Night
Question:
I wish someone in my real life would take me gently by the hand and bring me back out to who is me again, free me internally in a sense.. I don’t like this part of loneliness though I have friends who seem to call me all the time now with their problems .. I’m even imagining things now I think that just can’t be reality .. doesn’t fit with my own or other’s perceptions of myself.. The well is dry now, I feel emotionally whipped.. I kinda wish to be a child again curled up in someone’s arms. ain’t gonna happen, is it night everyone, better days tomorrow Pamela
Response:
Hope your Sunday is better for you, Pamela. Remember to take some time for yourself. People call you with their problems because you are a giving person. YOu can’t help it…it’s something that comes from within. You can’t stop caring about people. But you have to learn when to draw the line. I know…it’s something I’m trying to learn myself, in some ways. Unicorn <unicorn_4_ma…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:39f28a49_4@spamkiller.newsfeeds.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I wish someone in my real life would take me gently by the hand and > bring me back out to who is me again, free me internally in a sense.. > I don’t like this part of loneliness though I have friends who seem to > call me all the time now with their problems .. I’m even imagining > things now I think that just can’t be reality .. doesn’t fit with my > own or other’s perceptions of myself.. > The well is dry now, I feel emotionally whipped.. I kinda wish to be a > child again curled up in someone’s arms. ain’t gonna happen, is it > night everyone, better days tomorrow > Pamela
Response:
Hey lady, it will be, I have much to keep me busy before the little people come home and I have to run to get things to fix couple things.. tis the evenings and nights that are the hardest.. when I coming home and realize it doesn’t change.. I’m locked up inside and I don’t notice things around me when I’m into the sensations of the music. When I do, I get embarrassed, and can’t stop doing that. I won’t ever meet anyone like this and I know it’s just me. The way so many choose to live their lives are so different from mine. I need to really talk to other’s. Maybe I should have card parties, or set up terminals locally, and meet people that way so their is introductions and talking.. giggle.. we still laugh at a place we had as kids that had telephones at every table and you called the table and talked to each other before meeting.. silliness but twas fun.. our phone rang alot then.. least it wasn’t all based on appearance. <grin> I think we may go to bingo instead next time.. the older people like us, we had a cute little man jump in last night and dance with us.. or if their was dances that were single parents and our kids dances or something.. like those weddings we went to as kids.. ya know.. everyone dances and little people are included.. remember how much fun that was when you were a kid.. tis how we all learned to dance back then.. oh.. we said we would have so much fun with them there.. broken families realizing we’re not really alone in a sense something to reinforce that being a family, keeping tradition, having another who understands, and normalizing life and living, even after divorce is important, kinda helping each other through all the things that just were never learned or just can’t physically be done alone, or group support or venting, shared pain that normalizes it and gets a bunch of thoughts moving in our heads.. like.. the gang meets here and has a party and helps her.. then next week we gather and party here and help him with this.. or a single dad having parties for his kids and the ladies pulling all together for him and his child, making our own normalcy, no money involved, community of people helping people .. my grandparent’s did this all the time, people in my community still remember my grandparents.. it’s like people are lost now and some wanna be good moms and dads, and it’s the same feelings from everyone that talks to me.. but they give up emotionally to random stuff.. which messes up the kids in reality.. no one stays in their lives.. so their shell is deeper. If I could find time to do even half of the things I dream of, I could help them.. and me too, instead I can only listen but I can’t get let me get too drawn into helping another. I have learned to set these kind of limits, but it closes me off too in many ways.. I went out with my friend last night.. had fun went to eat like piggies and the out dancing.. we had alot of fun just being silly. She need to talk about her problems and I know she’s weighted down.. I know she’s going through so much right now.. I get so mad at her cause she’s doing what I did.. I’m watching her spiral and crash and I can’t help her. It’s a world gone topsy turvey. She’s so overwhelmed with singular things that need done or repaired, monies tight or locked up, and her x is so full of bitterness for her, the kids are suffering and it’s ripping her apart.. she can’t do it all, she always wanted to stay home and be a mom and she can’t do this and survive.. but I just can’t absorb anymore right now.. not when I can’t shed my own when she’s already hurting.. her tears tear me up inside. I think I’m realizing this is why I pull back so much.. because people’s real life problems are so overwhelming and I can’t help if I’m not stable myself and I feel like I’m letting other’s down because I can’t even take time to listen anymore. I’m lost and I can’t find me anymore. I’m gonna take time for me.. kay, I will, right after I shoot the paintball gun at the lawnmower and weedwacker.. I’ll feel better then.. <grin> Pamela "scylla" <eeyor…@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:8sut6l$eul$1@nntp9.atl.mindspring.net… > Hope your Sunday is better for you, Pamela. Remember to take some time for > yourself. People call you with their problems because you are a giving > person. YOu can’t help it…it’s something that comes from within. You > can’t stop caring about people. But you have to learn when to draw the > line. I know…it’s something I’m trying to learn myself, in some
ways.
