New York, New York
Question:
Hostelling. That is some kinda experience right there. It’s especially hard for shy people because you have to share a room with several people you don’t know. You also have no choice but to socialize out in the community areas because it’s insane to stay in your tiny, uncomfortable room for any length of time other than to sleep. Another thing is that you have to be really careful because you are all waking and sleeping at different times of the night or day. Being self-conscious about bothering other people or having them bother you has to be thrown out the window. You all have to share bathrooms, personal space, everything. You also run into language barriers. Man, it’s a shy person’s nightmare! But I did it, and many times *I* was the person friendly enough to start conversations and short friendships with people around me. I came to New York with this mindset that I would talk and meet people. I did that to an extent. I failed to overcome in many aspects. I did have a hard time walking into places or exploring fully lots of areas because I was too shy. There were countless numbers of times my shyness interrupted or ruined things with people, too. Other times I passed with flying colors, striking up conversations, trying to be nice and talking and such. Also, traveling in itself was hard. I had to ask questions about how and where to get places and it wasn’t all happy, either. I cannot count how many times people in customer service positions were rude to me or treated me like an idiot. I’ve never been on a train before, I never rode a subway, and I was so nervous about all of this and having to talk to people about actually doing it. I also tried to make the situation hard on myself by only bringing the bare essentials needed for survival, one backpack is all I had for the entire week. But back to shyness, the trip really helped me, I think. As time went on, it was getting very easy to relax around people and just start talking. Nowadays I am a little braver than I was before. I have to do this again and try to work on my confidence more. There were people I met who were cool that I was happy I spoke to. But there was also an incident where I met a girl and it dawned on me that she might want to hang out, but due to my indecisiveness and lack of confidence she politely went on her own way. I had a last minute rendevous with a long-distance friend. I was introduced to a bunch of new people and they were the coolest. I also had many "firsts" happen to me in terms of romantic type things – *real* cuddling and kissing (not the bribed, scheming way like I usually do at cons). Cuddling was the best, especially out in public. I see couples together all the time and it always pisses me off. I always wanted to have that. Well, this time around it was ME – the train, the bus, the Park, anyplace we could get close we’d hold each other. It was such a wonderful feeling to be held, respected, admired, loved… I never felt anything so wonderful and I won’t forget it. A long time ago, I got an idea in my head that I would have something like this happen before I got into my upper 20s. Well, all this happened on the very last day of my 25th year. As we parted, we knew we wouldn’t see each other for a LONG time, and I had my first really romantic-type kiss a few hours before midnight (just barely made the deadline!). Do you guys remember those Big Red chewing gum commercials where the couples are kissing someplace and everyone around is inconvenienced somehow because the couple is in the way or whatever – that was us (we were pretty much planted sorta in front of one of the train doors) and we were doing the Big Red thing. Yeah.. uh, it was something 
I’ve had many non-shy people tell me that this hostelling thing was "brave" or "ballsy" and that they would never have done it. These people didn’t even know I was doing this for my shyness. Right now I can’t even understand how it’s "gutsy", it seemed sorta fine to me. Maybe it’s the whole backpacking aspect or the loneliness involved with this kind of travelling. Heck, I’d recommend hostelling anyday. I *am* doing it again. The age thing isn’t important either. You would think hostelling was for 17-24 year olds, but it was also a *bunch* of people my age and up in their 30s. So everyone go push yourselves. Just do it. All the good and bad things that happened to me were so awesome. CB
Response:
buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote in news:83a9fc9f.0111071028.15bbc1a7 @posting.google.com: Whoah! You realize, that you’re most of the way to becomming an a.s.s. legend, dude:) I don’t think 99% of people have any idea what real bravery and passion is, and they are only willing to look for a superficial kind. You sound like one of the bravest people I’ve ever heard of!
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You are an inspiration to us all. -k
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In article <83a9fc9f.0111071028.15bbc…@posting.google.com>, buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote: > As we parted, >we knew we wouldn’t see each other for a LONG time, and I had my first >really romantic-type kiss a few hours before midnight (just barely >made the deadline!). Do you guys remember those Big Red chewing gum >commercials where the couples are kissing someplace and everyone >around is inconvenienced somehow because the couple is in the way or >whatever – that was us (we were pretty much planted sorta in front of >one of the train doors) and we were doing the Big Red thing. Yeah.. >uh, it was something
Heh. Those commercials must be a part of the collective consciousness of guys of a certain age. I had a similar moment with a boyfriend in a car–we kissed so long at a stoplight that the car behind us honked when the light turned green. He was mortified and said, "Oh, my god, I hate it when other people do that, but I just had a Big Red commercial moment!" >I’ve had many non-shy people tell me that this hostelling thing was >"brave" or "ballsy" and that they would never have done it. These >people didn’t even know I was doing this for my shyness. Right now I >can’t even understand how it’s "gutsy", it seemed sorta fine to me. >Maybe it’s the whole backpacking aspect or the loneliness involved >with this kind of travelling. Heck, I’d recommend hostelling anyday. >I *am* doing it again. The age thing isn’t important either. You >would think hostelling was for 17-24 year olds, but it was also a >*bunch* of people my age and up in their 30s.
