Ignore?
Question:
I can assure that friends are everywhere… I had one for ten years…horrible right? So I just tell you…go away and get some other friends that desearve you… Those ones will just hurt you more and more… LilyLove Robert C. White Jr. escreveu na mensagem <8afmv0$…@teal.sni.net>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Yo, W’sup? >Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll >ask it. >Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part >of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into >their lives like a real friend should, >but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an >excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity >of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty >boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay >and they are straight. >Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but…. >Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can >expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really. >WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? >Love >Robert
Response:
Hi again Lily! On Sun, 12 Mar 2000 14:33:33 -0000 <rop74…@mail.telepac.pt> wrote: > I can assure that friends are everywhere… > I had one for ten years…horrible right?
Do you mean that you broke after you’ve found that your friend wasn’t sincere or what? > So I just tell you…go away and get some other > friends that desearve you… > Those ones will just hurt you more and more…
This is in a milder form what I’ve told Robert myself. > LilyLove
Best wishes Rafwolf > Robert C. White Jr. escreveu na mensagem <8afmv0$…@teal.sni.net>…
<snip> Remove MAPS from the address to reply. *** Homepage *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/> *** ASL RAF FAQ *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/aslfaq.html> — Free audio & video emails, greeting cards and forums Talkway – http://www.talkway.com – Talk more ways (sm)
Response:
Hi again Erik! On Sun, 12 Mar 2000 06:20:50 -0800 Erik Nodacker <erikg…@lightspeed.net> wrote: > Robert, > Sounds like we’ve both got the same mental software for finding > ‘friends.’
LOL Actually, it is not a rare phenomenon. Others are more lucky, or should I say more skilled in detecting good friends. However, everybody can happen to be wrong and know it when it’s too late. > Hell, I’ve got family I’ve practically got to get in a head > lock to get them to come over to my place. There are a couple of > friends (who live way out of town) I keep in irregular contact > with and who will do the same for me. Everyone else I’ve got > to chase them down and hound them to so much as return my calls. > I don’t think it has anything to do with the you being gay and > them being straight, I’ve had so-called boyfriends treat me > the same way. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of trying > to make people like me.
I also think that it is unlikely as a discrimination, however possible. Anyway, no special reason is needed. Some people are exploitative and untrustful without a special reason. > -Erik
ATB (All The Best) Rafwolf P.S. I’ve noticed HTML in your post. Any problems with your newsreaders settings? Remove MAPS from the address to reply. *** Homepage *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/> *** ASL RAF FAQ *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/aslfaq.html> — Free audio & video emails, greeting cards and forums Talkway – http://www.talkway.com – Talk more ways (sm)
Response:
Robert, Sounds like we’ve both got the same mental software for finding ‘friends.’ Hell, I’ve got family I’ve practically got to get in a head lock to get them to come over to my place. There are a couple of friends (who live way out of town) I keep in irregular contact with and who will do the same for me. Everyone else I’ve got to chase them down and hound them to so much as return my calls. I don’t think it has anything to do with the you being gay and them being straight, I’ve had so-called boyfriends treat me the same way. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of trying to make people like me. -Erik
Response:
Hi, Robert, I used to help poeple until I woudl drop, and when I would, none of them was around save to have a fitr when I coudl not help as fast…and yet still helped all I could. But none of them even thought of helping, even when it got obvious that i was litterally dying…. This si not a figure of speech. In that time, I met soemoen online that ahd a similar problem: always helping others, yet never having a soul aroudn when theyw ere havign good tiems, for insatnce, or never hearign from them when he was in dore straight… He was good liek all us helpers are, at telling ME how to manage with that. I applieed his advice qwhere he did not L:), bnut am grateful for what hint he gave me. He suggested I woudl from nwo on each tiem one of the oens that asked for help woudl call me about soem troubel or help they needed, he suggested I woudl name oen thing I nee4ded where I coudl use their help, in the same conversation. I remember the forst tiem I tried his. I was stunned to see the friend never sowed up!!L:) It made me see ehow I was not inventing things, but hwo they truely were just wantign to use all they coudl and not ever give anythign out of themself:). The first one that called me after his suggestion was my ex common law bf. He ahd a new gf, and she did not have a lown mower. He then called me to ask if he coudl take a part of my old lawn mower out that he needed to fix her old one. Modn you, my old lawn mower was the oen I was using!! I then