What do you do after you've given up?
Question:
Unicorn wrote: > I shall cross me fingers and me toes..
Thanks for the kindness and support. I have an interview on Thursday. Hope your toes don’t get cramp! OB
Response:
Ged, I shall cross me fingers and me toes.. and will have the little people do the same.. And for YOU sir.. Know you will get it.. be positive.. be self assured.. you know your stuff.. <but don’t use anything as an excuse to quit drinking dear.. me no let you> it is up to you.. to do.. or not to do.. and not born of a job or a possibility in maybe’s .. You are a nice Guy Ged.. know this.. you got value.. and you got worth.. and a strength to do what you wish to do.. even quit now.. before you get that job darlin.. Pamela "nOBody" <obl…@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:82he8l$3m2$1@nnrp1.deja.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for the kind words, Pamela. As for quitting drinking, I don’t see > that as a realistic or even desirable plan in the short term. You can’t > do too much at once. However, if I can land a job to replace the one I > am going to lose next June/July, the resulting confidence might make > anything possible. I have to phone tomorrow in response to a job ad I > saw advertising for a VB programmer – cross your fingers for me? > Best wishes > OB > In article <emki5k#P$GA.166@cpmsnbbsa04>, > "Unicorn" <Unicorn_4_Ma…@yahoo.com> wrote: > > Ged.. > > It made me feel good to see the positive of the growing inside of > you.. do > > you realize how much you have grown in just the last year.. I do.. > your > > posts have changed.. your self image is improving.. your stories are > not so > > dark.. and they are intriguing.. and I look forward to reading them.. > > however.. the one thing I took pause and must comment on.. is the > > Alcoholism.. their is a reason to quit.. YOU.. You have value and > worth.. do > > it for YOU.. and then after 1 year.. tell me if it was worth it.. > > <<<<< hugs >>>>> > > Pamela > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.
Response:
Thanks for the kind thoughts. I will certainly check those ads, but I can’t see anyone in a technologically advanced country like Canada wanting to give me a job… the standards are so much higher than here. I mean, I’m only applying for a programming job because I’ve seen people hereabouts just finishing a degree in programming and still not having a clue… but my CV would be laughed at anywhere else. You might consider fixing me up for an interview in that place you’ve been talking about though. I’m sure I could serve coffee. The video camera would also break as soon as it was trained on me, which would be another advantage, would it not?:) OB In article <82hkvc$h2…@freenet9.carleton.ca>, bc…@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin) wrote: > OB, > I know you once checked the papers from here, the Journal Le > Droit on the web. > Try and check the Saturday edition. I thought of you reading > the special want ads: once a week they have this additional > "leeflet" that sin not part of the reg want adds, but is job > ads for semi professional and professional things.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
OB, I am serious. I hope you WILL check those ads. In the pat I saw that special leafl;et on Wednesday and was suprised to see it on a Sta. Maybe they switched ddays OR they got to publish those twice a week? A job was asking for a grade 12, OR giving all kinds of combination that coudl even replace a grade 12, at 239,000 a year. Not much, but still better than what I am gettign now! (a bit under 12,000 a year!!!!:(, if I had full weeks all the time that is. Get 4 days often instead of five in the coming schedule:(). The teaching jobs ask no computer skills, except the Cite Collegiale that was looking for language teachers,wehre they ask that the teachers are used to….Word perfect 8!!!! Take my word, a computer dumb living proof like me can say it is easier than all previosu versions, so….:) Soem asked for english teachers in schools in the periphery of the National Capital where I am. Your Oxford degree you underestimate, I tell you again: here that woudl immediately get the attention of employers! Perhaps a Bloke de Glace:) stands out more in Hot Blooded spain, where here in Canada, we are wuite used to melting them in a zap of time LOL:). Come on! Woudl you not think 8n millions like me woudl be paradise? (please donlt answer this out loud!! LOL:)). It is the least fo things I coudl do for you: