Wondering Why???
Question:
Cal, My guess is that after four months you’re starting to breathe freely and rediscover yourself again. I mean, who you are, what you want, your strengths to move forward, etc. Seems a natural turning point and place you’d arrive at. I know I did, after trying to put pieces back to a puzzle when half were missing from the box! (maybe bad analogy but hopefully you get my point) Good for you that you’re making progress. Oh…and I had back spasms once with muscle relaxers. They are potent! :-) Loriann Hoff Oberlin is the author of SURVIVING SEPARATION & DIVORCE http://members.aol.com/lhoberlin/author.html
Response:
Cal, Healing from pain is a process. You may have read about the research Dr. Kubler-Ross did years ago on death & dying, which describes the process a person goes through beginning with denial and ultimately leading to acceptance. That research has been widely applied to other forms of grief and even to events bringing about profound change within an individual or organization. Anyhow, on a less academic note, you reminded me of a quote I ran across recently in my reading: "In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." Alfred Camus Barb
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Okay, this may sound strange, especially coming from me. I am wondering why I am not feeling so bad right now. I know this is a rather strange question, and in view of how I had been feeling, I shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but I just can’t figure this out. I have been in so much pain lately, but the last week or so, I have felt pretty darn good mentally,( physically, I am a wreak!!) I don’t understand it. I have been trying to analyze my feelings and the whys and the wherefores. The only thing I can come up with is that I have not had to spend much time with him, since I took my daughter on a vacation, and before that, he was out quite a bit. But, even when I think of the future, I am just anxious to "get the show on the road" I am tired of the waiting to move on to the next step and want to get on with my life, without him. I haven’t felt the fear of living without him by my side, like I did in the beginning. How can I feel this way so soon? I am afraid to say it, but I almost feel relieved that he has done this, in a way. As if he had done me a favor. In conversations with my sister, and my sister-in-law, I have come to realize that he has said and done things that have "stifled" me for years, and I just didn’t even see it. I USED to be very crafty, but he always thought crafts were stupid, and so I stopped doing them. I liked a certain show on tv, but he thought it was dumb, so we didn’t watch. I LOVE sports 
{all except golf-I just don’t get it} He likes hockey, but that’s about it. I finally started watching the games on the second TV. A girl’s got to put her foot down somewhere!! lol He got embarrassed at our daughters soccer games, because I cheered her on, and he would stand on the opposite side of field. He was the one who looked like a horses a**, not me. So anyway, I am curious, is this normal at this stage of the game. Am I just headed for another loop on the rollercoaster, or what??? I guess I just don’t know what to make of this. I have run the gamut of feelings in the past 4 months (4 months today, exactly). That I just now realized that it was the "4 month anniversary" of being told, is "proof" somehow that I am moving on. Every month prior to today, I knew and thought about it right upon waking up. Like it was etched on my brain. Now, I don’t feel that way at all. I know this had now become a rambling mess. But I am very confused as to my feelings. Maybe it is the pain killers, and muscle relaxants I have been taking for the last two weeks that is making me feel this way. I just don’t know. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
Anyhow, on a less academic note, you reminded me of a quote I ran across recently in my reading: "In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." Alfred Camus Barb
This is a keeper. 
