Lonely Loneliness

To Darkfalz

Question:

> One of the reasons why I’m officially lonely is that I don’t really get to > meet people on a daily basis anymore. Either through luck or judgement. But > even I have met and "known" many folk. Lessee…

You don’t have a fucking idea what lonely is.

Response:

gargoyl wrote: > Erm, > Ok – I’ve heard of people hacking off dogs tails. My response remains, why > the *&^% would someone do that? > I’m sorry, I may be stupid or misinformed, but that just seems to be > abusive. > -phred

I agree with you; all docking should be illegal, unless it’s for true medical reasons. Breeders around the GB have local difficulties sometimes finding a vet who will chop off the unnecessary* tail, but they’ll always find one that will. Also dog shows like Crufts don’t block entries from docked dogs so, until they do, breeders will continue to cut off tails to "enhance" the breed’s line. That’s what it’s all about… money! Although many breeders say something along the lines that: "A working dog needs to be docked in order for its tail not to become damaged while it’s working, in the good old days it was better to dock at birth than to wait for the tail to become trapped and damaged." Of course you don’t often see a pedigree dog that’s being "shown" doing anything hardier than having a wash and set. *not unnecessary in my book.

Response:

> Darkfalz – look inside yourself. I’m sure that inside there is a person that > a woman WILL love. The challenge, at least for me I think, is being that > person. Bitterness is easy. Change is hard.

The "inside" is the last thing a woman cares about. You have to satisfy all the "outside" things before she’ll care in the least about your "inside".

Response:

Darkfalz wrote: >>One of the reasons why I’m officially lonely is that I don’t really get to >>meet people on a daily basis anymore. Either through luck or judgement. But >>even I have met and "known" many folk. Lessee… > You don’t have a fucking idea what lonely is.

I think I do, so you’ll have to take my word for it. FYI "loneliness"     1.        1. Without companions; lone.        2. Characterized by aloneness; solitary.     2. Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads.     3.        1. Dejected by the awareness of being alone. See Synonyms at alone.        2. Producing such dejection: the loneliest night of the week. My "loneliness" can be found at 1.1 and 1.2 Yours seems to be 3.1 and 3.2 It’s all loneliness, Darkfalz, but if you want to have a "I’m lonlier than you" competition… I’m not playing, sorry.

Response:

Sklenge wrote: > gargoyl on 21/10/2005 3:05 pm wrote: >> LOL… >> Yah know – I should probably just shut up when I haven’t slept in a >> couple of days… > Pfft… I should probably just shut up. Full Stop. But you should be > so lucky.

Zubbenly 1 don’t feel so lonely. >> But seriously – only 100 people?

I don’t think I’ve met or spoken to more than 100 people in my entire life! – Michaela

Response:

Erm, Ok – I’ve heard of people hacking off dogs tails. My response remains, why the *&^% would someone do that? I’m sorry, I may be stupid or misinformed, but that just seems to be abusive. -phred

Response:

On 21-Oct-2005, Sklenge <skle…@yahoo.co.uk> wrote: > gargoyl on 21/10/2005 3:05 pm wrote: > > LOL… > > Yah know – I should probably just shut up when I haven’t slept in a > > couple > > of days… > Pfft… I should probably just shut up. Full Stop. But you should be so > lucky.

Personally I’d rather you not shut up – I enjoy reading your posts… > > But seriously – only 100 people? I think I’ve had that many total > > strangers > > tell me their life stories while riding the bus… I mean what about > > neighbors? The regulars you chat with in bars/stores/McDonald’s? Or meet > > online in places like ASL? > One of the reasons why I’m officially lonely is that I don’t really get to > meet people on a daily basis anymore. Either through luck or judgement.