Well, it sounds brave to me. I don’t know that I could do it. You’ve inspired me to something that scares me (I haven’t decided what yet). I’ll report on the group once I’ve decided and carried through with it. -yakima
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WOW! That’s wonderful. It always cheers me up to read a post like that. It’s refreshing. Keep up the good work. I’m a bit jealous actually 
You’ve certainly invoked a want in me to get out and do things. Thanks. Angel
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Man, I envy you! :) This is fantastic. Keep up the good work. Pardon my ignorance, but what is a hostelling? — oxidation տլ
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bjpar…@sympatico.ca (William Parker) wrote in message <news:Xns91528E01367Dbjparkersympaticoca@207.35.177.134>… > buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote in news:83a9fc9f.0111071028.15bbc1a7 > @posting.google.com: > Whoah! You realize, that you’re most of the way to becomming an a.s.s. > legend, dude:) I don’t think 99% of people have any idea what real bravery > and passion is, and they are only willing to look for a superficial kind. > You sound like one of the bravest people I’ve ever heard of!
What?? Me? Nah, I just went on vacation. Sure it was really difficult, but I had to try. I mean, what else can I do? I think all the things I’ve done, all I’m doing is throwing my brain into shock to force it to think in better ways than before. If I don’t have a way to force myself, I think I would have stayed the same. It’s been about 6 months since I started forcing myself into these rather odd situations, and there has been progress. Seriously, how else am I supposed to help myself? cb
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Congratulations Buster. I hope you got laid too and were just too much of a gentleman to tell us.
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buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote in message <news:83a9fc9f.0111071546.4cf06247@posting.google.com>… > I mean, what else can I do? I think all > the things I’ve done, all I’m doing is throwing my brain into shock to > force it to think in better ways than before. If I don’t have a way > to force myself, I think I would have stayed the same. > It’s been about 6 months since I started forcing myself into these > rather odd situations, and there has been progress. Seriously, how > else am I supposed to help myself?
This is so true. Most times, you just have to force yourself into things. It’s never easy, but it feels so great when you accomplish them. Even trying and failing is better than doing nothing. Doing nothing just depresses the hell out of you.
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"oxidation" <oxinthe…@dontmesswithtexas.com> wrote in message <news:9scekh$je7$1@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>… > Pardon my ignorance, but what is a hostelling?
It’s not ignorant, many people don’t know what hostels are. I didn’t know until a few months ago and only one other person at my work knew what they were. Basically they are cheap places to stay, usually for single travelers but you don’t have to be alone. They are cheap because they will only give you a bed in a dorm room and that’s it. You have to provide whatever else amenities you need. www.hostels.com gives way more info on them. Some of them sound really scary. The tradeoff for giving up luxury and privacy was I got a room right on Times Square for $30 a night. You have to be willing to meet new people because basically you are forced to. No place to hide, you are never alone! I was forced to take the top bunk and I had no idea who I was bothering below me as I stumbled into the dark room. Although I do know that all he had on was his underwear. I ended up in a room with 2 Argentineans and an Australian. Then the aussie left and a guy from Minneapolis came in the next night, who I had nice talks with. I sat in the community area alot and just sparked conversations with whoever sat near me. People were there for so many different reasons, the NYC marathon, looking for work, vacation, etc.. I also witnessed other people meeting new friends, too. Great fun. The other hostel I stayed at was a complete nightmare. I don’t want to go into it, but don’t ever get a room at the white house hotel on the Bowery near Houston St. Clean bathrooms, though. Not to bring people’s hopes up, but a friend of mine’s boyfriend lost his virginity to a girl he met at a hostel in europe somewhere last year.. a very shy guy in his mid-20’s. I don’t know about that, and I didn’t know this until after I got back, so I wasn’t jonesing for some sex on this trip. cb
Response:
Good post. Those non-shy folk were right. Shy or not, the kinds of things you did were above and beyond what’s expected socially. Nice work. Most people would never think of doing things like this on their own and facing the challenges and fears with it. Damn, that is the proper way to live, to seize the day indeed. I like how you mentioned how people were rude to you. Yeah, that is one of the downsides of trying new things. You realize that people can be rude and can be jerks and if you’re shy and don’t associate with people all the time, you don’t really think much about it. But when it strikes, it hurts. The great thing is that if you keep your chin up and keep pushing at it, their rudeness doesn’t hurt as much the next time. Eventually you start to regard it as just rude behaviour and nothing personal. "CVB" <buster_lo…@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:83a9fc9f.0111071028.15bbc1a7@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hostelling. That is some kinda experience right there. It’s > especially hard for shy people because you have to share a room with > several people you don’t know. You also have no choice but to > socialize out in the community areas because it’s insane to stay in > your tiny, uncomfortable room for any length of time other than to > sleep. Another thing is that you have to be really careful because > you are all waking and sleeping at different times of the night or > day. Being self-conscious about bothering other people or having them > bother you has to be thrown out the window. You all have to share > bathrooms, personal space, everything. You also run into language > barriers. Man, it’s a shy person’s nightmare! But I did it, and many > times *I* was the person friendly enough to start conversations and > short friendships with people around me.