ask him what part that woudl be. He says it is a little part of nothing, that it woudl nto change anythign in the functioning of my lawn mower. I then hint with humour that I then am amazed his gf;s lawn mower coudl nto work without that part , then! He laughs yallow ansd changes the subject of the detail of the part in question and tells me he is on his way, to pick the part. I then remember what my email friend suggested and say "You coudl not happen to coem over at a better moment! See, my washign machien does not rng clothes. nd sicne you are an experrt on those, I thougth you mayeb coudl ahve a look at it. Great timing! A service for a service!:)". Then he gets to my palce, and tells me he will look at my washign machien after he takes the partoff of my lawn mower. I then ask insistingly what that part coudl ever be. He insists it is a part that wpn;t change a thing. I ask "Then again, what si that nothign part and why woudl they waste materials to put it on a lawn mower if it is not needed to work?;-):)" He laughs yellow and answers me "The gas tank". I burst laughing, and with humour say "Oh, duh, like, man, only the gas tank, like??Gee, all gas laewn mower can work without those?? Ya mean I pay for gas for it to work for nothing? Gee willeker, you are such a good friend to avoid my futher spending on gas when it never needed any all that tiem…Gee, exie, think that oenw oudl work if you tried to pull it on yo mamma?:):)" -Hihi. -Uh-hu, "hihi". Men!!:)". Tell you what. I cna use the landlord’s so you can have the old thing. BUT! shoots, I just relaized lookign for it while you were drivign here that I sent it to the farm for my brother to have qa lookat it: I changed the rope on it, it had borken, but soemhow it is so stiff I canlt start it at all…He is gonna look at it….Sgoots, it ainlt here… -Can you help me and [press that vertebra of mien back into place? -You eman walkign on your back again? Sigh. Oh, fine then, just get in ehre. I guess you need a good back to work on a washign machine:) -Oh…I…Uh…I donlt think I have the time for that! -Oh come on, it does nto take much longer than havign your vertebra poppee back into place!:) -I just ahev tiem for the vertebra. -Is that not saaaaad LOL:) -I…Ahem…I just remembered I have to be soem3where in five minutes. -Hahaahah, this si so funny:). Why donlt you just say you will nto look at the washign machine? -Oh, I will…Some other time… In the same week, he calls for another service I coudl render him. I then say goodie goodie,he can look at my washign machien at the same time! He calls me back five mins later to say that after all, he will not have tome to come and see me. Mayeb a next time. But here is the laugh of it. The next time he calls for a favor, he starts the conversation thsi way: -Hi. Did you get your washign machine fixed? -Nope…Dontl tell em you are comign over to have a look at it…? -Nonono…I mean no…I was just wodnerign if you coudl transalte a short texct for me. I;d wait for it there… -Oh, good, then you can have a look at the washign machien at the same time! -No time. -But you;d be sittign on your derriere while I transalte. Really, it woudl kill time for you, and it woudl be rendering a service for a service, non? -I..ahem…I think I maybe can transalte it myself… -I see (pffft!:)). For MONTHS he called me always asking in the forst sent4ence "Is your washign machine repaired". The idea beign that eh woudl only coem and ask a service if he did NOT have to render one in exchange:) He then stopped calling me altogether:) The next friend wanted me to spend three weeks doing his boirth chart (astrology). He works with a sand balster and I had doors that needed sandv;lasted that woudl take way less tiem than hsi cahrt. I then say I;d be glad too: btw, that was great timing. I was just abotu to cvall hi8m to ask him if he coudl sand blast soem doors for me. That oenw as trickier. he said sure no prob. He even came and took the doors to do at his workshop. But I wait4edto see the doors before killign msyelf on his cahrt. And I did well. He kept calling me to ask if he coudl coem and pick his chart. I woudl say "Are the doors done? It woudl save you a trip to brign them at the same time", giggling inside me, getting to guess hwon it was with them,and that the doors were not done, but wodnering if I woudl ever get them back at all!! He kept the doors for a whoel eyar. I was for over a year with pantries without doors:)!! Just cause he wanted a chart without doing the work. One mornign I woke up to see soemoen ahd tip toes on the veranda and put the doors they ahd said they ahd worked on and were almost doen with. NOTHING was doen to them AT ALL. I took tem indoors, smiling, knowign I;d never see phi8lip again, as he woudl be way too embarrassed about hsi lying to use me, and screed the dopros back as is. I stripped them with a bllow torch later:). I had tiem to do that, cause I was nto killign myself finding a gas tank for my lawn mower, or doing charts for peopel that wanted to get and never give:). Takers!:) So my advice ywoudl eb simple. You ahev it in you to make a list by your phoen of what you coudl ask your friends. It can be anything! Moving firniture around to help you redecorate, or paint a rom, whatever, make a list so that you ahve that by the phoen when they call. And when they ask or hint at soemthign they need doen, simply use the list, as not beign takers, we woudl nto ahve those things coming to our mind. See who really is a friend. And btw, I am hetero: it has nothign to do with secual orientation, as we can both see:). Has