Question:
BTR wrote: > > The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG? > For you maybe. That’s YOUR model of the world. Others think > differently.
Believe me, I had noticed this. Would you like me to present someone else’s model of the world in my posts in future? Any particular person’s? I’m quite open to suggestions. > > I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of > > holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the > > ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid > > for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of Goods > > Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, > > washed-out man. > Oh, what woman could resist? It’s every woman’s dream to have a > "worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out man", isn’t it? Well, > maybe a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out woman’s dream.
Experience suggests otherwise. (see below) > And this I’m-so-honest-and-down-to-earth routine is just SO ORIGINAL. > Nobody’s thought of that manipulation before. > Yes, it’s manipulative…YOU are being manipulative with this POSE. > It’s just an attraction strategy, and one that doesn’t work very well > at all.
Being honest is an attraction strategy, yes, but it’s also a fairly good way to approach life, from the memory-saving point of view. Lies use up stack space and slow down your mental processes. Try being honest (with yourself and others), you’ll be amazed at the overall gains in speed and efficiency (and general user-friendliness). "Doesn’t work very well" is somewhat belied by the fact I just got married to the gal of my dreams. (ASL passim) "It is manipulative to not be manipulative" is, however, almost sigfile material. Thanks for that. > > If I had worn clothes that reflected someone else’s personality, e.g. > > bright, colourful, new, shiny, I am sure I would have aroused a great > > deal more interest, but it would have been on the basis of deceit. As > > soon as I had removed said clothes, it would have been clear I was not > > a bright, colourful, new, shiny person, and it would have become a case > > for the Office of Fair Trading. > Hmmmm….dating by the GOVERNMENT MODEL. I wonder how effective that’s > going to be. > The fact is that you are DECEIVING yourself. The only reason that you > are taking this stance is because it’s all you know how to do, and > you’ve AMPUTATED YOUR DREAMS about who you want to be with.
You base this, of course, on the fact you’ve known me since childhood, and have a profound understanding of my deepest needs and desires. How much do you charge for this, BTW? > The basic strategy that you are employing is > If-I-reduce-my-expectations-enough-then-I’ll-get-what-I-want. Except > that you can never reduce your expectation enough because your genes > are programmed through countless generations to MAXIMIZE YOUR POTENTIAL > by picking the best mate.
You must tell me more about these "genes". I never heard of those before. Bit puzzled about this "reducing of expectations", though. Does it seem to you that I am "reducing my expectations" by insisting on a partner who values honesty and despises baseless self-aggrandisement? If I looked for someone dumb enough to be impressed by a suit, would that be "raising my expectations"? Just curious. > Your reduction of your expectations is a *conscious* strategy, but YOUR > UNCONSCIOUS mind is there, working in the background, making you be > attracted to all sorts of beautiful women, because good looking genes > beget good looking children which in turn maximizes their chance of > finding the best mate….etc.
I have always been attracted to all sorts of beautiful women, quite consciously and unashamedly. That’s why I picked the most beautiful woman I could find to get married to. (Not sure about having kids though. Hope Darwin will forgive me.) > Hey, it’s not my idea…go actually read some Darwin. His concept of > SEXUAL SELECTION, ie the survival of the sexiest parallels the survival > of the fittest. A good book on the topic is _The Red Queen_
"Survival of the sexiest", eh. No justice in the world. > > I think people should dress how they are. > Like that’s going to happen any time soon. You are either in the game > to win or you are in the game to lose. Which do you want?
I just walked out of the casino about twenty grand flush. And suddenly feel like spending a bit. Good luck. 
Response:
> The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG?
For you maybe. That’s YOUR model of the world. Others think differently. > I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of > holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the > ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid > for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of Goods > Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, > washed-out man.
Oh, what woman could resist? It’s every woman’s dream to have a "worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out man", isn’t it? Well, maybe a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out woman’s dream. And this I’m-so-honest-and-down-to-earth routine is just SO ORIGINAL. Nobody’s thought of that manipulation before. Yes, it’s manipulative…YOU are being manipulative with this POSE. It’s just an attraction strategy, and one that doesn’t work very well at all. > If I had worn clothes that reflected someone else’s personality, e.g. > bright, colourful, new, shiny, I am sure I would have aroused a great > deal more interest, but it would have been on the basis of deceit. As > soon as I had removed said clothes, it would have been clear I was not > a bright, colourful, new, shiny person, and it would have become a case > for the Office of Fair Trading.
Hmmmm….dating by the GOVERNMENT MODEL. I wonder how effective that’s going to be. The fact is that you are DECEIVING yourself. The only reason that you are taking this stance is because it’s all you know how to do, and you’ve AMPUTATED YOUR DREAMS about who you want to be with. The basic strategy that you are employing is If-I-reduce-my-expectations-enough-then-I’ll-get-what-I-want. Except that you can never reduce your expectation enough because your genes are programmed through countless generations to MAXIMIZE YOUR POTENTIAL by picking the best mate. Your reduction of your expectations is a *conscious* strategy, but YOUR UNCONSCIOUS mind is there, working in the background, making you be attracted to all sorts of beautiful women, because good looking genes beget good looking children which in turn maximizes their chance of finding the best mate….etc. Hey, it’s not my idea…go actually read some Darwin. His concept of SEXUAL SELECTION, ie the survival of the sexiest parallels the survival of the fittest. A good book on the topic is _The Red Queen_ > I think people should dress how they are.
Like that’s going to happen any time soon. You are either in the game to win or you are in the game to lose. Which do you want? TTYL .btr
Response:
I have no idea what to advice you. I just wanted to reply saying I truly know where you’re coming from because I’ve experienced/experience the exact same thing. What sometimes helps me is when I search ASL on google groups seeing people tell stories like mine. Well I know exactly what it feels like to walk around and look at others and just absolutely die inside when you hear about other peoples lives or are confronted with a group of kids/teens having fun or talking about going to the cinema. I distinctly remember when it started. I used to always feel awkward when I was watching TV shows and the teens on there used to do social things. I used to think what do my parents think of me cause I never ever do things like that. Then at school, sitting in lessons hearing about people’s weekends. What they did, even going to the cinema. I went from 1997 to 2003 without going to the cinema because I simply had no one to go with. Now it’s changed, it’s more ‘girl loneliness’ where I get upset/downish when I see couples having fun or doing things. But in saying that I do sometimes smile and wish I had something again. And I relate to the fake persona. The smiling thing was hard for me too everyone could see I wasn’t happy. Some of the nicer girls in school used to even try and cheer me up by joking about it. And your overprotective mother is a bad thing. Mine was and it ruined my social life. Now with your face, I have no idea if you look like you say you do. But I do know some people do look off. I’m just gonna go ahead and say that. You can do something about it though. Maybe different hair or different facial hair? And I have acne myself one or two zits are always there and my skin is extremely oily. I used to hate myself for it. But you know what? It doesn’t even matter. It’s only minor. And I’m sure it’s the same with you. It’s not gonna put anyone off. > I don’t want to sit around pitying myself- I’ve been taking concrete > actions to improve my life: I’m finishing school and getting my degree, > I’ve been more outgoing and starting conversations with people I come > across, but none of them advance beyond a superficial level. I do stand > up at local open mics which is a nice release and I’ve made a few > casual acquaintences from it, but nothing substantial. I listen to and > read self help tapes and books and have gotten a lot of insight out of > them, but not a lot of results. I recently got a date off an Internet > dating site but she stood me up twice after we spoke on the phone. This > is a familiar occurrence with me and women.
