correct decision?
Question:
My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
Response:
after 14 yrs. we both decided in feb 98 that the whole thing was an effort in futility. right after that i wanted to try again but she wouldnt go for it and it was the smartist thing shes done in the 16 yrs ive known her. we are both codependent and weak people, emotionally. ill miss her the rest of my life but it was something that had to happen. if we would have tried another year we still wouldnt be on the way to a ‘new life’. i pray for you and me and everyone here to find the peace we need to go on with a happy and productive life, at least thats all i am searching for, peace. i firmly believe that when it comes to me everything else will fall in – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
Response:
My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
It seems you didn’t have sufficient reason to divorce and your conscience is getting to you, and maybe loneliness too. Maybe you’ve learned how to get along a bit better now too. Or not getting along wasn’t as bad as getting along without her huh? Ah… the shit we do to those we are supposed to love and are loved by. And now she shouldn’t trust you to do different even if you wanted to until you crawled back constantly speaking to how low you see you were, and did it for… oh say six months to a year. At least that’s how I’d see it/you if I were her. You’d need to eat a lot of dirt and follow me, crawling through thickets with the biggest briars I could find, and tell me how much you believed you needed it before I’d even give it much thought. Much thought about trusting you to get back together again that is. The dirt eating would go on for some time after that event, if I were her. Gary
Response:
My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
What is it that you can’t get along about? It seems to me that two adults can compromise and negotiate on just about anything if they truly want to. If you’re leaving just to make a statement, cutting off your nose to spite your face, then think about why you are leaving. Just not getting along is too general. Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together, and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.
Response:
[snip] we are both codependent …
What make you think that? As a rule, codependents don’t marry one another, so I think it’s unlikely.
Response:
You will have these moments more often then you want to have them…stick to your original decision and don’t second guess yourself…more times then not, the original thought was the better one. Nothing says you can’t be friends, lovers or whatever afterwards, but press on and don’t doubt yourself, that usually ends in shit. Wildman
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
Response:
My wife and I split 6 mos. ago; it was my decision after years of simple inability to get along (married 10 yrs). Now, even though I desperately wanted out, I’m having second thoughts. Have others experienced this? JP
Be careful about those feelings. I still feel that I’m in love with my ex sometimes, but I realize that it might be just because I really haven’t shared those feelings with anyone else since her. She actually has broken up with the guy she dated after me and has begun coming around and calling and dropping hints. But I’ve really been strong about maintaining my life as my own. I think we made mistakes with each other which just can’t be fixed. I know I could never be with her again and be free of resentment for the betrayal I felt during the divorce. The furthest I’ll let it get is being friends with her on some level. Don’t let loneliness or whatever force you into something that can’t work for you. I always said that I wouldn’t get back with anyone unless I was able to start all over. And that means falling in love with someone again. I love my ex for what she was, or what I thought she was. In any case I don’t love who she is today because I don’t even know that person after 2 years apart and incommunicado. Don
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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