send me your resumes, will you???? By mail as by meail I can not print a thing:(….Make it bubble jet phitocopied copies, not dot matrix though which si what my printer is:):). Goes with the puter! Archaic:). DO join a copy of your degree(s). And DO let me know what in Canadian dollars is the minimum you look at. Seriously now! Have you tried the Maison du Quebec in Barcelona? They were killign to get Catalan-English-Spanish trnalsators and interprets! They even put ads here desperately needing some. If I coudl type half properly, I woudl be gettign soemthignat 40 dolalrs an hour ehre. Did you knwo this is what they pay a proofreader-editor in here? Soem pay 60 an hour… For now, relearnign to walk and build muscles and confidence can be good for me at the reataurant. I at least get to move and do aerobics, eitgh hours straight and am paid for it 6 dolalrs an hour….!;-). In time, whent he body is more stabilized….And maybe being that ahrd on it in that job is the best way to get the fastest results for me, as hard as it is. C nOBody (obl…@my-deja.com) writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for the kind thoughts. I will certainly check those ads, but I > can’t see anyone in a technologically advanced country like Canada > wanting to give me a job… the standards are so much higher than here. > I mean, I’m only applying for a programming job because I’ve seen people > hereabouts just finishing a degree in programming and still not having a > clue… but my CV would be laughed at anywhere else. You might consider > fixing me up for an interview in that place you’ve been talking about > though. I’m sure I could serve coffee. The video camera would also break > as soon as it was trained on me, which would be another advantage, would > it not?:) > OB > In article <82hkvc$h2…@freenet9.carleton.ca>, > bc…@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin) wrote: >> OB, >> I know you once checked the papers from here, the Journal Le >> Droit on the web. >> Try and check the Saturday edition. I thought of you reading >> the special want ads: once a week they have this additional >> "leeflet" that sin not part of the reg want adds, but is job >> ads for semi professional and professional things. > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.
Response:
OB, I know you once checked the papers from here, the Journal Le Droit on the web. Try and check the Saturday edition. I thought of you reading the special want ads: once a week they have this additional "leeflet" that sin not part of the reg want adds, but is job ads for semi professional and professional things. They were seking a language teacher in at elast three of them. You also might find other adds int ehre that are worth your reading and checking occasionally. I know one doe snot want to go too far from family, but when the pay helps, one can end up seing family anfd friends more often than before! Hoenstl;y, what have you fgot to lose to try those…? Sed me copies of your resume by snail mail. I betcha I get some in that will call you for interviews;-):):). Costy interview…But when the job is with fed gvt, they in soem cases wehn they want a candidate they selected, pay the moving and the flight for the interview. Worths a try anyway! Best to you Chloe nOBody – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(obl…@my-deja.com) writes: > Thanks for the kind words, Pamela. As for quitting drinking, I don’t see > that as a realistic or even desirable plan in the short term. You can’t > do too much at once. However, if I can land a job to replace the one I > am going to lose next June/July, the resulting confidence might make > anything possible. I have to phone tomorrow in response to a job ad I > saw advertising for a VB programmer – cross your fingers for me? > Best wishes > OB > In article <emki5k#P$GA.166@cpmsnbbsa04>, > "Unicorn" <Unicorn_4_Ma…@yahoo.com> wrote: >> Ged.. >> It made me feel good to see the positive of the growing inside of > you.. do >> you realize how much you have grown in just the last year.. I do.. > your >> posts have changed.. your self image is improving.. your stories are > not so >> dark.. and they are intriguing.. and I look forward to reading them.. >> however.. the one thing I took pause and must comment on.. is the >> Alcoholism.. their is a reason to quit.. YOU.. You have value and > worth.. do >> it for YOU.. and then after 1 year.. tell me if it was worth it.. >> <<<<< hugs >>>>> >> Pamela > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.
