Why are we lonely?
Question:
Life has many important lessons for us, and loneliness is one of them. It is a very important lesson – what loneliness means to each one of us. Some people do have big egos or are ruled by their intelligence – others just feel, using their spirit and awareness – and others by other means? We all function differently, have different attitudes and beliefs. Loneliness isn’t the only thing we have in common, there are bound to be groups/types of people we all fall into. Understanding the type of person you are, will help you understand your life better. Harvey In article <8b2151$3p…@nnrp1.deja.com>, leole…@my-deja.com says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Our loneliness didn’t create by other people that we blame on other > people for our loneliness. I’m sure that this is the case of > almost everyone here. If we honestly open our mind and heart to > ask a question why the so loneliness, we realize that we create our > loneliness. Why we create our loneliness? Because we only care > for ourselve. We are so egoistic that we only care for our body. > We only want to satisfy what our body need. We are like a child. > Our ego separate us. Ego is a disease. Ego is thing we want that > we really don’t need which we try to get it all the time that. > Ego never never satisfy us. >Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ >Before you buy.
Response:
DaYsLeePeR wrote in message <38d63aaf.6359…@news.edgeworld.net>… >On Sun, 19 Mar 2000 07:55:16 GMT, leole…@my-deja.com wrote: >> Our loneliness didn’t create by other people that we blame on other >> people for our loneliness. I’m sure that this is the case of >> almost everyone here. If we honestly open our mind and heart to >> ask a question why the so loneliness, we realize that we create our >> loneliness. Why we create our loneliness? Because we only care >> for ourselve. We are so egoistic that we only care for our body. >> We only want to satisfy what our body need. We are like a child. >> Our ego separate us. Ego is a disease. Ego is thing we want that >> we really don’t need which we try to get it all the time that. >> Ego never never satisfy us.
I think ego is a word… and just like many abstract words, it’s over-used and often abused… love, truth, god – abstract words that people use to dream, avoid, live, die, give, take, and kill for… but I don’t think words and abstract ideas are not to blame… if you use ego in the Freudian sense (if he actually did coin the term), then libido is the word defining only caring for the body… ego is caring for the self, an identity one strives to create and nurture… id would be the thoughtless selfish aspect of the Freudian trilogy… the third component would be superego, or social conscience… interesting that the ego, when deemed super, cares for not just the one identity but for the identity and nurturing of the species and beyond… but then, I’m not much into Freud’s thoughts or word… the word I’d choose to associate with the roots of isolation or loneliness would be fear… intellectual fear, to be more specific… it can also be termed as insecurity… giving it too much power and control over thought and action leads to failure which leads to loss of confidence and eventually lower self-esteem… from my perspective though, it would be wrong to blame fear… for fear, like anything, is only as good or bad as what one does with it… when one chooses to think about fear too much one creates a loop of insecurity… and then one might no longer see it was a choice… some might not see what I am saying for this reason… that’s a catch-22… if one does not find a way out of the thought loop, it becomes reality and a self-fulfilling negative life… that is the internal view… socially it translates into barriers of thoughts… expectations that lead to disappointments… prejudices that lead to ignorance and conflicts… misunderstandings that lead to mistakes and worse… as I see it, the root is spending too much time giving too much energy to fearful thoughts… and not enough time or energy focused on love and hope… but most of all, inaction… standing (or sitting) still and thinking for too long… the habit becomes a way of life… and the thought loop shows no way out… there’s some theory to ponder… reach out of your thoughts, share them in words and also by putting them into action… acknowledge fears, but trust hope and love and give hope and love, not fear… at every moment in time you have a choice… at least two paths… one path is motivated by fear… the other motivated by love… it is always, whether you consciouly know it or not, your choice… >I strongly dissagree with this statement because it’s too >generalised. It may
hold true for some, but not all. >My loneliness isn’t caused by others, or myself. It’s caused by the >hours I work, the fact that I cannot see my daughter more than twice >a month,
and the fact that I now live 300km away from all my friends. >I am merely a victim of circumstance, and not of other people.
behind my often analytical words are feelings without ends… heights unimagined and bottomless pits… in the deepest of the pits is an experience similar to the one you describe… the words allow me detach from the physical enough to explore the experience and resolve the feelings… sometimes it’s much more challenging than it may appear… so I sigh deeply here and offer a *HUG* last year I was in a city that was hell for me for many reasons, least being I knew no one there… I worked more than 90 hours a week on average and was torn from my family… I set a goal to save enough to move on… it meant sacrificing the whole year… but I did… now I am accepting the loss of family (the most challenging part that may never be completely resolved) and living in a place much healthier for me… healing inside allows me to start reaching out again… and life goes on with renewed hope… I hope you find a way to change your circumstance… >If I had a life, I wouldn’t know what to feed it.
whatever you like that makes you feel good and harms no one 
honest love, ric if a heart beats in a forest and nobody hears it . . . .