I have a similar problem. I don’t go clubbing or bar hopping, so the only folks I meet tend to be work related. Since I’m still caught in ‘disability’ limbo (lovely having multiple doctors – ‘you’re fine go back to work’, ‘here sign this disability form’ – drive, don’t drive… blah) I also really have limited access to people. It seems to happen to everyone at some point in our lives. And it kinda sucks. > But > even I have met and "known" many folk. Lessee… > families = 100+ > neighbourhoods = 100+ > schools = 100+ > colleges = 100+ > works = 300+ > casual unsorted = 100+ > I can even name them all if you want ['cept the casual ones], and give you > most of their addresses.

800+ people, I’m impressed you can remember names and details – I’m terrrible with names, though I did many years ago start a list of everyone I ‘knew’… got to long so I went to estimating numbers instead. > So, numbers aren’t a problem it’s the quality not the quantity in the end.

And that’s the rub isn’t it? I’ve met boatloads of people – but not very many that I considered real ‘friends’. I read once that if you’ve had _one_ real friend in life, you’ve been lucky. I’ve been blessed with many people over the years who’ve cared for me in some way or another – but have really only had one true friend, who remains a friend. He, his wife, and their kids remain loving and kind to me despite great hardship on their part. > > I mean I admit that I’ve been casually acquainted with a lot more folks > > than > > is probably normal (happens when you do a lot of public speaking for a > > few > > years…) > How do you do that? I don’t like speaking in front of large groups of > people > much at all. What’s the secret of getting over the nerves?

Ugh – that’s a tough question to answer. I’ve done it more out of inadvertent necessity than because I wanted to. I still get nervous when I have to do an ‘official’ presentation. In my case I actually do better ‘winging’ it and improvising than in following any official presentation or speech. So in that arena, its simply a talent that I was born with. Still can scare the stuffing out of me. One thing that ‘helps’ in my opinion is NOT focussing on anyone in the audience. Its very important to _appear_ that you’re making eye contact with audience members, but if you keep your eyes unfocussed and simply ’scan’ the audience, pausing periodically, it helps. For me, it also helps to be as casual as possible, and to avoid trying to follow any memorized script. But I have problems even with bullet point presentations. It also helps to know your subject extremely well… but that’s pretty obvious I guess. I dunno – I really need to think about this more… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Good golly – there are already a bunch ‘o folks here that I’d be honored > > to > > have as friends… don’t they count…? > > I mean I am talking ‘casually’, not biblically or otherwise intimately > > (though one of my friends in college stopped counting her sex partners > > after > > 100…) > That reminds me of that [gawdawful] Tracee Emmen’s work "All the people > I’ve > slept with". She meant just slept of course, but people thought she meant > boinked, after all that’s what she wanted them to think of course. Just > like > those gawdawful UFKC or wotever t-shirts… I mean if they’re going to be > profane they should at least spell it correctly… anyway it should be > FCGB > [eejits]

Uh – that’s interesting, not familiar with the artist or the ‘work’. Me, I can count on two fingers the number of women I’ve slept with platonically, and Robin was a lesbian… Ann was seriously involved with some guy… > > Ooop – having typed that I must declare myself as officially having > > overstepped and lost it – I really need to sleep…. > nanight. > > gack > > -phred

Beep! -phred

Response:

On 21-Oct-2005, pegasus <pega…@asarian-host.net> wrote: > here’s one way: > pick one person out from the crowd, one that appears friendly, relaxed, > smiling, already warm and receptive, and talk to that person as if it’s > yer > best buddy.  After a while you’ll have relaxed and you can look around and > start making eye contact with others – c’mon, you’d be a natural with your > soh!

I’ve never tried that – sounds like a really good suggestion. -phred

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -On 21-Oct-2005, <Michaela> wrote: > > gargoyl on 21/10/2005 3:05 pm wrote: > >> LOL… > >> Yah know – I should probably just shut up when I haven’t slept in a > >> couple of days… > > Pfft… I should probably just shut up. Full Stop. But you should be > > so lucky. > Zubbenly 1 don’t feel so lonely. > >> But seriously – only 100 people? > I don’t think I’ve met or spoken to more than 100 people in my entire > life! > – Michaela

