Trajectory
Question:
Henry B. Messenger (h…@explosive.net) wrote: : I feel mired, stuck in my life. Like sticky mud that clutches and grabs : at my feet, making me weary and hopeless of escape. About the only thing : I’m enthusiastic about is my work — this is understandable, since they : reward me and think very highly of me for it. And I’m not rewarded and : thought highly of in other areas. I have some refinement of these thoughts… I’ve always put-off my life. I guess that somewhere inside me, I assumed that I would meet someone and we would start a life together. And there wasn’t any point in buying a house, planning for retirement, and all those things because, well, I was still a young man on my own. Well, that hasn’t happened. I know now that the only rational choice for me is to opt out, given my emotional problems, my physical unattractiveness, and the terrible shortage of single women and places to meet them here. But I have unfulfilled romantic longings that cause me cognitive dissonance and pain. So I’ve read a few books that tell me I need to get on with my life anyway. Setting some kind of goals for where I want to be in a year, five years, ten years. And I can’t think of anything. Henry B. Messenger I don’t even go on vacations myself. http://satanic.org/~cenobite
Response:
Hi, Henry A bit late, but I didn’t know exactly how to react to your first post. It’s sometimes a bit difficult to react to your posts, but this part of it is very clear to me. I can totally understand your unfulfilled romantic longings and how they can frustrate you. I can also understand very well that you don’t know at all what to do with the rest of your life. But please keep posting, and don’t think that you’re ignored. Hugs, Nanny — Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Henry B. Messenger wrote in message <931715571.963…@news.satanic.org>… >Henry B. Messenger (h…@explosive.net) wrote: >: I feel mired, stuck in my life. Like sticky mud that clutches and grabs >: at my feet, making me weary and hopeless of escape. About the only thing >: I’m enthusiastic about is my work — this is understandable, since they >: reward me and think very highly of me for it. And I’m not rewarded and >: thought highly of in other areas. >I have some refinement of these thoughts… I’ve always put-off my life. >I guess that somewhere inside me, I assumed that I would meet someone >and we would start a life together. And there wasn’t any point in buying >a house, planning for retirement, and all those things because, well, >I was still a young man on my own. Well, that hasn’t happened. >I know now that the only rational choice for me is to opt out, given >my emotional problems, my physical unattractiveness, and the terrible >shortage of single women and places to meet them here. But I have >unfulfilled romantic longings that cause me cognitive dissonance and >pain. >So I’ve read a few books that tell me I need to get on with my life >anyway. Setting some kind of goals for where I want to be in a year, >five years, ten years. And I can’t think of anything. >Henry B. Messenger I don’t even go on vacations myself. > http://satanic.org/~cenobite
Response:
Henry B. Messenger wrote: > So I’ve read a few books that tell me I need to get on with my life > anyway. Setting some kind of goals for where I want to be in a year, > five years, ten years. And I can’t think of anything. > Henry B. Messenger I don’t even go on vacations myself. > http://satanic.org/~cenobite
I do think that doing something is better than doing nothing in most cases, Hank. As long as that something is a positive step. I don’t think that anyone is too young to plan for their retirement financially. I have even started investments for The Child to help her with that. So, that is one thing that you can do and it is something that can be done on the premise that there will be two people to be needing that retirement plan. If that doesn’t happen, you’ll just have twice the amount to spend when you retire, so it’s not like it’s wasted effort. You like to sail and you have a boat. There are clubs that you either belong to or can belong to, are there not? You could make your boat everything you wish it to be and become more active in those clubs and join in on the things they do. As for a house, there are many thoughts on that. If you think owning your own home, that you can design exactly as you would have it, is something you would like and can afford do, then by all means, do it. There may be one to share it with evenutally, but if that does not happen and you tire of it, it can be sold. In other words, darlin’….you can go ahead and do things and plan for "two" and in the doing of them, you might find one to spend your life with, but if it does not happen, you will still be at least "living" a bit of life instead of just marking time in life. And there is a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in the things we "create" or accomplish that is a good feeling, too. <smile> Hugs, Jae — "It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off."
Response:
On 11 Jul 1999 05:22:55 GMT, h…@explosive.net (Henry B. Messenger) wrote: >Semiotics is the study of symbols and their meaning… I read that Umberto >Eco is a professor of semiotics. How does one get to be a professor of >semiotics?