Response:
OB wrote: > Chris M wrote: > > It sometimes feels easier to just remain lonely than to > > make the effort to try and do something about it (see ‘How soon is now?’ > > by The Smiths). > "So you stand on your ownAnd you leave on your own > And you go home, and you cry, and you want to die…" > (possibly misquoted, I have the tape somewhere but can’t be bothered to > check)
Yep.. that’s the one… though I think the Love Spit Love cover is better than the Smiths’ original (oo.. heresy). > My reading is that this song is about someone who *does* make the effort, by > (e.g.) going out to a club in the hope that he will meet "someone", but > doesn’t know how to go about it once he is there. I am sure some here can > identify. I can.
I thought it was about the Teletubbies but I may have just been confused. I can identify with this, although given that I’m not exactly a clubbing person I find it applies more to the whole of my life than anything specific (jumps around waving daffodils)
Response:
>blame on other >> people for our loneliness.
How true, the reason for my loneliness is due to being hurt by people, not all people but a selective few, so I built a wall around myself to prevent being hurt, I just do not allow people to close to me , so therefore create my own lonliness
Response:
Chris M wrote: > It sometimes feels easier to just remain lonely than to > make the effort to try and do something about it (see ‘How soon is now?’ > by The Smiths).
"So you stand on your ownAnd you leave on your own And you go home, and you cry, and you want to die…" (possibly misquoted, I have the tape somewhere but can’t be bothered to check) My reading is that this song is about someone who *does* make the effort, by (e.g.) going out to a club in the hope that he will meet "someone", but doesn’t know how to go about it once he is there. I am sure some here can identify. I can.
Response:
On Sun, 19 Mar 2000 07:55:16 GMT, leole…@my-deja.com wrote: > Our loneliness didn’t create by other people that we blame on other > people for our loneliness. I’m sure that this is the case of > almost everyone here. If we honestly open our mind and heart to > ask a question why the so loneliness, we realize that we create our > loneliness. Why we create our loneliness? Because we only care > for ourselve. We are so egoistic that we only care for our body. > We only want to satisfy what our body need. We are like a child. > Our ego separate us. Ego is a disease. Ego is thing we want that > we really don’t need which we try to get it all the time that. > Ego never never satisfy us.
I strongly dissagree with this statement because it’s too generalised. It may hold true for some, but not all. My loneliness isn’t caused by others, or myself. It’s caused by the hours I work, the fact that I cannot see my daughter more than twice a month, and the fact that I now live 300km away from all my friends. I am merely a victim of circumstance, and not of other people. _________________________________________________ If I had a life, I wouldn’t know what to feed it.
Response:
In article <20000319152712.02501.00003…@ng-ce1.aol.com>, d…@aol.com (D2u2) writes: >Subject: Re: Why are we lonely? >From: d…@aol.com (D2u2) >Date: 19 Mar 2000 20:27:12 GMT >>blame on other >>> people for our loneliness. >How true, the reason for my loneliness is due to being hurt by people, not >all >people but a selective few, so I built a wall around myself to prevent being >hurt, I just do not allow people to close to me , so therefore create my own >lonliness
Yes…I think that most lonely people have that wall for various reasons, and it is sometimes very difficult to bring the wall down and risk the same pain that caused us to build it. But….we should always try to be chipping away at it, so that one day it will crumble. At least, that’s what I try to do…though at times the progress I have made is lost and the wall gets reinforced….but we have to keep hoping and keep trying or there is no chance for us to rid ourselves of this loneliness. No….it’s not easy….but it can be done. Smiles, Gina http://hometown.aol.com//lawdawga/HomePpage.html *Visit ASLFAQ’s FAQ Page* http://members.aol.com/aslfaq
Response:
Our loneliness didn’t create by other people that we blame on other people for our loneliness. I’m sure that this is the case of almost everyone here. If we honestly open our mind and heart to ask a question why the so loneliness, we realize that we create our loneliness. Why we create our loneliness? Because we only care for ourselve. We are so egoistic that we only care for our body. We only want to satisfy what our body need. We are like a child. Our ego separate us. Ego is a disease. Ego is thing we want that we really don’t need which we try to get it all the time that. Ego never never satisfy us. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
leole…@my-deja.com wrote: > Our loneliness didn’t create by other people that we blame on other > people for our loneliness.
The feeling of loneliness or shyness can be the result of many things, external or internal. It sometimes feels easier to just remain lonely than to make the effort to try and do something about it (see ‘How soon is now?’ by The Smiths). > I’m sure that this is the case of > almost everyone here. If we honestly open our mind and heart to > ask a question why the so loneliness, we realize that we create our > loneliness.