Response:
"Restless Scorpio" <restless_scor…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c048a704.0111071925.1df19019@posting.google.com… > buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote in message
<news:83a9fc9f.0111071546.4cf06247@posting.google.com>… > > I mean, what else can I do? I think all > > the things I’ve done, all I’m doing is throwing my brain into shock to > > force it to think in better ways than before. If I don’t have a way > > to force myself, I think I would have stayed the same. > > It’s been about 6 months since I started forcing myself into these > > rather odd situations, and there has been progress. Seriously, how > > else am I supposed to help myself? > This is so true. Most times, you just have to force yourself into > things. It’s never easy, but it feels so great when you accomplish > them. Even trying and failing is better than doing nothing. Doing > nothing just depresses the hell out of you.
Amen. The best thing about forcing yourself into new situations is that if you do it enough times, you get used to it. It becomes habitual, acting that way. One day you stop and realize, "Hey, what I’m doing now used to be scary but now I don’t give it a second thought!" I think that is the ultimate measure of success for overcoming fears. When you don’t even think about how it’s scary to do that thing, you know you’ve licked it.
Response:
"CVB" <buster_lo…@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:83a9fc9f.0111071935.2fdb1ba9@posting.google.com… > "oxidation" <oxinthe…@dontmesswithtexas.com> wrote in message
<news:9scekh$je7$1@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>… > The other hostel I stayed at was a complete nightmare. I don’t want > to go into it, but don’t ever get a room at the white house hotel on > the Bowery near Houston St. Clean bathrooms, though.
Last year, when I moved to Toronto, I had to stay at a hostel for a few days since I was looking for an apartment. The first one I chose was awful. It was this old building that looked like it was gonna fall apart. Ever see Fight Club? The building was sorta like the one there, but not as big. There were all these strange people there. They sort of looked like bums just passing through town or something. I slept in the top bunk of this one bed and there were holes in the bunk that I had to avoid or else I’d fall through. Anyway, it was so nasty, that I checked out a couple of days later. It was just awful. Afterwards, I felt really bad, though. Although the place was nasty, the host was a really friendly guy and you could tell he was just trying to provide a cheap place for people to stay in while they passed through town. The next hostel I stayed at since I couldn’t find an apartment right away, was wayyy better. There were lots of young people there and it was very clean. One night, one of the guys in my room, a Brazilian, asked me to join him downstairs for a drink. That was one of the best nights ever. The whole week was really stressful for me since I couldn’t find a home and at the same time I had to start work. (I was living out of this hostel that was about an hour away by bus and train from work.) It felt good just to sit there and relax for a while with a friendly chap from some other country. I want to add that I learned to speak with confidence on the phone during that week. Like I said, I was looking for an apartment for about a week. At first, I was so wimpy about it. I’d call up a place and ask really quietly if the apartment was available still and if I could come see it. I got so many rejections that soon I was getting very discouraged. At first, I just wanted to die and give up ’cause I thought I was gonna be homeless. Then I started to fight that initial reaction. I started calling up places and didn’t act so wimpy anymore. I was so used to the rejection that I built up my spine a bit. I’d look in the paper for apartments, then just pick up the phone and called them up, with no hesitation. Before, I’d waffle a bit and think, "Hmm. Well, it’s not really in the location where I want." But I realized that wasn’t getting me a home, so I learned to be assertive.