Response:
Pamela Often I have yearned for that guide you speak of to lead me into the warmth. I still wait. I still hope to know that softness of strength and poetry of power two people can share in that intimate territory. In this wilderness if my guide does not come then perhaps one day I might stumble upon the path myself. Perhaps we both will. I imagine you must be a wise and kind person for your friends to come to you with their problems but the well needs to be replenished from time to time before more can be drawn from it. I imagine you share to the point that in filling the hearts of your friends; you empty your own. Sometimes for me isolation is borne from the echo of emptyness but often it comes from the lack of understanding of others. Is it selfish to listen to that growing voice in your head that says, "but what about me? … When is it my turn?" Perhaps but for me it is also a reminder that while empty my heart is still alive. > night everyone, better days tomorrow
Sleep well. And as they say, "may a fleet of angels guide thee to thy rest". Paul
Response:
Hello Paul.. We all yearn for someone who understands who we are on the inside I think.. maybe that’s the hardest hurdle.. breaking other’s perceptions.. The one thing I can truly say though that I learned of my own pulling away from other’s is that you get what you give.. When I was not open to listen to them, how could I ever expect them to listen to me.. however, foolish me, I found they would have if I would have but reached to them..however knowing their problems where not easily to bear either I did not wish to burden them with mine either. I am choosy about my closest friends, I can honestly say of the people closest to me in bilateral relationships tis only few of them, maybe the key is open honesty… no lies.. and no relationship is ever born of lies or hiding truths from another.. the reach in.. as well as the extend out.. they are not people who gossip and <grin> if I think of it.. they had mostly brother’s.. they don’t relate to the petty competition stuff born of other woman.. I do find me listening to other’s often, I care and I respect them for who is inside of them, I have no right to judge another for I am also flawed. Gossip is not something I do so their secrets are safe with me. somehow they sense this.. don’t know why actually.. I found that those girls I found to dance with do really care about me, and the wildness in some of them is not something my children need to be exposed to in our home, it is their chosen way to live but not mine, I do love them but I do not invite them in.. My children learn from what I do as well as what I expose them to willingly. tis but a few are the kind that I would tell my own troubles to, but I have seen many of them grow into really wonderful people.. I feel as if I receive a gift when I find those rare people who accept me unconditionally for all my flaws, mistakes, achievements, failures, as well as silliness.. I will never claim perfection.. I’ve screwed up alot of times in my life, however, haven’t we all.. yet people don’t accept your mistakes, they feed on them sometimes using them to appease themselves inside somehow.. that again I think is to what the media has taught us and continues to promote to our children.. the time before last I watched MTV for just a couple min to see the show Angela told me about, I watched someone in Emenem say how he want’s Christina.. and then cut to Christina deny whatever they were saying about she had done.. gossip.. I turned it off.. She’s from a small town in PA and she’s probably a really nice girl and she went whoosh to the top with Genie in a bottle. Those songs are kinda negative and his child must have been broken pretty badly from just listening to the words of the music.. . As for my turn.. I will wait in line like I’m supposed to.. doesn’t everyone in reality. When it is my turn it will come… that’s just reality checking. Pamela "Paul" <pdev…@globalnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:8sv5as$4kg$2@gxsn.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Pamela > Often I have yearned for that guide you speak of to lead me into the > warmth. I still wait. > I still hope to know that softness of strength and poetry of power two > people can share in that intimate territory. In this wilderness if my guide > does not come then perhaps one day I might stumble upon the path myself. > Perhaps we both will. > I imagine you must be a wise and kind person for your friends to come to you > with their problems but the well needs to be replenished from time to time > before more can be drawn from it. I imagine you share to the point that in > filling the hearts of your friends; you empty your own. > Sometimes for me isolation is borne from the echo of emptyness but often it > comes from the lack of understanding of others. > Is it selfish to listen to that growing voice in your head that says, "but > what about me? … When is it my turn?" Perhaps but for me it is also a > reminder that while empty my heart is still alive. > > night everyone, better days tomorrow > Sleep well. And as they say, "may a fleet of angels guide thee to thy rest". > Paul
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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