Lonely Loneliness

The hardest thing . . .

Question:

[Hi Keith ….. [

[ [ [ Four years ago, I had a wife (okay, she was cheating on me, but she [ was still there most of the time) and five kids who loved me. [ [ Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man's hand and [ crying her eyes out as he lay dying. [ [ The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn't anyone [ who would be in her place if I was in his.  No wife, no kids, not [ even a girlfriend.  Nobody to drop a tear for me except parents and [ siblings.  Nobody to come sit by me and stroke my forehead and sing [ to me. [ [This is so sad. What makes you think you won't find your soul mate in the [near future? I haven't found her in the years I've been divorced.  Why should I expect to find her at all? [ Would you rather still be married to your cheating wife than be [alone for now? Yes.  But I would rather be married to my soulmate -- if she exists. [Being alone doesn't mean being alone forever. It can. [ Nobody to stay for. [ [Stop watching these love stories and go out and find your future SO!! It was the news. [ Divorce stinks.  It steals your dreams and leaves you with a hole in [ your soul. [ [Yes it does ... but it doesn't have to be permenent. How long have you been [divorced? I'm guessing not long. In time you will discover that this is also [the start of a new begining. When you do finally meet your "real" sole mate [... one that won't cheat on you ... you will be thankful you got a divorce, [or you would never have met this new person. IF, not WHEN. [ And some people "divorce to win." [ [To "win" what? I don't know.  Money, I suppose.   [Take care Keith ... here's hoping you have a better day tomorrow Thanks.

Response:

I can remember watching those same touching moments and feeling a profound emptiness in my heart.

Very well said. Is Love like it is in books and films and songs?  Mine was not, and I always came up feeling lonely and empty.  So why do I feel like calling him up and giving him ONE MORE CHANCE?  He lives with someone else(maybe it would entertain them) .  I just am having a bad night….sorry Maria

Response:

Not to start an arguement here, and I mean that sincerely…but God does have a hand in everything that goes on in this world.  Why would God be involved in anything that destroys homes and rips families apart?  Divorce is not the ONLY thing that does that.  Death can do that, money problems can do that, sickness can do that, anger can do that…..now why would God have a part in that as well? Daisy

i agree with everything mr. keith w. said and may i add i think it stinks too.  thats why i believe god has no hand in divorce.  why would he be involved in anything that destroys homes and rips families apart at the seams?  yeah it stinks alright.  its putting this nation down the toilet very quickly.  "leave it to beaver" and "andy griffith (mayberry, u.s.a.) " ;  that’s what life should be like.

Response:

Hows everything going?  How about an update? i agree with everything mr. keith w. said and may i add i think it stinks too.  thats why i believe god has no hand in divorce.  why would he be involved in anything that destroys homes and rips families apart at the seams?  yeah it stinks alright.  its putting this nation down the toilet very quickly.  "leave it to beaver" and "andy griffith (mayberry, u.s.a.) " ;  that’s what life should be like.

– — — When life gives you lemons, learn to pucker. ICQ # 35013944

Response:

[Keith, [ [After all this time (you and I have both been in ASD a LONG time ) I hope [I’m still here when you announce to the group that you’ve found "her."  As [I’m sure you will, eventually. [ [Barb Thanks. I hope we all live that long.  

Response:

I can remember watching those same touching moments and feeling a profound emptiness in my heart. Very well said. Is Love like it is in books and films and songs?  Mine was not, and I always came up feeling lonely and empty.  So why do I feel like calling him up and giving him ONE MORE CHANCE?  He lives with someone else(maybe it would entertain them) .  I just am having a bad night….sorry

No problem, we all have those… And, IMHO, no, love is rarely as it’s often portrayed in movies and TV. Those things are made for a purpose, to make *money*. There’s nothing wrong with that, but, in the process, much of reality gets thrown away. Such as all the points in Augie’s recent post of humour about this. I can only think of two media representations of love with which I can agree with. Mad About You, and Babylon 5. No movies really come to mind, for a big reason. Movies are generally made about exceptional, and pivotal momnets in the lives of the protagonists. Otherwise, they’d be doing a series. So, what we are seeing of the characters in a movie is the *exceptions* to their lives, not the " usual ". So, the relationships that are so often seen in movies are also " exceptional ", and nothing like what we mere mortals live in, day in and day out. You ever wonder how soon the relationship between Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock’s characters in Speed collapsed ? Between the pure adrenaline rush of the events in the movie, and the wearing thin of a relationship based " on sex, then ", I’d bet is wasn’t that long. In the real world, that is. Media doesn’t worry with the long term life. Real life does, and that’s the *big* difference. I take the occasional pointer from such things, but only to *add* to what I’ve learned from real life. Maria

Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

What are you agreeing with? How sad he is, and that there doesn’t seem to be any hope? There IS hope after divorce. His wife was cheating on him. Do you think he should have stayed in a relationship like that? He deserves respect and love too. Those programs that you mentioned … are only programs. That isn’t real life … and it was never real life. However … my Amazon Parrott sings the tune to the Andy Griffith show — Spiderweb =} "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? " – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i agree with everything mr. keith w. said and may i add i think it stinks too.  thats why i believe god has no hand in divorce.  why would he be involved in anything that destroys homes and rips families apart at the seams?  yeah it stinks alright.  its putting this nation down the toilet very quickly.  "leave it to beaver" and "andy griffith (mayberry, u.s.a.) " ;  that’s what life should be like.