What!!!??? I find that astonishing. You come across as someone with a very strong sense of self and self confidence, and probably a better public speaker than I am… if I may inquire (as usual flames understood – my email address is real) where did you grow up? In my case, just counting childhood schools, I spoke with more than 100 people… Really curious at this point – I know that my life has been very unusual – and that I have a warped world view as a result. I’d like to learn from the folks here so that I’m less crippled socially. -phred

Response:

Hi Sumire, And thank you – you’re very kind. I do think that DF has been very badly hurt in life – and as you point out – the end result is that we develop a steadily thicker armor skin to protect us against that pain. It doesn’t change that I think that DF, like all of us, is an inherently good person, and one who deserves happiness. We all suffer at times in life, I suspect that DF has suffered more pain than many of us. But again, that doesn’t change that DF deserves a contented life, as we all do. I know that much of what I wrote is possibly painful – a lot of it really amounts to self-reflection. I have a lot of reasons to be bitter about what fate has handed me in life, or at least so I keep being told. And sometimes I am very bitter about the cards fate dealt me. And cliches like ‘when life hands you lemons, make lemonade…’ really annoy me – obnoxious optimism denies the pain that we experience, and our pains our real, emotional and physical. I bear a lot of physical scars – but the emotional pain is far worse in my opinion. And again, I think DF has been burnt. I’d really like to know DF’s story – maybe we here in ASL can help in guiding one another into contented lives, filling the lonely voids that fill many of our hearts. -phred

Response:

By having been away from asl for a while I feel like some continuity has been broken and I feel I will have to catch up with a few new posters like you. Sorry that I have not yet done my homework but I am sure I will learn more about you and Charm and all the new voices in here so that their faces will also emerge from the mists of imagination. I have followed DFs posts for quite a long time and also worried about the pain he is going through. I have also felt fear, honest fear for all that. Yes, the kind of bitterness that DF has developed really makes me feel sad and scared. Against all the troubles I have been through optimism has been a good friend even if it sometimes deserts me for a while. Hopefully you and others do not feel it’s obnoxious. In case it is please give honest feedback. Sumire

Response:

On 22-Oct-2005, "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote: > Against all the troubles I have been through > optimism has been a good friend even if it > sometimes deserts me for a while. > Hopefully you and others do not feel it’s > obnoxious. In case it is please give > honest feedback.

I’ve followed your posts and have never found anything you’ve posted obnoxious in any way. Like you, some insane form of optimism has kept me alive over the years, despite life’s travails. I’ve been told that my life has been unusually painful – most recently a psych told me that he thought my life has been filled with painful tragedy, and that my reaction was remarkable. I don’t agree – life is life – what happens happens, and though it may appear that I’ve ’suffered’ more than others, suffering is relative, and everyone’s pain is real. That idealistic optimism is a source of strength I guess. For me, I know intellectually that my humanistic optimism is really irrational based on what I’ve experienced. But it is an inherent part of me. Anyway – I appreciate your posts, and your wisdom. -phred

Response:

Adolf Hitler ist der Sieg.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -gargoyl wrote: > On 22-Oct-2005, "sumire" <sumire_kawab…@nospam.yahoo.co.uk> wrote: > > Against all the troubles I have been through > > optimism has been a good friend even if it > > sometimes deserts me for a while. > > Hopefully you and others do not feel it’s > > obnoxious. In case it is please give > > honest feedback. > I’ve followed your posts and have never found anything you’ve posted > obnoxious in any way. Like you, some insane form of optimism has kept me > alive over the years, despite life’s travails. I’ve been told that my life > has been unusually painful – most recently a psych told me that he thought > my life has been filled with painful tragedy, and that my reaction was > remarkable. > I don’t agree – life is life – what happens happens, and though it may > appear that I’ve ’suffered’ more than others, suffering is relative, and > everyone’s pain is real. > That idealistic optimism is a source of strength I guess. For me, I know > intellectually that my humanistic optimism is really irrational based on > what I’ve experienced. But it is an inherent part of me. > Anyway – I appreciate your posts, and your wisdom. > -phred