Response:
Hello, I’m so excited that I got an actual reply after about a dozen posts. What a rarity. This is great. Where do I start? Okay, well, since your response was disagreeing with most everything I said I guess I’ll just have to defend myself! You must be such a nice person for lowering yourself to my level and speaking to me, that I hate to be argumentative, but here it goes. First, I don’t believe in God. That’s all there is to it. And, I do not feel guilt for it. I do not think it’s possible for God to be showing retribution toward me, because God is imaginary. OK? Second, I am not sure what made you misunderstand my point about women. I mean, I have absolutely no experience with women and am just going by my observations over 30 years of existence, so my opinion is meaningless, as is my life. But all I’m saying is that females are superficial (every single one, probably due to a genetic characteristic), and they could not care less about whether a man thinks of them as material objects or not (…not even whether they say it out loud like I’m doing now). No man ever got anywhere with a woman by trying to be a good kind hearted human being, or by refusing to think of them as objects… not ever. The only thing that gets a guy anywhere with women (besides physical characteristics and extrovertedness which he can’t help) is money or the promise of money. I mean, I have never had money until recently, and suddenly now that I am finishing a degree and have been offered a salary, there are now two women, out of nowhere, in my real life who really, believe it or not, want to establish a relationsip with me. That has never happened before, not during all my younger years of respecting them and trying to see them in the best light. Never before has a woman made any indication that she would like to be with me, until now that I got some money. Before I woke up, I used to respect them totally, and you know where it got me? Guess! Did they say, "Gee David you have such respect for me, would you like to go out?" No guess again. Maybe there was one who said, "You’re not like all the other guys, you treat me like a human being." No not exactly, or even close. Try again. OK, to be honest there was this one, when I was around 19 my freshman year in college, who said, "Dave, I think that you’re great because you don’t just think I’m a sex object…" Gotcha! I was just kidding, that never happened. Oh, you know what the real answer is? Respecting them got me….. Nowhere! That’s all I’m saying, not that they should be physically abused which is criminal, and I don’t know where you got and think maybe you just threw that out to start an unfounded rumor about me which I would like to nip in the bud right now. In general I got no information of use from your response but I truly appreciate your condescending to my level. I hope there are no hard feelings. Most sincere thanks for writing. David Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
Thanks for the kind words, Pamela. As for quitting drinking, I don’t see that as a realistic or even desirable plan in the short term. You can’t do too much at once. However, if I can land a job to replace the one I am going to lose next June/July, the resulting confidence might make anything possible. I have to phone tomorrow in response to a job ad I saw advertising for a VB programmer – cross your fingers for me? Best wishes OB In article <emki5k#P$GA.166@cpmsnbbsa04>, "Unicorn" <Unicorn_4_Ma…@yahoo.com> wrote: > Ged.. > It made me feel good to see the positive of the growing inside of you.. do > you realize how much you have grown in just the last year.. I do.. your > posts have changed.. your self image is improving.. your stories are not so > dark.. and they are intriguing.. and I look forward to reading them.. > however.. the one thing I took pause and must comment on.. is the > Alcoholism.. their is a reason to quit.. YOU.. You have value and worth.. do > it for YOU.. and then after 1 year.. tell me if it was worth it.. > <<<<< hugs >>>>> > Pamela
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
David, I disagree with a couple of things.. however as always they are born of *my opinion* It is ok if you don’t believe in God.. tis your soul that will find if he is real or not in the end.. however, I do believe or rather I know he exists to me as well as the world.. But.. since the soul is indeed a spiritual being.. it requires other spiritual beings to feed a base need of feeling joined and part of them.. it is the essence of life.. spirituality in a sense… As for God alienating us.. this I find way off base, (my opinion, not a hit, Kay)… see he gave us free will.. and by giving us this.. he essentially allowed us NOT to believe in his existence.. I don’t believe he alienated us.. we alienated him.. if you don’t let him in with open arms and hearts.. he won’t force himself upon you.. he is not an abusive father.. however.. push him too far as one of his children.. and he will punish.. tis the father’s right to do so.. but belief must be unconditional in he who is our father.. for we do not have the same vision as one who is creator.. I don’t wish to get in a religious dispute.. you have a right to your own beliefs… God is aware and understands this, he won’t punish, he will merely allow you the time required to doubt him.. and in the ending of life as we know it.. he will show himself to those who don’t believe.. I have felt him and heard him.. I don’t know if I will go to heaven or not.. but I can only try and live his word and express my thoughts as he asks of me to share my knowledge of him.. As for the categorizing of decent looking woman.. that is putting us all in a square peg, round hole fit.. it is a wrong perception and reflects that you look at the shell of a person and not who is the essence of the soul of them.. love does not happen born of shell.. it is a meshing of souls and a bonding that is felt.. It would almost be like saying.. all men watch TV.. get beer guts and have those pants that hang low on their backsides .. not all men and woman are the same.. we are each unique.. look within.. not just the shell of them.. Kay.. As for forcing another into compliance.. in that text.. one could say.. it is ok to abuse a woman because she is good looking to another..and if he is rich enough or strong enough it should be expected in a sense.. and in my opinion.. that would be sick.. Please tell me I am wrong in how I interpreted some of your wording.. Pamela "David H." <david_hens…@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:82f541$f50$1@nnrp1.deja.