I don’t think we create it. We just let it continue.
Response:
"NYC XYZ" <jack_foreig…@yahoo.com> wrote in news:1131993823.932250.166320@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> notmeno wrote: >> I bet you guys are something like me. extremely shy and reseverved >> most of the time. > No, not me no. =) >> Sit back and play Chess and beat idiots most of the time. > Wish I could play more chess! I’m not into playing strangers, though. > I don’t know…but chess is one of those games I like against > friends…perhaps ’cause it’s so "aggressive"…! > And no, I don’t beat idiots ’cause I don’t play them to begin with. >> Try to >> find out if there are any real challenges left in this world.. > ROTFLMAO — try love! As in Erich Fromm’s understanding outlined in > "Art of Loving"…and, while you’re at it, Zen meditation and > enlightenment, a la Fromm’s "Zen and Psychoanalysis"…and then > Krishnamurti’s often-enigmatic "Think on These Things" and > "Commentaries on Living" series. > Nothing speaks to ignorance so much as boredom and world-weariness > (not a dig, mind you; just saying). >> Spend >> Thousands of dollars on comic collections like I do and try not to be >> around people because they IRritate us? > Ah, comic books! I’d love to get back into that again — except other > activities like kayaking and parachuting and horseback-riding and > tennis and golf and piano practice and bicycling and skiing (the legal > kind) and dining out eat up most of my money! >> But although we are a special breed we do need some human contact >> once in a while so we form relationships and generally they dont work >> out. > Depends on what we do with them — there are no victims, only > volunteers. >> I bet that an overwhelming number of lonely people are only >> children. I >> am one. > In a sense, yes, they’re children because they are "immature" — they > don’t know how to be by themselves and need constant attention (that > they simmer away in isolation doesn’t mean that they don’t need > constant attention). >> I have a very large Dog his name is Duke and he is my Current >> FAmily. > I’d like a dog. But I can’t stand dog hairs and poop! Luckily, there > are people. =) >> I am rich and do not have to work, in the usual sense. > That’s your first problem. >> I am >> writing my novel….. > On usenet? =) >> Dont be so Lonely my dear. come and see >> us…………………………… David > "Loneliness" doesn’t exist.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re just here to pi.. off some people. (Correct me if I’m wrong) And that’s just because YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE ARMY, right? And some sergeant kick your butt, but LITTLE you is still whining over it, So you’re going to do the same because little you is still mad about the sergeant issue. It’s all so easy like, haha, I got some arguments! Like little weapons to scare off easily impressed ones, while you and I know that he’s probably going to loose HIS money sooner or later, because he falls in love with the "wrong woman" or has "friends" or maybe his own "ignorance" that will get him into a life where money will haunt him into his lonely hours, like a Scrooge at Christmas. But he also may be lucky with money, when having the right intentions on using it. Not when he’s spending his time playing chess against "idiots" like myself who were taught chess by their fathers and still have a hard time playing a decent game. Now I am sad, being reminded by myself that I’m actually living in a military system. I better watch Bruce Almighty on TV now.
Response:
Ethan wrote: > Sometimes I wonder if you’re just here to pi.. off some people. (Correct > me if I’m wrong)
You are. But how to correct you? > And that’s just because YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE ARMY, right? And some > sergeant kick your butt, but LITTLE you is still whining over it, So > you’re going to do the same because little you is still mad about the > sergeant issue.
???? > It’s all so easy like, haha, I got some arguments! Like little weapons > to scare off easily impressed ones, while you and I know that he’s > probably going to loose HIS money sooner or later, because he falls in > love with the "wrong woman" or has "friends" or maybe his own > "ignorance" that will get him into a life where money will haunt him > into his lonely hours, like a Scrooge at Christmas.
???? > But he also may be lucky with money, when having the right intentions on > using it. Not when he’s spending his time playing chess against > "idiots" like myself who were taught chess by their fathers and still > have a hard time playing a decent game.
???? > Now I am sad, being reminded by myself that I’m actually living in a > military system. > I better watch Bruce Almighty on TV now.
No, that’s your problem right there. TV. Why would you want to be brainwashed by toxic anesthesia? Try Bergman’s "Seventh Seal" instead.
Response:
notmeno wrote: > I bet you guys are something like me. extremely shy and reseverved most of > the time.
No, not me no. =) > Sit back and play Chess and beat idiots most of the time.
Wish I could play more chess! I’m not into playing strangers, though. I don’t know…but chess is one of those games I like against friends…perhaps ’cause it’s so "aggressive"…! And no, I don’t beat idiots ’cause I don’t play them to begin with. > Try to > find out if there are any real challenges left in this world..
