Lonely Loneliness

alone (spoiler: loneliness)

Question:

Oh, Allan, you’re not alone.  Most of us love you here, with good reason. But crying might be good–it releases some of the negative feelings sometimes. If *anything* is bothering you, and for some reason you’re afraid to post it to ASD, you can *always* e-mail me.  I won’t judge you, I’ll just listen. Take care of yourself, Stacey – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i feel alone.  i know i said i envy that.  i feel alone though.  why do i bother.  i’m crying so hard my shirt is wet. this is so damn difficult.  that’s right, cursor.  sit there and blink and dare me to type some more. Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man – Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

Response:

why didnt you email me back?

i did Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

Response:

i FEEL like i don’t want to live anymore.  often I feel this way like everyday.  I don’t FEEL like i can talk about this around here anymore.

Why? Like I said before, as long as you spoiler it, it should be ok to post about it. i have more if you want it.  this is getting kind of long.

I’m still listening if you want to add more. Mary Beth

Response:

why didnt you email me back?

Response:

im sorry. wana talk?

Response:

it there and blink and dare me to type some more.

I shouldn’t have to dare you. Why not just spill your guts out, I’m listening. Mary Beth

Response:

I shouldn’t have to dare you. Why not just spill your guts out, I’m listening. Mary Beth

k. i’m in love with someone who’s not my wife who i’ve met in this group. this is just gut spilling after all so all this stuff may or may not be related and i don’t care who knows.  ok fuck it it’s linda.  punk. anybody who disapproves can just fuck right off.  like it’s any big secret anyway. i have this disease that no one knows about or takes seriously and when i tell my dad he looks at me as if a large plum tree has just sprouted from my forehead. I FEEL <- (note subjective word) that nobody respects me or cares about me or wants me around or even wants me to live.  please note that this is a temporary feeling and it will pass even i know that but i don’t believe it right now.  it’s nobody’s fault but mine because i’m surrounded by super supportive people but my brain wont let me believe it right now. i FEEL like a big loser.  like i’m irrelevant.  like everyone would be better off without me.  happier.  i’d resent it, but they’d be happier. i FEEL like i don’t want to live anymore.  often I feel this way like everyday.  I don’t FEEL like i can talk about this around here anymore. i FEEL ugly, fat, unattractive, stupid, lazy, pointless and like i disappoint anyone who may care about so what’s the point in asking people to care about me. i FEEL like… you know.  ASD.  you (as a group) are so important to me.  you’re the best thing in my life and i treasure all of you, but I feel like you’re slipping away.  and it’s NOT YOU… it’s ME.  i’m slipping away from YOU.  so don’t beat yourselves up or be guilty (yes, skorch, this is referring to what you had to say, and no, i’m not mad at you or anything like that, i just sincerely don’t want anybody to feel bad) i FEEL like there’s no future for me.  trapped.  stuck (gee… I miss Stuck).  I FEEL like i’ll never ever get out of this. i have more if you want it.  this is getting kind of long. Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

Response:

i feel alone.  i know i said i envy that.  i feel alone though.  why do i bother.  i’m crying so hard my shirt is wet. and yes before you start i know i’ve brought it on myself and alienated you so dont bother.

Allan, I have not been alienated. You said your feelings. You voiced your thoughts. I can accept that. Hell, I could accept you telling me to shove off right now. I’m still posting. Still replying. Hang in there. Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

~Rebecca Jo Doubt not a woman. Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

i feel alone.  i know i said i envy that.  i feel alone though.  why do i bother.  i’m crying so hard my shirt is wet. this is so damn difficult.  that’s right, cursor.  sit there and blink and dare me to type some more. Allan

((((((((((( ALLAN ))))))))))) I’ve done that. Sit there and cry. The overwhelming feeling that you’re so alone. That nobody understands and nobody gives a damn. Dunno if it helps any, but I do give a damn. Loneliness bites. Talk to someone. Do something. Get up and go for a walk if it’ll help. Or find someone to chat with. Just my .02  Hope you feel better soon. To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

~Rebecca Jo Doubt me not. Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

i feel alone.  i know i said i envy that.  i feel alone though.  why do i bother.  i’m crying so hard my shirt is wet.

and yes before you start i know i’ve brought it on myself and alienated you so dont bother. Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

Response:

i feel alone.  i know i said i envy that.  i feel alone though.  why do i bother.  i’m crying so hard my shirt is wet. this is so damn difficult.  that’s right, cursor.  sit there and blink and dare me to type some more. Allan To have doubted one’s own first principles is the mark of a civilized man  - Oliver Wendell Holmes The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men. – Alice Walker homepage:  members.xoom.com/vegboy

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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