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Although I don’t prescribe to it some say that spirituality is the way > to go to relieve those type of stresses. Some people are satisfied > with a relationship with a God figure that they produce for > themselves. I really am unaffected by it though. > Some people say that there is a God who alientated us for a reason, or > something like that. If you figure it out let me know. > Personally I think that the idea that people need love is not a bogus > contruct produced by society or the media. I think it’s a real > physiological need. But it’s like having baboo stuck up our > fingernails our entire lives. There’s not much we can do about it, > except perhaps get into a relationship with a woman who we are not > really physically attracted to. Most guys anticipate marrying a woman > who is in decent shape, say less than 300 pounds, but for some of us > that’s not going to happen. Decent looking women definitely are not > going to show men love, but rather have a chip on their shoulders and > will hold out for a successful guy to forcibly take them. As rude as > they would say I am right now they would go for me in a second if I had > lots of money, was extroverted, or was well endowed physically. Face > it, they don’t care about us like human beings the way we care about > them. > But at any rate if you’re sure that you’re not going to settle on > someone I think that general spirituality is the way to go. > > In article <ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121…@news.linkline.com>, > > ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com says… > > >A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > > >hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not > important > > >anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone > for the > > >rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating > because now > > >this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though > intellectually > > >I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it > emotionally. > > >The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness > (assuming > > >I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if > I can > > >live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only > other > > >path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this > position > > >and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and > love. I > > >had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance > where I > > >was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would > break and I > > >could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that > could > > >also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really > don’t > > >want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function > in > > >life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any > > >romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and > maybe be > > >more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. > > >thanks, Vincent > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.
Response:
Ged.. It made me feel good to see the positive of the growing inside of you.. do you realize how much you have grown in just the last year.. I do.. your posts have changed.. your self image is improving.. your stories are not so dark.. and they are intriguing.. and I look forward to reading them.. however.. the one thing I took pause and must comment on.. is the Alcoholism.. their is a reason to quit.. YOU.. You have value and worth.. do it for YOU.. and then after 1 year.. tell me if it was worth it.. <<<<< hugs >>>>> Pamela "nOBody" <obl…@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:82er2h$8fs$1@nnrp1.deja.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Good. An interesting article which I can identify with, and where I feel > I can actually offer some support. At last! > > >A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > > >hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not > important > > >anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone > for the > > >rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because > now > > >this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. > I know exactly what you mean. I don’t know about you, but it took me 38 > years to reach this awareness, but I’m finally there. > I agree that it is liberating. Your whole set of priorities begins > slowly to shift. And – even more slowly, but surely – you begin to see > the world with different eyes. All the phenomena of your life cease to > be either irrelevant, or a means to a sole end. Suddenly they become > important and interesting in their own right. You begin to notice people > more, and appreciate them more. You learn – so they say – a new meaning > for the word "love". A purer, less self-interested meaning. It is no > longer about hoping to meet the person who will make you happy. Instead, > it’s about trying to make others happy in whatever small ways you can. > Though this is a hard lesson to learn, and a long road to travel. > > >But even though intellectually > > >I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it > emotionally. > Again, I know what you mean. It’s hard to swim against the tide of a > whole culture which says "you are no-one if you haven’t got a partner". > It’s even harder to deal with your own mental and biological > programming. I think the first step is not to be too hard on yourself. I > relapse frequently into longing and desperation, but I forgive myself > easily for that. > > >The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness > (assuming > > >I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if > I can > > >live that way. > I too think frequently and longingly of a premature, and hopefully not > too painful or unpleasant, death. That, again, gives you a kind of > strength. You no longer fear that which most others fear. > > >Resuming the search is not an option and the only > other > > >path is death. > No it isn’t. The other path is entering a new stage of existence, what > the British poet Philip Larkin called the "less deceived" state, a > state of acceptance, where desire gives way to awareness. It has its own > quiet compensations and joys. Perhaps deeper and longer-lasting ones > than any of us would suspect. > > >So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this > position > > >and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and > love. > You never get rid of it, I suppose, just as the AA person never gets rid > of the desire for alcohol (so I’m told – I haven’t even tried to stop > drinking, I don’t see the point). But you learn to laugh at it, and > recognise it as a weakness in yourself and feel proud that you’ve got > the upper hand against it. > OB > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.
