starting from nothing

Question:

Just some thoughts… It’s so easy to get caught up in fretting over the past, and it doesn’t do any good. When you say you think how many years you have lost – surely you did something during those years? Went to school, went to work, read a book, etc.? They’re not wasted years just because you weren’t in a relationship. (I used to rather obsessively figure out how long it was since the last time I had sex…. and no, I will not tell you the current answer!) Also – it isn’t always so easy to be a blonde with large breasts – I know, because I am one (although not so young anymore). Yes, you get hit on, but often men assume you are not too bright (it’s not possible for someone to have both breasts and brains, I guess) – they’re looking for a blonde bimbo. This isn’t the way to a real relationship, at least it wasn’t for me. Finally, shyness. My third son is quite shy, the only one in our family, and I’ve watched him work on it over the years. He makes a point of signing up for all kinds of activities – clubs at school, recreational things in the community, and even looks for part-time where he will meet lots of new people. At first, he feels awkward. But as he works with people, he gradually gets to feel comfortable with them and the shyness wears off. It takes him longer than it does many people, but he’s come to accept that as part of his personality. You’re not starting from nothing – you are starting from today, and that’s all any of us have. Teresa

Response:

Hi Chris, I fully understand your feelings of anger. Life is so unfair. And I do think you have reasons for feeling angry. It isn’t just your own fault that you are lonely. But you are probably the only one who can do anything about it. /Kent

Response:

I’ve been kind of the pariah since I was 8. The only true friends I ever had was online. Jesus, I would probably commit suicide if I let my phone/modem get disconnected for more than 3 days. You have a right to be angry and fustrated at life itself but try not to let it get to you or it’ll be much much worst. Personally, I find that the best way to relieve this anger would be just to give up on life, not care anymore, and go out and do what you’ve been afraid to do all your life and just act like there’s no tomorrow. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -CWY34 wrote: > I recently posted for the first time and thank you for all of your caring > responses. I guess part of my problem recently seems to be the fact that I > focus on the years that I have lost in loneliness. I basically have had no > close relationships for many years. I am only 24 yet since the age of 13 I have > not even had a best friend. Recently, I let my phone disconnect for two years! > Not many people can function that way yet it really didn’t make much difference > in my life for I knew no one. Anyway, over the past year or so I have really > tried to turn things around. I got into the theater group at school, worked out > every day at the health club and started bartending at night. Yet I am starting > to realize that a lot of anger has built up over these years of isolation. I > am angry at the world for letting this happen to me. I someitmes look at some > young, blond haired girl with big tits and just know that she has probably had > a social life handed to her on a platter with guys hitting on her all the time > and it is frustrating. I feel like in god’s ten commandments he should have > added…"thou shault not be shy" because jesus, that seems like the greatest > sin of all..for it leads to terrible punishment…loneliness. I don’t want to > be this angry. I really am trying to accept responsibility for my loneliness > and realize that it is a direct result of my actions in life. It’s just hard > for me not to feel angry and cheated by life sometimes. Hope some of you can > understand. > CHRIS

– Yours sincerely, Simon — This e-mail does not use any endangered species of text. It is environment friendly and all the text can be recycled. For PGP key finger milky…@finger.concentric.net My ICQ UIN is 2086171 My AIM Nickname is SLVoid —–BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK—– Version: 3.12 GCS/CM/SS d? s–: a— C++>$ UL P L+ E– W++ N+++ O K? W+ O- M– V– PS@ PE- Y+ PGP+ t++(*) 5+ X+++ R tv(++) b++ DI+++ D+ G+ e- h! r–(—) !y+ —–END GEEK CODE BLOCK—– Useless quote of the day: "You want to commit suicide? I’ll tell you how, old age, it’s the slowest damn method, but so far, it’s been proven to be 100% successful."

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -CWY34 wrote: > I recently posted for the first time and thank you for all of your caring > responses. I guess part of my problem recently seems to be the fact that I > focus on the years that I have lost in loneliness. I basically have had no > close relationships for many years. I am only 24 yet since the age of 13 I have > not even had a best friend. Recently, I let my phone disconnect for two years! > Not many people can function that way yet it really didn’t make much difference > in my life for I knew no one. Anyway, over the past year or so I have really > tried to turn things around. I got into the theater group at school, worked out > every day at the health club and started bartending at night. Yet I am starting > to realize that a lot of anger has built up over these years of isolation. I > am angry at the world for letting this happen to me. I someitmes look at some > young, blond haired girl with big tits and just know that she has probably had > a social life handed to her on a platter with guys hitting on her all the time > and it is frustrating. I feel like in god’s ten commandments he should have > added…"thou shault not be shy" because jesus, that seems like the greatest > sin of all..for it leads to terrible punishment…loneliness. I don’t want to > be this angry. I really am trying to accept responsibility for my loneliness > and realize that it is a direct result of my actions in life. It’s just hard > for me not to feel angry and cheated by life sometimes. Hope some of you can > understand. > CHRIS

Chris, I think many can understand. I didn’t experience the "anger", but I can understand how it can be felt. Shyness is so difficult. I still don’t think that I’ve overcome it, but I am able to push it into the background and have literally trained myself to seem outgoing and confident. So, I’m proof that it can be done. But, sometime, you still have to let "someone" know the real *you*. That, was never possible for me, until just recently. Then, again, shyness was only one of many factors in my makeup as I’m sure it is in others, yourself included. You can feel angry and cheated, but you still do have to *do* something to change things. Not everyone can sit around and be rescued from themselves. It sounds like you’re making a good start. Just keep at it, and keep telling us your feelings. The hardest part for me, was being honest about my feelings, <laugh> I should have said, even realizing I had any and then admitting that I had any. Those who have been here long enough, have watched me grow here. And I have watched others. It’s strange how the "caring" here helps us. For me, it has been slow, it seems, and I am still working on myself. At first, each time I shared something of myself, here, it had to be torn from me, and then I regretted it. I find it easier now. I never did post an "introduction" as many of you have. Never did tell my "story". I could not and cannot. It comes out in bits and pieces. I envy you your ability to speak your feelings. I know that will help you and help us to help you. Hugs, J — May I Always Live Where The Sky Is Open Fences Are Not, And The Spirit Walks. A Sioux Perspective

Response:

I recently posted for the first time and thank you for all of your caring responses. I guess part of my problem recently seems to be the fact that I focus on the years that I have lost in loneliness. I basically have had no close relationships for many years. I am only 24 yet since the age of 13 I have not even had a best friend. Recently, I let my phone disconnect for two years! Not many people can function that way yet it really didn’t make much difference in my life for I knew no one. Anyway, over the past year or so I have really tried to turn things around. I got into the theater group at school, worked out every day at the health club and started bartending at night. Yet I am starting to realize that a lot of anger has built up over these years of isolation. I am angry at the world for letting this happen to me. I someitmes look at some young, blond haired girl with big tits and just know that she has probably had a social life handed to her on a platter with guys hitting on her all the time and it is frustrating. I feel like in god’s ten commandments he should have added…"thou shault not be shy" because jesus, that seems like the greatest sin of all..for it leads to terrible punishment…loneliness. I don’t want to be this angry. I really am trying to accept responsibility for my loneliness and realize that it is a direct result of my actions in life. It’s just hard for me not to feel angry and cheated by life sometimes. Hope some of you can understand. CHRIS

Response:

Filed under: Overcome loneliness

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Lonely Loneliness

You are not alone — Lonely Loneliness