Lonely Loneliness

Borderline makes sense now

Question:

Thanks for your reply.   I wonder sometimes if everyone has these same feelings of loneliness, if we must just accept it as a part of life, or if we should continue to try to heal ourselves.  I find the amount of "help"  a bit overwhelming and the choices endless.  But I’m looking forward to learning more on the web and I know that just sharing our experiences with each other is very healing in and of itself. Thanks again. Sandra

Response:

Thanks for your reply.  There are so many choices in how to heal ourselves these days, I find it overwhelming.  I’m looking forward to learning more on the web and to reading about our common experiences.  I know that that alone is very powerful.  Thanks again. Sandra

Response:

I used to go to shrinks, but what I have learned from them really wasn’t much. They all go by the book. I’d rather speak to people that have the same experiences I did, and learn how they dealt with them. As to accepting it as part of life, or try to heal ourselves, I think a bit of both. If we don’t accept the things that happen to us we can’t heal ourselves. I like to look back at my life, and think that everything that happen to me made me a stronger person today. LONESTAR sandra webber <sandwri…@webtv.net> wrote in article <14938-36BB09C…@newsd-282.iap.bryant.webtv.net>… Thanks for your reply.   I wonder sometimes if everyone has these same feelings of loneliness, if we must just accept it as a part of life, or if we should continue to try to heal ourselves.  I find the amount of "help"  a bit overwhelming and the choices endless.  But I’m looking forward to learning more on the web and I know that just sharing our experiences with each other is very healing in and of itself. Thanks again. Sandra

Response:

sandra webber wrote: > Thanks for your reply.   I wonder sometimes if everyone has these same > feelings of loneliness,

I certainly have had. From about age 6, as far as I can remember. >if we must just accept it as a part of life,

I more or less have. >or > if we should continue to try to heal ourselves.  

You ‘’should” if you think it will work. Please bear in mind that feelings of loneliness, alienation, mood swings, mistrust followed by over-trust–these are _symptoms_. Symptoms can be corrected for, to a great degree. >I find the amount of > "help"  a bit overwhelming and the choices endless.  But I’m looking > forward to learning more on the web and I know that just sharing our > experiences with each other is very healing in and of itself. > Thanks again.

Thanks for putting in. > Sandra

a. — The Henry rifle holds sixteen shots, the Buffalo Sharps but one; but it ain’t how many times you shoot, but the distance from the other man’s gun. –19th century folk wisdom

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Annette Boken wrote: > sandra webber wrote: > > I just found this group today. > Hi:-) > >I have self-diagnosed my behavior for > > years.  I read lots of books, have been to a couple of therapists for > > depression, and just generally have tried to make sense of my sometimes > > erratic behavior—-broken relationships, frequent job changing, moving, > > etc.  Is it manic depression, cylcothimia, my repressive childhood, some > > of each?  Seems borderline combines all. > Sometimes it is life circumstances and not a direct reflection on you, > even if others think so.  I would ask an uninvolved third party (a > therapist?) for their opinion.  

Good advice any way you look at it. Self-diagnosis has pitfalls; not the least of which is that you cannot ”look” at yourself objectively if you are feeling mentally or emotional bad. >Getting a diagnosis is somewhat involved > and expensive;

THAT’S the truth. >could be that you don’t need a diagnosis.  It doesn’t > always "guide" therapy or counseling, and, as Elcam mentioned, it can > unfortunately encourage being overly preoccupied with one’s self.  Much > of what you are concerned about could be a search for spiritual answers.

Could be. That would also be a kind of a diagnosis, just on different terms. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Annette > > I had an argument with my > > fiancee at work today (we work side by side and get along 90% of the > > time) and I realized how silly it was for me to have gotten so angry. > > So I clicked on the web when I got home and went searching for answers. > > I have a strong desire to understand myself and would really like to > > change my somewhat destructive behaviors.  I don’t self mutilate myself > > (thank God) and to many people I seem to have it all together.  At least > > for the past couple of years.  I have a good man, a decent job, a nice > > place to live, yet I feel empty so often, and at the drop of a hat.  I > > read lots of positive books, and try to live healthy but the nagging > > recurrence of these feelings is getting worse.  (I am 34)  I want more > > from life—closer relationships, especially with my immediate family, > > a more satisfying career,  etc.  (As I’m sure many of us do).  And even > > though I have all the info in the world on how to do these things, I am > > stuck.  I think it may be largely in part because I don’ t talk to > > anyone about how I feel, except for my fiancee, but that is limiting, > > since he has only two ears!