Response:

[

[ [This is so sad. What makes you think you won't find your soul mate in the [ [near future? [ [ I haven't found her in the years I've been divorced.  Why should I [ expect to find her at all? [ [How many years is that? And what makes you think you won't? Nearly 3, and over 3 years since I have seen my kids. What makes you think that I will? [Pessimism will keep you where you are at. It will stifle your ability to [achieve and grow. Others will sense your pessimism and react accordingly, [which in turn ... you may miss your chance with the right person. [ [Optimism will at least let your real self have hope ... you will be more [happy, and self confident. This is what will attract a future relationship. If you say so. [ [ Would you rather still be married to your cheating wife than be [ [alone for now? [ [ Yes.  But I would rather be married to my soulmate -- if she exists. [ [I'm guessing you have low self esteem if you would settle with being married [to someone who cheats on you. Your guess is incorrect. When I was still married to her, there was the chance that things would turn around.  I believe that given time, they would have.  I prefer to take the longer view. As far as my self-esteem, there is no problem there.  I am just in the situation of a Ferarri for sale in a farm town -- I am worth a lot more than anyone can afford to offer.  You are better than that ... and everyone [deserves respect, and real love. Don't "settle" for anything less. Become [proud to be you. As I said, I'm worth more than can be offered.  This is why I am alone. [ [Being alone doesn't mean being alone forever. [ [ It can. [ [It can if you let it. It's not solely up to me whether I am alone or not, any more than I had any say in the divorce. [ [ And some people "divorce to win." [ [ [ [To "win" what? [ [ I don't know.  Money, I suppose. [ [No one wins in a divorce. Unfortunately, by the time they figure that out, it's too late.

Response:

I never believed in the concept of a soul mate.

I laughed at the concept as others talked about finding their soul mate … until about six years ago when the concept started to take on an unexpected appeal.   Then, out of the blue, so to speak, I got on the trail of one of those mythical creatures and was devastated when things did not work out.    Now I admit, I would like to find another one … fortunately I never have believed there is such a thing as one and only one soul mate … lots of fish in the sea and all that; you just have to be receptive and available if one should happen to swim by in your pool. My parents taught me that there were probably a hundred thousand potential matches for me out there, it was finding one of these right persons, at the right time, and committing to make it work.

Smart parents – other than underestimating the number by an order of magnitude … now we can easily travel the world, both in person and electronically with the result that our world has enlarged considerably. Floridanewbie

Response:

Keith, After all this time (you and I have both been in ASD a LONG time ) I hope I’m still here when you announce to the group that you’ve found "her."  As I’m sure you will, eventually. Barb

Response:

Four years ago, I had a wife (okay, she was cheating on me, but she was still there most of the time) and five kids who loved me. Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man’s hand and crying her eyes out as he lay dying. The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn’t anyone who would be in her place if I was in his.  No wife, no kids, not even a girlfriend.  Nobody to drop a tear for me except parents and siblings.  Nobody to come sit by me and stroke my forehead and sing to me. Nobody to stay for. Divorce stinks.  It steals your dreams and leaves you with a hole in your soul. And some people "divorce to win."

Response:

Hi Keith ….. Four years ago, I had a wife (okay, she was cheating on me, but she was still there most of the time) and five kids who loved me. Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man’s hand and crying her eyes out as he lay dying. The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn’t anyone who would be in her place if I was in his.  No wife, no kids, not even a girlfriend.  Nobody to drop a tear for me except parents and siblings.  Nobody to come sit by me and stroke my forehead and sing to me.

This is so sad. What makes you think you won’t find your soul mate in the near future? Would you rather still be married to your cheating wife than be alone for now? Being alone doesn’t mean being alone forever. Nobody to stay for.

Stop watching these love stories and go out and find your future SO!! Divorce stinks.  It steals your dreams and leaves you with a hole in your soul.

Yes it does … but it doesn’t have to be permenent. How long have you been divorced? I’m guessing not long. In time you will discover that this is also the start of a new begining. When you do finally meet your "real" sole mate … one that won’t cheat on you … you will be thankful you got a divorce, or you would never have met this new person. And some people "divorce to win."

To "win" what? Take care Keith … here’s hoping you have a better day tomorrow — Spiderweb =}

Response:

Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man’s hand and crying her eyes out as he lay dying.

He probably didn’t have life insurance and she’ll be broke… The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn’t anyone who would be in her place if I was in his.