Nothing special really. Several girls have hurt me badly, some of them even deliberately (it hurts just as much when it’s not deliberate, but I guess it’s less callous), but I dunno if I have experienced much more pain than your average unhappy, lonely guy. Lots and lots of things about the world, about life, bug me, some to major distraction, but that’s not really pain so much as frustration. It’s the pain of emptiness really. Of time ticking by and having nothing to show for it, of waiting for the inevitable and just wishing that things could have been different, but knowing you can’t go back and fix it and that your future is pretty much set. I just think women are evil, yes evil in a mean, cruel sort of way, and evil in their double standards, but more just petty, stupid, a child-like lack of reason or logic. It seems to me that women have no active conscience, that is, they may feel bad about doing something, but they go and do it anyway. Nothing stops them. They make life a real fucking pain for me, just because they are everywhere, judging me, thinking I’m worthless when they themselves are average as fuck whores. Every woman thinks she’s a model, that she’s special, that she has some magical personality or something that makes her deserve a hunk. This makes them completely unreachable on any level other than looks and money. Anyway, I dunno. It’s a bit much to dredge up and talk about. And I’ve said it all before. I’m pissed off most of the time, and it’s mostly because of women (and Jews and niggers). I can’t change their behaviour, but fuck it, I’m sure as hell going to expose it and talk about it and abuse them for it. For all the good it does.

Response:

>>One of the reasons why I’m officially lonely is that I don’t really get to >>meet people on a daily basis anymore. Either through luck or judgement. > I have a similar problem. I don’t go clubbing or bar hopping, so the only > folks I meet tend to be work related. Since I’m still caught in ‘disability’ > limbo (lovely having multiple doctors – ‘you’re fine go back to work’, ‘here > sign this disability form’ – drive, don’t drive… blah) I also really have > limited access to people. It seems to happen to everyone at some point in > our lives. And it kinda sucks.

It doesn’t bother me, I like the isolation. But you have the inner resources to know you /can/ reach out to others if you want. Right now you’re limited through disability but it sounds like you have some mobility and that it’s likely to get better? Or have I got that bit wrong? You know the "how to" which is more than half the battle. Out of interest, where are your previous work colleagues? Does your old company run any extra-curricular clubs you can invite yourself to? >>But >>even I have met and "known" many folk. Lessee… >>families = 100+ >>neighbourhoods = 100+ >>schools = 100+ >>colleges = 100+ >>works = 300+ >>casual unsorted = 100+ >>I can even name them all if you want ['cept the casual ones], and give you >>most of their addresses. > 800+ people, I’m impressed you can remember names and details – I’m > terrrible with names, though I did many years ago start a list of everyone I > ‘knew’… got to long so I went to estimating numbers instead.

I’m not so good about remembering names on first introduction nowadays but, once you’re logged IRL you’re there for good [current brain health permitting], however I still have trouble remembering names on-line. >>So, numbers aren’t a problem it’s the quality not the quantity in the end. > And that’s the rub isn’t it? I’ve met boatloads of people – but not very > many that I considered real ‘friends’. I read once that if you’ve had _one_ > real friend in life, you’ve been lucky. I’ve been blessed with many people > over the years who’ve cared for me in some way or another – but have really > only had one true friend, who remains a friend. He, his wife, and their kids > remain loving and kind to me despite great hardship on their part.