You’ve got the right attitude We just gotta try and help ourselves cause no one is gonna magically save us from our loneliness. We have to do something about it. And it’s nice to hear you don’t pity yourself. I was guilty of that for a long long time. Now I try and get on with things no matter what I feel like and help myself. I myself was you until I went to university where luckily I became more socialable and have a social life and friends. I predict, however, soon as I graduate my life will disappear because I simply *don’t* have people that close to me. I was just talking about it today with a girl who’s leaving at work. She goes it’s sad how you just lose touch. But if there’s nothing to grip you to each other that’s what happens. You need something more. That’s what I’m looking for but I haven’t found it. And to be honest I don’t think I ever will. But that’s no reason to give up and self pity. Just gotta get on with things. Anyway this reply has probably been more about me than you but I didn’t know what else to reply. I read it a couple days ago and I just needed to reply cause I know how awful it is. I think since we all have loner personalities I just wish we were also all had personalities where we simply don’t care we’re alone. We don’t want social interactions that’s why we’re alone. We’d be so much happier. Good luck and keep posting in here I’ve had a few victories along the way and boy do they feel nice. Hope you do too. <spammer…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1124767818.965235.297870@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I am writing this out of desperation for what my life has become. I’m > 24 years old and I live with my parents and attend college (I’m > graduating this year). I’ve never had a girlfriend or had sex, I have > no real friends or social life to speak of, I’m shy and insecure around > people and have trouble making friends. When I do make an occasional > friend I feel like it’s only on a superficial level because I’m putting > my best face forward and trying to be friendly and outgoing while at > the same time trying not to look desperate. Basically I’m smiling and > hiding behind a fake persona I’ve created for dealing with social > situations. I can and do getthrough a lot of social situations with it > but it’s not real- I feel like a fraud. It isn’t easy to live like > this. I get along fine with my parents, but my father is really distant > and my mother is constantly trying to hold me back and smother me, > trying to "protect me" from real life instead of letting me make my own > decisions. I don’t know if she even realizes how miserable she makes > me, I tell her this and it’s like she doesn’t hear me- in one ear out > the other. > I don’t like the way I look- people have told me I’m a little weird and > creepy looking and when I look in the mirror I can see why. Sometimes I > deliberately leave my glasses or contacts off so I can look in my > bathroom mirror and not feel horrible about myself. I don’t even like > looking at my reflection on glass doors and car windows. Isn’t that > pathetic? I don’t think I’m ugly, just a little "off" and slightly > geeky looking, and I have a scary stare sometimes. I think I put people > off at times without meaning to just because of how my face is set. It > makes me sick how superficial people can be, myself included. I try to > smile and be friendly, but as I mentioned above I think it often comes > across as forced and insincere. I still have a modest acne problem > which I can only seem to keep under control by a strict regimen of > cleansing, but it’s hard to clear my face up completely and even when I > do the zits always come back. > I need to know how to get out of this hole I’m in. I feel like I can’t > get past this rut I’m in and get on with my life. It’s like I’m stuck > in neutral. I just want to be happy with who I am and have real friends > and girlfriends and enjoy life. When I go out I often see people with > their friends talking and laughing or a couple on a date and I feel > sick inside knowing I don’t know what that feels like. It seems so easy > for some people, so why is it so hard for me? > I know that it really is "all in my head", but whenever I make a change > and try to get out of this rut it actually feels like the Universe is > pushing me back down again. Like my life is some cruel joke for some > sick god’s amusement. > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?
Response:
—–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– Hash: SHA1 In article <1124834487.519307.103…@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> OB – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<nevilemo…@yahoo.com> wrote: >The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG? >I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of >holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the >ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid >for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of Goods >Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, >washed-out man. >If I had worn clothes that reflected someone else’s personality, e.g. >bright, colourful, new, shiny, I am sure I would have aroused a great >deal more interest, but it would have been on the basis of deceit. As >soon as I had removed said clothes, it would have been clear I was not >a bright, colourful, new, shiny person, and it would have become a case >for the Office of Fair Trading. >I think people should dress how they are.
Then, since almost everybody else overrepresents themselves (having great incentive to do so – to get access to potential mates who are above their own league), and almost everybody compensates for this, you will be assumed to be overrepresenting yourself too, and hence, prematurely judged as being Unfit For Any Purpose. If you were the president of a state with nuclear weapons, would *you* voluntarily disarm first? (The South African government did exactly this – possibly due to quasi-racist fears of caricaturised African corrupt and trigger-happy "leaders" getting their grubby little hands on nuclear weapons. IOW, not exactly "voluntarily".) – — Problems experienced downstream are symptoms of neglect upstream. Upstream problems can only be solved upstream. —–BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE—– Version: GnuPG v1.4.2 (GNU/Linux) iD8DBQFDDF+o/FmLrNfLpjMRAvOMAJ41oMMLf7jBcp8+mAKtTg6UQDizdQCZAdOG WwDX06cLBjjfQJQ5KGrc7cw= =oB7/ —–END PGP SIGNATURE—–
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -William P wrote: > Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia <n…@newb.com> wrote in > news:Xns96BBDEF3E1E5Bnewbnewbcom@68.6.19.6: > > LisatheSequel <dontmai…@goaway.com> wrote in news:deee3b$m1n$2 > > @swifty.westend.com: > >> Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: > >>> spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 > >>> @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: > > > > > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where > > > > > do I > start? > >>> BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT > >> Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! > 
> > I’ve got my pistol pawn cocked > Oh, "cocked" I get it! (He’s talking about chess and roosters.)