Yeah, your cheatin’ wife would be in your room, stroking your hair while her lover is there holding her because "this is difficult for me and I needed someone to help me watch you die…" Hallmark crap. Stop watching these love stories and go out and find your future SO!!

Judging by the previews for the upcoming fall, there’s a lot of "touchee-feelee" type shows I’ll be happy to not watch. You’ll find someone eventually.  It just won’t happen overnight. Just don’t start crying when you watch a commercial with a kid and a puppy. (i.e. "analyse this") Hang in there. — Joe

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – [Hi Keith ….. [ [ [ [ Four years ago, I had a wife (okay, she was cheating on me, but she [ was still there most of the time) and five kids who loved me. [ [ Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man’s hand and [ crying her eyes out as he lay dying. [ [ The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn’t anyone [ who would be in her place if I was in his.  No wife, no kids, not [ even a girlfriend.  Nobody to drop a tear for me except parents and [ siblings.  Nobody to come sit by me and stroke my forehead and sing [ to me. [ [This is so sad. What makes you think you won’t find your soul mate in the [near future? I haven’t found her in the years I’ve been divorced.  Why should I expect to find her at all?

How many years is that? And what makes you think you won’t? Pessimism will keep you where you are at. It will stifle your ability to achieve and grow. Others will sense your pessimism and react accordingly, which in turn … you may miss your chance with the right person. Optimism will at least let your real self have hope … you will be more happy, and self confident. This is what will attract a future relationship. [ Would you rather still be married to your cheating wife than be [alone for now? Yes.  But I would rather be married to my soulmate — if she exists.

I’m guessing you have low self esteem if you would settle with being married to someone who cheats on you. You are better than that … and everyone deserves respect, and real love. Don’t "settle" for anything less. Become proud to be you. [Being alone doesn’t mean being alone forever. It can.

It can if you let it. [ Nobody to stay for. [ [Stop watching these love stories and go out and find your future SO!! It was the news.

Ok … but my suggestion is still the same [ Divorce stinks.  It steals your dreams and leaves you with a hole in [ your soul. [ [Yes it does … but it doesn’t have to be permenent. How long have you been [divorced? I’m guessing not long. In time you will discover that this is also [the start of a new begining. When you do finally meet your "real" sole mate [… one that won’t cheat on you … you will be thankful you got a divorce, [or you would never have met this new person. IF, not WHEN.

How about if AND when? Not one or the other … but both. You don’t know when … or if it’s going to be tomorrow or next year. But first you need to work on you before you can attract someone else. Confidence and a positive attitude is sooooo attractive!!! [ And some people "divorce to win." [ [To "win" what? I don’t know.  Money, I suppose.

No one wins in a divorce. Money? .. that gets spent and they are right back to square one. [Take care Keith … here’s hoping you have a better day tomorrow Thanks.

Your very welcome … and I mean that. I really do hope your day is better tomorrow. Chin up … and feel good about yourself. — Spiderweb =}

Response:

i agree with everything mr. keith w. said and may i add i think it stinks too.  thats why i believe god has no hand in divorce.  why would he be involved in anything that destroys homes and rips families apart at the seams?  yeah it stinks alright.  its putting this nation down the toilet very quickly.  "leave it to beaver" and "andy griffith (mayberry, u.s.a.) " ;  that’s what life should be like.

Response:

I never believed in the concept of a soul mate. My parents taught me that there were probably a hundred thousand potential matches for me out there, it was finding one of these right persons, at the right time, and committing to make it work. I believe I failed the first time because it was the right time, and in my rush, I chose the wrong person. I can remember watching those same touching moments and feeling a profound emptiness in my heart. The worse part was, I was still married. Perhaps you can content yourself with knowing that the empty feelings you’re having could be an indication you are healing and are getting closer to being at the "right" time in your life. That’s one hurdle I haven’t crossed yet and don’t expect I will for a few years more. But when the time is right, the next hurdle is finding the "right" person. The good news is, there are many more to choose from than you realize. Just be careful in your loneliness not to fill that void too fast. jen  

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Four years ago, I had a wife (okay, she was cheating on me, but she was still there most of the time) and five kids who loved me. Tonight on TV there was a woman who was holding her man’s hand and crying her eyes out as he lay dying. The hardest thing about my divorce is knowing that there isn’t anyone who would be in her place if I was in his.  No wife, no kids, not even a girlfriend.  Nobody to drop a tear for me except parents and siblings.  Nobody to come sit by me and stroke my forehead and sing to me. Nobody to stay for. Divorce stinks.  It steals your dreams and leaves you with a hole in your soul. And some people "divorce to win."

I know divorce is hard, but the fact is that it’s often a necessary and eventually productive process which removes someone from your life who doesn’t deserve to be there.  I resented my ex in many ways for a long time but soon began to realise that being set free opened up a whole world of opportunity for me to meet someone new who could be so much better for me than she was and be so much more deserving of the someone like me.   Single life can be a bit lonely sometimes, but so can being married to the wrong person.   Better to be alone and free than alone and trapped in a bad situation. Best of Luck Don

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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