There you go then. That’s what matters. Having one or two friends who know you well enough to tell you the truth or to just sit and chat with or remain silent with is great. What more would you want? It would be terribly hard to keep up that level of intimacy with the boatloads of people you’ve ever met. Possessiveness comes into it I think. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>I mean I admit that I’ve been casually acquainted with a lot more folks >>>than >>>is probably normal (happens when you do a lot of public speaking for a >>>few >>>years…) >>How do you do that? I don’t like speaking in front of large groups of >>people >>much at all. What’s the secret of getting over the nerves? > Ugh – that’s a tough question to answer. I’ve done it more out of > inadvertent necessity than because I wanted to. I still get nervous when I > have to do an ‘official’ presentation. In my case I actually do better > ‘winging’ it and improvising than in following any official presentation or > speech. So in that arena, its simply a talent that I was born with. Still > can scare the stuffing out of me. > One thing that ‘helps’ in my opinion is NOT focussing on anyone in the > audience. Its very important to _appear_ that you’re making eye contact with > audience members, but if you keep your eyes unfocussed and simply ’scan’ the > audience, pausing periodically, it helps. > For me, it also helps to be as casual as possible, and to avoid trying to > follow any memorized script. But I have problems even with bullet point > presentations. > It also helps to know your subject extremely well… but that’s pretty > obvious I guess. > I dunno – I really need to think about this more…

All that is helpful info. It might come in, but I try to ensure I’m never asked to speak to groups… which is how I deal with it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> Good golly – there are already a bunch ‘o folks here that I’d be >>> honored to have as friends… don’t they count…? >>>I mean I am talking ‘casually’, not biblically or otherwise intimately >>>(though one of my friends in college stopped counting her sex partners >>>after 100…) >> That reminds me of that [gawdawful] Tracee Emmen’s work "All the >> people I’ve slept with". She meant just slept of course, but people >> thought she meant boinked, after all that’s what she wanted them to >> think of course. > Uh – that’s interesting, not familiar with the artist or the ‘work’. Me, I > can count on two fingers the number of women I’ve slept with platonically, > and Robin was a lesbian… Ann was seriously involved with some guy…

I’ve /slept/ with many people. Quick count up: 100 ish, if you include the times I’ve slept in a dormitory or same room situation. I’m surprised you’ve only slept with two women… how many men have you slept with?

Response:

Hi Phred, I wish your lines get through to DF, that they really reach him as his armour is quite thick. And yet I do not know whether he will like what you have written. Just wanted to tell you that I like it. Hope you have had some regenerating sleep in the meantime and wish you are recreating further from your throat thingie. Take care Sumire

Response:

Good god are you implying that people actually hack off cat tails? Why the *&^% would someone do that? I’ve got to be misunderstanding where this thread has gone… -phred

Response:

gargoyl on 21/10/2005 3:08 pm wrote: > Good god are you implying that people actually hack off cat tails? Why the > *&^% would someone do that?

I really meant dogs at that point. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’ve got to be misunderstanding where this thread has gone… > -phred

Response:

gargoyl on 21/10/2005 3:05 pm wrote: > LOL… > Yah know – I should probably just shut up when I haven’t slept in a couple > of days…

Pfft… I should probably just shut up. Full Stop. But you should be so lucky. > But seriously – only 100 people? I think I’ve had that many total strangers > tell me their life stories while riding the bus… I mean what about > neighbors? The regulars you chat with in bars/stores/McDonald’s? Or meet > online in places like ASL?

One of the reasons why I’m officially lonely is that I don’t really get to meet people on a daily basis anymore. Either through luck or judgement. But even I have met and "known" many folk. Lessee… families = 100+ neighbourhoods = 100+ schools = 100+ colleges = 100+ works = 300+ casual unsorted = 100+ I can even name them all if you want ['cept the casual ones], and give you most of their addresses. So, numbers aren’t a problem it’s the quality not the quantity in the end. > I mean I admit that I’ve been casually acquainted with a lot more folks than > is probably normal (happens when you do a lot of public speaking for a few > years…)

How do you do that? I don’t like speaking in front of large groups of people much at all. What’s the secret of getting over the nerves? > Good golly – there are already a bunch ‘o folks here that I’d be honored to > have as friends… don’t they count…? > I mean I am talking ‘casually’, not biblically or otherwise intimately > (though one of my friends in college stopped counting her sex partners after > 100…)