of course! at first I thought it said prawn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Ready ta lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop, > > And let your homies know who done it, > > Cuz when it comes to this gangsta shit you motherfuckers know who > > run > it. > > (Uh) > > So when you put this motherfucker to the test, > > You gotta realize somethin’ nigga: > > you fuckin’ wit the very best. > > I got this killa up inside of me > > I can’t talk to my mother so I talk to my diary > > I’m goin’ off on the deep end > > I found myself face to face with myself while I’m sleepin’ > > I see your picture in my head and my hand shake > > You can run, you can hide, but there’s no escape > > My inner feelings show no mercy on my enemy > > I got to get this mutherfucker fore he gets to me > > So in your own blood you’ll bathe > > And I won’t stop until I put this mutherfucker in his fuckin’ grave > > And I can say this once again > > You can cry but you’ll still die > > They’ll be no tears in the end
Response:
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia <n…@newb.com> wrote in news:Xns96BBDEF3E1E5Bnewbnewbcom@68.6.19.6: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> LisatheSequel <dontmai…@goaway.com> wrote in news:deee3b$m1n$2 > @swifty.westend.com: >> Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: >>> spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 >>> @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: >>>>What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start? >>> BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT >> Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! :P > I’ve got my pistol pawn cocked
Oh, "cocked" I get it! (He’s talking about chess and roosters.) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ready ta lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop, > And let your homies know who done it, > Cuz when it comes to this gangsta shit you motherfuckers know who run it. > (Uh) > So when you put this motherfucker to the test, > You gotta realize somethin’ nigga: > you fuckin’ wit the very best. > I got this killa up inside of me > I can’t talk to my mother so I talk to my diary > I’m goin’ off on the deep end > I found myself face to face with myself while I’m sleepin’ > I see your picture in my head and my hand shake > You can run, you can hide, but there’s no escape > My inner feelings show no mercy on my enemy > I got to get this mutherfucker fore he gets to me > So in your own blood you’ll bathe > And I won’t stop until I put this mutherfucker in his fuckin’ grave > And I can say this once again > You can cry but you’ll still die > They’ll be no tears in the end
Response:
LisatheSequel <dontmai…@goaway.com> wrote in news:deee3b$m1n$2 @swifty.westend.com: > Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: >> spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 >> @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: >>>What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start? >> BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT > Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! :P
I’ve got my pistol pawn cocked Ready ta lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop, And let your homies know who done it, Cuz when it comes to this gangsta shit you motherfuckers know who run it. (Uh) So when you put this motherfucker to the test, You gotta realize somethin’ nigga: you fuckin’ wit the very best. I got this killa up inside of me I can’t talk to my mother so I talk to my diary I’m goin’ off on the deep end I found myself face to face with myself while I’m sleepin’ I see your picture in my head and my hand shake You can run, you can hide, but there’s no escape My inner feelings show no mercy on my enemy I got to get this mutherfucker fore he gets to me So in your own blood you’ll bathe And I won’t stop until I put this mutherfucker in his fuckin’ grave And I can say this once again You can cry but you’ll still die They’ll be no tears in the end
Response:
"OB" <nevilemo…@yahoo.com> wrote in news:1124834487.519307.103860 @g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: > The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG? > I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of > holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the > ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid > for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of Goods > Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, > washed-out man.
That might be the funniest thing you’ve ever said. Although as I’ve pretty much dressed like a wannabe Deadhead since I was 22…was I washed even then? — "But," he added, "I think it’s also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life." George The-Buck-Stops-Elsewhere Bush.
Response:
William P wrote: > Do you rely mostly on women noticing you and making the first move?
Yes. Mostly they’ve been considerate enough to let me think I was making the first "significant" move, but that’s generally after they set it up so it was all nice and easy for me. Women are good at that. So… yes. > Are you saying you’re trying to weed out false-positives, women who might > be interested in you and then realize you’re personality doesn’t go along > with the kind of guy who would buy clothing every couple of years and > regularly do laundry?
Weed out false-positives, yes. I do actually do laundry, though. It’s not about that, it’s about the clothes. Put it this way: last time I bought a shirt, I went into the changing room in the shop to try it on. In order to do this, I first had to remove the shirt I was wearing. So I unbuttoned it about halfway and grabbed the collar to yank it over my head, and the collar came off in my hand. It was quite embarrassing, queuing up to pay for a new shirt when the one I was wearing was minus a collar. Once I had bought the shirt, of course, I ducked into a bar toilet to switch, and left the old one in a bin somewhere. > One point is that if you are happy with your ability to attract women, > certainly you don’t need advice at all.
I’m happy with my ability to attract the woman I’m with. Which is what counts, really, innit. > For someone who isn’t happy > though, paying some attention to this is a pretty easy way to increase > attractiveness in a pretty universal way.
I agree with "paying attention". Just not with trying out clothes you don’t feel comfortable in.
Response:
"OB" <nevilemo…@yahoo.com> wrote in news:1124834487.519307.103860@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> William P wrote: >> "BTR" <buboe_the_…@hotmail.com> wrote in >> news:1124828414.040642.69750 @f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com: >> > We’re getting at bit advanced at this point… >> > What you describe is a high quality problem, and I’d hasten to add >> > that you will better attract all sorts of women both deep and >> > superficial if you don’t look like you just slept in a dumpster and >> > don’t suffer from the Halitosis of Satan ™. 
>> > If you get to that point, you can of course be choosy about which >> > women you want to spend time with… >> > Unless of course you prefer women who prefer men with poor personal >> > hygiene and dress in ill-fitting clothes purchased from thrift >> > stores. >> I agree with you totally here, and that was well said. It’s amazing >> that people actually think having a wider variety of women sexually >> attracted to them (or not sexually repulsed) is a negative point. >> Nobody is going to get rejected because they payed some attention to >> clothes. (Decking yourself out like a full on metrosexual when you >> don’t have the personality for it would be another thing.) > The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG? > I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of > holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the > ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid > for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of > Goods Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of > holes, washed-out man.
Do you rely mostly on women noticing you and making the first move? If not, do you think you would have been rejected if you did a bit more clothing maintenance? (Or if so, do you think women wouldn’t make the first move as much?) Are you saying you’re trying to weed out false-positives, women who might be interested in you and then realize you’re personality doesn’t go along with the kind of guy who would buy clothing every couple of years and regularly do laundry? > If I had worn clothes that reflected someone else’s personality, e.g. > bright, colourful, new, shiny, I am sure I would have aroused a great > deal more interest, but it would have been on the basis of deceit. As > soon as I had removed said clothes, it would have been clear I was not > a bright, colourful, new, shiny person, and it would have become a > case for the Office of Fair Trading. > I think people should dress how they are.
You evoke some images there: bright, colourful, shiny. Nobody is going to say that’s always a good idea. What would be recommended is just basic maintenance first. One point is that if you are happy with your ability to attract women, certainly you don’t need advice at all. For someone who isn’t happy though, paying some attention to this is a pretty easy way to increase attractiveness in a pretty universal way. I don’t believe your idea that it’s a negative thing in any (realistic) way. Taking "dress decently" as wearing a lot of colourful shiny stuff, sure, that could hinder some people. Note 1: There may be other things, instead of or in addition to clothing, which can also produce results for someone. It’s not a problem for many people. It’s like how showering twice a day instead of once isn’t going to be much of a gain, but showering every day instead of every week sure might be. Note 2: I’m probably one of the worst dressed guys here right now, because I already have a girlfriend, and she doesn’t care very much.