Response:
Jeremy.. That was great advice.. and tis the not giving up that is of value.. thank you for sharing.. Pamela "Jeremy Styron" <everythingaf…@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:82e9et$ce8$1@nntp6.atl.mindspring.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> vincent > hey. i don’t know if you can ignore those feelings and just move on. we > all need someone. i have sometimes thought what if i never find anybody and > try to imagine myself happy without someone and the only conclusions i can > come up with is that i can find comfort in different things, like God, > keeping myself busy, doing things i like, but i can never think of myself > staying on that level of comfort because i still have to lay my head down > and night and i still have to live with myself alone. if i try to go out and > passify myself, i still have to come home to the sam empty house. i don’t > know if it is possible to become comfortable with a life like that. i would > say to look in different places…look on the internet…personals. there’s > lots of lonely people out there, more than we think sometimes, the problem > is no one wears "i am lonely, please talk to me" on their shirts. i am sorta > giving advice to myself too here, but what i am saying is…look everywhere. > get to know people…and even if you can’t meet someone yourself, like i > can’t most of the time, maybe through contacts, a friend can introduce you > to someone. just some thoughts. but you have to think about what will make > you happy and make life more bearable… and you have to try to get it. like > i say, i am speaking to myself too…i am still looking and i don’t know how > much longer i will have to wait, for a lifetime, or a few weeks…i don’t > know. but i promise, there’s lot of lonely people out there, you just have > to find them and muster up enough courage to talk to them. something i > always struggle with myself. > hope that helps some. > jeremy > — > Please visit In August and Everything After: > http://www.angelfire.com/sc/everythingafter > {****For all the things I’m losing, I might as well resign myself to try and > make a change. – > Adam Duritz ****} > Ikea Boy <ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121999@news.linkline.com… > > A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > > hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important > > anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the > > rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now > > this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though intellectually > > I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it emotionally. > > The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming > > I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can > > live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only other > > path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this > position > > and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and love. I > > had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance where > I > > was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would break and > I > > could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that could > > also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really don’t > > want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function in > > life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any > > romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and maybe be > > more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. > > thanks, Vincent > > — > > Ikea Boy <IkeaBoy2…@hotmail.com>
Response:
Vincent.. Perhaps the key.. is being happy being alone and with self.. loneliness is ok.. it is normal.. but the most important thing is to get out there.. not to seek.. but just to meet others.. perhaps in finding others that are friends and fun to be with .. the loneliness will ease until the time comes for you to meet the one who is *her*.. close the door completely.. and you won’t find her either.. Pamela "Ikea Boy" <ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121999@news.linkline.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important > anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the > rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now > this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though intellectually > I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it emotionally. > The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming > I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can > live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only other > path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this position > and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and love. I > had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance where I > was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would break and I > could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that could > also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really don’t > want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function in > life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any > romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and maybe be > more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. > thanks, Vincent > — > Ikea Boy <IkeaBoy2…@hotmail.com>
Response:
I agree with nObody (that doesn’t quite sound right, hopefully you know what I mean). Finally, an article which reflects thoughts I’ve had myself. It is very comforting to see there are other people who understand things I’ve felt, both intellectually and emotionally. At various times in the past seven months, I’ve wondered about the possibility of just giving up the search for love/happiness whatever. For a while it does feel wonderfully liberating. You can focus on other things and feel free from the pain and isolation which otherwise is so haunting. But like Ikea, I would have to sustain this for multiple decades, possibly well over half a century. I’m not sure this can/should be done. In fact, I’m recently just "coming down" from feeling completely at peace with myself. I don’t know how anyone could possibly sustain such a desire for isolation for so long. In today’s connected society, even if you were to reprogram yourself to be happy this way, society would eventually (and probably not that long at that) beat down your door and litter your comfortable little home with pamphlets explaining why you can’t be happy alone. I’ve often thought it, and I’m sure other people here have as well, but the pressure to be coupled is by far the greatest peer pressure to ever exist in any society. So I’m sorry, Ikea, I can’t really make any concrete suggestions on how you might achieve your goal. Maybe if you shut yourself away like Thoreau you could manage for a little while, but he eventually had to rejoin as well. The only other person who comes to mind is the Unabomber, and I don’t think you want to follow in his shoes. Maybe it’s best to just take it one day at a time. But if anyone else has better suggestions, I am all ears. David