That reminds me of that [gawdawful] Tracee Emmen’s work "All the people I’ve slept with". She meant just slept of course, but people thought she meant boinked, after all that’s what she wanted them to think of course. Just like those gawdawful UFKC or wotever t-shirts… I mean if they’re going to be profane they should at least spell it correctly… anyway it should be FCGB [eejits] > Ooop – having typed that I must declare myself as officially having > overstepped and lost it – I really need to sleep….

nanight. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> gack > -phred

Response:

LOL… Yah know – I should probably just shut up when I haven’t slept in a couple of days… But seriously – only 100 people? I think I’ve had that many total strangers tell me their life stories while riding the bus… I mean what about neighbors? The regulars you chat with in bars/stores/McDonald’s? Or meet online in places like ASL? I mean I admit that I’ve been casually acquainted with a lot more folks than is probably normal (happens when you do a lot of public speaking for a few years…) Good golly – there are already a bunch ‘o folks here that I’d be honored to have as friends… don’t they count…? I mean I am talking ‘casually’, not biblically or otherwise intimately (though one of my friends in college stopped counting her sex partners after 100…) Ooop – having typed that I must declare myself as officially having overstepped and lost it – I really need to sleep…. gack -phred

Response:

paneon on 21/10/2005 12:48 pm wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>> Point taken – I’m psychologically incapable of trusting anyone without a >>> tail IRL. Blame the lecherous clergy, abusive family unit, or the hive-mind >>> peer-groups as you will… >> What about those cute little manx cat kittens? >> http://www.manxscenes.com/01&2/June/Manx%20Cat.htm >> http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=manx+kitten&s… >> =wi > (Uh well – I’ve never really had much to do with cats. Me thinks it’s > because they’re almost human.  Tail-less cats? Well I suppose they’re ok as > long as there’s no docking involved. > (-paneon)

No, they’re naturally tail free [cute though]. I prefer cats /with/ tails but beggars can’t be choosers. I’m a member of the anti-dock league also. Docking things should be left to the dockers union [contradiction in terms it seems]. So, what creatures with tails do you trust? Horses? Kangaroos? Squonks? I don’t think I could take to a furless cat.

Response:

>> Point taken – I’m psychologically incapable of trusting anyone without a >> tail IRL. Blame the lecherous clergy, abusive family unit, or the >> hive-mind >> peer-groups as you will… > What about those cute little manx cat kittens? > http://www.manxscenes.com/01&2/June/Manx%20Cat.htm > http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=manx+kitten&s… > =wi

(Uh well – I’ve never really had much to do with cats. Me thinks it’s because they’re almost human.  Tail-less cats? Well I suppose they’re ok as long as there’s no docking involved. (-paneon)

Response:

paneon on 21/10/2005 12:25 pm wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Hi Darkfalz, >> I’ve read a lot of your posts tonight. And I’ve read those I’ve found in >> the >> past, since I’ve joined this group. I admit I’m a newbie here, but choose >> again to be arrogant perhaps, and make some observations. > You’ve actually read Darkfalz? God bless! Let me make some observations of > my own… >> I’ve known a lot of people in my life – professionally and as ‘friends’ – >> for myriad reasons. When I last counted I knew (this was some ten or >> fifteen >> years ago), the estimate had hit some ten THOUSAND people that I had >> interacted with on a level beyond ‘would you like fries with that’ kind of >> thing (do the math folks – you’ll be REALLY surprised how many people you >> know at least casually). > Well – if I was wildly optimistic, I’d say 20 (family) + 20 (primary school) > + 20 (high school) + 20 (uni) + 20 (work) = 100. > Right… > <# begin completely non-applicable section #> >> Anyway – I can understand being bitter about life, and about romance in >> particular. All my relationships have ended badly, except one – and that >> was >> an FTF ex from high school who eventually got married (ended the whole >> thing… no F and no TF… was afraid her husband would find out she >> wasn’t >> a virgin). >> Gack I need to sleep at some point. >> Anyway anyway… you’re right some people, men and women of all sexual >> preferences obsess over appearance. And I think that our sensual >> experience >> (remember, there are blind folks out there… and there not as ‘crippled’ >> as >> you’d think in their senses…) is a key initial attractor in finding a >> mate. >> But that isn’t a ‘fatal’ issue – it simply seems to be an excuse for a lot >> of us (myself included). I’m not physically attractive is a great excuse >> for >> our romantic failures. Hell – I’m no Pierce Brosnan (dating myself there – >> loved Remington Steele as a kid), but I’ve NEVER had trouble ‘getting >> laid’. >> And this is where attitude comes in…  I’ve NEVER been interested in >> ‘getting laid’. I’ve turned down more people (women AND men) than I’ve >> actually slept with. >> I have intimate relations with women that I LOVE. That I care about. That >> matter to me. The ones that I WANT to wake up next to, to talk with, >> really >> the ones I want to listen to. >> Anyone can find a sex partner. Fuck, lets face it, a lot of traditional >> ‘dating’ is some formalized form of fucked up prostitution. Guy pays for >> the >> dinner and a play, gets a bj. I thought that was lame in junior high. >> Frankly I’d rather jack off than deal with bullshit like that today. > <# end completely non-applicable section #> > Right…Lead balloon? >> We each need to look inside ourselves… therein lies the key to our >> loneliness.  The key to why we’re here instead of cuddling up with a >> special >> someone, watching Titanic and smooching. >> I know that one reason I’m here is that I fucked up. I made mistakes. I >> made >> bad choices. I picked the wrong women. Yeah, it wasn’t all my fault, but >> some of it was. > Point taken – I’m psychologically incapable of trusting anyone without a > tail IRL. Blame the lecherous clergy, abusive family unit, or the hive-mind > peer-groups as you will…

What about those cute little manx cat kittens? http://www.manxscenes.com/01&2/June/Manx%20Cat.htm http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=manx+kitten&s… =wi – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Darkfalz – look inside yourself. I’m sure that inside there is a person >> that >> a woman WILL love. The challenge, at least for me I think, is being that >> person. Bitterness is easy. Change is hard. >> Peace – and flames understood – if you want to make it personal, my email >> is >> real. > -paneon > (Well, I’ve been a goddamned rude individual now haven’t I -poking my nose > into someone else’s discussion….)

I don’t even read them when they’re not individually addressed to me.

Response:

> Hi Darkfalz, > I’ve read a lot of your posts tonight. And I’ve read those I’ve found in > the > past, since I’ve joined this group. I admit I’m a newbie here, but choose > again to be arrogant perhaps, and make some observations.

You’ve actually read Darkfalz? God bless! Let me make some observations of my own… > I’ve known a lot of people in my life – professionally and as ‘friends’ – > for myriad reasons. When I last counted I knew (this was some ten or > fifteen > years ago), the estimate had hit some ten THOUSAND people that I had > interacted with on a level beyond ‘would you like fries with that’ kind of > thing (do the math folks – you’ll be REALLY surprised how many people you > know at least casually).

Well – if I was wildly optimistic, I’d say 20 (family) + 20 (primary school) + 20 (high school) + 20 (uni) + 20 (work) = 100. Right… <# begin completely non-applicable section #> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Anyway – I can understand being bitter about life, and about romance in > particular. All my relationships have ended badly, except one – and that > was > an FTF ex from high school who eventually got married (ended the whole > thing… no F and no TF… was afraid her husband would find out she > wasn’t > a virgin). > Gack I need to sleep at some point. > Anyway anyway… you’re right some people, men and women of all sexual > preferences obsess over appearance. And I think that our sensual > experience > (remember, there are blind folks out there… and there not as ‘crippled’ > as > you’d think in their senses…) is a key initial attractor in finding a > mate. > But that isn’t a ‘fatal’ issue – it simply seems to be an excuse for a lot > of us (myself included). I’m not physically attractive is a great excuse > for > our romantic failures. Hell – I’m no Pierce Brosnan (dating myself there – > loved Remington Steele as a kid), but I’ve NEVER had trouble ‘getting > laid’. > And this is where attitude comes in…  I’ve NEVER been interested in > ‘getting laid’. I’ve turned down more people (women AND men) than I’ve > actually slept with. > I have intimate relations with women that I LOVE. That I care about. That > matter to me. The ones that I WANT to wake up next to, to talk with, > really > the ones I want to listen to. > Anyone can find a sex partner. Fuck, lets face it, a lot of traditional > ‘dating’ is some formalized form of fucked up prostitution. Guy pays for > the > dinner and a play, gets a bj. I thought that was lame in junior high. > Frankly I’d rather jack off than deal with bullshit like that today.