Pretty cool to get to be a professor of something arcane and survive at it. A shame I was only able to get through about a quarter of Foucoult’s Pendulum before having to find something that was enjoyable to read. There were some interesting bits buried in that Robert Jordanesque sized novel. >I feel mired, stuck in my life. Like sticky mud that clutches and grabs >at my feet, making me weary and hopeless of escape. About the only thing
This is because we live in a world of quicksand. It’s bad for everyone. For many people, the quicksand pulls them below the poverty line and, sooner or later, they drown, which is the kind of thing that happens when there’s no change. You see it in the news, a five minute segment once a month. Rather common. So being mired doesn’t make you something who’s not worth something. It’s bad like softball sized hail is bad, not like sin is bad. It just makes you human (this is a bad thing, I admit, but I doubt you chose to be human). The rest of your questions, the search for meaning, etc: well, no one’s life has meaning, and as for the illusion, I can’t come up with anything to help with self-deception. I am inadequate. As for anyone noticing you when you’re gone, you say you’re respected at work, that you have worth there. Then THEY will notice. That’s something, at least, at least one of your wishes granted. BTW You know, most people are so interchangeable that, once the messy arrangements are dealt with (disposing of the body), no one notices the difference (there is no difference). — Listen to Grendel (ambient/signal music) at http://listen.to/grendel Note: All creative work has been halted by Geocities’ new TOS (do NOT update your page), until I can find a music-friendly service. ++Note, my return address may be munged. You make the call.++
Response:
Dear Hank… {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} No….I don’t actually have my arms around you in real life….but I do in my mind and in my heart. You "are" cared for by me….just not always understood. <smile> I don’t think you’ve been too confrontational as opposed to being too dang stubborn to listen to anyone. And sometimes that brilliant mind of yours just holds me in awe…..and I feel a little dumb trying to say something intelligent to you. I know…since when did not saying something intelligent stop me ?!! <laugh> Well….I just wanted to be sure that you know that I care very much about how you feel and about whether or not you’re here — and I’m sure there are others here that care very much, too. Don’t lose your dreams, Hank —- no matter how far-fetched you might think they are. Hugs and Smiles, Gina "So, anytime somebody needs you, Don’t let them down altho’ it grieves you… Someday you’ll need someone like they do… Looking for what you knew…" — Led Zeppelin
Response:
Henry, I’ve read a few of your posts and I don’t think you’ve been too confrontational at all. I think that part of the reason why you may not have received the responses that you were expecting was that what you say tends to make eminent sense. In addition, you say it well, leaving others with little room to add something or to disagree. Nothing sparks more posts than disagreement (take for example the threads about or by trolls — they seem to get the most responses by far). Having said that, I want to disagree with you. In your message you said "I need to be comforted." Perhaps this is exactly the opposite of what you need. You wrote of your life being "mired" and "stuck." Maybe you should listen to the wisdom of one of history’s smartest, non-religious, people (no, sadly, I don’t mean me) Sir Isaac Newton. His first law — you know it. In this case, you need to be the "outside force." Your life will not become unstuck unless you cause it to be. This is where the comfort part comes in. Perhaps you need to do things that will make you uncomfortable. One of the problems that I face is that periodically I find myself feeling mired in very much the same ways that you described. This almost invariably leads me to seek more comfort. I go out less. I interact with fewer people. I withdraw from the world. In effect, my response is to try to become "comfortably numb." I suspect you’re the same way (but feel free to correct me if I am wrong). Yet this is exactly the opposite of what I SHOULD be doing. If I’m lonely, I should go and meet people. If I’m sad, I should go somewhere that cheers me up. If I’m feeling my life has no purpose, I should find a cause. Often I don’t, because that is hard and uncomfortable. But I generally find that when I do, I do regret it. You were pretty vague about the "other areas" that you’re allegedly not highly thought of in, so I’m going to cop out and not really suggest what you should do. However, since your web page is stored at "satanic.org," I’m specifically not going to recommend that you join a church group…. ;-) You said in an earlier post (I read up for this assignment) that you "still get a charge out of solving problems that are too hard for anyone else," so don’t quit on this one. And if you want to brainstorm a bit about how to solve this problem of loneliness and general lack of purpose, I’m certainly up for it, and my guess is that most other members