Lonely Loneliness

Pictures….

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him.   At the time that I wrote that, Daisy had not posted that her ex had made any request for them. Thus, it appeared, from what she wrote, that this was a project solely of her plans. Even, reread her above statement. It implies that this is about what she and her son intended, and that they have a problem with her ex’s wife. And, she *says* that the decision for dad to have the photos, is at the sole discretion of the son. Which is what I questioned. Even then what is the problem?  If this young man wants to give his father pictures of his dead son then the new wife should mind her own business.  It would be up to the father to tell the son he did not want them.   That the *apparent* impetus for this being done, now, is the animus that Daisy appears to feel for the new wife. Whether it’s genuinely earned, as this is, if I recall, the same woman who removed from Daisy and her ex’s dead son’s grave, is real, but besides the point. It smacks of a motivation more to vex the wife who said " no ", rather then a wish to provide something that the ex has not made clear that he still wants.

But your entire idea is faulty.  This man said he wanted the pictures. Then Daisy called to tell him they were ready.  Wife said no.  Now you are assuming HE does not want them and it is Daisy’s fault? Her idea was to give them to the son and have him give his father the pictures.  So what is the problem? So, if her son, independantly of Daisy, wants to take it over, fine and well. But, if the ex then says that he doesn’t want it, will that be respected ? And, since the wife has already expressed herself, do you believe that the ex will contradict her, in their home ?

Could well go the other way.  Do you really think he knows about her stunts at the graveyard?  You are assuming she has told him about the pictures. This looks like a deliberate conflict situation being set up, of either son and wife, or ex and wife, and that’s wrong. Put it this way…

Your assumptions. aside from the wife having said " no " in the very recent past, what else of the present demands that this be done, *now*, while it’s still a burr in the saddle of the wife ?

If the ex asked Daisy for the pictures then Daisy should hear from the ex that he does not want them.

Response:

Well said Stacy. Daisy is a great person. She helps many with good advise why would she not do the right thing for herself. DAISY IS RIGHT Ron

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – That the *apparent* impetus for this being done, now, is the animus that Daisy appears to feel for the new wife. Whether it’s genuinely earned, as this is, if I recall, the same woman who removed from Daisy and her ex’s dead son’s grave, is real, but besides the point. Well… I certainly wouldn’t blame Daisy for feeling animosity towards this wacko….Any woman/man who would steal stuff from a grave is a sicko in my mind….and doesn’t deserve any sympathy. It smacks of a motivation more to vex the wife who said " no ", rather then a wish to provide something that the ex has not made clear that he still wants. Where did you get this from?  The way I read it is that Daisy finally had the strength to go through the family pictures and pull together an album for her ex (something he asked for in the settlement)…She calls and the "sicko b*tch" answers the phone…then Daisy makes the mistake of telling her why she is calling (I would have hung up on the wench!)…The "sicko b*tch" takes it upon herself to answer for her husband……In this case he should speak for himself…Talk about motivation for vexing the ex…sounds like this is what the "sicko b*tch" was doing to me So, if her son, independantly of Daisy, wants to take it over, fine and well. But, if the ex then says that he doesn’t want it, will that be respected ? And, since the wife has already expressed herself, do you believe that the ex will contradict her, in their home ? This looks like a deliberate conflict situation being set up, of either son and wife, or ex and wife, and that’s wrong. The ex should be able to say yes or no to the pictures..It was his son…Not the "sicko b*tchs"..If he says no, then I’m sure Daisy will take the pictures back for safekeeping….If he ever dumps the "sicko b*tch" he may want them back…If not, Daisy can keep the album and give it to her son when he leaves home. Put it this way… aside from the wife having said " no " in the very recent past, what else of the present demands that this be done, *now*, while it’s still a burr in the saddle of the wife ? I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be done now Andre….She’s completed the album…the "sicko b*itch" has most likely told the ex that Daisy did the album for him…so he’s probably expecting someone to offer them to him directly. Give him the opportunity to say yes or no himself. JMO…Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it really pisses me off that ANYONE would steal from a grave.  You’ll hear no sympathy for the new wife from me.  She grotesque! Stacy —– When someone does something good, Applaud! You will make two people happy.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh come on John, my son and I were going through some pictures, we thought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my children regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him.   At the time that I wrote that, Daisy had not posted that her ex had made any request for them. Thus, it appeared, from what she wrote, that this was a project solely of her plans. Even, reread her above statement. It implies that this is about what she and her son intended, and that they have a problem with her ex’s wife. And, she *says* that the decision for dad to have the photos, is at the sole discretion of the son. Which is what I questioned. Even then what is the problem?  If this young man wants to give his father pictures of his dead son then the new wife should mind her own business.  It would be up to the father to tell the son he did not want them.  