Response:
spammer…@yahoo.com wrote: > I am writing this out of desperation for what my life has become. I’m > 24 years old and I live with my parents and attend college (I’m > graduating this year). I’ve never had a girlfriend or had sex, I have > no real friends or social life to speak of, I’m shy and insecure around > people and have trouble making friends.
Based on this and what you’ve written below, you should set your intention to move out on your own ASAP! You might begin to become aware of exactly how your dependence feeds into this cycle. If you want friends, and from what you write it seems to me that you do, you have to actually go out and cultivate them. I’m sure you’re aware that this involves meeting people in social situations. You’ve got a perfect opportunity in college because A) you’ve got spare time…try it when you’ve got a job, and B) there are a lot of people of a similar age group with similar interests. Join a club..what are your interests, I’m sure that there is SOMETHING that you can find. If you have trouble with small talk, and I know what it’s like, there’s a trick. Do you want to know what it is? It’s really simple, effective, and PROVEN…ask them about themselves. Do it simply, and listen for KEY WORDS..words that the person puts extra voice stress, inflection or interest on. Listen for those specific words and ask them about X-word. As an exercise, you can see how long you can get someone talking about themselves. Try 30 seconds, then extend it to minutes until you can go for half an hour or more with ease. If you really want to make friends, etc. then I challenge you to (after you read this) go out and make a 20-second conversation with at least three strangers. Do this every day for the next 90 days..and gradually extend the time as your comfort level grows. Sit down and write out twenty topics that you could make a conversation on, and pick the best 3-5. That way you can be armed to adapt to the situation as it presents itself. You want CHANGE, then you must TAKE ACTION. Otherwise, you’ll end up the 40-year-old virgin…without the movie or the girl. Set a maximum time limit to yourself on the conversation, and then end it with something like, "well, it’s been nice talking to you, I have to go do [X-thing], bye" When I do make an occasional > friend I feel like it’s only on a superficial level because I’m putting > my best face forward and trying to be friendly and outgoing while at > the same time trying not to look desperate. Basically I’m smiling and > hiding behind a fake persona I’ve created for dealing with social > situations. I can and do getthrough a lot of social situations with it > but it’s not real- I feel like a fraud.
Imagine how much better you’ll feel when you have an ever expanding social circle by implementing my suggestions. I’ll tell you a SECRET…most people feel the way you do at some level or other. The irony is that superficial small-talk is just an initial behavior that we use to determine if a situation is safe. The words are not important. What IS *IMPORTANT* is the BODY LANGUAGE. Studies show that something like 80-90% of communication is NON-VERBAL. The small talk is just something to occupy the conscious mind, while the unconscious is sending and receiving signals with TONALITY, POSTURE, GESTURE, etc. How do you learn BODY LANGUAGE? There are two ways, and they’re best used together. Experience shows that structured practice works the best. You have to go out and actually try it. The structure comes from knowledge of the subject. A place to start is the book _Body Language_ by Julius fast, and for more advanced stuff look up the work of Dr. Paul Ekman (_Emotions Revealed_ is an excellent book). > I don’t like the way I look- people have told me I’m a little weird and > creepy looking and when I look in the mirror I can see why. Sometimes I > deliberately leave my glasses or contacts off so I can look in my > bathroom mirror and not feel horrible about myself.
Presumably you are a guy. This means you’re lucky! It doesn’t really matter that much in the looks department for men…BUT, you must take care of the following: 1) PERSONAL HYGIENE: Any hair except on your head is bad. Keep the fingernails trimmed and clean. Brush your teeth and use a teeth-whitening product, etc…especially have GOOD BREATH…those little breath strips kick (and you can use them to start a convo.) 2) COOL HAIR CUT: Go to a decent place and pay extra for a cool cut. Keep it fresh. 3) COOL CLOTHES: You might need a friendly girl for this to take you shopping (FIND ONE!) Considering your situation, you probably are being dressed by your mom (been there, done that). It’s not going to work. Start looking at fashion mags, etc. to find out what looks cool and start wearing it. 4)COOL SHOES: Women look at shoes. It’s bad enough that they’re obsessed with their own shoes, but they’re obsessed with ours as well. Again, you are likely going to need some female advice on this (not your mom, ok?) I don’t even like > looking at my reflection on glass doors and car windows. Isn’t that > pathetic? I don’t think I’m ugly, just a little "off" and slightly > geeky looking, and I have a scary stare sometimes. I think I put people > off at times without meaning to just because of how my face is set. It > makes me sick how superficial people can be, myself included. I try to > smile and be friendly, but as I mentioned above I think it often comes > across as forced and insincere. I still have a modest acne problem > which I can only seem to keep under control by a strict regimen of > cleansing, but it’s hard to clear my face up completely and even when I > do the zits always come back.
You can’t have it as bad as I did. Don’t worry, it gets better. Ok, I’m out of time, but if you want more…and there’s a LOT more, then you have to COMMIT to doing what I tell you. Good luck! (And may the force be with you…;P) .btr
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I am writing this out of desperation for what my life has become. I’m 24 years old and I live with my parents and attend college (I’m graduating this year). I’ve never had a girlfriend or had sex, I have no real friends or social life to speak of, I’m shy and insecure around people and have trouble making friends. When I do make an occasional friend I feel like it’s only on a superficial level because I’m putting my best face forward and trying to be friendly and outgoing while at the same time trying not to look desperate. Basically I’m smiling and hiding behind a fake persona I’ve created for dealing with social situations. I can and do getthrough a lot of social situations with it but it’s not real- I feel like a fraud. It isn’t easy to live like this. I get along fine with my parents, but my father is really distant and my mother is constantly trying to hold me back and smother me, trying to "protect me" from real life instead of letting me make my own decisions. I don’t know if she even realizes how miserable she makes me, I tell her this and it’s like she doesn’t hear me- in one ear out the other. I don’t like the way I look- people have told me I’m a little weird and creepy looking and when I look in the mirror I can see why. Sometimes I deliberately leave my glasses or contacts off so I can look in my bathroom mirror and not feel horrible about myself. I don’t even like looking at my reflection on glass doors and car windows. Isn’t that pathetic? I don’t think I’m ugly, just a little "off" and slightly geeky looking, and I have a scary stare sometimes. I think I put people off at times without meaning to just because of how my face is set. It makes me sick how superficial people can be, myself included. I try to smile and be friendly, but as I mentioned above I think it often comes across as forced and insincere. I still have a modest acne problem which I can only seem to keep under control by a strict regimen of cleansing, but it’s hard to clear my face up completely and even when I do the zits always come back. I need to know how to get out of this hole I’m in. I feel like I can’t get past this rut I’m in and get on with my life. It’s like I’m stuck in neutral. I just want to be happy with who I am and have real friends and girlfriends and enjoy life. When I go out I often see people with their friends talking and laughing or a couple on a date and I feel sick inside knowing I don’t know what that feels like. It seems so easy for some people, so why is it so hard for me? I don’t want to sit around pitying myself- I’ve been taking concrete actions to improve my life: I’m finishing school and getting my degree, I’ve been more outgoing and starting conversations with people I come across, but none of them advance beyond a superficial level. I do stand up at local open mics which is a nice release and I’ve made a few casual acquaintences from it, but nothing substantial. I listen to and read self help tapes and books and have gotten a lot of insight out of them, but not a lot of results. I recently got a date off an Internet dating site but she stood me up twice after we spoke on the phone. This is a familiar occurrence with me and women. I know that it really is "all in my head", but whenever I make a change and try to get out of this rut it actually feels like the Universe is pushing me back down again. Like my life is some cruel joke for some sick god’s amusement. What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?