Response:
buster_lo…@my-deja.com (CVB) wrote in news:83a9fc9f.0111071546.4cf06247@posting.google.com: > What?? Me? Nah, I just went on vacation. Sure it was really > difficult, but I had to try. I mean, what else can I do?
Oh, lots… One popular option is to sit around and complain, or rationalize reasons why you can’t ever change for the better. > I think all > the things I’ve done, all I’m doing is throwing my brain into shock to > force it to think in better ways than before. If I don’t have a way > to force myself, I think I would have stayed the same. > It’s been about 6 months since I started forcing myself into these > rather odd situations, and there has been progress. Seriously, how > else am I supposed to help myself?
Give your self some credit, for Heaven’s sake:) It’s one thing to talk about making progress, and you’re actually doing it at a very impressive pace.
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"themoodykid" <themoody…@yahoo.ca> wrote in message news > The next hostel I stayed at since I couldn’t find an apartment right > away, was wayyy better. There were lots of young people there > and it was very clean. One night, one of the guys in my room, a > Brazilian, asked me to join him downstairs for a drink. That was > one of the best nights ever. The whole week was really > stressful for me since I couldn’t find a home and at the same time I > had to start work. (I was living out of this hostel that was about an > hour away by bus and train from work.) It felt good just to sit there > and relax for a while with a friendly chap from some other country.
See, *that’s* cool. That’s what I was *trying* to do that never quite happened. I did in fact meet *tons* of people but I never got a chance to actually really hang out with any of them, like go out for drinks or whatever. Of course, the person I already knew from emails and such introduced me to all *her* friends, but I didn’t meet many *on my own* as much as I wanted. And I already mentioned that I flopped the one opportunity I had to hang out with someone I met. The good part is that I was so confident in meeting people that I just talked to anyone I saw. I couldn’t believe how natural and easy it was just to say "hi" to anyone at the place and start a conversation. You can always start off with ‘where are you from?’ and move onto ‘what brings you here?’. Fun fun fun. I’ll do it again and next time I will do it better. Chris
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CVB wrote: > I’ve had many non-shy people tell me that this hostelling thing was > "brave" or "ballsy" and that they would never have done it. These > people didn’t even know I was doing this for my shyness. Right now I > can’t even understand how it’s "gutsy", it seemed sorta fine to me. > Maybe it’s the whole backpacking aspect or the loneliness involved > with this kind of travelling. Heck, I’d recommend hostelling anyday. > I *am* doing it again. The age thing isn’t important either. You > would think hostelling was for 17-24 year olds, but it was also a > *bunch* of people my age and up in their 30s.
Heh, I just re-joined the youth hostels association, and I’m 34. They don’t have age restrictions anymore. Staying in hostels is a good way to tackle shyness. I stayed in one on a mountainside on the Welsh coast a couple of weeks ago. It was great. > So everyone go push yourselves. Just do it. All the good and bad > things that happened to me were so awesome.
It sounds like an adventure – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> CB
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CVB <buster_lo…@my-deja.com> wrote: > barriers. Man, it’s a shy person’s nightmare! But I did it, and many > times *I* was the person friendly enough to start conversations and > short friendships with people around me.
that’s fantastic I’m glad you had such a great time, that does sound like a lot of fun. Have another star, and one for the other convention post ** Beckie — Don’t worry. You won’t say anything stupid. It’ll be fine. -Neil Gaiman
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themoodykid <themoody…@yahoo.ca> wrote: > I want to add that I learned to speak with confidence on the phone > during that week. Like I said, I was looking for an apartment for > about a week. At first, I was so wimpy about it. I’d call up a place > and ask really quietly if the apartment was available still and if I could > come see it. I got so many rejections that soon I was getting very > discouraged. At first, I just wanted to die and give up ’cause I > thought I was gonna be homeless. Then I started to fight that > initial reaction. I started calling up places and didn’t act so wimpy > anymore. I was so used to the rejection that I built up my spine > a bit. I’d look in the paper for apartments, then just pick up the > phone and called them up, with no hesitation. Before, I’d waffle > a bit and think, "Hmm. Well, it’s not really in the location where > I want." But I realized that wasn’t getting me a home, so I learned > to be assertive.
cool have a star * Beckie — Don’t worry. You won’t say anything stupid. It’ll be fine. -Neil Gaiman
Response:
Filed under: Overcome loneliness
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