Lonely Loneliness

Rewritten Men's Rules

Question:

Having nothing better to do at 4:15am, I have taken pen in hand to rewrite the rewritten men’s rules.  Women’s version in caps. Judy   P.S.  THIS IS ALL BILL’S FAULT 1.  Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissable in an argument.  All comments become null and void after seven days.    ANYTHING YOU EVER SAID TO UPSET US WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. 2.  If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.     IF YOU EXPECT US TO DRESS LIKE VICTORIA’S SECRET, TRY ACTING LIKE SOAP OPERA GUYS. 3.  If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.     IF WE SAY SOMETHING THAT CAN BE INTERPRETED IN TWO WAYS, WE MEANT IT THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU FEEL MOST GUILTY. 4.  It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.     IT CERTAINLY IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO TAKE COSMO QUIZZES WITH US AND IF YOU’RE SMART, YOU’LL LIE. 5.  Let us ogle.  If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?     LET US OGLE.  IF WE DON’T LOOK AT OTHER MEN, HOW CAN WE KNOW HOW GOOD LOOKING YOU ARE? 6.  Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.     WHEN WE RUB THE LAMP, LET THE DAMN GENIE OUT! 7.  You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want something done – not both.     DO WHAT WE ASK AND LET US TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT, FOR WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. 8.  Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.     YOU MUST ALWAYS LISTEN TO US DURING FOOTBALL GAMES.  HOW ELSE WILL WE KNOW YOU LOVE US? 9.  Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.     CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS NEVER REACHED HIS INTENDED DESTINATION.  WE DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU. 10.  Women who wear Wonder bras and low cut blouses, lose their right to complain about having their chest stared at.      MEN WHO LOOK AT WOMEN WHO WEAR WONDER BRAS AND LOW CUT BLOUSES, LOSE THEIR RIGHT TO PEACE AND QUIET. 11.  When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying, "This is our exit" is not necessary.      IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO DRIVE A CAR.  YOU DRIVE, WE TELL YOU HOW. 12.  Don’t fake it.  We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.      FAKE IT. WE’D RATHER BE DECEIVED THAN THINK WE’RE INEFFECTIVE.

Response:

Hi lookf…@webtv.net  and all lurkers on alt.support.loneliness ! On Fri, 13 Mar 1998 03:46:14 -0600, You wrote: >Dear Bill >Sorry I have to vote for Judy’s. >Evie.

:) Woow … strange, scary … two women showing solidarity ! —– Neither a poet nor a thinker just a chemist and a fiddler  :) ————— All life is chemistry, and thoughts are the catalysts ICQ #4918962 —————————— Due to excessive amounts of UCE, I had to edit my email address. Apologize the inconvenience. Please remove the obvious to reply, thanks.

Response:

In <6eb075$7o…@newsd-161.iap.bryant.webtv.net> lookf…@webtv.net writes: >Hey that is good Judy.  Is Bill going to reply again?   >Evie.

Hush, Evie.  I don’t think I’m fast enough or good enough to match wits with him. Judy

Response:

Bill, you’re hitting closer to real life than I did!  I’ll just have to fix these up a bit.  (Had to go dig out my "scribbles" to see the originals ’cause between us we’ve messed it up so much) <grin> In <6eal3b$kk…@flint.sentex.net> "Bill" <we_wi…@yahoo.com> writes: >Bill >mrb…@albedo.net >Love is a Rose,I’m always getting stuck by thorns. >P.S.  THIS IS ALL BILL’S FAULT >>1.  Flowers and a smile work. (THROW IN A HUG AND YOU’RE HOME FREE!) >>2.   TRY ACTING LIKe SOAP OPERA GUYS. So act vain self centered and >shallow. (YOU MIGHT GET HER TO DRESS LIKE VICTORIA’S SECRET, BUT

YOU’LL NEVER HAVE HER HEART.) >>3. Guilt from a soap opera guy, perish the thought. (YOU’RE RIGHT!) >>4.  Cheat read the quizz before she does,be prepared. (LET’S GET RID

OF THE QUIZZ AND JUST TALK.) >>5.Just ask we’ll tell you we’re good looking. (IF WE ASK, YOU’LL

THINK WE’RE FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.  JUST TELL US.) >>6. WHEN WE RUB THE LAMP, LET THE DAMN GENIE OUT! Well you just wasted

three wishes. (NO WISHES ARE WASTED.) >>7DO WHAT WE ASK AND LET US TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT, FOR WE ARE ALWAYS >>RIGHT. Wrong! Well let me ask my wife. (WRONG PERSON TO ASK!) >>8. If we grunt once it means we love you, twice means twice as much.

