messenger            "Teilhard de Chardin calls this ‘third world’   > http://satanic.org/~cenobite  the noosphere, that is, the world of the mind."

LadyJ and John, Damn fine response! Tim twevlest…@lycosmail.com "Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose."                                            -Janis Joplin

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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