Response:
Although I don’t prescribe to it some say that spirituality is the way to go to relieve those type of stresses. Some people are satisfied with a relationship with a God figure that they produce for themselves. I really am unaffected by it though. Some people say that there is a God who alientated us for a reason, or something like that. If you figure it out let me know. Personally I think that the idea that people need love is not a bogus contruct produced by society or the media. I think it’s a real physiological need. But it’s like having baboo stuck up our fingernails our entire lives. There’s not much we can do about it, except perhaps get into a relationship with a woman who we are not really physically attracted to. Most guys anticipate marrying a woman who is in decent shape, say less than 300 pounds, but for some of us that’s not going to happen. Decent looking women definitely are not going to show men love, but rather have a chip on their shoulders and will hold out for a successful guy to forcibly take them. As rude as they would say I am right now they would go for me in a second if I had lots of money, was extroverted, or was well endowed physically. Face it, they don’t care about us like human beings the way we care about them. But at any rate if you’re sure that you’re not going to settle on someone I think that general spirituality is the way to go. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121…@news.linkline.com>, > ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com says… > >A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > >hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important > >anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the > >rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now > >this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though intellectually > >I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it emotionally. > >The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming > >I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can > >live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only other > >path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this position > >and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and love. I > >had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance where I > >was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would break and I > >could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that could > >also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really don’t > >want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function in > >life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any > >romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and maybe be > >more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. > >thanks, Vincent
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
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vincent hey. i don’t know if you can ignore those feelings and just move on. we all need someone. i have sometimes thought what if i never find anybody and try to imagine myself happy without someone and the only conclusions i can come up with is that i can find comfort in different things, like God, keeping myself busy, doing things i like, but i can never think of myself staying on that level of comfort because i still have to lay my head down and night and i still have to live with myself alone. if i try to go out and passify myself, i still have to come home to the sam empty house. i don’t know if it is possible to become comfortable with a life like that. i would say to look in different places…look on the internet…personals. there’s lots of lonely people out there, more than we think sometimes, the problem is no one wears "i am lonely, please talk to me" on their shirts. i am sorta giving advice to myself too here, but what i am saying is…look everywhere. get to know people…and even if you can’t meet someone yourself, like i can’t most of the time, maybe through contacts, a friend can introduce you to someone. just some thoughts. but you have to think about what will make you happy and make life more bearable… and you have to try to get it. like i say, i am speaking to myself too…i am still looking and i don’t know how much longer i will have to wait, for a lifetime, or a few weeks…i don’t know. but i promise, there’s lot of lonely people out there, you just have to find them and muster up enough courage to talk to them. something i always struggle with myself. hope that helps some. jeremy — Please visit In August and Everything After: http://www.angelfire.com/sc/everythingafter {****For all the things I’m losing, I might as well resign myself to try and make a change. – Adam Duritz ****} Ikea Boy <ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121999@news.linkline.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important > anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the > rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now > this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though intellectually > I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it emotionally. > The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming > I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can > live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only other > path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this position > and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and love. I > had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance where I > was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would break and I > could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that could > also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really don’t > want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function in > life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any > romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and maybe be > more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. > thanks, Vincent > — > Ikea Boy <IkeaBoy2…@hotmail.com>
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Good. An interesting article which I can identify with, and where I feel I can actually offer some support. At last! > >A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is > >hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important > >anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the > >rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now > >this whole love thing isn’t even an issue.