That the *apparent* impetus for this being done, now, is the animus that Daisy appears to feel for the new wife. Whether it’s genuinely earned, as this is, if I recall, the same woman who removed from Daisy and her ex’s dead son’s grave, is real, but besides the point. It smacks of a motivation more to vex the wife who said " no ", rather then a wish to provide something that the ex has not made clear that he still wants. So, if her son, independantly of Daisy, wants to take it over, fine and well. But, if the ex then says that he doesn’t want it, will that be respected ? And, since the wife has already expressed herself, do you believe that the ex will contradict her, in their home ? This looks like a deliberate conflict situation being set up, of either son and wife, or ex and wife, and that’s wrong. Put it this way… aside from the wife having said " no " in the very recent past, what else of the present demands that this be done, *now*, while it’s still a burr in the saddle of the wife ? Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -The fact remains Andre, my ex has put in the divorce decree that he wants those pictures.  The new wife knows they are pictures of HIS children….it was not up to her to say he did not want them, that part of his life is over.  How the hell could that part of his life be over?  His children are HIS children.  I’m not sending pictures of him and I, they are of his sons, one being deceased I know he wants these, she has no right to put words into his mouth especially after he specifically asked for them.  So this being the case, I’m out of it, my son will give these to his father on Wednesday night when he visits him, and I h ope for his own sake he takes the pictures and does not tell his son that part of his life is over.  I really don’t think he will, I think those were the words of the new wife.  She must be very unstable in their relationship not to want him to have pictures of his children.  And I do think it pertinent the fact that she steals from my sons grave, does she really think she has competition from a deceased child?  Who would do such a thing as steal from a grave?  IF and WHEN I ever need to talk to the man personally again, I will make it a point to call him at work, that was MY mistake.  I know he will take the pictures, he would not treat his only surviving child to the remarks that his new wife did, I just don’t think he would, he loves his son too much.  In fact he probably doesn’t even realize that I had called the other day, something else my son and I have discussed NOT to even let him know we called.  It would only serve to make problems between he and his new wife. Daisy

I have also known some people (yes, men or women) who will tell their SO’s ex one thing, and then when confronted about it by their SO, play innocent.  "Why honey, I never would have told her your kids are little monsters!  Why ever would you think I’ve said that?"  I’ve also known people to deliberately ‘forget’ to leave messages for the other, creating hard feelings between the ex’s.  That might possibly be a ploy in this case.  I agree that your son should either bring the album, or simply ask his father when he sees him next, and leave the new wife out of the loop.  Even if he doesn’t want the photos, maybe he can be a little more tactful, and mindful of your son’s feelings about the issue than his wife was. Dawn "Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else."

Response:

The fact remains Andre, my ex has put in the divorce decree that he wants those pictures.  The new wife knows they are pictures of HIS children….it was not up to her to say he did not want them, that part of his life is over.  How the hell could that part of his life be over?  His children are HIS children.  I’m not sending pictures of him and I, they are of his sons, one being deceased I know he wants these, she has no right to put words into his mouth especially after he specifically asked for them.  So this being the case, I’m out of it, my son will give these to his father on Wednesday night when he visits him, and I h ope for his own sake he takes the pictures and does not tell his son that part of his life is over.  I really don’t think he will, I think those were the words of the new wife.  She must be very unstable in their relationship not to want him to have pictures of his children.  And I do think it pertinent the fact that she steals from my sons grave, does she really think she has competition from a deceased child?  Who would do such a thing as steal from a grave?  IF and WHEN I ever need to talk to the man personally again, I will make it a point to call him at work, that was MY mistake.  I know he will take the pictures, he would not treat his only surviving child to the remarks that his new wife did, I just don’t think he would, he loves his son too much.  In fact he probably doesn’t even realize that I had called the other day, something else my son and I have discussed NOT to even let him know we called.  It would only serve to make problems between he and his new wife. Daisy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh come on John, my son and I were going through some pictures, we thought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my children regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him. At the time that I wrote that, Daisy had not posted that her ex had made any request for them. Thus, it appeared, from what she wrote, that this was a project solely of her plans. Even, reread her above statement. It implies that this is about what she and her son intended, and that they have a problem with her ex’s wife. And, she *says* that the decision for dad to have the photos, is at the sole discretion of the son. Which is what I questioned. Even then what is the problem?  If this young man wants to give his father pictures of his dead son then the new wife should mind her own business.  It would be up to the father to tell the son he did not want them. That the *apparent* impetus for this being done, now, is the animus that Daisy appears to feel for the new wife. Whether it’s genuinely earned, as this is, if I recall, the same woman who removed from Daisy and her ex’s dead son’s grave, is real, but besides the point. It smacks of a motivation more to vex the wife who said " no ", rather then a wish to provide something that the ex has not made clear that he still wants. So, if her son, independantly of Daisy, wants to take it over, fine and well. But, if the ex then says that he doesn’t want it, will that be respected ? And, since the wife has already expressed herself, do you believe that the ex will contradict her, in their home ? This looks like a deliberate conflict situation being set up, of either son and wife, or ex and wife, and that’s wrong. Put it this way… aside from the wife having said " no " in the very recent past, what else of the present demands that this be done, *now*, while it’s still a burr in the saddle of the wife ? Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                         David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

Oh come on John, my son and I were going thro ugh some pictures, we th ought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my chidlren regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ?

Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him.  

Response:

Daisy,     I guess you’ll just have to understand that his new wife is a bitch.  I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t want those pictures.   My heart goes out to you, and for your loss.  I hope for your ex’s sake that he accepted them from your son. Rick

This is the same woman Daisy had to got to the police to get her to stop taking things off of her son’s grave!

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh come on John, my son and I were going through some pictures, we thought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my children regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him.  

At the time that I wrote that, Daisy had not posted that her ex had made any request for them. Thus, it appeared, from what she wrote, that this was a project solely of her plans. Even, reread her above statement. It implies that this is about what she and her son intended, and that they have a problem with her ex’s wife. And, she *says* that the decision for dad to have the photos, is at the sole discretion of the son. Which is what I questioned. Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

You are right to do what you did and now the way you have to send it to him. Why are some people so Angry and hurtful.  It is not her decision. In my separation agreement I was to receive the same thing. Photos of her choice. Put that with the fact that my two daughters still have not talked to me or that I have not seen my two grandkids for over a year really really hurts. Ron

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us.  Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures!

But, if he doesn’t want them, how is that your concern ? He and she are married, and thus, are a family unit, where each can act for the other. While you and he do share a son, and many memories of your lost son, the present reality is that you and he are not a familial unit, and neither of you are authorised to speak for the other’s wishes, and choices. As for having your son deliver them, that’s not good, as he would be acting against the expressed wishes of you ex’s present wife. Do you really want to place your son, in between the two of them ? Far better would you be letting your son tell his dad, likely when out of earshot of the new wife, that this photo album is for him, if he wants it. Then, your son could tell you your ex’s decision. If yes, the book could be delivered the next visit. If no… then let it go. Daisy

Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh come on John, my son and I were going through some pictures, we thought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my children regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Evidently not.  It is the EX who wanted the pictures and asked Daisy for them and then his wife told Daisy the pictures were not wanted after she had gathered them together for him.   At the time that I wrote that, Daisy had not posted that her ex had made any request for them. Thus, it appeared, from what she wrote, that this was a project solely of her plans. Even, reread her above statement. It implies that this is about what she and her son intended, and that they have a problem with her ex’s wife. And, she *says* that the decision for dad to have the photos, is at the sole discretion of the son. Which is what I questioned.

