Lonely Loneliness

Alone in the big city

Question:

Hello I am new to the group and would like to hear from anyone who has experienced loneliness in a big city, fear of social occasions, or is unable to be talkative with the opposite sex. I work and live in London where I do not have any friends. There are old schoolmates and acquaintances around but I cannot bring myself to telephone them. This is because I used to have a binge drinking problem and I am frightened they have disowned me. I cannot accept the possibility of their not returning my calls so I don’t telephone them at all. Now I have recognised that I do have an alcohol problem I am frightened of meeting people even more (almost all socialising for twentysomethings in England involves bars). I do not have a support group in my private life although I feel reasonably comfortable at work. I feel so isolated that the nearest I have got to a girlfriend is living with girls, who I suppose became mother figures for me. They view me as pathetic and helpless and so generally ignore me. I have never been in love and desperately want to be. Unfortunately my experience of socialising in a mixed sex environment involves first getting drunk and then meeting people in a half-asleep, depressed state. I’ve only just recognised the problem and I want my life to be under my control. Yours Rick

Response:

> I cannot accept the possibility of their not > returning my calls so I don’t telephone them at all.

You mean when you get the machine or when you call them, talk to them, but THEY never call you? > Unfortunately my experience of socialising in a mixed sex environment > involves first getting drunk and then meeting people in a half-asleep, > depressed state.

I realized that drinking helps me in social situations only for two reasons 1) there’s something to talk about, like "You wouldn’t expect The Three Stooges to be a good beer!" 2) When other people know that I’m drunk, they sort of expect me to act in a very outgoing manner (and I do try to sustain this impression) even if they think I’m an introvert 3) Alcohol does really change my mentality a bit. And it makes me more of an extrovert, but not always. Dr. Art. http://homestead.com/dr_art/ P.S. don’t worry about my drinking, I only drink beer no more than 2-4 times a month Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Richard Bach wrote: > Hello > I am new to the group and would like to hear from anyone who has experienced > loneliness in a big city, fear of social occasions, or is unable to be > talkative with the opposite sex. > I work and live in London where I do not have any friends. There are old > schoolmates and acquaintances around but I cannot bring myself to telephone > them. > This is because I used to have a binge drinking problem and I am frightened > they have disowned me. I cannot accept the possibility of their not > returning my calls so I don’t telephone them at all. > Now I have recognised that I do have an alcohol problem I am frightened of > meeting people even more (almost all socialising for twentysomethings in > England involves bars). I do not have a support group in my private life > although I feel reasonably comfortable at work. > I feel so isolated that the nearest I have got to a girlfriend is living > with girls, who I suppose became mother figures for me. They view me as > pathetic and helpless and so generally ignore me. I have never been in love > and desperately want to be. > Unfortunately my experience of socialising in a mixed sex environment > involves first getting drunk and then meeting people in a half-asleep, > depressed state. > I’ve only just recognised the problem and I want my life to be under my > control. > Yours > Rick

I know what you mean about all socialising seeming like it takes place in pubs. I live in Nottingham and people tend to be very sociable here. However, I think there are other ways of meeting people, e.g. college courses in the evenings, martial arts, that kind of thing. I mean there’s so much going on in London. And even if you don’t meet anybody immediately, at least you’re filling your time. Cheers. Ed

Response:

Jacob Disorder wrote in message <3796cfdf.5004…@news.alt.net>… >Dear rick, >I have found drinking to be an excellent way to meet people. Go to the >local pub, watch some rugby, and drink up. Drinking isn’t a problem as >long as you can contain it.

Well I have to admit I spent Tuesday evening on the beers for nearly four hours in the company of two work friends and surprised myself by actually enjoying it and not being wasted at the end. So shyness is probably more of a problem than alcohol. As for your advice, which I’m hopeful was well meant, I have tried wandering into the pub on my own to watch football etc and generally the experience has been very depressing. So I feel drinking on my own is an experiment that always harms me. Regards Rick

Response:

All this chemical consumption sounds like evasion to me. Wouldn’t it be great (and preferable) to have such control that one didn’t need alcohol, drugs, etc. to have the feelings you wanted to have. I like a drink, but to think that I’d have to get drunk to be able to talk to somebody or do anything is saddening. It’s our TV, fast-food and yes, Internet society that has worn away the physical and mental helath of people. Also, if kids were taught rudimentary meditation and relaxation at nursery age, we might have more well-rounded adults. Speech over! Ed.