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wow btr, your advice is great, I will apply some of that to my life.
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We’re getting at bit advanced at this point… What you describe is a high quality problem, and I’d hasten to add that you will better attract all sorts of women both deep and superficial if you don’t look like you just slept in a dumpster and don’t suffer from the Halitosis of Satan ™. If you get to that point, you can of course be choosy about which women you want to spend time with… Unless of course you prefer women who prefer men with poor personal hygiene and dress in ill-fitting clothes purchased from thrift stores. TTYL .btr PS: you can buy cool stuff in thrift stores mind you….
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"BTR" <buboe_the_…@hotmail.com> wrote in news:1124828414.040642.69750 @f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com: > We’re getting at bit advanced at this point… > What you describe is a high quality problem, and I’d hasten to add that > you will better attract all sorts of women both deep and superficial if > you don’t look like you just slept in a dumpster and don’t suffer from > the Halitosis of Satan ™. > If you get to that point, you can of course be choosy about which women > you want to spend time with… > Unless of course you prefer women who prefer men with poor personal > hygiene and dress in ill-fitting clothes purchased from thrift stores.
I agree with you totally here, and that was well said. It’s amazing that people actually think having a wider variety of women sexually attracted to them (or not sexually repulsed) is a negative point. Nobody is going to get rejected because they payed some attention to clothes. (Decking yourself out like a full on metrosexual when you don’t have the personality for it would be another thing.) The kind of attitude in the parent post has been shown many times on this group from the very beginning of its existence. Many people here treat sex, and the idea that a relationship is partially about sex, with quite a lot of scorn and derision. I’ve been among them before. (Yet the idea is quite obviously false, other wise why would they be looking for a woman?)
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -William P wrote: > "BTR" <buboe_the_…@hotmail.com> wrote in news:1124828414.040642.69750 > @f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com: > > We’re getting at bit advanced at this point… > > What you describe is a high quality problem, and I’d hasten to add that > > you will better attract all sorts of women both deep and superficial if > > you don’t look like you just slept in a dumpster and don’t suffer from > > the Halitosis of Satan ™. > > If you get to that point, you can of course be choosy about which women > > you want to spend time with… > > Unless of course you prefer women who prefer men with poor personal > > hygiene and dress in ill-fitting clothes purchased from thrift stores. > I agree with you totally here, and that was well said. It’s amazing that > people actually think having a wider variety of women sexually attracted > to them (or not sexually repulsed) is a negative point. Nobody is going > to get rejected because they payed some attention to clothes. (Decking > yourself out like a full on metrosexual when you don’t have the > personality for it would be another thing.)
The point with clothes surely should be WYSIWYG? I wear clothes that reflect my personality: worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out… I never managed to attract many women, but the ones I did attract could rest assured they were getting what they paid for, and that I was As Described and Fit For The Purpose (Sale of Goods Act 1976), ie they were getting a worn-out, beat-up, full of holes, washed-out man. If I had worn clothes that reflected someone else’s personality, e.g. bright, colourful, new, shiny, I am sure I would have aroused a great deal more interest, but it would have been on the basis of deceit. As soon as I had removed said clothes, it would have been clear I was not a bright, colourful, new, shiny person, and it would have become a case for the Office of Fair Trading. I think people should dress how they are. > The kind of attitude in the parent post has been shown many times on this > group from the very beginning of its existence. Many people here treat > sex, and the idea that a relationship is partially about sex, with quite > a lot of scorn and derision. I’ve been among them before. (Yet the idea > is quite obviously false, other wise why would they be looking for a > woman?)
They might want a recipe for Bread and Butter pudding.
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> 2) COOL HAIR CUT > 3) COOL CLOTHES > 4)COOL SHOES:
While these things can indeed increase the likelihood of attracting a female, it has the unforunate effect of attracting the females to whom cool haircuts, cool clothes, and cool shoes are of prime importance. If you’re just looking to get laid, then more power to ya. However, if you’re goal is something a little more life-affirming and happiness-causing, then beware. I don’t know how to dress myself or get cool haircuts. As a result, the only women who were ever into me were into me because they really liked who I was. Not so bad.
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Ben Parrish wrote: > > 2) COOL HAIR CUT > > 3) COOL CLOTHES > > 4)COOL SHOES: > While these things can indeed increase the likelihood of attracting a > female, it has the unforunate effect of attracting the females to whom > cool haircuts, cool clothes, and cool shoes are of prime importance. > If you’re just looking to get laid, then more power to ya. However, > if you’re goal is something a little more life-affirming and > happiness-causing, then beware. > I don’t know how to dress myself or get cool haircuts. As a result, > the only women who were ever into me were into me because they really > liked who I was. > Not so bad.
good points
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Ms pnoopie Pnats wrote: > LisatheSequel wrote: >>Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: >>>spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 >>>@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: >>>>What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I >>>>start? >>>BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT >>Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! :P > hahahah thats a good online name…Rasta Demon or maybe Pasta demon!
I’m partial to "Butter Beast" myself.
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spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?
BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT
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hi man. I think the things you are going through are normal. most of us have delt with the situations that you are dealing with. it is difficult truly be "ones self" in social settings. when in person, I too try to put my best face forward and hide the areas were I am not "good enough". sigh. it’s a vicious cycle. ASD is great though. you will find that people here do care, even if it is only by listening, and offering a few words of support. I think you have a handle on where you are in your life and are trying to make things better for yourself. we’re going through this with you, on so many levels. sorry I don’t have more words for you, and better advice. take care.
