Lonely Loneliness

Feeling lonely today would like to share..

Question:

In article <1127254141.306057.222…@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>, sirdrumsa…@hotmail.com says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I am not one to do this but I figured I would go ahead and get this off >my chest. Where to start….. >I am 26 years old, IMHO have a good job, own a nice home, nice car etc. >I am usually a very optimistic person. I smile a lot, makes jokes and >am a very pleasant person to be around. I have a lot of bright spots in >my life, but in one area it seems I can’t win. Relationships. On days >like this, I can be a real drag. > I have been single with virtually no dates or anything for almost 8 >years now. I can’t believe it has been so long. Time goes by so >quickly. I guess I have fooled myself in thinking that if I go through >the "10 step process" that I will eventually find someone out of the >blue. >I have tried a few things to try and break out of the pattern. Tried >going to public places and being myself. This doesn’t work bc you need >to go with friends, going by yourself is just too awkward. The only >friends that I have currently got married and moved out of state. So, I >end up just going to a coffee shop and enjoy reading a magazine or book >by myself. Nothing comes of it. Which is ok, bc it is something I enjoy >from time to time. Doesn’t help the loneliness factor though. >I am a Christian and go to church regularly. I go to a small church and >am the only 20 something person that goes that isn’t married. Don’t go >to church to meet anyone anyway. I would be afraid to bring any date >their anyway bc I have been single so long that the church would think >she is "the one". >I love to ride my mountain bike on the weekends. I know of no one >personally that ever wants to go with me. I ask all the time. I even >have a bike rack for multiple bikes. I end up riding alone. Which is ok >because it is something I enjoy. The people I meet on the trail are >busy riding and well, it would be strange to try and stop them for some >conversation :p. >I go to a gym several times a week. I do not know anyone who likes to >work out either. I end up going…. well, you get it by now. The people >at the gym are nice but into their own groups and its awkward to me to >try and jump into a conversation. The women at the gyms usually come >with their BF’s or are trying to grab the attention of the trainers and >the buffed up guys. I am nice anyway and smile when they look my way. >Just nothing comes of it. >I do not think of it ALL the time. I will be just going about my life >when one day It will hit me out of the blue. Example, it will be a >beautiful day outside and I will be out side relaxing and enjoying it >when I will think, "How much better would it be if I had someone to >share this with." or I’ll come home after a long day of work and would >like to have some to talk too and unwind with. >I am not someone who HAS to have someone in my life. I am doing fine as >it is for the most part. I just want someone in my life. There is a >part of me that I want to invest into something other than myself. I >feel as if it is a part of me the God designated just for that purpose. >Any way, thanks for reading this and allowing a forum to express my >feelings even if they are a bit vague in a few areas. I guess in the >end I can hope that someone reads this and realizes that they are not >the only one in this kind of situation. >Thanks.

Don’t know where you live? USA? UK? ??? Well if you have the stuff (materialism, job, money, etc) that usually women want? in a husband/mate – and are a nice guy, have a good body, etc, then it seems you should acceptable to most single women, I guess… Then I guess it’s just the matter of mixing with people and striking up a connection with some single women. There are always those dating agencies, or internet places where singles can go to, to find people in their local area. Or simply go to those places that single people go to? Something you can try? Is maybe team sports? I play volleyball, and there can be a good mix of men and women playing. Play for long enough, then you can get to remember peoples’ names, etc. It’s always good to get some coaching when you start, so as to have some idea how to play properly. With not being in a relationship – you have the disadvantage of, that if you do meet someone you really like, and it does not go well – you can be very disappointed. This is the downside of relationships to be aware of, and of so-called ‘love’. Keep trying, don’t give up on what you really want. Find new ways of enjoying life and being with people. Harvey

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"SirDrums" (sirdrumsa…@hotmail.com) writes: > I am not one to do this but I figured I would go ahead and get this off > my chest. Where to start….. > I am 26 years old, IMHO have a good job, own a nice home, nice car etc. > I am usually a very optimistic person. I smile a lot, makes jokes and > am a very pleasant person to be around. I have a lot of bright spots in > my life, but in one area it seems I can’t win. Relationships. On days > like this, I can be a real drag. >  I have been single with virtually no dates or anything for almost 8 > years now. I can’t believe it has been so long. Time goes by so > quickly. I guess I have fooled myself in thinking that if I go through > the "10 step process" that I will eventually find someone out of the > blue. > I have tried a few things to try and break out of the pattern. Tried > going to public places and being myself. This doesn’t work bc you need > to go with friends, going by yourself is just too awkward. The only > friends that I have currently got married and moved out of state. So, I > end up just going to a coffee shop and enjoy reading a magazine or book > by myself. Nothing comes of it. Which is ok, bc it is something I enjoy > from time to time. Doesn’t help the loneliness factor though. > I am a Christian and go to church regularly. I go to a small church and > am the only 20 something person that goes that isn’t married. Don’t go > to church to meet anyone anyway. I would be afraid to bring any date > their anyway bc I have been single so long that the church would think > she is "the one". > I love to ride my mountain bike on the weekends. I know of no one > personally that ever wants to go with me. I ask all the time. I even > have a bike rack for multiple bikes. I end up riding alone. Which is ok > because it is something I enjoy. The people I meet on the trail are > busy riding and well, it would be strange to try and stop them for some > conversation :p. > I go to a gym several times a week. I do not know anyone who likes to > work out either. I end up going…. well, you get it by now. The people > at the gym are nice but into their own groups and its awkward to me to > try and jump into a conversation. The women at the gyms usually come > with their BF’s or are trying to grab the attention of the trainers and > the buffed up guys. I am nice anyway and smile when they look my way. > Just nothing comes of it. > I do not think of it ALL the time. I will be just going about my life > when one day It will hit me out of the blue. Example, it will be a > beautiful day outside and I will be out side relaxing and enjoying it > when I will think, "How much better would it be if I had someone to > share this with." or I’ll come home after a long day of work and would > like to have some to talk too and unwind with. > I am not someone who HAS to have someone in my life. I am doing fine as > it is for the most part. I just want someone in my life. There is a > part of me that I want to invest into something other than myself. I > feel as if it is a part of me the God designated just for that purpose. > Any way, thanks for reading this and allowing a forum to express my > feelings even if they are a bit vague in a few areas. I guess in the > end I can hope that someone reads this and realizes that they are not > the only one in this kind of situation. > Thanks.