ROTFLMAO — try love! As in Erich Fromm’s understanding outlined in "Art of Loving"…and, while you’re at it, Zen meditation and enlightenment, a la Fromm’s "Zen and Psychoanalysis"…and then Krishnamurti’s often-enigmatic "Think on These Things" and "Commentaries on Living" series. Nothing speaks to ignorance so much as boredom and world-weariness (not a dig, mind you; just saying). > Spend > Thousands of dollars on comic collections like I do and try not to be around > people because they IRritate us?
Ah, comic books! I’d love to get back into that again — except other activities like kayaking and parachuting and horseback-riding and tennis and golf and piano practice and bicycling and skiing (the legal kind) and dining out eat up most of my money! > But although we are a special breed we do need some human contact once in a > while so we form relationships and generally they dont work out.
Depends on what we do with them — there are no victims, only volunteers. > I bet that an overwhelming number of lonely people are only children. I > am one.
In a sense, yes, they’re children because they are "immature" — they don’t know how to be by themselves and need constant attention (that they simmer away in isolation doesn’t mean that they don’t need constant attention). > I have a very large Dog his name is Duke and he is my Current > FAmily.
I’d like a dog. But I can’t stand dog hairs and poop! Luckily, there are people. =) > I am rich and do not have to work, in the usual sense.
That’s your first problem. > I am > writing my novel…..
On usenet? =) > Dont be so Lonely my dear. come and see > us…………………………… David
"Loneliness" doesn’t exist.
Response:
In article <6IBdf.496743$tl2.177036@pd7tw3no>, frontierd…@yahoo.com says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I bet you guys are something like me. extremely shy and reseverved most of >the time. Sit back and play Chess and beat idiots most of the time. Try to >find out if there are any real challenges left in this world.. Spend >Thousands of dollars on comic collections like I do and try not to be around >people because they IRritate us? >But although we are a special breed we do need some human contact once in a >while so we form relationships and generally they dont work out. > I bet that an overwhelming number of lonely people are only children. I >am one. > I have a very large Dog his name is Duke and he is my Current >FAmily. I am rich and do not have to work, in the usual sense. I am >writing my novel….. > Dont be so Lonely my dear. come and see >us…………………………… David
Being lonely and isolated from the rest – does give you some advantages as such, although you may not regard them as such. You should know this as a writer – being able to be an observer, you can notice things more and see effects down the line, or timeline. Being ‘rich’ can give you an advantage too, if you use it wisely. I would guess you can use it to end your loneliness and probably have? In any number of ways you like to… And if you regard yourself as some intellectual – why not solve the problem of loneliness (and many other problems) in this world? It is only because it is highly focused on materialism and wealth – that it is in the mess it is in. Also how ‘power’ is used and abused. Harvey
Response:
I bet you guys are something like me. extremely shy and reseverved most of the time. Sit back and play Chess and beat idiots most of the time. Try to find out if there are any real challenges left in this world.. Spend Thousands of dollars on comic collections like I do and try not to be around people because they IRritate us? But although we are a special breed we do need some human contact once in a while so we form relationships and generally they dont work out. I bet that an overwhelming number of lonely people are only children. I am one. I have a very large Dog his name is Duke and he is my Current FAmily. I am rich and do not have to work, in the usual sense. I am writing my novel….. Dont be so Lonely my dear. come and see us…………………………… David
Response:
I challenge your theory. We are lonely by choice, whether it be subconcious or not. We are lonely because we are afraid. We are afraid of trusting, hurting, being abused etc. I am an intelligent extrovert. This does not mean I am not lonely. I am not rich, nor do I wish to be so. I know money can’t buy my happiness. I am not impressed by flowers. I am impressed by the honesty and sincerity of people in general. Though that is a very rare quality to find these days. You will find most comedians are very lonely depressed people. There is no blueprint for a lonely person. Wealth, beauty or intelligence doesn’t make you feel any less lonely. — Charm "notmeno" <frontierd…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:6IBdf.496743$tl2.177036@pd7tw3no… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I bet you guys are something like me. extremely shy and reseverved most of >the time. Sit back and play Chess and beat idiots most of the time. Try to >find out if there are any real challenges left in this world.. Spend >Thousands of dollars on comic collections like I do and try not to be >around people because they IRritate us? > But although we are a special breed we do need some human contact once in > a while so we form relationships and generally they dont work out. > I bet that an overwhelming number of lonely people are only children. I > am one. > I have a very large Dog his name is Duke and he is my Current > FAmily. I am rich and do not have to work, in the usual sense. I am > writing my novel….. > Dont be so Lonely my dear. come and see > us…………………………… David
Response:
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