Lonely Loneliness

Oh how i wish

Question:

I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing months there-after. I only wish I still had them now, if only I could look back and reflect how much hurt she caused me and the children and the hurt I must have caused them too. Anyone who is hurting now I would definately recommend you keep a journal or diary so you can reflect on the past, I suppose it is part of the healing process. I have accepted my situation now but still trying to pick up the pieces left behind from the destruction caused but I know that time is the great healer and look forward to a rosy future. Take care all and thanks for all your posts. Remember your not ALONE, countless people have felt or are feeling your pain and you got to view it as another one of those experiences in life that we all don’t see coming until it hits us in the face. Best regards, Mark. Just my little bit!!!!

Response:

I kept a journal for several years as I have mentioned before.  It was hidden on the top of my closet for years.  One day it disappeared.  I had written the last page almost seven years before.  I knew immediately my ex-husband had taken it.  He denied it.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, "You could not have violated me more than if you had dragged me into the street and publically raped me".  Then I shut the door on him.  A week later he showed up at my front door, with the journal in his hand.  He said he was very sorry.  Then he said, "I couldn’t believe the pain I caused you.  I couldn’t believe the man in those pages was me.  But, I knew it was me.  And, I am so very very sorry".  Later, I read it again.  I couldn’t believe the woman in those pages had been me.  But, I knew it was me – - back then, but not now. Writing that journal helped me survive.  Reading it later reminds me of those things that I must be mindful of in myself so as not to go down that road ever again.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing months there-after. I only wish I still had them now, if only I could look back and reflect how much hurt she caused me and the children and the hurt I must have caused them too. Anyone who is hurting now I would definately recommend you keep a journal or diary so you can reflect on the past, I suppose it is part of the healing process. I have accepted my situation now but still trying to pick up the pieces left behind from the destruction caused but I know that time is the great healer and look forward to a rosy future. Take care all and thanks for all your posts. Remember your not ALONE, countless people have felt or are feeling your pain and you got to view it as another one of those experiences in life that we all don’t see coming until it hits us in the face. Best regards, Mark. Just my little bit!!!!

Response:

I had a Journal I burned it. If I reread it my wife would have a real bad time. Or I might kill someone. But I got over that.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing months there-after. I only wish I still had them now, if only I could look back and reflect how much hurt she caused me and the children and the hurt I must have caused them too. Anyone who is hurting now I would definately recommend you keep a journal or diary so you can reflect on the past, I suppose it is part of the healing process. I have accepted my situation now but still trying to pick up the pieces left behind from the destruction caused but I know that time is the great healer and look forward to a rosy future. Take care all and thanks for all your posts. Remember your not ALONE, countless people have felt or are feeling your pain and you got to view it as another one of those experiences in life that we all don’t see coming until it hits us in the face. Best regards, Mark. Just my little bit!!!!

Response:

Mine were used by the parenting evaluator and were very important in substantiating my story and discrediting the false information that came from another source. I guess it all comes down to what’s in the journals. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Journals were all subpoenaed and used against me…. I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing

Response:

My Journals were all subpoenaed and used against me….

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing

Response:

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your journal.  I have been keeping one since New Years Day 1992.  I originally kept it in longhand, but have since transferred it to computer.  My words have been so valuable to me over the years (although I seldom write, when I do, it tends to be during my more emotional times). I have as a precaution copied it to a floppy disk.  Your post reminded me to update the backup, thank you. — Bruce B. "The human adventure is just beginning"

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have read many entries in this NG about people keeping Journals which I believe we call diaries in the UK, I started to make notes of the things that were going on when my marriage was hitting the rocks last year or so ago. Needless to say the notes I kept were in a computerised form and managed to fill in quite a bit of hurt over the progressing months there-after. I only wish I still had them now, if only I could look back and reflect how much hurt she caused me and the children and the hurt I must have caused them too. Anyone who is hurting now I would definately recommend you keep a journal or diary so you can reflect on the past, I suppose it is part of the healing process. I have accepted my situation now but still trying to pick up the pieces left behind from the destruction caused but I know that time is the great healer and look forward to a rosy future. Take care all and thanks for all your posts. Remember your not ALONE, countless people have felt or are feeling your pain and you got to view it as another one of those experiences in life that we all don’t see coming until it hits us in the face. Best regards, Mark. Just my little bit!!!!

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I kept a journal for several years as I have mentioned before.  It was hidden on the top of my closet for years.  One day it disappeared.  I had written the last page almost seven years before.  I knew immediately my ex-husband had taken it.  He denied it.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, "You could not have violated me more than if you had dragged me into the street and publically raped me". Then I shut the door on him.  A week later he showed up at my front door, with the journal in his hand.  He said he was very sorry.  Then he said, "I couldn’t believe the pain I caused you.  I couldn’t believe the man in those pages was me.  But, I knew it was me.  And, I am so very very sorry".  Later, I read it again.  I couldn’t believe the woman in those pages had been me.  But, I knew it was me – – back then, but not now. Writing that journal helped me survive. Reading it later reminds me of those things that I must be mindful of in myself so as not to go down that road ever again.

My first wife used to keep a diary. She never hid it from me. She share it with me many times in the beginning of our relationship. She loved me very much and this was reflected well in her diary. She stopped writing in it shortly after we were married. I believe that’s about the same time we lost the ability to communicate effectively. Over the next 13 years we slowly grew apart. Diaries/journals are a great way for one to communicate with themselves. They help you reflect on your feelings in the past without the cloudiness or fog that seems to roll in behind you on your journey. This may be something I need to start myself. *IF* (and this is a BIG ‘if’) I ever find someone to share the rest of my life with, I do not want to ever forget the pain and loneliness I have experienced and have overcome. My experiences over the last 4 years should be more that adequate to keep me on my toes and motivate me to be the best friend/ life partner I could be. John — Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Response:

Filed under: Overcome loneliness

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