Lonely Loneliness

what's happening to me???? (sorry – long)

Question:

i am scared. i don’t know what’s happening to me. ever since i tried any drugs, things have changed. it’s only been like a couple of weeks. it seems to be perhaps helping in some ways but making it worse too. i get short of breath a lot and just feel intensely panicy at times. with the new medicine i’m trying i feel lightheaded and dizzy and stuff maybe a couple of hours after, but that doesn’t last too long. but the tightness in my throat, that’s around a lot now. before i thought i was allergic, right now i don’t know what it is. it’s something weird. should i ask the dr??? (but i’ve bugged her so much recently with my being allergic to the past two drugs i tried recently). and then there’s the extreme tiredness. that one’s hard. it’s even worse because i’m a student now, and i have a lot of midterms and this big project and stuff now, which it’s just so hard for me to keep on top of. and then i’m really scared because i have spring break starting this coming friday. i decided not to go home because i knew i’d want to kill myself if i did (i was soooo scared when i was home over winter break – that’s when this disease if you call it that took over), so i just couldn’t face going back there yet. but i have no where else to go either, so i’m staying at my dorm. but i am literally the only one who is. what if things get bad here? i will have nothing to do, no one to talk to, etc. and what if the medicines don’t work out. can i last for 10 days on my own???? living in loneliness is one of the hardest things in the world. trying to deal with things and taking medications and being soooo scared all alone. i don’t even have any family. i just wish i could make this all end. i’m losing everything i care about much anyway. [argh - this girl keeps interupting me and i have to hide everything - i hate that] right after things got really bad, the counselor i was seeing said that he’s going to tell my dad i’m seeing him (well, i had to sign a waiver to agree or he wouldn’t see me, and if he didn’t i woulda got kicked out of school) – which i think will screw up my one family tie, my house dean rejected me from living in my dorm with my friends next year so i’m gonna be living alone, my best friend is going abroad next fall so i can’t even communicate with her then, any hopes i have of ever seeing my brother again have completely died, i’m trying this medicine thing (which is like a last resort to me), if things go foul with the counselor i’m seeing now, there’s no one else i can see, my grades are dropping unless i can turn things around soon, etc. i shouldn’t complain so much. it’s just that this is the way i see things and i just don’t know what to do. les.

Response:

Hello Les, I know how you feel.  I get scared too.  What I learned from this wonderful group is that it takes a little while to get used to the meds.  Call your dr. anytime you want.  That’s what she’s there for.  You’re under a lot of pressure right now and your fears are escalating as they do with me.  It’s ok to be alone at school.  If you have access to the computer, you have access to this group.  Can you watch tv, listen to music, play video games, etc., while you’re there?  Above all, call your dr. and get in touch with people at this group.  You are not alone!  Wishing you the best. Diane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i am scared. i don’t know what’s happening to me. ever since i tried any drugs, things have changed. it’s only been like a couple of weeks. it seems to be perhaps helping in some ways but making it worse too. i get short of breath a lot and just feel intensely panicy at times. with the new medicine i’m trying i feel lightheaded and dizzy and stuff maybe a couple of hours after, but that doesn’t last too long. but the tightness in my throat, that’s around a lot now. before i thought i was allergic, right now i don’t know what it is. it’s something weird. should i ask the dr??? (but i’ve bugged her so much recently with my being allergic to the past two drugs i tried recently). and then there’s the extreme tiredness. that one’s hard. it’s even worse because i’m a student now, and i have a lot of midterms and this big project and stuff now, which it’s just so hard for me to keep on top of. and then i’m really scared because i have spring break starting this coming friday. i decided not to go home because i knew i’d want to kill myself if i did (i was soooo scared when i was home over winter break – that’s when this disease if you call it that took over), so i just couldn’t face going back there yet. but i have no where else to go either, so i’m staying at my dorm. but i am literally the only one who is. what if things get bad here? i will have nothing to do, no one to talk to, etc. and what if the medicines don’t work out. can i last for 10 days on my own???? living in loneliness is one of the hardest things in the world. trying to deal with things and taking medications and being soooo scared all alone. i don’t even have any family. i just wish i could make this all end. i’m losing everything i care about much anyway. [argh - this girl keeps interupting me and i have to hide everything - i hate that] right after things got really bad, the counselor i was seeing said that he’s going to tell my dad i’m seeing him (well, i had to sign a waiver to agree or he wouldn’t see me, and if he didn’t i woulda got kicked out of school) – which i think will screw up my one family tie, my house dean rejected me from living in my dorm with my friends next year so i’m gonna be living alone, my best friend is going abroad next fall so i can’t even communicate with her then, any hopes i have of ever seeing my brother again have completely died, i’m trying this medicine thing (which is like a last resort to me), if things go foul with the counselor i’m seeing now, there’s no one else i can see, my grades are dropping unless i can turn things around soon, etc. i shouldn’t complain so much. it’s just that this is the way i see things and i just don’t know what to do. les.

Response:

hey les…you sound so much like me, it’s scary. I am 26, but when I was in college i used to skip out on all the trips and fun things because I was afraid. Dont beat yourself up about it…the meds you are on take time to work. Give yorself some time. As for being alone, it was my biggest phobia in college. Get a good read (bridget jones 1 and 2) get your butt to the gym, TRY your hardest to be good to yourself. I know you are going through rough times, but it DOES go aw * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

Response:

Filed under: Loneliness

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