Even then what is the problem?  If this young man wants to give his father pictures of his dead son then the new wife should mind her own business.  It would be up to the father to tell the son he did not want them.  

Response:

I have been a "lurker" but this post particularly bothers me.  Regardless of what Daisy’s ex has decided to do with his life, his son is and will ever be part of his life.  That is a biological and undisputable fact.  It never ceases to amaze me, how many women want to "erase" the past so that the new "family" is preserved.  You cannot undo the past and I would hope, that as a parent, you would not want to.

Response:

Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us.  Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures!

Daisy, I would keep the pictures and forget about it for a while. This is the same woman who used to steal things off of Buster’s grave, remember?  Obviously, she has a real problem with her husband’s dead son. Just let it go for now and if your other son mentions it to his father fine, if not I would not do anything.  Someday he may want the pictures (I realize he was the one who wanted them in the first place and you were trying to get them together for him as a favor), but if his wife wants to be like that forget it.  If your ex ever asks why you did not give him the pictures he wanted tell him. You did what he asked and she said they were not wanted.  Leave it at that.

Response:

Daisy,    While my husband was worrying about money and the house, I was worrying about custody and pictures. I got them both. The first because I fought for it, the second because it never entered his mind that pictures were worth anything. I took the album and left the singles. Let him put his own album together if his girlfriend doesn’t get to the pictures first. I felt a little guilty never mentioning the pictures but now that I hear your story I sure am glad I was wise enough to grab those pictures before I left. They probably would have been thrown in the trash by the new girlfriend. I say KEEP ALL the pictures because you have no control over what that girlfriend will do, and she’s already said she considers it something she’d like to get rid of. Why give them to your husband only to have them torn to shreds by the new wife or girlfriend or whatever? If your husband wants to see them, he’ll have to ask for them. That’s what I would do, anyway. Claire

Response:

Daisy,      I guess you’ll just have to understand that his new wife is a bitch.  I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t want those pictures.   My heart goes out to you, and for your loss.  I hope for your ex’s sake that he accepted them from your son. Rick

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Andre, My son is 16 years old, I cannot "hide" what goes on between he and my father.  HE wanted to help me go through the pictures of his decease brother, MY EX wanted these pictures, I just have not had the time to go through them as it was too painful up till now.  I was the one that made the mistake of calling him at home to tell him I got them together…however, how do you think it made my other son feel to hear her say "that part of his life is over?"  I cannot hide anything from a 16 year old.  He chooses to take the pictures to his father on his visitation night, I see nothing wrong with that.  What ever my ex decides to do with them from there on in will be his own business.  I have lived up to the fact that I got them ready for him.  My son is 16, HE chose to give them to his father, it’s no big deal. IF he were a little child I could see not involving him, however he stood right there when I called his dad, I just wish I would of gotten ahold of him instead of his wife.  For the woman to determine that he did not want the pictures is not for her to decide.

It really doesn’t matter how old the child is, when they are thrust into the place between the two former spouses. Do you *know* that your ex *still* wants them ? Has he communicated with you, to tell you that ? And, as she is his *wife*, whatever you think about her isn’t as significant as what *he* thinks of her. When a couple is married, they DO have the right to speak for the other, on some matters. Heck, if he’s in a coma, she has the authority to make medical decisions for him, not you. So, I don’t see why this is different. The qualifier being, that if he has talked with you, and specifically said that he wants the photos, and could your son bring them over. And, can you communicate with him, at some time/place where she won’t be ? Then, he could tell you what he wants, now. With you respecting his decision. Also, if what she said about the " former " life upset your son, then it’s his place to talk with his dad, as it was the dad’s wife who is involved. It’s not to you to decide on how to respond ( as opposed to giving comfort to your son, then and there ), as it’s a matter between dad, son, and step mom.   – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Daisy Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! But, if he doesn’t want them, how is that your concern ? He and she are married, and thus, are a family unit, where each can act for the other. While you and he do share a son, and many memories of your lost son, the present reality is that you and he are not a familial unit, and neither of you are authorised to speak for the other’s wishes, and choices. As for having your son deliver them, that’s not good, as he would be acting against the expressed wishes of you ex’s present wife. Do you really want to place your son, in between the two of them ? Far better would you be letting your son tell his dad, likely when out of earshot of the new wife, that this photo album is for him, if he wants it. Then, your son could tell you your ex’s decision. If yes, the book could be delivered the next visit. If no… then let it go. Daisy

Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

Andre, My son is 16 years old, I cannot "hide" what goes on between he and my father.  HE wanted to help me go through the pictures of his decease brother, MY EX wanted these pictures, I just have not had the time to go through them as it was too painful up till now.  I was the one that made the mistake of calling him at home to tell him I got them together…however, how do you think it made my other son feel to hear her say "that part of his life is over?"  I cannot hide anything from a 16 year old.  He chooses to take the pictures to his father on his visitation night, I see nothing wrong with that.  What ever my ex decides to do with them from there on in will be his own business.  I have lived up to the fact that I got them ready for him.  My son is 16, HE chose to give them to his father, it’s no big deal. IF he were a little child I could see not involving him, however he stood right there when I called his dad, I just wish I would of gotten ahold of him instead of his wife.  For the woman to determine that he did not want the pictures is not fo rher to decide. Daisy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! But, if he doesn’t want them, how is that your concern ? He and she are married, and thus, are a family unit, where each can act for the other. While you and he do share a son, and many memories of your lost son, the present reality is that you and he are not a familial unit, and neither of you are authorised to speak for the other’s wishes, and choices. As for having your son deliver them, that’s not good, as he would be acting against the expressed wishes of you ex’s present wife. Do you really want to place your son, in between the two of them ? Far better would you be letting your son tell his dad, likely when out of earshot of the new wife, that this photo album is for him, if he wants it. Then, your son could tell you your ex’s decision. If yes, the book could be delivered the next visit. If no… then let it go. Daisy Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                         David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

Oh come on John, my son and I were going thro ugh some pictures, we th ought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my chidlren regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son…….

Huh ? Doesn’t the *dad* get a say in that, too ? Why does the word of your son, override the other adult parent’s word ? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Daisy Sounds like you’re trying to start some proxy war with your ex by getting your son involved in the game, Daisy.  You know the pictures are going to be a bone of contention — yet you’re now forcing that they somehow get to your ex and, I suspect, you’re pleased as punch it pisses off his new wife.  Why can’t you let sleeping dogs lie — or at least keep your remaining son out of this unneeded upcoming battle? Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