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spammer…@yahoo.com wrote:
<snipped> > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?
Therapy. A therapist can help you figure things out for yourself.
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Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: > spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 > @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: >>What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start? > BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT
Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! :P
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -LisatheSequel wrote: > Thomas Wankerson Corporation wrote: > > spammer…@yahoo.com wrote in news:1124767818.965235.297870 > > @g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com: > > > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I > > > start? > > BUY AN IPOD, DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC AND LISTEN TO IT > Oh enough with this screaming and rap music! Begone rasta demon! :P
hahahah thats a good online name…Rasta Demon or maybe Pasta demon!
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spammer…@yahoo.com wrote: > I am writing this out of desperation for what my life has become. I’m > 24 years old and I live with my parents and attend college (I’m > graduating this year). I’ve never had a girlfriend or had sex, I have > no real friends or social life to speak of, I’m shy and insecure around > people and have trouble making friends.
Not to worry. many people fall in this category. Looks like my situation. It happens to all who has protecting-mother & father, which keeps the child away from society, and do all decision themselves. This make the child shy in nature and unconfident. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->When I do make an occasional > friend I feel like it’s only on a superficial level because I’m putting > my best face forward and trying to be friendly and outgoing while at > the same time trying not to look desperate. Basically I’m smiling and > hiding behind a fake persona I’ve created for dealing with social > situations. I can and do getthrough a lot of social situations with it > but it’s not real- I feel like a fraud. It isn’t easy to live like > this. I get along fine with my parents, but my father is really distant > and my mother is constantly trying to hold me back and smother me, > trying to "protect me" from real life instead of letting me make my own > decisions. I don’t know if she even realizes how miserable she makes > me, I tell her this and it’s like she doesn’t hear me- in one ear out > the other. > I don’t like the way I look- people have told me I’m a little weird and > creepy looking and when I look in the mirror I can see why. Sometimes I > deliberately leave my glasses or contacts off so I can look in my > bathroom mirror and not feel horrible about myself. I don’t even like > looking at my reflection on glass doors and car windows. Isn’t that > pathetic? I don’t think I’m ugly, just a little "off" and slightly > geeky looking, and I have a scary stare sometimes. I think I put people > off at times without meaning to just because of how my face is set. It > makes me sick how superficial people can be, myself included. I try to > smile and be friendly, but as I mentioned above I think it often comes > across as forced and insincere. I still have a modest acne problem > which I can only seem to keep under control by a strict regimen of > cleansing, but it’s hard to clear my face up completely and even when I > do the zits always come back. > I need to know how to get out of this hole I’m in. I feel like I can’t > get past this rut I’m in and get on with my life. It’s like I’m stuck > in neutral. I just want to be happy with who I am and have real friends > and girlfriends and enjoy life. When I go out I often see people with > their friends talking and laughing or a couple on a date and I feel > sick inside knowing I don’t know what that feels like. It seems so easy > for some people, so why is it so hard for me?
It seems to easy, but it is not. It is how u take it. if u take it easy, then it is easy, if u introspect it,and try to point out misakes only, and frustrate, then you will find it difficult. Don’t care so much. Just feel free and don’t mind yourself so much. Just let them happen what may happen.Only be aware of them.Don’t justify anything. Say yourself that "I know I am doing my best and I know I am doing right".Don’t justify at all. > I don’t want to sit around pitying myself- I’ve been taking concrete > actions to improve my life: I’m finishing school and getting my degree, > I’ve been more outgoing and starting conversations with people I come > across, but none of them advance beyond a superficial level. I do stand > up at local open mics which is a nice release and I’ve made a few > casual acquaintences from it, but nothing substantial. I listen to and > read self help tapes and books and have gotten a lot of insight out of > them, but not a lot of results. I recently got a date off an Internet > dating site but she stood me up twice after we spoke on the phone. This > is a familiar occurrence with me and women.
Nothing can help suddenly. To change something in ourselves requires a lot of patience, a hard work and a long time also. it may take some months.and also each time we should remember that what we want, once we forget this, we goes back to our previus thougths. This happens frequently in intial stage , but latter slowly-slowly this frequency reduces, and hope one day we will get out of this circle. When I do positive thinking and meditation continousaly for 2 days, i feel different on third day, I feel relaxed,calm, I talk to people comfortably whether it is girl or boy or else. But I either forget it or feel laziness from fifth day, so after that day i come to my previous track ( a state of worrincess ,hurriness, & unconfidence). >I recently got a date off an Internet > dating site but she stood me up twice after we spoke on the phone. This > is a familiar occurrence with me and women.
Collect the matrial form internet and book, and do little home work. Home work is needed to do things in right way. Imagine each step carefully how will u approach/talk/seduce and for each possible response, how will take action in positive way. Oops. A lot of home work. > I know that it really is "all in my head", but whenever I make a change > and try to get out of this rut it actually feels like the Universe is > pushing me back down again. Like my life is some cruel joke for some > sick god’s amusement.
Gods makes our mind empty. Our mind is empty.It is only our projection on empty mind how we see the things. We should learn from the poeple surrounding us. We should assume ourselves as child and should just learn from people how they handle the situation, by seeing & analyzing them. Keep yourself time.Tell yourself that now u r just learning, and u r doing partical only for learning.After some time , you will see you can better. Curve of learning good things move slowely, and curve of learning bad things like impatince, irritating, negative thinking and loosing life is easy. > What is wrong with me? How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?
Nothing is wrong. There are several people like us. someone at alt.psychology group suggested me for coginitive behavioural therapy. You can also try it.