I know exactly what you mean. I don’t know about you, but it took me 38 years to reach this awareness, but I’m finally there. I agree that it is liberating. Your whole set of priorities begins slowly to shift. And – even more slowly, but surely – you begin to see the world with different eyes. All the phenomena of your life cease to be either irrelevant, or a means to a sole end. Suddenly they become important and interesting in their own right. You begin to notice people more, and appreciate them more. You learn – so they say – a new meaning for the word "love". A purer, less self-interested meaning. It is no longer about hoping to meet the person who will make you happy. Instead, it’s about trying to make others happy in whatever small ways you can. Though this is a hard lesson to learn, and a long road to travel. > >But even though intellectually > >I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it
emotionally. Again, I know what you mean. It’s hard to swim against the tide of a whole culture which says "you are no-one if you haven’t got a partner". It’s even harder to deal with your own mental and biological programming. I think the first step is not to be too hard on yourself. I relapse frequently into longing and desperation, but I forgive myself easily for that. > >The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming > >I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can > >live that way.
I too think frequently and longingly of a premature, and hopefully not too painful or unpleasant, death. That, again, gives you a kind of strength. You no longer fear that which most others fear. > >Resuming the search is not an option and the only other > >path is death.
No it isn’t. The other path is entering a new stage of existence, what the British poet Philip Larkin called the "less deceived" state, a state of acceptance, where desire gives way to awareness. It has its own quiet compensations and joys. Perhaps deeper and longer-lasting ones than any of us would suspect. > >So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this position > >and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and
love. You never get rid of it, I suppose, just as the AA person never gets rid of the desire for alcohol (so I’m told – I haven’t even tried to stop drinking, I don’t see the point). But you learn to laugh at it, and recognise it as a weakness in yourself and feel proud that you’ve got the upper hand against it. OB Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
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We are all different, there is no magic answer. It isn’t that differcult for what you request, but I do wonder if it is the right way to live. You can get wrapped up in your interests and passions, so much so, that romantic/mating thoughts are not as important any more. But is that really a proper answer? Harvey In article <ikeaboy2000-F39A78.02130805121…@news.linkline.com>, ikeaboy2…@hotmail.com says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->A few days ago I came to the realization that my search for love is >hopeless. I won’t go into the boring reasons why…it’s not important >anyway. The point is, I’ve finally resigned myself to being alone for the >rest of my life. It’s painful, but it’s also very liberating because now >this whole love thing isn’t even an issue. But even though intellectually >I have accepted this fate, I’m having trouble accepting it emotionally. >The problem is I’m looking at maybe 40 or 50 years of loneliness (assuming >I’m denied the mercy of a premature death), and I’m just not sure if I can >live that way. Resuming the search is not an option and the only other >path is death. So I was wondering if anyone else has been in this position >and how they got rid of this lingering need for companionship and love. I >had thought that maybe if I got myself into one last failed romance where I >was rejected and hurt, then whatever was left of my heart would break and I >could go on as an unemotional, Vulcan type. But then again, that could >also push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, which I really don’t >want. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be able to function in >life. What I really could use is some way to suppress or remove any >romantic feelings I might have, so I can go on with my life and maybe be >more productive to boot. Any advice would really be appreciated. >thanks, Vincent >– >Ikea Boy <IkeaBoy2…@hotmail.com>
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Filed under: Loneliness Lonely
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