Actually John, the divorce decree asks for half the family pictures, I’m just doing what it told me to do…..it just took me a little longer since it really hurt to see the pictures.  My other son went through them with me and pretty much let me know which ones he th ought dad would like to have. I called there thinking I would of gotten ahold of my ex, that was my first mistake, I should of called him when he was at work.  But whatever…he’ll get the pictures regardless, he deserves them, they are as much a part of his life as they are mine. Daisy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Daisy, please stop playing so sweet and innocent here.  You can give these pictures to your ex any time; they ain’t going to rot away or anything. Yet, now that you know it irks his wife, you’re now making it a big thing that dad’s now GOTTA have those pictures NOW and you gotta have your son cart them over.  You could just as easily let this sit for a few weeks/months/whatever to let things cool down — but I don’t think you will, Daisy — cause you’re pissed at that woman for marrying your ex-hubby and if you can do anything to irk her (and especially if you can play the ‘innocent’ game in front of everyone it’s even better) you will. All I’m saying Daisy, is don’t involve your son in this if you care for him.  Don’t know, though — maybe getting a dig at your ex-hubby’s new wife might be worth getting your son entangled in your game, though. Oh come on John, my son and I were going thro ugh some pictures, we th ought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my chidlren regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Daisy Sounds like you’re trying to start some proxy war with your ex by getting your son involved in the game, Daisy.  You know the pictures are going to be a bone of contention — yet you’re now forcing that they somehow get to your ex and, I suspect, you’re pleased as punch it pisses off his new wife.  Why can’t you let sleeping dogs lie — or at least keep your remaining son out of this unneeded upcoming battle? Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Daisy, please stop playing so sweet and innocent here.  You can give these pictures to your ex any time; they ain’t going to rot away or anything. Yet, now that you know it irks his wife, you’re now making it a big thing that dad’s now GOTTA have those pictures NOW and you gotta have your son cart them over.  You could just as easily let this sit for a few weeks/months/whatever to let things cool down — but I don’t think you will, Daisy — cause you’re pissed at that woman for marrying your ex-hubby and if you can do anything to irk her (and especially if you can play the ‘innocent’ game in front of everyone it’s even better) you will. All I’m saying Daisy, is don’t involve your son in this if you care for him.  Don’t know, though — maybe getting a dig at your ex-hubby’s new wife might be worth getting your son entangled in your game, though. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh come on John, my son and I were going thro ugh some pictures, we th ought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my chidlren regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Daisy Sounds like you’re trying to start some proxy war with your ex by getting your son involved in the game, Daisy.  You know the pictures are going to be a bone of contention — yet you’re now forcing that they somehow get to your ex and, I suspect, you’re pleased as punch it pisses off his new wife.  Why can’t you let sleeping dogs lie — or at least keep your remaining son out of this unneeded upcoming battle? Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Oh come on John, my son and I were going thro ugh some pictures, we th ought his dad would like some since his son died…..what’s wrong with that?  He will forever be the father of my chidlren regardless of what his new wife thinks….why should she feel threatened by a few pictures?  No, this decision for his dad to have these pictures belongs to my surviving son……. Daisy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sounds like you’re trying to start some proxy war with your ex by getting your son involved in the game, Daisy.  You know the pictures are going to be a bone of contention — yet you’re now forcing that they somehow get to your ex and, I suspect, you’re pleased as punch it pisses off his new wife.  Why can’t you let sleeping dogs lie — or at least keep your remaining son out of this unneeded upcoming battle? Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

I feel the same way Jim….these pictures are mostly of my ex and his deceased son, a few of them have us as a family….but these are only pictures.  I guess I should of made sure I went directly to him, I should of known she might of answered the phone when I called.  Oh well….he’ll get the pictures anyway, he can do with them what he wants to after that. Daisy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sounds like she doesn’t understand that you don’t invalidate one part of your life just because you begin anew.  Sorry you got that response from her.  She obviously feels a little insecure or threatened by her hubby’s past. — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven.   Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me. Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Sounds like you’re trying to start some proxy war with your ex by getting your son involved in the game, Daisy.  You know the pictures are going to be a bone of contention — yet you’re now forcing that they somehow get to your ex and, I suspect, you’re pleased as punch it pisses off his new wife.  Why can’t you let sleeping dogs lie — or at least keep your remaining son out of this unneeded upcoming battle? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us.  Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Sounds like she doesn’t understand that you don’t invalidate one part of your life just because you begin anew.  Sorry you got that response from her.  She obviously feels a little insecure or threatened by her hubby’s past. — Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven.   Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us. Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Last night I spent a great deal of time going through alot of our family pictures.  Alot of them contained pictures of my son Buster throughout his life.  I made a large scrapbook of these family pictures, knowing my ex would like to have them, especially since Buster is no longer with us.  Alot of pictures contained the four of us as a family throughout the years we were together.  This morning I called him to tell him I had this for him, of course he wasn’t home but his new wife was.  She told me "he’s done with that part of his life, leave us alone."  Then hung up.  At first I was angry, then I was hurt, then I thought, you know, it’s really none of her business, they are just damn pictures.  So my other son who is 16 and I decided he would give them to his father during his visitation in a few days and to hell with what she thinks.  My God, they are only pictures! Daisy

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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