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Question:
I am so frustrated and conflicted. I haven`t corresponded with the good folks at ASPAM in over two weeks. Its all I can do to even lurk there. I should`ve seen this coming. Should I share my thoughts? Should I tell them that I`m not the typical ASPAM poster? How once again I am a misfit among misfits? That unlike most of them, I have no spouse past or present, no children, no friends or family except Mom and Nancy, not a home of my own, no college education, no career, just for starters? Should I tell them how envious I often get reading their posts to one another? Will they, the most caring, understanding people I`ve ever met in my life, really understand how I feel about this? Of course they will. But its still hard. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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Hi, Bob, I am glad that you did share your thoughts with us. We ASAPMers come in all varieties. Everyone is welcome here and there are no prerequisites. Like you I have no college education (regret of mine) but when I graduated from high school I knew I was an anxious person and could not bear to have to put myself through the thoughts of adding more anxiety into my life when I felt I didn’t need to. But for me the past is the past. I am sensing low-self esteem and depression in your post. Please don’t ever think of yourself as unimportant, invaluable…we all serve a purpose here. Some are very knowledgeable about the meds, some, if not all, are terrific support people and we all need the characters who add humor to our lives. Outside of working I don’t go very far due to my driving phobia. My hubby works a lot so I spend a lot of time at home which I truly don’t mind. Please know that we are here for you and we do understand… ((((((Bob)))))) smiles, Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am so frustrated and conflicted. I haven`t corresponded with the good folks at ASPAM in over two weeks. Its all I can do to even lurk there. I should`ve seen this coming. Should I share my thoughts? Should I tell them that I`m not the typical ASPAM poster? How once again I am a misfit among misfits? That unlike most of them, I have no spouse past or present, no children, no friends or family except Mom and Nancy, not a home of my own, no college education, no career, just for starters? Should I tell them how envious I often get reading their posts to one another? Will they, the most caring, understanding people I`ve ever met in my life, really understand how I feel about this? Of course they will. But its still hard. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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On Fri, Jun 10, 2005, 1:50am (EDT+4) ::but do you know its origin? ::Anybody? It comes from the movie "Animal House" http://www.uselessmoviequotes.com/um q_a005.htm Jackie
EXCELLANT, JACKIE!!!! EXCELLANT!!!! <STANDING ON CHAIR APPLAUDING A little history; EStratton was my 1st domain name (then I changed it and somebody subsequently stole it- hence, the missing "t" in its present application). The quote was how I introduced myself. Animal House is my favorite movie comedy. I had planned on rotating other quotes starting as soon as somebody commented on it. Special Honors to you, Vic. : ) Now I have a quick and easy source! <useless movie quotes lol Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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hey bob? one thing, consider yourself lucky you dont have teen-agers.my god, I would do things differently if i’da only known. people complain about the terrible two’s. HA
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (V~anessa) wrote; message; I am so frustrated and conflicted. I haven`t corresponded with the good folks at ASPAM in over two weeks. Its all I can do to even lurk there. I should`ve seen this coming. Should I share my thoughts? Should I tell them that I`m not the typical ASPAM poster? How once again I am a misfit among misfits? That unlike most of them, I have no spouse past or present, no children, no friends or family except Mom and Nancy, not a home of my own, no college education, no career, just for starters? Should I tell them how envious I often get reading their posts to one another? Will they, the most caring, understanding people I`ve ever met in my life, really understand how I feel about this? Of course they will. But its still hard. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." Hi Bob, I’m lurking here at the moment Thinking of you. Vanessa Hi Van. : ) I was concerned you`d be reluctant to respond. I thought folks might misconstrue the "diary" angle and think I was implying that no response was necessary, just me venting or something. It was just my way of expressing how hard it was to express myself in that particular post. Frankly, I think it was brilliant, and hope it catches on. I`d like to leave my mark somewhere. Love, Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Bob, You would be surprised. Not everyone here has spouses, ex spouses or children. You are not an oddball anymore than the rest of us are. Besides, what a sense of humor! I love your sig!!! Vicki but do you know its origin? Anybody? Love, Bob
Animal House, of course!!! — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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wrote; – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, Bob, I am glad that you did share your thoughts with us. We ASAPMers come in all varieties. Everyone is welcome here and there are no prerequisites. Like you I have no college education (regret of mine) but when I graduated from high school I knew I was an anxious person and could not bear to have to put myself through the thoughts of adding more anxiety into my life when I felt I didn’t need to. But for me the past is the past. I am sensing low-self esteem and depression in your post. Please don’t ever think of yourself as unimportant, invaluable…we all serve a purpose here. Some are very knowledgeable about the meds, some, if not all, are terrific support people and we all need the characters who add humor to our lives. Outside of working I don’t go very far due to my driving phobia. My hubby works a lot so I spend a lot of time at home which I truly don’t mind. Please know that we are here for you and we do understand… ((((((Bob)))))) smiles, Elise
In 1986 I was 23 yrs old and ready to do something with my life. I enrolled in a technical college with the help of the local BVR. My major was computer programing. I chose it because everybody else, incl. my best friend, was doing it. I knew nothing about computers or programing and really didn`t have much interest going in. After the first week or so, I started to lose what little interest I had. I lasted 1 semester and flunked everything `cept English. The whole experience, going to college, choosing that particular major was about me trying to be conventional and nothing else. I think what I lacked most, before, then and after, was guidance. Thanks for sharing, Elise. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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Hey Bob, If we judge ourselves by our differences we’ll all be misfits, you know? On the more positive side we could just think of ourselves as a collective bunch of misfits(shared misfittism?) instead… We’ve all got our differences, it’s our similarities that bind us. Vashti
Can`t argue with that kind of logic. Thanks, Vashti. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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Dear Bob, You would be surprised. Not everyone here has spouses, ex spouses or children. You are not an oddball anymore than the rest of us are. Besides, what a sense of humor! I love your sig!!! Vicki
You should hear me do impressions. I am truly gifted. : ) Thanks, Vicki. Bob "How do you like that? Even among misfits, your a misfit!" –Yukon Cornelious — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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(Jacqueline) wrote; Dear Bob, You may be surprised with how many people share your pain. Remember, just because someone is married or went to college or has a job, doesn`t guarantee that they have immunity from unhappiness, loneliness or pain. I did want to tell you that I "hear" you…. and can imagine your pain. You can "always" share with your thoughts and feelings with us. We DO care about you! {{{{{Bob}}}}} Jackie
Thank You, Jackie. I didn`t mean to suggest anybody was immune. Just different in ways I cannot relate to. Bob "Hi there! Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet ya." — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
(Tennessee
Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It’s a long weekend here in Canada, national holiday. I went bar cruising, just had to get out. This town of 17000, doesn’t offer much in the way of people to meet in the local bars, unless you’re into mullets, missing teeth, beer bellies, male and female alike. I’m turning 60, the average age holding a glass tonight was about 21, need I say more. Oh, to hold a woman in my arms tonight would be such a pleasure. Loneliness is a disease, it’s devastating. I try to justify my singleness, doesn’t work. Married people envy the single, single envy the married. What a grand delusion we live. I write this in the company of my cat and a glass of wine, somewhat painful. I find that my fuel has become my memories, my ex.,who I still love. Nothing that I could have done to change that direction, she came out of the closet and now is engaged to a very nice woman. I miss her very much. I wonder sometimes, I am heterosexual and not bad looking, she is gay and on her second relationship, all within 5 years. I’m alone. My neighbor is gay and never alone. I just don’t understand the dynamics. I’m sure some of you want out of a relationship, some want into a partnership, can anyone win ? Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ
LJ, I’m with you. Upstate NY and alone, most of the time. Married with grandchildren, with the wife out of state being Mom to them. 55 and frustrated. Alone with nobody to hug, gt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
<Gently snipped ::Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? :: ::OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ Dear LJ, I`m sorry you are feeling so lonely. It is such a painful feeling. Don`t give up…….there is someone out there for you, you just haven`t found them yet. I bet they are looking for you too {{{{{LJ}}}}} P.S. I`ll keep you in mind should my mother`s current relationship not work out. She`s French Canadien Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~ - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
P.S. I`ll keep you in mind should my mother`s current relationship not work out. She`s French Canadien Jackie
Thanks Jackie, just so happens I’m French Canadian as well. LJ
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <Gently snipped ::Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? :: ::OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ Dear LJ, I`m sorry you are feeling so lonely. It is such a painful feeling. Don`t give up…….there is someone out there for you, you just haven`t found them yet. I bet they are looking for you too {{{{{LJ}}}}} P.S. I`ll keep you in mind should my mother`s current relationship not work out. She`s French Canadien Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~ – Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
::Thanks Jackie, just so happens I’m French Canadian as well. LJ I know, that`s why I told you she is as well Do you eat cretons & tourtiere? What I would give for some right now! Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~ - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
LJ – I can certainly understand that meeting people in the local bars is tough. That was never really my thing. Sure, I’d go, drink a lot and that was just about it! Maybe you’ll find somebody through a "friend of a friend" or maybe there’s a group that shares common interests you can join. You’re right about "Married people envy the single, single envy the married." We always see the positive at the other end! So true. Well best of luck, best wishes….don’t give up! -regards, z
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It’s a long weekend here in Canada, national holiday. I went bar cruising, just had to get out. This town of 17000, doesn’t offer much in the way of people to meet in the local bars, unless you’re into mullets, missing teeth, beer bellies, male and female alike. I’m turning 60, the average age holding a glass tonight was about 21, need I say more. Oh, to hold a woman in my arms tonight would be such a pleasure. Loneliness is a disease, it’s devastating. I try to justify my singleness, doesn’t work. Married people envy the single, single envy the married. What a grand delusion we live. I write this in the company of my cat and a glass of wine, somewhat painful. I find that my fuel has become my memories, my ex.,who I still love. Nothing that I could have done to change that direction, she came out of the closet and now is engaged to a very nice woman. I miss her very much. I wonder sometimes, I am heterosexual and not bad looking, she is gay and on her second relationship, all within 5 years. I’m alone. My neighbor is gay and never alone. I just don’t understand the dynamics. I’m sure some of you want out of a relationship, some want into a partnership, can anyone win ? Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
X-NoArchive: yes – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It’s a long weekend here in Canada, national holiday. I went bar cruising, just had to get out. This town of 17000, doesn’t offer much in the way of people to meet in the local bars, unless you’re into mullets, missing teeth, beer bellies, male and female alike. I’m turning 60, the average age holding a glass tonight was about 21, need I say more. Oh, to hold a woman in my arms tonight would be such a pleasure. Loneliness is a disease, it’s devastating. I try to justify my singleness, doesn’t work. Married people envy the single, single envy the married. What a grand delusion we live. I write this in the company of my cat and a glass of wine, somewhat painful. I find that my fuel has become my memories, my ex.,who I still love. Nothing that I could have done to change that direction, she came out of the closet and now is engaged to a very nice woman. I miss her very much. I wonder sometimes, I am heterosexual and not bad looking, she is gay and on her second relationship, all within 5 years. I’m alone. My neighbor is gay and never alone. I just don’t understand the dynamics. I’m sure some of you want out of a relationship, some want into a partnership, can anyone win ?
Hey, I can really identiy with your ponderings here. I don’t understand the dynamics of relationships either. I’ve recently come up with some theories in the past few years but nothing solid yet. Just my own thoughts. I think that I would be have a far easier time finding the right person if I were a lesbian. I just think I would. I think I’d have more friends too. I’m heterosexual and attractive and I have not had a date in years. It seems that the people who give me attention are those I do not want attention from. I get looked at and checked out constantly. I also have an uncanny ability/undoing of seeing right through people. I wonder if I attract neanderthal types or what or if where I live has an overabundance of them. Even the "nice" guys are immature and unevolved. And I cannot get over how freaking superficial people can be. Unbelievable. I do know what loneliness is. I do enjoy my own company but I have bouts of the L word from time to time. It is very easy to feel the L word in this city since this is a very homogeneous group of people who keep to themselves are a tad backwards in their thinking. But I kind of believe that the L word has more to do with a person themselves than it does other people. On the other hand there is only so much alone time that one can take I guess. I would rather be alone then spend time with somebody that grates on my nerves. How bout you? ah enough bitching for now. see ya — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, LJ. I know you have felt like this many nights. {{{{{LJ}}}}} I wish I had more consoling words for you. Just know that I’m thinking of you. I hope someday you’ll find someone really nice. Love, Di
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It’s a long weekend here in Canada, national holiday. I went bar cruising, just had to get out. This town of 17000, doesn’t offer much in the way of people to meet in the local bars, unless you’re into mullets, missing teeth, beer bellies, male and female alike. I’m turning 60, the average age holding a glass tonight was about 21, need I say more. Oh, to hold a woman in my arms tonight would be such a pleasure. Loneliness is a disease, it’s devastating. I try to justify my singleness, doesn’t work. Married people envy the single, single envy the married. What a grand delusion we live. I write this in the company of my cat and a glass of wine, somewhat painful. I find that my fuel has become my memories, my ex.,who I still love. Nothing that I could have done to change that direction, she came out of the closet and now is engaged to a very nice woman. I miss her very much. I wonder sometimes, I am heterosexual and not bad looking, she is gay and on her second relationship, all within 5 years. I’m alone. My neighbor is gay and never alone. I just don’t understand the dynamics. I’m sure some of you want out of a relationship, some want into a partnership, can anyone win ? Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
It’s a long weekend here in Canada, national holiday. I went bar cruising, just had to get out. This town of 17000, doesn’t offer much in the way of people to meet in the local bars, unless you’re into mullets, missing teeth, beer bellies, male and female alike. I’m turning 60, the average age holding a glass tonight was about 21, need I say more. Oh, to hold a woman in my arms tonight would be such a pleasure. Loneliness is a disease, it’s devastating. I try to justify my singleness, doesn’t work. Married people envy the single, single envy the married. What a grand delusion we live. I write this in the company of my cat and a glass of wine, somewhat painful. I find that my fuel has become my memories, my ex.,who I still love. Nothing that I could have done to change that direction, she came out of the closet and now is engaged to a very nice woman. I miss her very much. I wonder sometimes, I am heterosexual and not bad looking, she is gay and on her second relationship, all within 5 years. I’m alone. My neighbor is gay and never alone. I just don’t understand the dynamics. I’m sure some of you want out of a relationship, some want into a partnership, can anyone win ? Anyone out there that knows someone like me who would like to play cupid ? OK, enough freefalling. Thanks for reading this. Be well my friends. LJ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