Response:

ok.  I WISH alcohal made me outgoing. lol  Nothing helps me at all.  And yes I live in a large city and one would think it would be easy to meet people, but I can’t deal with any social situations really.  I have no friends old or new and it really gets to me much of the time. carrie

Response:

In article <3797d033.5088…@news.alt.net>, disor…@email.com (Jacob Disorder) writes: >Dr. Art, >I definately agree. Alcohol is almost a truth syrum at times. I think >LSD or Acid is more so, though. I think groups of friends should get >together and do these drugs… just once or twice, it can’t hurt, you >will grow together. It sounds outlandish, but avoid the hype. You >won’t die over a few uses, and you and your friends will grow together >like peas in a pod. >Think about it.

E is good for this as well. I remember having a heart to heart with a friend when we were both under the influence. Said a few things that we couldnt say straight. Jeez I had a headache the next day though…… Gra-gra

Response:

On Sun, 04 Jul 1999 18:32:42 +0100, Ed <sid.ja…@virgin.net> wrote: >Richard Bach wrote: >I know what you mean about all socialising seeming like it takes place >in pubs. I live in Nottingham and people tend to be very sociable here. >However, I think there are other ways of meeting people, e.g. college >courses in the evenings, martial arts, that kind of thing. I mean >there’s so much going on in London. And even if you don’t meet anybody >immediately, at least you’re filling your time. >Cheers. >Ed

Ed, Sometimes I meet people in my sculpting class. Although I am younger than most of the people in the class, I find I meet some very artistic and unique individuals. After the class, we often go "get fucked up" together. Ah, the great times.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -On Sun, 04 Jul 1999 04:53:30 GMT, Dr. Art <dr_…@my-deja.com> wrote: >> I cannot accept the possibility of their not >> returning my calls so I don’t telephone them at all. >You mean when you get the machine or when you call them, talk to them, >but THEY never call you? >> Unfortunately my experience of socialising in a mixed sex environment >> involves first getting drunk and then meeting people in a half-asleep, >> depressed state. >I realized that drinking helps me in social situations only for two >reasons >1) there’s something to talk about, like "You wouldn’t expect The Three >Stooges to be a good beer!" >2) When other people know that I’m drunk, they sort of expect me >to act in a very outgoing manner (and I do try to sustain this >impression) even if they think I’m an introvert >3) Alcohol does really change my mentality a bit. And it makes me more >of an extrovert, but not always. >Dr. Art. >http://homestead.com/dr_art/ >P.S. don’t worry about my drinking, I only drink beer no more than 2-4 >times a month >Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ >Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Dr. Art, I definately agree. Alcohol is almost a truth syrum at times. I think LSD or Acid is more so, though. I think groups of friends should get together and do these drugs… just once or twice, it can’t hurt, you will grow together. It sounds outlandish, but avoid the hype. You won’t die over a few uses, and you and your friends will grow together like peas in a pod. Think about it.

Response:

On Sun, 4 Jul 1999 02:28:07 +0100, "Richard Bach" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<Rich…@bachr.freeserve.co.uk> wrote: >Hello >I am new to the group and would like to hear from anyone who has experienced >loneliness in a big city, fear of social occasions, or is unable to be >talkative with the opposite sex. >I work and live in London where I do not have any friends. There are old >schoolmates and acquaintances around but I cannot bring myself to telephone >them. >This is because I used to have a binge drinking problem and I am frightened >they have disowned me. I cannot accept the possibility of their not >returning my calls so I don’t telephone them at all. >Now I have recognised that I do have an alcohol problem I am frightened of >meeting people even more (almost all socialising for twentysomethings in >England involves bars). I do not have a support group in my private life >although I feel reasonably comfortable at work. >I feel so isolated that the nearest I have got to a girlfriend is living >with girls, who I suppose became mother figures for me. They view me as >pathetic and helpless and so generally ignore me. I have never been in love >and desperately want to be. >Unfortunately my experience of socialising in a mixed sex environment >involves first getting drunk and then meeting people in a half-asleep, >depressed state. >I’ve only just recognised the problem and I want my life to be under my >control. >Yours >Rick

Dear rick, I have found drinking to be an excellent way to meet people. Go to the local pub, watch some rugby, and drink up. Drinking isn’t a problem as long as you can contain it.

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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