<# end completely non-applicable section #> Right…Lead balloon? > We each need to look inside ourselves… therein lies the key to our > loneliness.  The key to why we’re here instead of cuddling up with a > special > someone, watching Titanic and smooching. > I know that one reason I’m here is that I fucked up. I made mistakes. I > made > bad choices. I picked the wrong women. Yeah, it wasn’t all my fault, but > some of it was.

Point taken – I’m psychologically incapable of trusting anyone without a tail IRL. Blame the lecherous clergy, abusive family unit, or the hive-mind peer-groups as you will… > Darkfalz – look inside yourself. I’m sure that inside there is a person > that > a woman WILL love. The challenge, at least for me I think, is being that > person. Bitterness is easy. Change is hard. > Peace – and flames understood – if you want to make it personal, my email > is > real.

-paneon (Well, I’ve been a goddamned rude individual now haven’t I -poking my nose into someone else’s discussion….)

Response:

Hi Darkfalz, I’ve read a lot of your posts tonight. And I’ve read those I’ve found in the past, since I’ve joined this group. I admit I’m a newbie here, but choose again to be arrogant perhaps, and make some observations. I’ve known a lot of people in my life – professionally and as ‘friends’ – for myriad reasons. When I last counted I knew (this was some ten or fifteen years ago), the estimate had hit some ten THOUSAND people that I had interacted with on a level beyond ‘would you like fries with that’ kind of thing (do the math folks – you’ll be REALLY surprised how many people you know at least casually). Anyway – I can understand being bitter about life, and about romance in particular. All my relationships have ended badly, except one – and that was an FTF ex from high school who eventually got married (ended the whole thing… no F and no TF… was afraid her husband would find out she wasn’t a virgin). Gack I need to sleep at some point. Anyway anyway… you’re right some people, men and women of all sexual preferences obsess over appearance. And I think that our sensual experience (remember, there are blind folks out there… and there not as ‘crippled’ as you’d think in their senses…) is a key initial attractor in finding a mate. But that isn’t a ‘fatal’ issue – it simply seems to be an excuse for a lot of us (myself included). I’m not physically attractive is a great excuse for our romantic failures. Hell – I’m no Pierce Brosnan (dating myself there – loved Remington Steele as a kid), but I’ve NEVER had trouble ‘getting laid’. And this is where attitude comes in…  I’ve NEVER been interested in ‘getting laid’. I’ve turned down more people (women AND men) than I’ve actually slept with. I have intimate relations with women that I LOVE. That I care about. That matter to me. The ones that I WANT to wake up next to, to talk with, really the ones I want to listen to. Anyone can find a sex partner. Fuck, lets face it, a lot of traditional ‘dating’ is some formalized form of fucked up prostitution. Guy pays for the dinner and a play, gets a bj. I thought that was lame in junior high. Frankly I’d rather jack off than deal with bullshit like that today. We each need to look inside ourselves… therein lies the key to our loneliness.  The key to why we’re here instead of cuddling up with a special someone, watching Titanic and smooching. I know that one reason I’m here is that I fucked up. I made mistakes. I made bad choices. I picked the wrong women. Yeah, it wasn’t all my fault, but some of it was. Darkfalz – look inside yourself. I’m sure that inside there is a person that a woman WILL love. The challenge, at least for me I think, is being that person. Bitterness is easy. Change is hard. Peace – and flames understood – if you want to make it personal, my email is real. -phred

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness Lonely

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