(I DON’T SPEAK "GRUNT", TRY ENGLISH.) >>9. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS NEVER REACHED HIS INTENDED DESTINATION.  We

have a built in compass. (SUGAR, THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING YOU’VE GOT BUILT IN!) >>10. Not in Canada we don’t. Great new law passed. (LAWS WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN.) >>11 IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO DRIVE A CAR.  YOU DRIVE, WE TELL YOU HOW.

Then get in the backseat where you belong. (ONLY IF YOU’RE IN THE BACKSEAT, TOO.) >>12. FAKE IT. WE’D RATHER BE DECEIVED THAN THINK WE’RE INEFFECTIVE. We

can tell when it’s fake. (YEAH..,<SIGH> SO CAN WE.)

Response:

Hey that is good Judy.  Is Bill going to reply again?   Evie.

Response:

Dear Bill Sorry I have to vote for Judy’s. Evie.

Response:

Hi Evie lookf…@webtv.net  and all lurkers on alt.support.loneliness ! On Thu, 12 Mar 1998 13:29:31 -0600, You wrote: >Judy: >I just love your version much better.  Guys should know that women are >here to guide them and make sure they stay on the straight and narrow >path. Otherwise they would be lost and wouldn’t know where the hell they >are going.  They would just be going.   >LOL >Evie.

That reminds me of a scenery about 10 years ago … me and my wife hiking round a mountain at our country, on vacation, collecting a big rucksack full of finest mushrooms, I realized we were getting lost on a chamois path, when it became dim and dark at last … then me forward, toddling from tree to tree, until I lost the ground under my feet … that’s when the going got really tough. Finally decided, a bit shocked, to stay under that ledge for the rest of this long, cloudy night … no moon, only rain dripping, we sitting on our rucksacks (bad luck for the mushrooms ) and raincoats, our dog warming the knees. Found a path down easily in the morning, rain had already stopped … but this time *I* made the pathfinder . Good Luck on Your ways, here, there and everywhere, Walter

Response:

– Bill mrb…@albedo.net Love is a Rose,I’m always getting stuck by thorns. P.S.  THIS IS ALL BILL’S FAULT – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->1.  Flowers and a smile work. >2.   TRY ACTING LIKe SOAP OPERA GUYS. So act vain self centered and shallow. >3. Guilt from a soap opera guy, perish the thought. >4.  Cheat read the quizz before she does,be prepared. >5.Just ask we’ll tell you we’re good looking. >6. WHEN WE RUB THE LAMP, LET THE DAMN GENIE OUT! Well you just wasted three wishes. >7DO WHAT WE ASK AND LET US TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT, FOR WE ARE ALWAYS >RIGHT. Wrong! Well let me ask my wife. >8. If we grunt once it means we love you, twice means twice as much. >9. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS NEVER REACHED HIS INTENDED DESTINATION.  We have a built in compass. >10. Not in Canada we don’t. Great new law passed. >11IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO DRIVE A CAR.  YOU DRIVE, WE TELL YOU HOW. Then

get in the backseat where you belong. >12. FAKE IT. WE’D RATHER BE DECEIVED THAN THINK WE’RE INEFFECTIVE. We can

tell when it’s fake. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

In <19980312230900.SAA18…@ladder03.news.aol.com> hashir…@aol.com (HashiRoan) writes: >Hey Judy, >Number nine is my favorite! ;-D >Hashi

Thank you, thank you, I did think that was one of my better ones.  I hesitate to tell my favorite.  It might reveal too much about me. Judy

Response:

Judy: I just love your version much better.  Guys should know that women are here to guide them and make sure they stay on the straight and narrow path. Otherwise they would be lost and wouldn’t know where the hell they are going.  They would just be going.   LOL Evie.

Response:

Hey Judy, Number nine is my favorite! ;-D Hashi

Response:

In <6e9d2r$5d…@newsd-161.iap.bryant.webtv.net> lookf…@webtv.net writes: >Judy: >I just love your version much better.  Guys should know that women are >here to guide them and make sure they stay on the straight and narrow >path. Otherwise they would be lost and wouldn’t know where the hell

they are going.  They would just be going.   >LOL >Evie.

I LOVE IT!!!!!! ROTFL Puts me in mind of "The energizer bunny"! going…….going………going…..(Sometimes, I feel that way, too!) <grin> Judy

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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