of ASL would welcome such a discussion. I hope you didn’t find my disagreement too disagreeable. In article <931670575.571…@news.satanic.org>, h…@explosive.net (Henry B. Messenger) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Semiotics is the study of symbols and their meaning… I read that Umberto > Eco is a professor of semiotics. How does one get to be a professor of > semiotics? Perhaps it’s just the best translation from Italian of "postmodern > literature and criticism", I don’t know. But it’s an interesting idea, > "professor of semiotics." > These are the sorts of thoughts that go through my head when I’m feeling > unnoticed and alone. I notice that almost nobody responds to me anymore… > perhaps I’ve been too confrontational, perhaps I seem as if I have no > problems. Perhaps I use the wrong symbols. I don’t know. > I feel mired, stuck in my life. Like sticky mud that clutches and grabs > at my feet, making me weary and hopeless of escape. About the only thing > I’m enthusiastic about is my work — this is understandable, since they > reward me and think very highly of me for it. And I’m not rewarded and > thought highly of in other areas. > "Res ipsa loquitor", the thing speaks for itself. Indeed. If I want to be > valued, I need to be someone who’s worth something. But I need a lot of > things. I need to have some illusion that my life has some meaning. I > need to feel as if somebody would actually notice if I were gone. I need > to be comforted. > The thoughts come to me, unbidden, that it would be so easy if it were > simply over. > Henry B. Messenger "You remember when they said there would > http://satanic.org/~cenobite be no future? Well, this is it." > – "Max Headroom"
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Response:
Semiotics is the study of symbols and their meaning… I read that Umberto Eco is a professor of semiotics. How does one get to be a professor of semiotics? Perhaps it’s just the best translation from Italian of "postmodern literature and criticism", I don’t know. But it’s an interesting idea, "professor of semiotics." These are the sorts of thoughts that go through my head when I’m feeling unnoticed and alone. I notice that almost nobody responds to me anymore… perhaps I’ve been too confrontational, perhaps I seem as if I have no problems. Perhaps I use the wrong symbols. I don’t know. I feel mired, stuck in my life. Like sticky mud that clutches and grabs at my feet, making me weary and hopeless of escape. About the only thing I’m enthusiastic about is my work — this is understandable, since they reward me and think very highly of me for it. And I’m not rewarded and thought highly of in other areas. "Res ipsa loquitor", the thing speaks for itself. Indeed. If I want to be valued, I need to be someone who’s worth something. But I need a lot of things. I need to have some illusion that my life has some meaning. I need to feel as if somebody would actually notice if I were gone. I need to be comforted. The thoughts come to me, unbidden, that it would be so easy if it were simply over. Henry B. Messenger "You remember when they said there would http://satanic.org/~cenobite be no future? Well, this is it." – "Max Headroom"
Response:
Henry wrote: >Semiotics is the study of symbols and their meaning…
I didnt know this…I have a book I ordered from Amazon about symbols and their meanings. http://www.rpg.net/quail/libyrinth/eco I wasn’t sure who Umberto Eco was when you mentioned him, Henry so I looked him up…Seems like a very interesting writer…I posted a link to a good site up above. >These are the sorts of thoughts that go through my head when I’m feeling >unnoticed and alone. I notice that almost nobody responds to me anymore.
Do you mean in the "real world", the off-line world…or on-line…well, I suppose it really doesnt matter does it? Either way, I know it hurts when you feel as though you are not wanted or unnoticed. You are though, I wish you to know… 
>perhaps I’ve been too confrontational, perhaps I seem as if I have no >problems.
I haven’t noticed you being "too confrontational" and you don’t have to have problems to be noticed…{hugs} ….I’m not sure what to say exactly. You always have a gift for making me feel better with your words and I wish I could do the same for you. I hate to think of you feeling sad and alone…You are in my thoughts, Henry…. – Regards, Jenn http://members.aol.com/jeneve23/enter.html - – - – - I’m so tired of playing, Playing with this bow and arrow, Gonna give my heart away, Leave it to the other girls to play -Portishead
Response:
Posted and mailed Henry B. Messenger wrote: > These are the sorts of thoughts that go through my head when I’m feeling > unnoticed and alone. I notice that almost nobody responds to me anymore… > perhaps I’ve been too confrontational, perhaps I seem as if I have no > problems. Perhaps I use the wrong symbols. I don’t know.
Hi darlin’. I’d notice if you were gone and I respond to you often. <smile> I’m sorry you’re feeling unnoticed and alone. comforting hugs, Jae — "It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off."
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness Lonely
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