human doormat (dumped and depressed)
Question:
X-No-Archive: Yes This is an update, if anybody cares. My longtime g/f dumped me recently for some other guy. I know this is going to take me a long time to get over, but she didn’t waste anytime, apparently. She told me she slept with him right after she dumped me, but that she just did it out of loneliness, and she now says she regrets it. (Oh, this was a very long-distance relationship, so I just know = what she tells me) Now there’s a possibility we may get back together, but everything is ambiguous and I am just more hurt and confused. I feel so used, betrayed, hurt and ashamed. Am I a human doormat?
I don’t know her track record, or yours. Love, trust, relationships and responsibilities, are a tough nuts to crack. Don’t let others tell you how you should feel about this. It is your life, and her life. We all do things we regret out of loneness, and need. You two have to decide if you can work through the disappointment. Together you might be able to regain the trust; but if you are not willing to forgive her "completely" the relationship is doomed. The ground rules have to be clear, on what you two, want out of a relationship, and what you two, will accept. She is not damaged goods, she is a woman, a human. I feel somewhere deep inside, we always know what is best for our soul, and wellness. If you want to work at it, good. If you don’t want to work at it good. There is no guilt or blame, things are, as things are. You have a decision to make, make the best one that works for "you". ET
Response:
My longtime g/f dumped me recently for some other guy. I know this is going to take me a long time to get over, but she didn’t waste anytime, apparently. She told me she slept with him right after she dumped me, but that she just did it out of loneliness, and she now says she regrets it. (Oh, this was a very long-distance relationship, so I just know what she tells me) Now there’s a possibility we may get back together, but everything is ambiguous and I am just more hurt and confused. I feel so used, betrayed, hurt and ashamed. Am I a human doormat? It is like she just wanted to see if there was something better and when it didn’t work out there’s always me left-over. I’d like to be understanding, but I wonder if I am really just being a gullible pushover? But I still have strong feelings for her. I’m just devastated and confused. I’d like to cut out my heart and throw it away.
My feeling is that your girlfriend needs to get her act together. She doesn’t seem to understand that a relationship is based on respect, obligations, keeping agreements, trust, etc. She can’t swing back and forth like a pendulum, expecting people to wait for her with open arms. There’s a consequence to dumping someone. She now has to MEET CONDITIONS and RE-EARN YOUR TRUST. My suggestion is to make some _conditions_ under which the relationship can be resumed. Stick to them. Don’t waver or allow her a lot of slack. She has to earn your trust again. imho.. Karen Karen Ronan
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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