t do with one prientation of attitude: egocentered attitude from them:) Seing others as if born to revolve aroudn them and never having needs. Trust me: while the trick looks too sinmplistic, it is a great eye opener. Hhelps do a clean up and realize who uses you and who is ready to return a favor. Note that these people ahd nnumerous times used my help, and had NEVER been asked anything at all by me. So I coudl ahev been the oen to blame for not havign asked. I asked. I saw. Veni, vidi. Vici yaye, yaye yaye, vici yay!!!;-:):) Lost of fun to see them say the silliest things to try and cover up for their egocentred needs:) An eye opener wehre there can be humour and where we see it as a big kjoke, that we ever thought they cared about our well being at all!! One was always ready to help me. That on still calls:) Others were all barred of the list of people I woudl help. Some are just sucking whoever they can…Lazy! Oddly, they never call or knock on my door anymore. (Yippee!!:)) Ya know what? In light with what I discovered about them that I never would have REALLY thought they were REALLY doing before, but that I saw was so , undeniably, by using this trick my friend never used still, but suggested I woudl:), I think my life is much better and more relaxed without them!:) Great relief it ended up being! It is a great way to see if they care at all, or only care about THEIR well being:) Do YOURSELF a favor: try it! Een if you say you are not a needy person, just for the experience of it, MAKE a LIST and keep it by your phoen and keep in mind that you are going to use it eachtime oen hints at your doing soemthing, cause otherwise, we givers forget…Our nice nature taking over and sayign "Sure, I;ll be right there" before we realize "Ooops. I had told myself I would try that trick, and I again said yes without checkign things out!!". Keep the list handy. I does not really matter what will be on the list as in fact, my experience sowed me whatever it was I asked them even the simplest of things, like a ride or droppign me off soemwhere, was too mucy to ever ask!!:) Good luck and manylaughs, as it gets really funny to see those try and say "I hear my mother calling me for super, Bye!":) Take care, Chloe Robert C. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -White Jr. (r…@csn.net) writes: > Yo, W’sup? > > Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll > ask it. > Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part > of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into > their lives like a real friend should, > but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an > excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity > of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty > boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay > and
… read more »
Response:
Hello, Robert… welcome to the group… I don’t think that was "harsh", just reality… speaking in general terms, since I don’t know your friends, or the real life situations that may come into play… there are many we may call "friends", that are really only fair-weather friends… and then there are true friends, to whom the words, loyalty, and caring, are more than just catch phrases. But I don’t think anyone’s sexual orientation even enters into it, as we are all just people, with all the flaws that come with being mere mortals… For instance, I have some friends, that are kind, and do care about me, but their own problems, and busy lives, makes me much less of a priority to them. And I understand this, and accept what they are willing to give, and give to them, what I can… then I have some friends whom I have not even seen, or spoken to, in 5 or 6 years, due to my self-imposed isolation, (of which I want go into, due to the "bore" factor)… and it is these "true" friends, that I could call tomorrow, and they would be here for me on a moments notice, without question… So I guess all I am trying to say, in my opinion, it may simply be all about the expectations we put upon people… Time tells which are the fair-weather friends, and which are the true friends… and while it is only human to allow ourselves to be let down, and disappointed by others, if we can only simply accept what others are willing to give of themselves, and give of ourselves, what we can, then just perhaps we can take some control over how much the actions, or the lack of actions, of others, affects us… Sorry, I know I wasn’t of any help… but I just wanted to offer my opinion on the subject, as useless as it was… Take care, Robert… sincerely, Michael In article <8afmv0$…@teal.sni.net>, r…@csn.net (Robert C. White Jr.) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Yo, W’sup? >Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll >ask it. >Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part >of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into >their lives like a real friend should, >but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an >excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity >of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty >boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay >and they are straight. >Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but…. >Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can >expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really. >WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? >Love >Robert
Response:
Robert C. White Jr. wrote in message <8afmv0$…@teal.sni.net>… >Yo, W’sup? >Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll >ask it.