Wynn
Response:
Cal, Healing has no time frame. Enjoy the peace you are feeling right now. No one can predict the roller coaster ride, and although I would guess your ride is not over, it sounds as if you won’t have the extreme ups and downs as in the past. When we live with someone for a long length of time who stifles (and I think that is a mild word) us, it feels like a breath of fresh air when it doesn’t happen on a daily basis any more. There is a certain peace that comes with not hearing condenscending remarks about our thoughts, actions, likes, dislikes, opinions, knowledge, appearance, and the list goes on. You are doing good. Wynn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Okay, this may sound strange, especially coming from me. I am wondering why I am not feeling so bad right now. I know this is a rather strange question, and in view of how I had been feeling, I shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but I just can’t figure this out. I have been in so much pain lately, but the last week or so, I have felt pretty darn good mentally,( physically, I am a wreak!!) I don’t understand it. I have been trying to analyze my feelings and the whys and the wherefores. The only thing I can come up with is that I have not had to spend much time with him, since I took my daughter on a vacation, and before that, he was out quite a bit. But, even when I think of the future, I am just anxious to "get the show on the road" I am tired of the waiting to move on to the next step and want to get on with my life, without him. I haven’t felt the fear of living without him by my side, like I did in the beginning. How can I feel this way so soon? I am afraid to say it, but I almost feel relieved that he has done this, in a way. As if he had done me a favor. In conversations with my sister, and my sister-in-law, I have come to realize that he has said and done things that have "stifled" me for years, and I just didn’t even see it. I USED to be very crafty, but he always thought crafts were stupid, and so I stopped doing them. I liked a certain show on tv, but he thought it was dumb, so we didn’t watch. I LOVE sports {all except golf-I just don’t get it} He likes hockey, but that’s about it. I finally started watching the games on the second TV. A girl’s got to put her foot down somewhere!! lol He got embarrassed at our daughters soccer games, because I cheered her on, and he would stand on the opposite side of field. He was the one who looked like a horses a**, not me. So anyway, I am curious, is this normal at this stage of the game. Am I just headed for another loop on the rollercoaster, or what??? I guess I just don’t know what to make of this. I have run the gamut of feelings in the past 4 months (4 months today, exactly). That I just now realized that it was the "4 month anniversary" of being told, is "proof" somehow that I am moving on. Every month prior to today, I knew and thought about it right upon waking up. Like it was etched on my brain. Now, I don’t feel that way at all. I know this had now become a rambling mess. But I am very confused as to my feelings. Maybe it is the pain killers, and muscle relaxants I have been taking for the last two weeks that is making me feel this way. I just don’t know. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
Okay, this may sound strange, especially coming from me. I am wondering why I am not feeling so bad right now. I know this is a rather strange question, and in view of how I had been feeling, I shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but I just can’t figure this out. I have been in so much pain lately, but the last week or so, I have felt pretty darn good mentally,( physically, I am a wreak!!) I don’t understand it. I have been trying to analyze my feelings and the whys and the wherefores. The only thing I can come up with is that I have not had to spend much time with him, since I took my daughter on a vacation, and before that, he was out quite a bit. But, even when I think of the future, I am just anxious to "get the show on the road" I am tired of the waiting to move on to the next step and want to get on with my life, without him. I haven’t felt the fear of living without him by my side, like I did in the beginning. How can I feel this way so soon? I am afraid to say it, but I almost feel relieved that he has done this, in a way. As if he had done me a favor. In conversations with my sister, and my sister-in-law, I have come to realize that he has said and done things that have "stifled" me for years, and I just didn’t even see it. I USED to be very crafty, but he always thought crafts were stupid, and so I stopped doing them. I liked a certain show on tv, but he thought it was dumb, so we didn’t watch. I LOVE sports {all except golf-I just don’t get it} He likes hockey, but that’s about it. I finally started watching the games on the second TV. A girl’s got to put her foot down somewhere!! lol He got embarrassed at our daughters soccer games, because I cheered her on, and he would stand on the opposite side of field. He was the one who looked like a horses a**, not me. So anyway, I am curious, is this normal at this stage of the game. Am I just headed for another loop on the rollercoaster, or what??? I guess I just don’t know what to make of this. I have run the gamut of feelings in the past 4 months (4 months today, exactly). That I just now realized that it was the "4 month anniversary" of being told, is "proof" somehow that I am moving on. Every month prior to today, I knew and thought about it right upon waking up. Like it was etched on my brain. Now, I don’t feel that way at all. I know this had now become a rambling mess. But I am very confused as to my feelings. Maybe it is the pain killers, and muscle relaxants I have been taking for the last two weeks that is making me feel this way. I just don’t know. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Okay, this may sound strange, especially coming from me. I am wondering why I am not feeling so bad right now. I know this is a rather strange question, and in view of how I had been feeling, I shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but I just can’t figure this out. I have been in so much pain lately, but the last week or so, I have felt pretty darn good mentally,( physically, I am a wreak!!) I don’t understand it. I have been trying to analyze my feelings and the whys and the wherefores. The only thing I can come up with is that I have not had to spend much time with him, since I took my daughter on a vacation, and before that, he was out quite a bit. But, even when I think of the future, I am just anxious to "get the show on the road" I am tired of the waiting to move on to the next step and want to get on with my life, without him. I haven’t felt the fear of living without him by my side, like I did in the beginning. How can I feel this way so soon? I am afraid to say it, but I almost feel relieved that he has done this, in a way. As if he had done me a favor. In conversations with my sister, and my sister-in-law, I have come to realize that he has said and done things that have "stifled" me for years, and I just didn’t even see it. I USED to be very crafty, but he always thought crafts were stupid, and so I stopped doing them. I liked a certain show on tv, but he thought it was dumb, so we didn’t watch. I LOVE sports {all except golf-I just don’t get it} He likes hockey, but that’s about it. I finally started watching the games on the second TV. A girl’s got to put her foot down somewhere!! lol He got embarrassed at our daughters soccer games, because I cheered her on, and he would stand on the opposite side of field. He was the one who looked like a horses a**, not me. So anyway, I am curious, is this normal at this stage of the game. Am I just headed for another loop on the rollercoaster, or what??? I guess I just don’t know what to make of this. I have run the gamut of feelings in the past 4 months (4 months today, exactly). That I just now realized that it was the "4 month anniversary" of being told, is "proof" somehow that I am moving on. Every month prior to today, I knew and thought about it right upon waking up. Like it was etched on my brain. Now, I don’t feel that way at all. I know this had now become a rambling mess. But I am very confused as to my feelings. Maybe it is the pain killers, and muscle relaxants I have been taking for the last two weeks that is making me feel this way. I just don’t know. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Sorry-I didn’t realize there was a post with that "topic" title. I wasn’t really responding to the orignal thread here. I will try to repost with a different topic. My apologies. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
There are lulls in every storm. Fortunately, each successive wave is less violent as the storm weakens in intensity. Brace yourself for the next wave. Gentleman Jim A Country Boy and Southern Gentleman God created me in His image and gave His son that my sins would be forgiven. Please don’t think that you can create a better me than God did, or that you should be any less forgiving. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will feel no loneliness: for I am with me. http://home.earthlink.net/~jimedharrison/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Okay, this may sound strange, especially coming from me. I am wondering why I am not feeling so bad right now. I know this is a rather strange question, and in view of how I had been feeling, I shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but I just can’t figure this out. I have been in so much pain lately, but the last week or so, I have felt pretty darn good mentally,( physically, I am a wreak!!) I don’t understand it. I have been trying to analyze my feelings and the whys and the wherefores. The only thing I can come up with is that I have not had to spend much time with him, since I took my daughter on a vacation, and before that, he was out quite a bit. But, even when I think of the future, I am just anxious to "get the show on the road" I am tired of the waiting to move on to the next step and want to get on with my life, without him. I haven’t felt the fear of living without him by my side, like I did in the beginning. How can I feel this way so soon? I am afraid to say it, but I almost feel relieved that he has done this, in a way. As if he had done me a favor. In conversations with my sister, and my sister-in-law, I have come to realize that he has said and done things that have "stifled" me for years, and I just didn’t even see it. I USED to be very crafty, but he always thought crafts were stupid, and so I stopped doing them. I liked a certain show on tv, but he thought it was dumb, so we didn’t watch. I LOVE sports {all except golf-I just don’t get it} He likes hockey, but that’s about it. I finally started watching the games on the second TV. A girl’s got to put her foot down somewhere!! lol He got embarrassed at our daughters soccer games, because I cheered her on, and he would stand on the opposite side of field. He was the one who looked like a horses a**, not me. So anyway, I am curious, is this normal at this stage of the game. Am I just headed for another loop on the rollercoaster, or what??? I guess I just don’t know what to make of this. I have run the gamut of feelings in the past 4 months (4 months today, exactly). That I just now realized that it was the "4 month anniversary" of being told, is "proof" somehow that I am moving on. Every month prior to today, I knew and thought about it right upon waking up. Like it was etched on my brain. Now, I don’t feel that way at all. I know this had now become a rambling mess. But I am very confused as to my feelings. Maybe it is the pain killers, and muscle relaxants I have been taking for the last two weeks that is making me feel this way. I just don’t know. Cal~ Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
Filed under: Loneliness
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