– The Henry rifle holds sixteen shots, the Buffalo Sharps but one; but it ain’t how many times you shoot, but the distance from the other man’s gun. –19th century folk wisdom

Response:

I just found this group today.  I have self-diagnosed my behavior for years.  I read lots of books, have been to a couple of therapists for depression, and just generally have tried to make sense of my sometimes erratic behavior—-broken relationships, frequent job changing, moving, etc.  Is it manic depression, cylcothimia, my repressive childhood, some of each?  Seems borderline combines all.  I had an argument with my fiancee at work today (we work side by side and get along 90% of the time) and I realized how silly it was for me to have gotten so angry. So I clicked on the web when I got home and went searching for answers. I have a strong desire to understand myself and would really like to change my somewhat destructive behaviors.  I don’t self mutilate myself (thank God) and to many people I seem to have it all together.  At least for the past couple of years.  I have a good man, a decent job, a nice place to live, yet I feel empty so often, and at the drop of a hat.  I read lots of positive books, and try to live healthy but the nagging recurrence of these feelings is getting worse.  (I am 34)  I want more from life—closer relationships, especially with my immediate family, a more satisfying career,  etc.  (As I’m sure many of us do).  And even though I have all the info in the world on how to do these things, I am stuck.  I think it may be largely in part because I don’ t talk to anyone about how I feel, except for my fiancee, but that is limiting, since he has only two ears!

Response:

sandra webber wrote: > I just found this group today.  

Hi:-) >I have self-diagnosed my behavior for > years.  I read lots of books, have been to a couple of therapists for > depression, and just generally have tried to make sense of my sometimes > erratic behavior—-broken relationships, frequent job changing, moving, > etc.  Is it manic depression, cylcothimia, my repressive childhood, some > of each?  Seems borderline combines all.  

Sometimes it is life circumstances and not a direct reflection on you, even if others think so.  I would ask an uninvolved third party (a therapist?) for their opinion.  Getting a diagnosis is somewhat involved and expensive; could be that you don’t need a diagnosis.  It doesn’t always "guide" therapy or counseling, and, as Elcam mentioned, it can unfortunately encourage being overly preoccupied with one’s self.  Much of what you are concerned about could be a search for spiritual answers. Annette – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I had an argument with my > fiancee at work today (we work side by side and get along 90% of the > time) and I realized how silly it was for me to have gotten so angry. > So I clicked on the web when I got home and went searching for answers. > I have a strong desire to understand myself and would really like to > change my somewhat destructive behaviors.  I don’t self mutilate myself > (thank God) and to many people I seem to have it all together.  At least > for the past couple of years.  I have a good man, a decent job, a nice > place to live, yet I feel empty so often, and at the drop of a hat.  I > read lots of positive books, and try to live healthy but the nagging > recurrence of these feelings is getting worse.  (I am 34)  I want more > from life—closer relationships, especially with my immediate family, > a more satisfying career,  etc.  (As I’m sure many of us do).  And even > though I have all the info in the world on how to do these things, I am > stuck.  I think it may be largely in part because I don’ t talk to > anyone about how I feel, except for my fiancee, but that is limiting, > since he has only two ears!

Response:

A lot of us feel this way. I don’t know you situation, but it seems like you are trying to run away from your life (broken relationships, moving, job changes). The feeling lonely part, I can relate to that. I have loving husband and a child, but I always feel lonely. I realise it comes from having someone really close to me die when I was just a little gril. The reason I feel the emptiness is because I am too scared to fully love someone. I am affraid of losing the one I love, again. You have to look back at your life and deal with all the issues from your past in ordedr to get on with your future and be happy. Talking to your boyfriend may help, but he is too involved with you. You need to talk to someone who you are not attached with emotionaly. Coming to this ng was a good start. LONESTAR sandra webber <sandwri…@webtv.net> wrote in article <12040-36B8CD0E…@newsd-284.iap.bryant.webtv.net>… I just found this group today.  I have self-diagnosed my behavior for years.  I read lots of books, have been to a couple of therapists for depression, and just generally have tried to make sense of my sometimes erratic behavior—-broken relationships, frequent job changing, moving, etc.  Is it manic depression, cylcothimia, my repressive childhood, some of each?  Seems borderline combines all.  I had an argument with my fiancee at work today (we work side by side and get along 90% of the time) and I realized how silly it was for me to have gotten so angry. So I clicked on the web when I got home and went searching for answers. I have a strong desire to understand myself and would really like to change my somewhat destructive behaviors.  I don’t self mutilate myself (thank God) and to many people I seem to have it all together.  At least for the past couple of years.  I have a good man, a decent job, a nice place to live, yet I feel empty so often, and at the drop of a hat.  I read lots of positive books, and try to live healthy but the nagging recurrence of these feelings is getting worse.  (I am 34)  I want more from life—closer relationships, especially with my immediate family, a more satisfying career,  etc.  (As I’m sure many of us do).  And even though I have all the info in the world on how to do these things, I am stuck.  I think it may be largely in part because I don’ t talk to anyone about how I feel, except for my fiancee, but that is limiting, since he has only two ears!

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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