Hi there, BTW, about your handle: do you play drums? I used to a bit a lifetime ago:) But drumming in apartments is not too weel seen in this neck of the wood, and one day, I sold the set….People needed food, and they were just sitting there… Hm. Sounds like all the efforts yuou make are in places where people are already aken or where single poeple do not go much. The forst thought that crossed my mind was an odd one, maybe: how about using each Sunday to go discover the neigboring churches:), and maybe while at it, seing what is there…?;-) Different places might have dofferent age groups in their parishioners, for one thing… And it coudl be an activity that kills routine and brings you to stop at new places along the way where never know…someoen might smile first or smile back;-) I also thought of this which male penfriends of your age sometiems do: volunteer work, but a kind where poeple work at some project by yteam. For instance one joined a project where they would go help some elederly couple with painting thewir house or cleaning their yard,where a bunch of singles in their 20s and early 30s would join to get the work done on a Saturday…The activity makes it so that poeple chit chat, having to ask where is this and are they done wiht that, and this needs done next and so on… Perhaps there would be soemthign like that near you? Then there could be some biking groups as well, poeple who gather a certain weekend and go do this or that trail… This way youd be part of one of those groups cycling together and could then maybe also get to meet someone you;d get along wit and all that… Just thoughts… Some volunteer work does not lend itself as well to exchange and coversatiosn as the project I gave as an example: usually the ones in an office will be more restrctive, where the approiach thing still needs done with usually too few poeple around for one to have good chanvces at maybe being interested in one of the others…and with no other 10 males after the same one;-). Hope some ideas help. For the rest, I’d say go on as you are keeping at thse activities too, if you enjoy them. It can be just on your way to them you bumpo into someone after all, does not haveto be the destination necessarily, the journey does count too in giving coincidences a chance…;) Hope your week ends well, and that the ext weekend will bring you nce weather, and an even brighter smile than usual, maybe from chit hattgn ehre, who knows, where takign that surplus out with you coudl maybe put more chances on your side too:) Wlecome to the bunch, DrumsALot! Take care  and see you around Chloe —

Response:

I am not one to do this but I figured I would go ahead and get this off my chest. Where to start….. I am 26 years old, IMHO have a good job, own a nice home, nice car etc. I am usually a very optimistic person. I smile a lot, makes jokes and am a very pleasant person to be around. I have a lot of bright spots in my life, but in one area it seems I can’t win. Relationships. On days like this, I can be a real drag.  I have been single with virtually no dates or anything for almost 8 years now. I can’t believe it has been so long. Time goes by so quickly. I guess I have fooled myself in thinking that if I go through the "10 step process" that I will eventually find someone out of the blue. I have tried a few things to try and break out of the pattern. Tried going to public places and being myself. This doesn’t work bc you need to go with friends, going by yourself is just too awkward. The only friends that I have currently got married and moved out of state. So, I end up just going to a coffee shop and enjoy reading a magazine or book by myself. Nothing comes of it. Which is ok, bc it is something I enjoy from time to time. Doesn’t help the loneliness factor though. I am a Christian and go to church regularly. I go to a small church and am the only 20 something person that goes that isn’t married. Don’t go to church to meet anyone anyway. I would be afraid to bring any date their anyway bc I have been single so long that the church would think she is "the one". I love to ride my mountain bike on the weekends. I know of no one personally that ever wants to go with me. I ask all the time. I even have a bike rack for multiple bikes. I end up riding alone. Which is ok because it is something I enjoy. The people I meet on the trail are busy riding and well, it would be strange to try and stop them for some conversation :p. I go to a gym several times a week. I do not know anyone who likes to work out either. I end up going…. well, you get it by now. The people at the gym are nice but into their own groups and its awkward to me to try and jump into a conversation. The women at the gyms usually come with their BF’s or are trying to grab the attention of the trainers and the buffed up guys. I am nice anyway and smile when they look my way. Just nothing comes of it. I do not think of it ALL the time. I will be just going about my life when one day It will hit me out of the blue. Example, it will be a beautiful day outside and I will be out side relaxing and enjoying it when I will think, "How much better would it be if I had someone to share this with." or I’ll come home after a long day of work and would like to have some to talk too and unwind with. I am not someone who HAS to have someone in my life. I am doing fine as it is for the most part. I just want someone in my life. There is a part of me that I want to invest into something other than myself. I feel as if it is a part of me the God designated just for that purpose. Any way, thanks for reading this and allowing a forum to express my feelings even if they are a bit vague in a few areas. I guess in the end I can hope that someone reads this and realizes that they are not the only one in this kind of situation. Thanks.

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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