2nd Posting to Dear Reader
Question:
Martin L Baker wrote: > … I also seriously doubt that more people have asked her to stay > than leave, and it seems to me that Christie’s whole presence here > has been an extension of a game of Victim. > …
Actually, I don’t for a moment doubt that more people have asked her to stay than have asked her to leave. Even the most critical of her ‘treatment’ of others here has rarely suggested that she leave. -bill
Response:
Hi m…@disposable.com (Martin L Baker) and all lurkers on alt.support.loneliness ! On Sat, 24 May 1997 05:34:57 +0100 (BST), You wrote: >Walter, let her go, just let her go. Christie is playing a range of games >with this group, and this post was no exception. It’s loaded with attempts >to make people here feel guilty that she’s leaving, and it’s purpose is to >get people to respond as you have – practically begging her to come back. >If lots of people do this, she may well stay, and then it only makes it >harder down the road when she continues in the same vein that she has been >doing, to pull her up about it – basically she’ll retort with "Well I was >leaving, but ya’ll asked me to stay".
Well, as I have just seen, she already has done that. Considering the informations about her past, I think it’s understandable how she acted and reacted to even the kindest advices. She did a "surf on a wave of anger". I have seen such behaviour as I lurked on a.a.r, it is very common here and it is a part of the recovery process, I think. So she might be on the wrong group here, nevertheless we shouldn’t be unforgivingly to her. >Christie is here playing a status game, she wants poeple to look up to her >and respect her. She’s also come with a lot of anger and the feeling that >she has to battle to survive in here – talk of "allies" really astounds me >I have to say. I also seriously doubt that more people have asked her to >stay than leave, and it seems to me that Christie’s whole presence here has >been an extension of a game of Victim.
Of course, that’s one of the natural reactions as she *was* a victim. She must act this out somewhere, hope she already has got some kind of therapy. I would think about this game as a "game of defense and trust". It is a way of presenting her (unconscious but still working) anger against her offenders, here to people who cannot *really* hurt her and who intentionally want to be "nice". In fact she "abuses" this ng for her recovery training, this could be dangerous to people who don’t know about the background and see only her harsh answers/flames. Compared to RL I see the advantage on this ng *nobody* needs to feel guilty (usually this group isn’t a collection of child molesters or drunken bastards) and although she tries this game, it is unlikely for her to involve others as much as to play her offenders. We all are trying to get out of some vicious circle here, aren’t we ? There must be some fundamental trust on her side – and a lot of love, patience, knowledge, mature from her relatives – to grow and not become stuck at this level. Hope there’s someone to cheat the game and help her reaching the next one although she probably must play the same scene one more to learn to behave better …. >It’s her choice, not ours. If she wants to go fine, perhaps one day she’ll >come back with a new and better perspective. Perhaps one day she’ll come >back with a two way philosophy so that both she and the group benefit from >her presence.
Well, IMHO it would be a childish reaction of defiance from her to back off now. She *must* get through, there is much work to be done,there are much better feelings after the steam-off as I hope… A suggestion: Should’nt she use a (short) disclaimer when posting here ? Walter (who accidently has catched a white dove this weekend 
Response:
On Fri, 23 May 1997 21:27:44 GMT, alien wrote: : Christie wrote:
: : >I have decided to leave this group. I have had far more of you ask me : >to stay, then I have those of you that don’t want me here. Those of you : >that have become my friends and allies, may reach me at my email. One : >last message to my Flames. I have left the group because of you. I : >only ask you, to return the favor to me, by leaving me alone too!! : > : >-Christie : *Please* come back. We didn’t want to hurt You. : We simply didn’t have enough knowledge until now. Walter, let her go, just let her go. Christie is playing a range of games with this group, and this post was no exception. It’s loaded with attempts to make people here feel guilty that she’s leaving, and it’s purpose is to get people to respond as you have – practically begging her to come back. If lots of people do this, she may well stay, and then it only makes it harder down the road when she continues in the same vein that she has been doing, to pull her up about it – basically she’ll retort with "Well I was leaving, but ya’ll asked me to stay". Christie is here playing a status game, she wants poeple to look up to her and respect her. She’s also come with a lot of anger and the feeling that she has to battle to survive in here – talk of "allies" really astounds me I have to say. I also seriously doubt that more people have asked her to stay than leave, and it seems to me that Christie’s whole presence here has been an extension of a game of Victim. It’s her choice, not ours. If she wants to go fine, perhaps one day she’ll come back with a new and better perspective. Perhaps one day she’ll come back with a two way philosophy so that both she and the group benefit from her presence. Martin.
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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