another mind without an off switch… welcome to my experience 
>Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part >of the time?
I don’t call them friends, I call them vultures or uncaring strangers, to be kind… >It seems like you put your heart and mind into >their lives like a real friend should, >but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an >excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity >of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty >boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay >and they are straight. >Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but….
I’d suggest you redefine the word friend… and choose again… >Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can >expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really.
ask yourself … what do you expect from people?… >WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? >Love >Robert
I’m not around every day these days Robert as I’m focusing on balancing life offline more, but I’m happy to see anothe voice here… the more voices, the less lonely the words… honest love, ric * a friend is a stranger waiting to be met *
Response:
Yep, happens to me also. I’ll be talking and they start talking to someone else. But there are people that do listen, I think the ones that are rude kinda stick out more. So, when around those people I remain quiet, around the rude ones. Bill "Robert C. White Jr." wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Yo, W’sup? > Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll > ask it. > Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part > of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into > their lives like a real friend should, > but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an > excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity > of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty > boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay > and they are straight. > Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but…. > Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can > expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really. > WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? > Love > Robert
– http://www.crosswinds.net/~loneliness/loneliness.html http://www.crosswinds.net/~loneliness/poetry.html
Response:
Hi Robert and welcome! (I didn’t see you post here before; care for taking a peek to the unofficial FAQ? Link below). More… On 12 Mar 2000 02:10:56 -0700 r…@csn.net (Robert C. White Jr.) wrote: > Yo, W’sup? > Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll > ask it. > Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part > of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into > their lives like a real friend should, but when you need a > little in return there always seems to be an excuse or a > reason they can’t respond.
If this happens on a regular basis, the idea of them being "friends" is questionable. Does something else account for the fact that they actually *are*? > Or maybe I expect an intensity of response they aren’t > cababel or want to deliver. > Maybe I am not the pretty boy they are, but hey, I can > hold my own IMHO… > BTW, I am gay and they are straight.
I don’t know if this is the question or not. Did you suspect some discrimination from their part? Just kidding now: they aren’t supposed to care if you are pretty or not! > Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but…. > Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can > expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really.
An outstanding generosity is rare. Just be ready to listen is far less than that and should reasonably be expected. If the relationship does look unfair, you may reconsider it. Of course, this also means to have problems with solitude or to make new friends. > WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? > Love > Robert
Best wishes Raffaele Remove MAPS from the address to reply. *** Homepage *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/> *** ASL RAF FAQ *** <http://www.angelfire.com/mi/raffaele55/aslfaq.html> — Free audio & video emails, greeting cards and forums Talkway – http://www.talkway.com – Talk more ways (sm)
Response:
Yo, W’sup? Here’s something harsh, but since my mind is active 24/7, I’ll ask it. Anyone else have friends who seem to ignore you a good part of the time? It seems like you put your heart and mind into their lives like a real friend should, but when you need a little in return there always seems to be an excuse or a reason they can’t respond. Or maybe I expect an intensity of response they aren’t cababel or want to deliver. Maybe I am not the pretty boy they are, but hey, I can hold my own IMHO… BTW, I am gay and they are straight. Maybe I am just stupid and choose arrogant friends, but…. Or maybe I just don’t understand the limited rolls that you can expect from other people. I really am not a needy person. Really. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Love Robert
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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